Mean Girls Movie Quotes
Karen
If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen
Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
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Karen
On Wednesdays we wear pink!
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[trying to avoid plans with Regina]
Karen
I can't go out.
[faux coughs softly]
Karen
I'm sick.
Regina
Boo, you whore!
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Gretchen
That is so fetch!
Regina
Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
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Cady
[narrating]
Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.
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Student
Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?
Janis
Your mom's chest hair!
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Crying Girl
[reading from paper]
I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy...
[about to cry]
Ms. Norbury
Do you even go to this school?
Crying Girl
No... I just have a lot of feelings...
Ms. Norbury
Ok go home...
[girl walks off stage]
Ms. Norbury
Next!
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Coach Carr
Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.
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Cady
Oh dear.
Janis
You dirty little liar!
Cady
I'm sorry, I can explain...
Janis
Explain how you forgot to invite us to your party?
Damian
Janis, I cannot stop this car. I have a curfew at 1:00 AM.
Cady
You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be plastic.
Janis
Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're plastic. Cold, shiny, hard plastic.
Damian
Curfew, 1:00 AM. It is now 1:10.
Janis
By the way, did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?
Cady
You know, you're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your 8th grade revenge!
Janis
God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean. You try to act so innocent. Like, "Oh, I used to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!"
Cady
You know what? It's not my fault you're like in love with me or something!
Janis
What?
Damian
Oh, no, she did not!
Janis
See? That is the thing with you Plastics. You think that everybody is in love with you, when actually, everybody hates you! Like Aaron Samuels, for example: he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why. Because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.
Damian
[Yells out the window as he drives away with Janis]
And I want my pink shirt back! You hear me? I want my pink shirt back!
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Regina
Get in loser, we're going shopping.
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Karen
Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles.
[beat]
Karen
And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it.
[beat]
Karen
And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
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Janis
[to the female student body]
Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash.
[to Regina]
Janis
God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big *lesbian* crush on you! Suck on *that*! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!
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Damian
[delivering candy canes]
Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady
It's Cady.
Damian
Oh Cady, here you go, one for you... And none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.
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Ms. Norbury
Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George?
[she watches all students and teachers raise hands]
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Janis
Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?
Emma Gerber
Regina George is flawless.
Mathlete Tim Pak
I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.
Amber D'Alessio
I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.
Kristen Hadley
Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.
Short Girl
One time she met John Stamos on a plane...
Jessica Lopez
- And he told her she was pretty.
Bethany Byrd
One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.
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Gretchen
Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!
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[Mr. Duvall is introducing Cady to the class]
Mr. Duvall
Her name is Cady. Cady Heron. Where are you, Cady?
Cady
That's me. It's pronounced like Katie.
Mr. Duvall
My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.
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Regina
Why don't I know you?
Cady
I'm new. I just moved here from Africa.
Regina
What?
Cady
I used to be home-schooled.
Regina
Wait... what?
Cady
My mom taught me at home...
Regina
No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up!
Cady
I didn't say anything.
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Cady
Yeah, I like math.
Damian
Eww. Why?
Cady
Because it's the same in every country.
Damian
That's beautiful.
[to Janis]
Damian
This girl is deep.
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Homeschooled Boy
And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.
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Bethany Byrd
[to Mr. Duvall]
Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!
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Cady
Hey!
Regina
Why were you talking to Janis Ian?
Cady
I don't know, I mean, she's so weird, she just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack.
Regina
She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.
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Janis
[reading list the major cliques in high school]
You got your freshmen, ROTC guys, preps, J.V. jocks, Asian nerds, Cool Asians, Varsity jocks Unfriendly black hotties, Girls who eat their feelings, Girls who don't eat anything, Desperate wannabes, Burnouts, Sexually active band geeks,
[a picture of herself and Damian come on screen]
Janis
the greatest people you will ever meet, and the worst. Beware of plastics.
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[hits fire alarm with a baseball bat]
Mr. Duvall
ALL JUNIOR GIRLS REPORT TO THE GYMNASIUM IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY!
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Regina
I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.
Karen
Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to taco bell?
Regina
I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD Karen you're so stupid!
[Regina leaves, Gretchen follows]
Gretchen
Wait, Regina! Talk to me!
Regina
No one understands me...
Gretchen
I understand you!
[Regina & Gretchen's voices fade out]
Cady
You're not stupid, Karen.
Karen
No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!
Cady
Well... there must be something you're good at.
Karen
I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?
Cady
No no no... Anything else?
Karen
Well... I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady
What do you mean?
Karen
It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.
Cady
Really? That's amazing.
Karen
Well... they can tell when it's raining.
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Cady
Um, is there alcohol in this?
Mrs. George
Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.
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[Damien is in the Girl's Bathroom]
Short Girl
Hey, get out of here.
Damian
Oh my God - Danny DeVito! I love your work!
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Gretchen
I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm popular.
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Karen
You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
Gretchen
Okay, you did not just say that.
Karen
What? He's a good kisser.
Gretchen
He's your cousin.
Karen
Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
Gretchen
Right.
Karen
So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...
Gretchen
No, honey, uh-uh.
Karen
That's not right, is it?
Gretchen
That is so not right.
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Janis
That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian
She asked me how to spell orange.
[Cady snickers]
Janis
That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian
She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Streudels.
Janis
Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian
That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis
And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing sleaze-faced dirtbag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian
She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.
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Shane Oman
Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?
Regina
Because I'm starving.
Shane Oman
Man, I hate those things.
Regina
Oh, really? And why is that?
Shane Oman
Because Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.
Regina
What?
Shane Oman
They make you gain weight like crazy.
[Regina spits out the bite of the bar that she was chewing, and then lets out a high-pitched scream]
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Gretchen
Regina, we have to talk to you.
Regina
Is butter a carb?
Gretchen
Regina, you're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday.
Regina
So...?
Karen
So that's against the rules, and you can't sit with us.
Regina
Whatever. Those rules aren't real.
Karen
They were real that day I wore a vest!
Regina
Because that vest was disgusting!
Gretchen
You can't sit with us!
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[Gretchen arrives at Karen's house, dressed in a cat suit with cat ears. Karen's in a skimpy short dress]
Gretchen
What are you supposed to be?
[Points to her headband]
Karen
I'm a MOUSE. DUH.
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Janis
That's only okay when *I* say it!
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Karen
There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!
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Regina
Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?
Lea Edwards
It was my mom's in the '80s.
Regina
Vintage, so adorable.
Lea Edwards
Thanks.
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Chip Heron
Hey, how was school?
Cady
Fine.
Betsy Heron
Were people nice?
Cady
No.
Chip Heron
Did you make any friends?
Cady
Yes.
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Coach Carr
At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get chlamydia... and die.
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Ms. Norbury
[after implying that an elderly biker is her boyfriend]
I'm kidding. Sometimes older people make jokes too.
Damian
My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.
Ms. Norbury
Your grandmother and I have that in common.
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Regina
To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!
Cady
Regina, please! Regina, stop!
Regina
[turns to Cady and screams as she walks toward her]
Do you know what everyone says about you? They say that you're nothing but a home-schooled jungle freak, who happens to be a less hot version of me! Yeah! So don't bother trying to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology and stuff it right up your hairy...
[gets hit by a bus]
Cady
[voice-over]
And that's how Regina George died. No, I'm totally kidding. But the fact is, she did get hurt. Some girls say they saw her head go all the way around. But that's just a rumor. Some people swear they saw me push her right in front of the bus. That was an even worse rumor.
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Gretchen
[to Cady]
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!
[begins to cry]
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Mrs. George
I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a *regular* mom, I'm a *cool* mom.
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Mr. Duvall
Never in my 14 years as an educator have I seen such vicious, reckless and violent behavior. And from young ladies. I got parents calling me on the phone asking, "Did someone get shot?" I oughta cancel your Spring Fling!
[all girls shout, no, and whisper among themselves]
Mr. Duvall
But I can tell that from the looks on your faces, you'd be very upset. Well, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ. So you can all relax. But don't think for one second that I am not taking this burn book seriously! Coach Carr has fled school property, and is nowhere to be seen or found. Miss Norbury's been accused of selling drugs, and could be sentenced to life in prison. Now what these young ladies in this grade need is an attitude makeover. And you're gonna get it. Right now. I don't care how long it takes; I will keep you here all night, if I have to!
Joan the Secretary
Unfortunately, we can't keep them past four.
Mr. Duvall
Then I will keep you here until four, and that's fine with me.
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Regina
Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?
Saleslady
Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.
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Karen
God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen
Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina
At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady
[voiceover]
I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen
My hairline is so weird.
Regina
My pores are huge.
Karen
My nail beds suck.
[pause. All look at Cady]
Cady
I have really bad breath in the morning.
Karen
Ew!
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Cady
And they have this book, this burn book, where they write mean things about all the girls in our grade.
Janis
What does it say about me?
Janis
Those bitches!
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Regina
Still true.
Gretchen
Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.
Regina
Still half-true.
Karen
Amber D'Alessio . She made out with a hot dog.
Gretchen
Janis Ian - *Dyke.*
Gretchen
I think it's that kid, Damien.
Cady
Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.
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Cady
Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.
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Regina George
Wedell on South Boulevard.
Gretchen
Caller ID
Regina George
Not when you connect from information.
Taylor Wedell's Mom
Hello?
Regina George
Hello, may I please talk to Taylor Wedell?
Taylor Wedell's Mom
She's not home yet who's calling?
Regina George
This is Susan from Planned Parenthood, I have her test results. If you could have her call me as soon as she can. It's urgent, Thank You.
[Taylor Wedell's mom faints]
Regina George
She's not going out with anyone.
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Cady
[voiceover]
Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
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Mrs. George
[as Regina and her boyfriend are making out on Regina's bed]
Can I get you guys anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know! Oh, God love ya.
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Cady
[narrating]
This is it. Regina said she'll talk to Aaron, and now she was. How can Janis hate her? She was such a good...
[she sees Regina kissing Seth]
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Regina
Cady, do you even know who sings this?
Cady
Um... the Spice Girls?
Regina
I love her. She's like a Martian!
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Mr. Duvall
Did your teacher ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?
Aaron Samuels
No.
Kevin Gnapoor
What are marijuana tablets?
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Janis
Cold, Shiny, Hard, PLASTIC.
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Kevin Gnapoor
[rapping]
Yo, yo, yo. All you sucka MC's ain't got nothing on me, from my grades to my rhymes you can't touch Kevin G. I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third. Shaken not stirred I'm Kevin Gnapoor. The G's silent when I sneak in your door. I make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play like Shaggy, you'll know it was me, cuz the next time you see her she'll be like "ohhh Kevin G."
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Jason
Is your muffin buttered?
Cady
What?
Jason
Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
Cady
My what?
Regina
Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?
Jason
I'm just being friendly.
Regina
Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Cady
No, thank you.
Regina
Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.
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Mr. Duvall
Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. She just moved here all the way from Africa.
Ms. Norbury
Great!
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Trang Pak
[in Vietnamese]
You little sleaze!
Sun Jin Dinh
You're the sleaze!
[both start fighting each other]
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Kevin Gnapoor
[after cutting into dance]
What's up?
Janis
Can I help you?
Kevin Gnapoor
You Puerto Rican?
Janis
Lebanese.
Kevin Gnapoor
I feel that.
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Mr. Duvall
Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!
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Jessica Lopez
I don't hate you cuz yo' fat... yo' fat cuz I hate you!
[dives backwards in her wheelchair into the crowd of girls]
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Bethany Byrd
Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Mr. Duvall
Yeah, I can't do this.
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Regina George
She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?
Shane Oman
You're right, hon.
Regina George
I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?
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Michigan Girl
Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
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Janis
What is that smell?
Cady
Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.
Janis
You smell like a baby prostitute.
Cady
Thanks.
[Janis sprays deodorant at Cady]
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Joan the Secretary
And finally, the nominees for 'Spring Fling Queen'! Regina George...
[class applauds]
Joan the Secretary
Gretchen Weiners.
[class applauds and Gretchen responds breathlessly]
Joan the Secretary
Janis Ian.
[class applauds]
Janis
Damien!
[Janis shoves Damien]
Damian
I couldn't help myself!
Joan the Secretary
And finally, Cady Heron!
[class applauds]
Cady
Damien? You put me in there, too? That's not part of the plan!
Damian
I didn't put you in there...
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Cady
[voiceover]
I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.
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Janis
Why didn't they just keep home schooling you?
Cady
They wanted me to get socialized.
Damian
Oh, you'll get socialized all right, a little slice like you.
Cady
What are you talking about?
Janis
You're a regulation hottie.
Cady
What?
Damian
Own it.
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Regina
I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!
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Cady
Regina seems... sweet!
Janis
Regina George is not sweet! She's a scum-sucking road whore, she ruined my life!
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Ms. Norbury
Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
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Damian
She always looks fierce. She always wins Spring Fling Queen.
Janis
Who cares?
Damian
I care. Every year the seniors through this dance for the underclassmen called the Spring Fling. And whosoever is elected King and Queen automatically become head of the Student Activities Committee and since I am an active member of the Student Activities Committee, I would safely say, I care.
Janis
Wow, Damian, you've truely out-gayed yourself.
[Cady laughs]
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[repeated line]
Regina
I know, right?
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Ms. Norbury
Ok, so we're all here 'cause of this book, right? Well, I don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores. Who here has ever been called a slut?
[Karen raise her hand proudly]
Ms. Norbury
[Joan the Secretary raise her hand shyly]
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Karen
[after being dumped by Aaron, Regina is crying and holding hands with Gretchen and Karen in her bedroom]
Did he say why?
Karen
Who?
Regina
He said some guy on the baseball team.
Karen
Baseball team?
Regina
I gave him EVERYTHING. I was half a virgin when I met him!
Karen
You want to do something fun?
[looks enlightened]
Karen
You want to go to Taco Bell?
Regina
I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL, I'M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET. God, Karen, you are SO stupid!
[stomps off]
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Regina George
120 calories and 48 calories from fat. What percent is that?
Gretchen
Uh, 48 into 120?
Regina George
I'm only eating foods with less than 30 percent calories from fat.
Cady
It's 40 percent. Well 48 over 120 equals X over 100 and then you cross multiply and get the value of X.
Regina George
Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries.
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Regina
We do not have a clique problem at this school.
Gretchen
But you do have to watch out for "frenemies".
Regina
What are "frenemies"?
Gretchen
Frenemies are enemies who act like friends. We call them "frenemies".
Karen
Or "enemends".
Gretchen
Or friends who secretly hate you, we call them "fraitors".
Regina
[scoffs]
Gretchen
No, honey, it has to have the word "friend" in it.
Karen
Oh...
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Trang Pak
[in Vietnamese to a second Vietnamese student]
Nigga, please!
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Aaron Samuels
Your face smells like peppermint!
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Mr. Duvall
So, uh... how was your summer?
Ms. Norbury
I got divorced.
Mr. Duvall
Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.
Ms. Norbury
I win.
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Gretchen
Growing up female in this world is not easy. In China, baby girls are routinely put up for adoption. And in parts of Africa, women are still made to live in tents during the time of their menses.
Karen
Ew!
Gretchen
And even in fancy countries like the United States and England, seven out of ten girls have a negative body image.
Regina George
Who cares? Six of those girls are right!
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Regina
I'm wearing a spinal halo.
Cady
Yeah, I can see that. Look, I'm really sorry about the bus. I feel like it's all my fault.
Regina
Stop making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus, not you.
Cady
I'm really sorry about all the other stuff, too.
Regina
Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.
[Cady smiles]
Regina
You know, Aaron really does like you. He's always talking about how unusual you are and it really set me off the deep end. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn't want it...
Cady
You begged your mom to let you keep it?
Regina
No. I threw it down the stairs.
[they giggle]
Regina
I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me.
Mrs. George
Regina! They're about to announce the queen.
[sees Cady]
Mrs. George
Hello.
Regina
Can you believe my mom is here?
[they giggle]
Regina
Bye.
[waves]
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Gretchen
[in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina]
Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just *stab* Caesar!
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[reading a printed page from the Burn Book]
Damian
Janis Ian - Dyke.
Janis
Oh, that's original.
[reading about himself]
Damian
"Too gay to function?"
Janis
Hey, that's only ok when I say it.
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[last lines]
Damian
Hey, check it out. Junior Plastics.
Cady
[voiceover]
And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace, well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it.
[Imagines Junior Plastics being hit by a bus]
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Damian
She doesn't even go here!
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Janis
Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.
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Janis
There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don't try to stop it
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Gretchen
[Talking to Cady]
And you can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week, so I guess you chose today.
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Ms. Norbury
[to Cady]
I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only thing important to you right now, but you don't have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.
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Gretchen
Well, I mean you wouldn't buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.
Cady
I wouldn't?
Gretchen
Right. Oh, and it's the same with guys. Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.
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Cady
[voiceover] The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.
Regina
[to Cady] Okay... you have really good eyebrows.
Cady
Thanks.
Regina
[pushing Gretchen] Move.
Gretchen
Ooh.
Cady
[voiceover] Same with Gretchen: the meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in the plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with the plastics was like being famous... people looked at you all the time and everybody just knew stuff about you.
Girl
That knew girl moved here from Africa.
Bethany Byrd
I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.
Jason
That Cady girl is hot... she might even be hotter than Regina George.
Mr. Duvall
I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The 2 were seen canoodling at Chris Isen's halloween party... they've been inseparable ever since.
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Gretchen
Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.
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Cady
Wow. Your house is really nice.
Regina
I know, right?
Gretchen
Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks.
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Cady
[about Regina]
I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.
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Kevin Gnapoor
Damn, Africa, what happened?
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[repeated line]
Gretchen
That was so fetch!
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Cady
Grool... I meant to say cool and then I started to say great.
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[after learning Cady is home-schooled]
Regina
But you're, like, really pretty.
Cady
Thank you.
Regina
So you agree?
Cady
What?
Regina
You think you're really pretty?
Cady
Oh... I don't know
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Ms. Norbury
You nervous?
Cady
Yes.
Ms. Norbury
Don't be. You can do this. There's nothing to break your focus, because not one of those Marymount boys is cute.
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Cady
I think I'm joining the Mathletes.
Regina
Regina, Gretchen, Karen: No! No, no!
Regina
You cannot do that. That is social suicide. *Damn*! You are so lucky you have us to guide you.
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Regina
Fat harlot!
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Betsy Heron
Where's Cady?
Chip Heron
She went out.
Betsy Heron
She's grounded.
Chip Heron
Are they not allowed out when they're grounded?
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Regina George
It's called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you drink is cranberry juice for 72 hours.
Aaron Samuels
Lemme see that... this isn't even cranberry juice, it's cranberry juice cocktail. It's all sugar.
Regina George
I wanna lose three pounds.
Karen
Oh my God, you're so skinny!
Regina George
Shut up.
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Gretchen
Who is?
Karen
Who's this?
Gretchen
Gretchen...
Karen
Right... hold on.
[Karen flashes over]
Karen
Oh my god, she's so annoying.
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Janis
Wow, Damien, you've truly out-gayed yourself.
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Janis
We gotta crack Gretchen Wieners. We crack Gretchen, and then we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.
Damian
Say crack again.
Janis
Crack.
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Gretchen Wieners
And did you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT Prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium. And I never told anyone because... I was *such* a good friend.
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[first lines]
Chip Heron
This is your lunch, OK? I put a dollar in there so you can buy some milk; you can ask one of the big kids where to do that.
Betsy Heron
Do you remember your phone number? I wrote it down for you just in case. Put it in your pocket, I don't want you to lose it. OK? You ready?
Cady
I think so.
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Gretchen Wieners
I think tonight might be the night with Jason.
Karen
What are you talking about? You've already slept with him
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Cady
[voiceover]
In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.
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Cady
So, are you gonna send any candy canes?
Regina
No. I don't send them, I just get them. So you better send me one, byotch.
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Amber D'Alessio
[reading from the burn book]
Made out with a hot dog? Oh, my God, that was one time!
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Kevin Gnapoor
Look, I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I only date women of color.
Cady
I have to pee.
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Cady
She took him back. Regina took Aaron back.
Janis
Oh, no, Cady...
Cady
Why would she do that?
Janis
'Cause she's a life ruiner. She ruins people's lives.
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Regina
What is this?
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Kevin Gnapoor
[seeing the Jingle Bell Rock dancers]
Damn!
Janis
What?
Kevin Gnapoor
I'd rather see you out there shakin' that thang.
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Janis
Cady, you gotta steal that book
Cady
No Way!
Janis
Come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what an ax-wound she really is!
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Mrs. George
I'm a cool mom! Right Regina?
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Gretchen
Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.
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Regina
I gave him everything... I was half a virgin when I met him!
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Janis
I don't know, now that she's getting fatter she's got pretty big jugs.
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Damian
My nanna takes her wig off when she is drunk.
Ms. Norbury
Your nanna and I have that in common.
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Mr. Duvall
I just wanted to say that you're all winners. And that I couldn't be happier the school year is ending.
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Bethany Byrd
[referring to Regina George]
One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.
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Damian
You can't join Mathletes, it's social suicide!
Ms. Norbury
Thanks, Damian.
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Kevin Gnapoor
[rapping]
Yo Yo Yo! All you sucka MCs ain't got nothin' on me! From my grades, to my lines you can't touch Kevin G! I'm a mathlete, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm Kevin Gnapoor! The G's silent when I sneak through your door. And make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! KEVIN G!
[cut off]
Mr. Duvall
Thank you Kevin, that's enough!
Kevin Gnapoor
Happy holidays everybody!
Mr. Duvall
K.G. and the power of 3!
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Mrs. George
I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom. Right, Regina?
Regina
Please stop talking.
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Mr. Duvall
Miss Smith, why would Regina refer to herself as a ?fugly slut?
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Cady
[Deleted scene]
I couldn't apologize to Ms. Norbury without getting blamed for the whole Burn Book. And then she said it, the worst thing you could hear from any adult.
Ms. Norbury
Your parents have been eaten by cannibals!
Cady
Okay, the second worst.
Ms. Norbury
I'm really disappointed in you, Cady.
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Damian
She's fabulous, but she's evil.
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Jason
Did you see nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple!
Student
Yeah, that's true dude...
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Cady
Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
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[watching two girls in a catfight]
Jason
Yeah! Take your top off!
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Aaron Samuels
Hey!
Cady
Hey!
Aaron Samuels
And you are... a zombie bride.
Cady
An "ex-wife."
Aaron Samuels
Love it. Can I get you a drink?
Cady
Yeah.
Aaron Samuels
All right. Be right back.
Cady
Ok.
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Cady
And they have this book, this "Burn Book" where they write mean things about girls in our grade.
Janis
Well what does it say about me?
Cady
You're not in it.
Janis
Those bitches.
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Mrs. George
Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?
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Regina George
[to Aaron, as she 'dangles' him in front of Cady]
Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?
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Kevin Gnapoor
Cady, this is your night. Don't let the hataz stop you from doin' ya thang!
Cady
Did you just say "thang"?
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Regina
Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hairy little...
[gets hit by a schoolbus]
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Regina
[Cady and the Plastics are getting into their start positions for Jingle Bell Rock]
Uh, Gretchen? Switch sides with Cady.
Gretchen
But I'm always on your left!
Regina
Well, that was when we were three of us, and now the tallest go in the middle.
Gretchen
But the whole dance will be backwards! I'm always on your left!
Regina
And right now, you're getting on my last nerve! Switch!
[Gretchen reluctantly swaps sides with Cady in the positions]
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[to Regina]
Cady
Secret? What are you saying about?
Regina
Gretchen told me you like Aaron Samuels. I mean, I don't care, do whatever you want, but lemme just tell you something about Aaron, all he cares about is school and his mom and his friends.
Cady
Is that bad?
Regina
But if you like him, whatever. I mean I could talk to him for you if you want.
Cady
Really? You would do that? I mean nothing embarassing though, right?
Regina
Oh no, trust me, I know exactly how to play it. But wait, aren't you *so* mad at Gretchen for telling me? Because if you are you can tell me, it was a really bitchy thing for her to do.
Cady
Yeah, it was pretty bitchy, but I'm not mad, I mean I guess she just likes the attention.
Regina
See, Gretch? I told you she's not mad at you!
Gretchen
[Suddenly appears in the same phone conversation]
I can't believe you think I like attention!
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Gretchen
I mean no offense, but how could she send you a candy cane? She doesn't even like you that much. Maybe she feels weird around me because I'm the only person who knows about her nose job. Oh my god, pretend you didn't hear that.
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Regina
Can I just say that we don't have a clique problem at this school? And some of us shouldn't have to take this workshop because some of us are just victims in this situation.
Ms. Norbury
That's probably true. How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?
[everybody in the room raises their hand]
Ms. Norbury
Good.
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Damian
Good news, they didn't get run over... Bad news, they're still flat.
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Kevin Gnapoor
[referring to Cady]
Hey, Africa.
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Girl in wheelchair
I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you.
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Cady
Halloween is the one night of the year when you can dress like a slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
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[gives her a gift certificates]
Aaron Samuels
On behalf of the senior class, I'd like to present you with two gift certificates...
Damian
Yo, peace.
Aaron Samuels
One gift certificate to the Walker Brothers Pancake House.
Cady
Thank you.
[they started dancing]
Aaron Samuels
Congratulations on winning state.
Cady
I was so nervous. They made us do limits. I thought I was gonna hurl.
Aaron Samuels
How's your stomach now?
Cady
It's fine.
Aaron Samuels
Do you feel nauseous at all?
Cady
No.
Aaron Samuels
Have you been drinking?
Aaron Samuels
Okay. Grool.
[they kiss]
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Regina
Is butter a carb?
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[after Regina got hit by a bus]
Cady Heron
[voiceover]
And that's how Regina George died. No, I'm totally kidding. But she did get hurt. Some girls say they saw her head go all the way around. But that's just a rumor. Some people swear they saw me Push her in front of the bus. That was an even worse rumor.
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Cady
Hi, I don't know if anyone told you about me, I'm a new student here, my name is Cady Heron.
Kristen Hadley
Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass!
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Janis
[re their foot cream / face cream switcheroo]
This is insane, you guys. It's been a month, and all we've done is make Regina's face smell like a foot.
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[Regina is in Mr. Duvall's office, where he views contents of her Burn Book]
Mr. Duvall
Is this true? Trang Pak made out with Coach Carr?
[Regina, as she wipes her tears, responds with an "I don't know" look]
Regina
Filthy whore.
[Regina sobs again]
Mr. Duvall
Okay calm down, Miss George.
Regina
Well, why would someone write that? That's just so mean.
Mr. Duvall
Don't worry we're gonna find out who did it.
Regina
[referring to Cady, Gretchen and Karen]
There's only three girls in the school who aren't in it.
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