[last lines]
Optimus Prime
With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars. We are here. We are waiting.
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[Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok]
Captain Lennox
I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
Pocket!
Captain Lennox
Which pocket?
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
MY BACK POCKET!
Captain Lennox
You got like ten back pockets!
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK! LEFT CHEEK!
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Bumblebee
[through his radio]
"XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...
Sam Witwicky
So, you... so you talk through the radio?
Sam Witwicky
So what was that last night? What was that?
Bumblebee
[pointing skywards]
"Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"
Mikaela
Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?
[Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro]
Bumblebee
"Any more questions you want to ask?"
Sam Witwicky
He wants us to get in the car.
Sam Witwicky
Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
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[first lines]
Optimus Prime
Before time began, there was the Cube. We know not where it comes from, only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life. That is how our race was born. For a time, we lived in harmony. But like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil. And so began the war. A war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death, and the Cube was lost to the far reaches of space. We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home. Searching every star, every world. And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us to an unknown planet called... Earth.
[the All Spark falls to Earth]
Optimus Prime
But we were already too late...
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Ironhide
You have a rodent infestation.
Sam Witwicky
A what?
Sam Witwicky
No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
Ironhide
He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
Sam Witwicky
He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
Ironhide
Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...
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Judy Witwicky
[barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow]
Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
Ron Witwicky
Judy...
Ron Witwicky
Zip it, okay?
Judy Witwicky
It's okay...
Sam Witwicky
No, I don't masturbate!
Ron Witwicky
That's not something for you to bring up.
Judy Witwicky
Okay.
Ron Witwicky
That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky
Father-son thing...
Judy Witwicky
I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...
Judy Witwicky
...my special alone time...
Ron Witwicky
Judy, stop!
Judy Witwicky
...with myself.
Sam Witwicky
Mom, you can't come in and...
Judy Witwicky
I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.
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Ironhide
Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive and violent race.
Optimus Prime
Were we so different? They're a young species. They have much to learn. But I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there's only one way to end this war: we must destroy the Cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the spark in my chest.
Ratchet
That's suicide! The Cube is raw power, it could destroy you both!
Optimus Prime
A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all.
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[Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]
Mikaela
Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
Sam Witwicky
No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die. Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!
[Bumblebee heads towards a wall]
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Barricade
Are you username: LadiesMan217?
Sam Witwicky
I don't know what you're talking about!
Barricade
ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
Sam Witwicky
Yeah...
Barricade
Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?
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Optimus Prime
My weapons specialist: Ironhide.
Optimus Prime
Easy, Ironhide...
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[Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
[looks at the empty driver's seat]
Sam Witwicky
Why don't you go sit on that seat there?
Mikaela
I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.
Sam Witwicky
Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
Mikaela
Why?
Sam Witwicky
Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.
Mikaela
Yeah. Right.
[Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap]
Sam Witwicky
See? That's better.
Mikaela
You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.
Sam Witwicky
Thank you.
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Mikaela
Why are you here?
Optimus Prime
We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.
Sam Witwicky
Mega-what?
[Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron]
Optimus Prime
Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him...
Sam Witwicky
My grandfather.
Optimus Prime
It was an accident that intertwined our fates.
[Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice]
Optimus Prime
Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.
[the Captain fiddles with Megatron's gears, causing a bright light to strike him...]
Optimus Prime
He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.
Sam Witwicky
How did you know about his glasses?
Optimus Prime
eBay.
Sam Witwicky
eBay...
Ratchet
If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.
Optimus Prime
And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.
Mikaela
Please tell me that you have those glasses?
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Megatron
Humans don't deserve to live!
Optimus Prime
They deserve to choose for themselves!
Megatron
Then you will die with them!
[throws Prime away and primes his cannon]
Megatron
JOIN THEM IN EXTINCTION!
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Sam Witwicky
No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Ron Witwicky
Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!
[laughs]
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Sam Witwicky
So...
Maggie Madsen
What'd they get you for?
Sam Witwicky
I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.
Sam Witwicky
Who knew?
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Optimus Prime
It's you and me, Megatron...
Megatron
No, it's just ME, Prime!
Optimus Prime
At the end of this day, one shall stand, one shall fall!
Megatron
You still fight for the weak! That is why you lose!
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Sam Witwicky
Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
Sheriff
It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...
[hands Sam a container and a tissue]
Sheriff
And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
Sam Witwicky
No, I'm not on any drugs!
Sheriff
What's these?
[shows Sam a bottle of pills]
Sheriff
Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?
Sam Witwicky
Those are my dog's pain pills.
Ron Witwicky
You know, a Chihauhua. A little...
Sam Witwicky
Hmm?
Sheriff
You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
[leans over Sam]
Sheriff
Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
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[Keller enters the FBI interrogation room]
Maggie Madsen
What's going on?
Keller
You're coming with me. You're going to be my advisor.
Glen Whitmann
Me, too?
Keller
Who's this?
Maggie Madsen
He's... MY advisor.
Keller
He comes too.
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Optimus Prime
Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?
Mikaela
They know your name!
Sam Witwicky
Yeah.
Optimus Prime
My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.
Ratchet
But you can call us "Autobots", for short.
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Ron Witwicky
No, I'm not going above $4,000.
Bobby Bolivia
The door just closed.
[turns to Sam]
Bobby Bolivia
Get out of the car.
Sam Witwicky
Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",
Bobby Bolivia
Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!
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Optimus Prime
Permission granted, old friend.
Sam Witwicky
You speak now?
Bumblebee
I wish to stay with the boy.
Optimus Prime
If that is his choice.
Sam Witwicky
Yes.
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Frenzy
[reporting to Barricade]
Stupid insects tried to shoot me... found a clue to the All Spark...
[he plugs himself into a monitor and displays what information he had stolen from Air Force One]
Frenzy
Witwicky - he has seen our language... Witwicky search...
[Frenzy activates a search engine, which brings up an eBay file on Sam and a picture of spectacles. Frenzy notices familiar markings on those spectacles...]
Frenzy
We must find LadiesMan217! Go, go, go!
[the police car speeds off...]
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Trent
You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
Sam Witwicky
Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
Trent
Oh, yeah?
Sam Witwicky
Yeah!
[Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile]
Sam Witwicky
[nods head]
No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.
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Jazz
Is that all you got, Megatron?
Megatron
Come here, you little cretin!
[Megatron grabs Jazz, but Jazz opens fire with his blaster]
Jazz
You want a piece of me? You want a piece?
Megatron
No, I want TWO!
[rips Jazz in half]
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Starscream
I live to serve you, Lord Megatron...
Megatron
Where is the Cube?
Starscream
The humans have taken it!
Megatron
You fail me yet again, Starscream... GET THEM!
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Agent Simmons
[looks at a Nokia phone]
Ooh. Nokias are real nasty. You've gotta respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai...
Maggie Madsen
Nokia's from Finland.
Keller
Yes, but he's, you know, a little strange. He's a little strange.
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[a standoff ensues between the Special Forces and Sector 7]
Tom Banachek
Whoa whoa whoa...
Agent Simmons
Drop your weapon, solider. There's an alien war going on and you're gonna shot me?
Captain Lennox
You know, we didn't ask to be here.
Agent Simmons
I'm ordering you under S-Seven executive jurisdiction...
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
S-7 don't exist!
Captain Lennox
Right, and we don't take orders from people that don't exist.
Agent Simmons
I'm gonna count to five, okay...
Captain Lennox
Well, I'm gonna count to three.
[cocks his gun]
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[Ratchet runs into power lines, shocking him and causing a tremor throughout the neighborhood]
Judy Witwicky
How did you get over there so fast?
[Outside, a dazed Ratchet staggers to his feet]
Ratchet
Wow... that was tingly! You gotta try that!
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[Bumblebee approaches Sam and Mikaela]
Mikaela
What is it?
Sam Witwicky
It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.
[He slowly walks towards Bumblebee]
Sam Witwicky
I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already.
Mikaela
Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!
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Bobby Bolivia
Hey Manny!
Manny
What?
Bobby Bolivia
Get your cousin outta that clown costume. Havin' that heat stroke again. Scarin' white folks.
Clown
I'm hot! Makeup's melting, hurts my eyes!
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Optimus Prime
Our medical officer: Ratchet.
Ratchet
[sniffing]
The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female.
[Sam and Mikeala fidget embarassedly]
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Optimus Prime
Sam, I owe you my life. We are in your debt.
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Agent Simmons
Ronald Wikity?
Ron Witwicky
It's Witwicky. Who are you?
Agent Simmons
We're the government. Sector Seven.
Ron Witwicky
Never heard of it.
Agent Simmons
Never will.
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Starscream
This is Starscream: All Decepticons, mobilize.
Barricade
Barricade en-route...
Devastator
Devastator reporting...
Bonecrusher
Bonecrusher rolling...
Blackout
Blackout incoming... All hail Megatron!
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Agent Simmons
What you're about to see is totally classified...
[Project Iceman is reveled: a towering mechanical clossus, imprisoned in a cryogenic chamber]
Keller
Dear God... what is this?
Tom Banachek
We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole our gravitation field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.
Agent Simmons
We call him NBE-1.
Sam Witwicky
I don't mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.
Tom Banachek
He's been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.
Agent Simmons
Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. NBE-1...
[glares at Sam]
Agent Simmons
That's what we call IT!
Keller
And you didn't think that the United States Military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?
Tom Banachek
Until these events we had no credible threats to national security.
Keller
Well, you got one now!
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Agent Simmons
Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.
Sam Witwicky
Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...
Agent Simmons
Really?
Sam Witwicky
...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!
Mikaela
Well, not by itself.
Sam Witwicky
Well, no.
Mikaela
Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.
[everyone laughs]
Agent Simmons
So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?
[laughing stops]
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Mikaela
Sam, wait! No matter what happens, I'm really glad I got in that car with you.
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Ratchet
[trying to calm him]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Ironhide
Can I take them out?
Optimus Prime
Ironhide, you know we don't harm humans! What is with you?
Ironhide
Well, I'm just saying we could. It's an option.
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Sam Witwicky
[after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car]
You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime
Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!
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Optimus Prime
You don't seem afraid. Are you not surprised to see us?
Agent Simmons
Look, there are certain rules I have to abide by. I'm not authorized to communicate with you except... to say I can't communicate with you...
Optimus Prime
Get out of the car.
Agent Simmons
Right. Uh, me? You want me to...?
Optimus Prime
Now!
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Optimus Prime
Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.
Sam Witwicky
No sacrifice, no victory.
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Glen
So I downloaded a couple thousand songs off the internet! Who hasn't? Who hasn't?
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Jazz
What's crackin' little bitches?
[does a somersault]
Optimus Prime
My first lieutenant. Designation: Jazz.
Jazz
This looks like a cool place to kick it!
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[Lennox urgently calls on a cell phone as his men fight Scorponok]
Captain Lennox
This is an emergency Pentagon call! The Pentagon, do you understand-?
[the window behind him explodes]
Captain Lennox
I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!
International Operator
[bored]
Sir, the attitude is not going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak very clearly into the mouthpiece...
Captain Lennox
I'm in the middle of a war! This is friggin' ridiculous!
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Sam Witwicky
Where's my car?
Tom Banachek
Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.
Sam Witwicky
Okay... But first I'll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like, forever.
Sam Witwicky
Sure.
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Tooth Fairy Girl
[to a giant robot as it emerges from a swimming pool and steps over her]
Excuse me, are you the Tooth Fairy?
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Sam Witwicky
Felt awesome.
Mikaela
Are you okay?
Sam Witwicky
No, I'm not okay alright? I'm losin' my mind a little bit. Gettin' chased by my car right now, gotta go!
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Bobby Bolivia
A driver don't pick the cars. Mmm-mm. Cars pick the driver. It's a mystical bond between man and machine.
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Bobby Bolivia
Son, I'm a lot of things. A liar's not one of them. Especially not in front of my mammy. Hey, Mammy!
[Mammy gives him the middle finger]
Bobby Bolivia
Oh don't be like that! If I had a rock I'd bust your head bitch. I tell you man, she deaf. You know.
[laughs hysterically]
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
[radioing to a lone F-22 flying overhead]
Raptor, Raptor do you copy? We have your visual. Green smoke is the mark. Provide air cover and vector Black Hawks for extraction.
[guided by the smoke, the F-22 heads for the group, but there's no answer...]
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
Please tell me you copy...
Ironhide
Back up! Take cover! Bumblebee...!
[With Bumblebee's help, Ironhide grabs a van and lift it up as a shield as the Raptor comes closer]
Captain Lennox
No, no, no, no... MOVE!
Ironhide
Back up! Back up!
Captain Lennox
RETREAT! FALL BACK!
Ironhide
INCOMING!
[the Raptor strafes the ground, blowing up the truck and blasting everyone to the ground]
Captain Lennox
What the hell was that?
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
What are you talking about?
Captain Lennox
What do you mean, what am I talking about? They shot at us!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
F-22 pilots would never fly below buildings! That's alien... that ain't friendly!
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Optimus Prime
You already know your guardian: Bumblebee.
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Ironhide
Prime... we couldn't save him.
[hands him Jazz's remains]
Optimus Prime
Oh, Jazz... We lost a great comrade, but gained new ones. Thank you, all of you. You honor us with your bravery.
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Glen Whitmann
Maggie? No! This is my private area, my place of Zen and peace.
[Glenn's grandmother yells at him]
Glen Whitmann
SHUT UP, GRANDMA!
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Captain Lennox
So why Earth?
Sam Witwicky
It's the All Spark.
Keller
All Spark? What is that?
Sam Witwicky
Well, they came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing. Anyway, Mr. NBE-1 here, aka MEGATRON...
[glares at Simmons]
Sam Witwicky
That's what they call HIM... who's pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the cube to transform human technology to take over the universe. That's their plan.
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Trent
Why doesn't my little bunny hop in the back seat?
Mikaela
God, I can't even tell you how much I'm not your little bunny.
[walks off]
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Agent Simmons
Mean little sucker, huh?
Maggie Madsen
That thing is freaky!
Agent Simmons
Kinda like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from hell, huh?
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Sam Witwicky
[begging his teacher to give him an "A"]
Look, can you do me a favor-can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He's the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy's dream, and a man's promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said "Son, I' gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A's." OK, I got the two thousand and two A's. OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself... What would Jesus do?
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Sam Witwicky
[as a technician hoses down Bumblebee]
Stop! You gotta stop! Stop! Stop! Let him go! Let him go!
[technicians stop, Bumblebee looks to Sam]
Sam Witwicky
Ya okay? They didn't hurt you, right?
[Bumblebee, wild with pain, draws his blaster, aiming at everyone]
Sam Witwicky
[calming both Bumblebee and the humans]
Listen to me, the Cube is here, and the Decepticons are coming... No, no, don't worry about them, they're ok, right, they're not gonna hurt you... Just back up a little bit, he's friendly, he's fine... Ok, come on, put the guns down, they're not gonna hurt you. Come with me, we're gonna take you to the All Spark.
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[a meteor crushes a store and he runs outside to look]
Cafe' kid 1
Wow! This is the coolest thing I've ever seen! Explosions everywhere! This is easily a hundred times cooler than Armageddon... I swear to God!
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[Epps and Glen stare at the gashes in the All Spark chamber]
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
What's that? Freddy Krueger been up in here or something?
Glen Whitmann
Oh, no, man. Freddy Krueger have four blades, man. That's only three. That's Wolverine!
[growls and laughs]
Glen Whitmann
Right? That's Wolverine!
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Glen Whitmann
Okay, Maggie, look. Let me break it down to you, how it's gonna happen. They gonna come through that door, they're gonna play good cop, bad cop. Don't fall for that, alright?
[Maggie rubs her head]
Glen Whitmann
That's why I ate their food. See, they put the plate of donuts out here to test your guilt. If you don't touch it, you're guilty!
[exhibits empty plate]
Glen Whitmann
I ate the whole plate. The WHOLE plate. So, me and you: they walk through that door, you don't say nothing.
[Agents enter the room, and Glen is calm up to the point an agent places his briefcase on the table...]
Maggie Madsen
Glen!
Glen Whitmann
Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me criminal!
[burps]
Glen Whitmann
Woah, sugar rush.
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Glen Whitmann
Get off my grandmama's carpet! She don't like nobody on the carpet! Especially police!
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Jazz
What about Bumblebee? We can't just leave him to die and become some human experiment!
Optimus Prime
He'll die in vain if we don't accomplish our mission. Bumblebee is a brave soldier. This is what he would want.
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[Bumblebee pours oil over Agent Simmons]
Agent Simmons
HEY! HEEYYY!
Optimus Prime
Bumblebee, stop lubricating the man!
Agent Simmons
GET THAT THING TO STOP, HUH?
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Maggie Madsen
Glen, seriously, don't you want to see something classified?
Glen Whitmann
...how classified?
Maggie Madsen
Like "I will go to jail for the rest of my life for showing you" classified.
Glen Whitmann
Oh yes! Yes! Yes!
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[Bumblebee gets his legs blown off by Starscream]
Sam Witwicky
You're gonna be okay... you're gonna be okay... RATCHET!
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Captain Lennox
Sam! Where's the Cube?
Sam Witwicky
Right there.
Captain Lennox
Okay. Epps, get those Black Hawks here!
[sees a building]
Captain Lennox
That building. Okay.
Sam Witwicky
What?
Captain Lennox
All right, I can't leave my guys back there, so here, take this flare.
[hands him the flare and the All Spark]
Captain Lennox
Okay, there's a tall, white building with statues on top. Go to the roof. Set the flare.
Sam Witwicky
No.
Captain Lennox
Signal the chopper and set the flare.
Sam Witwicky
No, no. I can't do this!
Captain Lennox
[grabs him]
Listen to me! You're a soldier now! All right? I need you to take this Cube. Get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die.
[to Mikaela]
Captain Lennox
You got to go. You got to go.
Mikaela
No, I'm not leaving.
Captain Lennox
You need to go. Go.
Mikaela
No, I'm not leaving till I get Bumblebee out of here, okay?
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
[into radio]
Army Black Hawk requested. Immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo. Headed to rooftop marked by flare.
Ironhide
Sam, we will protect you.
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Optimus Prime
Megatron!
Megatron
Prime!
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Agent Simmons
She's a criminal. And criminals are HOT!
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Mikaela
I'll drive, you shoot!
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USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
[on the phone, to the Pentagon, while fighting Scorponok]
I never seen this in my life! We need gunships on station ASAP!... Unknown, man, I don't... man, if you seen this shit!
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Maggie Madsen
Sir, they hacked your firewall in ten seconds! Even a supercomputer, with a brute force attack, would take ten years to do that.
Admiral Brigham
Maybe you can explain why our enemies are doubling their armed forces...
Maggie Madsen
Maybe it's a precaution, because isn't that what we're doing? The signal pattern is learning, it's EVOLVING on its own, and you need to move past Fourier transforms and start thinking quantum mechanics...
Maggie Madsen
How about an organism, a living organism? Or some sort of DNA-based computer? I know that sounds crazy, but...
Keller
All right, all right, that's enough! Listen, we've got NSA specialists working downstairs. If you can come up with anything to substantiate your theory, we're prepared to listen. But if you don't get a filter on that brain-mouth thing, you're gonna be off the team. Understand?
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Keller
Simmons?
Agent Simmons
Yes, sir?
Keller
I'd do what he says. Losing's really not an option for these guys.
Agent Simmons
All right, okay! Hey, you want to lay the fate of the world on the kid's Camaro? That's cool.
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Mikaela
You know what I don't understand?
Sam Witwicky
What?
Mikaela
If he's like, this super-advanced robot, why does he transform into this piece-of-crap Camaro?
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[Mojo wets Ironhide's foot]
Ironhide
Ewww, wet wet wet wet wet...!
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Sarah Lennox
[about their baby daughter]
She has your laugh.
Captain Lennox
She laughed?
Sarah Lennox
Her first one.
Captain Lennox
Ah... are you sure she didn't just fart?
Sarah Lennox
[laughs]
No, she's a lady. She doesn't know you yet, but she will.
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International Operator
[on the phone]
Also sir have you heard about our world-class premium package...?
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Sam Witwicky
That's stupid. That was a stupid line. "There's more than meets the eye with you." Stupid.
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Maggie Madsen
There's only one hacker in the world who can break this code...
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Optimus Prime
Autobots, roll out!
Jazz
We rollin'!
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Sam Witwicky
What is Sector 7? Answer me!
Agent Simmons
I ask the questions round here, not you, young man!
Mikaela
All right, how did you know about the aliens?
Sam Witwicky
Where did you take my parents?
Agent Simmons
I am not at liberty to discuss...
[Sam snatches his badge away]
Agent Simmons
Hey, you touch me, that's a federal offense!
Agent Simmons
Brave now, all of a sudden with his big alien friends standing over there.
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Sam Witwicky
I had to.
Sam Witwicky
That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobbie B, baby, Uncle Bobbie B.
[smiles and shakes Sam's hand]
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[Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter...]
[Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it]
Sam Witwicky
Oh my God... Where do I go?
[With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building]
Megatron
Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?
Megatron
Give me the All Spark, and you may live to be my pet.
Megatron
Oh, so unwise...
[With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground...]
[Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street]
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[Sam gives Mikaela a ride home]
Sam Witwicky
You can duck down if you want. I mean, it won't hurt my feelings.
Mikaela
Oh, no no no. I didn't mean here with you. I just meant here, like, in this situation. The same situation that I'm always in. 'Cause, I don't know, I guess I just have a weakness for hot guys, for tight abs and really big arms.
Sam Witwicky
Big arms?
[swallows]
Sam Witwicky
Well, there's a couple new additions in the car. Like, I just put that light there...
[points back, and flexes his arm muscle]
Sam Witwicky
...and that disco ball...
[he turns his hand forward, still flexing]
Sam Witwicky
...and so the light reflects off the disco ball.
[points back and forth, flexing his arm all the while]
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Tom Banachek
You have to accept that there are certain things you won't understand right away. Sector Seven is a special access division of the Government, convened in secret under President Hoover eighty years ago. You might remember NASA JPL lost the Beagle 2 Mars Rover? We told them to report the mission a complete failure. It wasn't. Beagle 2 transmitted for thirteen seconds. This was classified ABOVE top secret...
[Banachek plays a video of a giant lifeform crushing the Beagle]
Tom Banachek
More than just a pile of Martian rocks.
[Banachek shows the Secretary two photographs]
Tom Banachek
This is the image from Mars. This is the image your Special Ops team managed to retrieve from the base attack. We believe that they are of the same exoskeletal type, and obviously not Russian or North Korean.
Keller
Are we talking about... an invasion?
Tom Banachek
We intercepted the message from your Special Ops team. These things can be hurt by our weapons, and now they know it. That's why the virus shut us down, so we can't coordinate against their next attack... which I would bet my ridiculous government salary is coming soon.
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Tom Banachek
Follow me. You're about to see our crown jewel...
[Everyone enters the All Spark Chamber]
Tom Banachek
The First Seven came upon the Cube. We knew it was extraterrestrial because the symbols on its surface matched those on NBE-1. The Dam was built around it in 1935 to mask its signal. Four walls of concrete, as thick as four football fields, enable the Cube to avoid being detected by any humans, or any aliens from outside...
[Frenzy comes across the Cube, whose energy boosts and repairs him]
Frenzy
All Spark located!
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Captain Lennox
NBEs?
Agent Simmons
Non-Biological Extraterrestrials. Try to keep up with the acronyms.
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Agent Simmons
I'm gonna lock you up forever!
Mikaela
[to Sam]
Oh God, you know what? Don't listen to him, he's just pissy because he has to get back to guarding the mall.
Agent Simmons
You in the training bra, do not test me!
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Agent Simmons
[holding up a badge]
You see this? This is a "Do whatever I want and get away with it" badge!
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Jazz
[jumping on Devastator]
Come on, Decepticon punk!
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Sam Witwicky
You're not gonna get me! You're not gonna get me!
[runs into a building; moments later, Magatron smashes through a window]
Megatron
I smell you, boy...!
[senses Sam on the floor above him and bursts through, narrowly missing Sam]
Megatron
MAGGOT!
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Captain Lennox
Epps, the rain's coming!
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
Right! BRING IT!
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Sam Witwicky
No, no, no, no, no, no... Hey! That's my car!
[Sam grabs a cellphone and cycle and chases after his car]
Sam Witwicky
Hello? 911 emergency! My car's been stolen! I'm in pursuit! I need the whole squadron, bring everyone! No, no don't ask any questions, my father's the head of the neighbourhood watch!
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Captain Lennox
He's right. If we stay here, we're screwed with Megatron in the other hanger. Mission City is 22 miles away. We're going to sneak that Cube out of here and hide it somewhere in the city.
Keller
Good, right!
Captain Lennox
But we cannot make a stand without the Air Force.
Keller
This place must have some sort of radio link.
Agent Simmons
Yes!
Keller
Shortwave, CV...
Agent Simmons
Right, yes!
Captain Lennox
[to Keller]
Sir, you're going to have to find some way to get word out to them... Let's move!
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Jazz
It's Megatron! Retreat! Move! Fall back!
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USAF Staff Sergent
Sir, that tank thing's getting back up.
Captain Lennox
These things just don't die!
[hearing a helicopter, they turn and see Blackout land on a building behind them]
Captain Lennox
Oh, we're so dead.
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Optimus Prime
Sam! Push the Cube into my chest, NOW!
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[trying to escape Barricade, Sam tackles Mikaela off her bike]
Mikaela
What is your problem, Sam?
Sam Witwicky
Okay, there's a monster, it just attacked me!
[Barricade stomps after them]
Sam Witwicky
Here it comes!
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Judy Witwicky
Please for the love of God drive safely!
[Sam drives away with the Camaro in a massive cloud of black exhaust]
Judy Witwicky
Wow. You are so cheap.
Ron Witwicky
Well, it's his first car... supposed to be like that.
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Ironhide
Keep moving, Sam! Don't stop!
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Keller
Gentlemen, it is the direct order of the President that Sector Seven be terminated, and the remains of the dead aliens be disposed of. The Laurentian Abyss is seven miles below sea level. Deepest place on the planet. The aliens will be deposited there, where the intense pressure coupled with sub-zero temperatures will crush and entomb them... leaving no evidence.
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Ron Witwicky
You're not taking my son.
Agent Simmons
Really? You gonna get rough with us?
Ron Witwicky
No, but I'm gonna call the cops because there's something fishy going on around here.
Agent Simmons
Yeah. There's something a little fishy about you, your son, your little Taco Bell dog and this whole operation you got going on here.
Ron Witwicky
What operation?
Agent Simmons
That is what we are gonna find out.
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Ratchet
I sense the Decepticons are getting ready to mobilize...
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[Ron Witwicky walks towards a window]
Optimus Prime
Quick, hide!
Ratchet
Hide? Where?
[the Autobots manage to get out of sight just as Ron looks outside]
Ron Witwicky
Oh, no... look at the yard! The yard is destroyed! There's sparks flying all over the place... Judy, you better call the City, looks like they got a blown transformer! What a waste... Trashed! Gone!
[appalled, he moves away]
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
[nearly impaled by Scorponok's tail]
I thought you said that thing was dead, man!
Captain Lennox
This thing is wicked!
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[activates a pulse that shatters glass around him]
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[addressing an assembly of signal analysts]
Keller
Please be seated... I'm John Keller. Obviously you're all wondering why you're here, so these are the facts: At 17:00 hours GMT yesterday a SOCCENT airbase in Qatar was attacked. So far as we know, there were no survivors. The purpose of the attack was to hack our military network; we don't know what they were looking for, but they were cut off during the assault, which leads us to assume they're going to try it again. Now, no one's taken responsibility for the attack. And the only lead we have is this sound...
[plays a recording of a signal]
Keller
That's the signal that hacked our network. NASA's working around the clock to break it but we need YOUR help in deciphering this signal. You've all shown technical skill in the field of signal analysis. We're on a hair trigger, people, the United States has dispatched an armed force to its full capacity. This is as real as it's going to get. I'm going to leave you to the officer to sort you all into groups. Good luck to us all.
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Captain Lennox
Fig, how many times must I tell you? None of us here speak Spanish!
ACWO Jorge "Fig" Figueroa
What's your problem, man?
[slips into Spanish]
ACWO Jorge "Fig" Figueroa
You're always annoying me with the same old sh...
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Captain Lennox
Captain Lennox, USAF Master Sgt. Epps: Heads up!
[a water tower falls over]
First Sergeant Donnelly
What the heck was that?
ACWO Jorge "Fig" Figueroa
[in Spanish]
What the hell do you mean, what was that? That tower fell over and almost killed me! If that thing had come any closer, it would've broken my ass!
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Sam Witwicky
[presenting his assignment]
So, for my genealogy report, I decided to write on my great-great-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky, who was a famous man. He was a polar explorer; in fact, he was one of the first men to visit the Arctic Circle, which is a big deal. In 1897 he took 41 brave explorers with him to the Arctic Shelf. That's the story. Unfortunately my great-grandfather, the genius that he is, went blind and crazy - he spent the rest of his life in a psycho ward, drawing these strange symbols and babbling about some Iceman he'd discovered...
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Sam Witwicky
This... I can't do it anymore. You're putting girl jewelry on a boy dog.
Judy Witwicky
What?
Sam Witwicky
He's got enough self-esteem issues being a Chihuahua, Mom.
Judy Witwicky
That's his bling!
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[kicks Frenzy's head]
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Megatron
I am... MEGATRON!
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Trent
So, what are you guys doing here?
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Sam Witwicky
It's custom-faded?
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Ron Witwicky
[brandishing a bat, outside his son's door]
5... 4... It's comin' off the hinges, pal. 3... 2... stand back!
[as Ron gets ready to break the door down, Sam opens it]
Sam Witwicky
What's up?... What's with the bat?
Ron Witwicky
Who were you talking to?
Sam Witwicky
Talkin' to you!
Judy Witwicky
Why are you so sweaty and filthy?
Sam Witwicky
I'm a child, you know, I'm a teenager.
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Sam Witwicky
[speaking to Optimus Prime through his window]
Okay, listen. You gotta listen to me! If my parents come out here and see you, they're going to freak. My mother's got a temper.
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Cafe' kid 1
[looking at a crushed store]
I sure hope this guy's got asteroid insurance, 'cause he is SO boned!
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Captain Witwicky
We'll get to the Arctic first, lads! No sacrifice, no victory!
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Optimus Prime
Autobots, recon...
[the Autobots slip into the Witwicky's yard]
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[Sam wistfully watches Mikaela walk away]
Miles
Hey, man, what's wrong with your radio?
Sam Witwicky
I am.
Miles
What?
Sam Witwicky
I'm gonna drive her home!
Miles
What? She's an evil jock concubine, man, let her hitchike!
Sam Witwicky
She lives ten miles away, all right? It's my only chance! Get out of the car!
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Optimus Prime
Ratchet, shine the light.
Sam Witwicky
Would you stop with the lights?
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Maggie Madsen
You have to let me talk to Keller before you go to war with the wrong country!
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Jazz
Fire it up, Optimus!
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Judy Witwicky
Sam, we heard you talking to someone...
Sam Witwicky
Mom, I...
[Sam's parents fall silent and stare at Mikaela]
Mikaela
Hi, I'm Mikaela. I'm a... I'm a friend of Sam's.
[Judy starts giggling and chucks Sam on the shoulder]
Judy Witwicky
Gosh, you're gorgeous!
[turns to Ron]
Judy Witwicky
Isn't that the prettiest girl?
Sam Witwicky
She can hear you talking, Mom.
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
We got friendlies mixed with baddies. This is gonna be WILD...
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[disrupts the NBE-1 equipment and checks a monitor]
Frenzy
Ooohh... Megatron melting!
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
You been talkin' about barbecue gators and crickets for the last two weeks, I am NEVER goin' to your mama's house, Fig.
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Glen's Grandmother
Glen! Who is...
Glen's Grandmother
Glen!
Glen Whitmann
GRANDMAMA, DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE!
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Bobby Bolivia
Let me tell you something, Sam.Your first enchilada of freedom awaits under one of those hoods.
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[from trailer]
Keller
We're facing war against a technological civilization far superior to our own! Our enemy can take any shape! They could be anywhere!
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Mikaela
Remember those cars my dad used to teach me to fix? Well, they weren't always his.
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Captain Lennox
No friggin' way that thing's still not down...
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Boy in Car
[watching two robots fight above him]
Cool, Mom!
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Mikaela
You got a high rise double pump carburetor. That's... that's pretty impressive, Sam.
Sam Witwicky
Double pump?
Mikaela
It squirts the fuel in so you can go faster.
Sam Witwicky
Oh... I like to go faster.
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USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
Bring the rain!
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Sam Witwicky
[upon seeing his car transform, he hides and starts making a video last testament with his phone]
My name is Sam Witwicky. Whoever finds this, my car is alive, okay?
[holds up phone]
Sam Witwicky
You saw that, since this is my last words on Earth, I just wanna say, Mom, Dad, I love you and if you find "Busty Beauties" under my bed, it wasn't mine. I'm holding it for Miles. No, No, wait that... Okay, that's not true. It's mine and Uncle Charles gave it to me. I'm sorry. Mojo, I love you.
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[about the SOCCENT attack]
USAF Master Sgt. Epps
When I took that picture, I think it saw me. It looked right at me.
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The President
Yeah, could you wrangle me up some Ding-Dongs, darlin'?
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Bonecrusher
[fighting Optimus Prime]
I hate you!
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
[playing basketball]
Check out this crossover, like Jordan in his prime going through the front line...!
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USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
Lennox! The heat's coming!
Captain Lennox
Lase the target! We got a beam-rider incoming, lase the target!
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Captain Lennox
[to his wife Sarah]
We made one good looking kid. I know people say that a lot, but, wow. We made one good looking kid. Nice work.
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ACWO Jorge "Fig" Figueroa
My mother, she had the gift. You know, she saw things. Now I got the gene. That thing at the base, I got a feeling it ain't over.
First Sergeant Donnelly
Why don't you those magic voodoo powers of yours and get us the hell out of here, huh?
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[Sam makes Mikaela talk to his mother]
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Megatron
Decepticons, attack!
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Sam Witwicky
[to Mikaela]
I was wondering if, if I could ride you home... I, I mean if I could give you a ride home!
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[after her call with her husband was cut off, Sarah watches in horror as the news reports on the base attack]
Sarah Lennox
Oh, my God.
Keller
We are dealing with a highly effective weapons system, one that we have not come across before. But our thoughts and prayers are with those men who...
[Sarah's baby daughter starts crying, and she turns to her, wiping away her own tears]
Sarah Lennox
Daddy's gonna be okay, honey, I promise...
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Sam Witwicky
I'm cool with, you know, females working on my engine. I prefer it, actually.
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[inside Sector Seven, the lights suddenly dim...]
Keller
Gentlemen, they know the Cube is here.
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[Simmons, Keller, Maggie and Glenn test a radio to see if it still operates]
Glen Whitmann
Where are the mics?
Glen Whitmann
This doesn't work without mics, Simmons!
Agent Simmons
No, no, no, no, no!
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Judy Witwicky
You know, I think that if there really was some kind of... alien infestation... the Government would be the first to tell us.
Judy Witwicky
Yeah, that's how we know we're in a free country. There's no secrets. They'd say "Hey! Duck and cover!"
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Bobby Bolivia
Don't go Ricci Ricardo on me man!
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Agent Simmons
Get out of the way, get out of the way!
[raises a flamethrower and torches Frenzy]
Agent Simmons
BURN, YOU LITTLE SUCKER, BURN!
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USAF Master Sgt. Epps
They bombed the antenna farm! We're under attack!
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Captain Lennox
Sarah, if you can hear me, I love you and I'm gonna be home soon, okay?
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[Bumblebee fires a shot straight into Devastator's chest]
Mikaela
Nice shot!
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Glen Whitmann
Hey, I'm still a virgin...
Maggie Madsen
Glenn, SHUT UP!
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Ironhide
Cover fire!
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Enlisted Aide
I joined the Air Force to bring The Man Ding-Dongs...
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Judy Witwicky
They've got to get their hands off my bush!
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[Blackout transforms]
SOCCENT Colonel Sharp
My God!
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[watching the news broadcast of meteor crashes]
Judy Witwicky
What did he say?
Ron Witwicky
What?
Judy Witwicky
What did Jack say? Did he see it?
Ron Witwicky
Yeah he saw it. He thinks it's a military experiment.
Judy Witwicky
What a knucklehead.
Ron Witwicky
Yeah. I told him it was a plane.
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Agent Simmons
Anything's possible!
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Miles
Hey, I called shotgun! Bros before hoes, man!
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Judy Witwicky
You hurt my dog, I'll kick your ass!
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Cafe' kid 1
Can anyone get me a space rock?
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Sam Witwicky
...and the compass makes uh... a great gift for Columbus Day...
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[Barricade ejects Frenzy to capture Sam]
Frenzy
Surprise, Witwicky!
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Glen
Glen, Glen's Cousin: [on the computer] It's the Maaaatrix!
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Mr. Hosney
Okay. Might be a pop quiz tomorrow, might not. Sleep in fear tonight.
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[Captain Witwicky falls into an underground cavern]
Captain Witwicky
[calling his crew]
I'm all right, lads...!
[He looks around and discovers an incredible statue frozen into the cavern]
Captain Witwicky
Men! We've made a discovery!
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Pilot
Copy on the bogey, tail forty-five hundred X-ray.
SOCCENT Op-Centre Tech
Sir, it says here 4500X was shot down three months ago in Afghanistan.
SOCCENT Colonel Sharp
That's got to be a mistake, check again then re-check.
SOCCENT Op-Centre Tech
I did sir. Friend of mine was on that chopper.
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Pilot
Copy on the bogey, tail forty-five hundred X-ray.
First Sergeant Donnelly
Sir, it says here 4500X was shot down three months ago in Afghanistan.
SOCCENT Colonel Sharp
That's got to be a mistake, check again then re-check.
First Sergeant Donnelly
I did sir. Friend of mine was on that chopper.
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