The New Guy Movie Quotes
Luther
High school is a lot like prison: Bad food, high fences; the sex you want, you ain't gettin', the sex you gettin', you don't want. I've seen terrible things.
Dizzy
Yesterday, an eighty-year-old librarian broke my penis.
Luther
You win.
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Coach
You stole my horse, maggot! Do you know what the penalty is in this state for stealing another man's horse?
Dizzy/Gil
Death?
Coach
This isn't Iraq, son.
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Courtney
Before I met Gil, I probably would've just looked at you with disgust and walked away wiggling my ass just so you'd know what you were missing.
Kirk
Yeah, well, the universe is upside down.
Courtney
And in a few minutes, you will be too.
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Connor
Hey buddy, you know what the homeless need? A midget.
Pete
Why would the homeless need a midget?
Connor
Dude, shut up!
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Dizzy
Did we give up when Pearl Harbor was bombed?
Football player #72
Hey, I thought that movie made money.
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Kirk
That is, without doubt, the sluttiest girl I have ever seen.
Glen
You have to do her, and while you're doing her, think of me. Okay that sounded gay.
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Kirk
If anyone's lost a pair of balls we have found them. Wait, there's a name here. Dizzy Harrison, please pick your balls up and scrotum, that's balls and scrotum at counter 5.
Music Store Employee(Seth)
That's my microphone!
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Dizzy/Gil
Who's da bitch now?
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Luther
You know those moments when a man makes a decision that'll change his entire life and he steps up to become the hero he was meant to be? This ain't one of those moments.
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Glen
I think the question is how would Gil get jiggy with this Courtney chick and make her say, "Who's your daddy?"
[Nora hits him]
Glen
While *respecting* her as a woman.
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Courtney
You wanna' come upstairs with me?
Dizzy
Um... I...
Courtney
You wanna' make out with me?
Dizzy
Uh... oh well...
Courtney
Wanna' take my clothes off with your teeth?
Dizzy
[silence]
Courtney
Ok, you talked me into it!
[as she moves towards the building]
Courtney
Aren't you coming?
Dizzy
Almost...
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Nora
No animals are nicer. They don't boo when they're killing something.
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Tina
Didn't they tie you up last year and make you wear rubber breasts?
Dizzy
You remember, that's really sweet! You know I've been thinking. We're seniors now, and um, maybe sometime if you wanted to drink coffee, you know, um, near me... I would pay!
Tina
Truthfully, you're not my...
Dizzy
Type.
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Kirk
My dad loves this bike more than he loves me.
Dizzy
That's not true.
Kirk
Yeah it is. He wrote it in my birthday card.
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Connor
What was that about?
Danielle
Asking the new guy a favor.
Connor
And what could you possibly need from him?
Danielle
Just things I'm not getting elsewhere...
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Luther
You been lookin' at my Janet?
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Kiki Pierce
Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
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Luther
In high school, popularity ain't no contest. It's a war. And Dizzy Harrison is it's greatest casualty. See, his story is really my story, because behind every so-called hero is a little pissed-off dude that don't get no *credit!*
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Danielle
Carmen: more cheer, less pole dance, 'kay? You don't want guys stuffing bills down your panties.
Carmen
What panties?
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Luther
Sorry you had to see that. I've been in prison for a long time.
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Luther
If you're gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. Otherwise you'll be lined in chalk.
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Connor
What are you doing, freak?
Dizzy
Knocking you into the hall, and me into the history books.
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Glen
I imagine God having an ass like that. Did that sound gay?
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Connor
You are not going over there.
Danielle
Well I wasn't. Now I am. Later.
Pete
Hey man, she just dissed you.
Connor
Dude! Shut up!
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Connor
Oh, what? You're impressed because this guy showed up on a horse?
Danielle
No, I'm impressed because he showed up for me.
[to Dizzy]
Danielle
Let's go.
Pete
She just dissed you again.
Connor
Dude, do you *ever* shut up?
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Dizzy/Gil
Don't make me do crazy eyes...
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Luther
Yes indeedy feed the needy
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Dizzy
At least as blips we were invisible. If you break your dick in front of the whole school, people remember that.
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Connor
I think I oughta go over there and kick his ass.
Danielle
That's great, because I've always dreamed of dating the expelled guy.
Courtney
Expelled guys rock!
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Dizzy
The point is, today nobody stuffed me in my locker or singed off my ass hair.
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Dizzy
We're not playing Everquest, Kirk, we're on planet Earth.
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Dizzy
Are you out of your fucking mind?
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Glen
The Crowd... they're animals!
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Mr. Undine
We got a homecoming dance coming up in a month or so and it has been the most god-awful experience for everyone involved, right Coach?
[Coach winces]
Mr. Undine
Do you have any ideas on how we might turn this thing around?
Dizzy/Gil
Good music?
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Barclay
I can't believe those cute wearing wussies aren't gonna show up.
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Barclay
Yo, freak. What are you doing?
Dizzy
Talking, exchanging words, having an innocent conversation.
Barclay
Innocent? Then what's this?
[Barclay shows Tina Dizzy's boner]
Tina
Oh my god that's disgusting!
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Dizzy
[stealing the mic from the Gospel preacher] Ladies and gentleman! Brothers and sisters! I'd like to talk to you all about sex! The devil's middle name, sex! You know what the best form of sexual abstinence is? Being me. Can I get an amen?
Nora
Amen!
Dizzy
You wanna talk about some pain? Lemme hear ya! You wanna talk about pain?
Gospel Singer
That boy's got the spirit.
Reverend
He's an idiot.
Dizzy
If ever a member of the opposite sex ever told you you are not her type...
Crowd
AMEN!
Dizzy
Let me hear you shout amen-ah! If you ever had duct tape-ah ripped off-ah your naked buttocks-ah...
Crowd
AMEN!
Dizzy
Let me hear you shout amen. If you ever had your manhood right-angled in front of the entire congregation, now let me hear you shout amen!
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Nora
He's got kind of a... Brad Pitt thing going there.
Glen
I saw a little... Anne Heche there too. Does *that* sound gay?
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[teaching Dizzy how to fight]
Clem
First thing you wanna do is gouge the dude's eyes out.
Luther
Hey, it's just kids in high school.
Clem
Oh. So you're gonna want to fight dirty.
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Luther
If you're going to talk the talk, you have to walk the walk, or else you'll get outlined in chalk.
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