[Yondu is floating in the air, hanging on his arrow]
Peter Quill
You look like Mary Poppins.
Yondu
Is he cool?
Peter Quill
Hell yeah, he's cool.
Yondu
I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!
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2
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3
Yondu
He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn't your daddy.
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Baby Groot
I am Groot.
Yondu
What's that?
Rocket
He says, "Welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy." Only he didn't use "frickin'."
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Peter Quill
You shouldn't have killed my mom and squished my Walkman.
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Ego
I created what I imagined biological life to be like... down to the most minute detail.
Drax
Did you make a penis?
Peter Quill
Dude!
Gamora
What is wrong with you?
Drax
If he's a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter Quill
I don't need to hear how my parents...
Drax
Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter Quill
That's disgusting.
Drax
It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
Ego
Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax
Ha! Thank you!
Ego
It's not half bad.
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Drax
[to Quill]
There are two types of beings in the universe, those who dance, and those who do not.
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Rocket
Does anybody have any tape out there? I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter Quill
I don't have any tape. Let me check. Yo, Yondu, do you have any. Ow! Do you have any tape?... Gamora? Do you have any tape? Tape! Ah, never mind. Ow! Drax, do you have any tape? Yes, Scotch tape would work... Then why did you ask me if Scotch tape would work, if you don't have any? Nobody has any tape!
Rocket
Not a single person has tape?
Peter Quill
Nope!
Rocket
Did you ask Nebula?
Peter Quill
Yes!
Rocket
Are you sure?
Peter Quill
I asked Yondu and she was sitting right next to him.
Rocket
I knew you were lying!
Peter Quill
You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag. If anybody's gonna have tape, it's *you*!
[Baby Groot grabs the device and runs off with it while Rocket's back is turned]
Rocket
That's exactly my point! I have to do everything!
Peter Quill
You are wasting a lot of time here!
[Rocket turns around and see that both the bomb and Groot are gone]
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Peter Quill
Sometimes, the thing you've been looking for your whole life is right there beside you all along.
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[showing Groot how to arm the bomb]
Rocket
All right, first you flick this switch, then this switch. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get out of there. Now, whatever you do, don't push *this* button, because that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
Uh-huh.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
That's right.
Rocket
No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Groot
Hmm. I am Groot.
Rocket
Mmm-hmm.
Groot
I am Groot?
Rocket
Uh-huh.
Rocket
No! That's exactly what you just said! How is that even possible? Which button is the button you're supposed to push? Point to it.
[Groot points to the death button]
Rocket
*No*!
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1
Peter Quill
What is it?
Kraglin
It's called a Zune. It's what everybody's listening to on Earth nowadays.
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[Groot waves at her]
[keeps firing]
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Peter Quill
Well, you may not be mortal, but me...
Ego
No, Peter... death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Peter Quill
I'm immortal?
Ego
Mmm-hmm.
Peter Quill
Really?
Ego
Yes! As long as the light exists.
Peter Quill
And, I could use the light to build cool things like, how you made this whole planet?
Ego
Well, it might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Peter Quill
What! This is... Well, get ready for a 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear...
Ego
You can do anything you want.
Peter Quill
I'm gonna make some weird shit.
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Kraglin
What are you gonna do with your share?
Nebula
As a child, my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training. Every time my sister prevailed... my father would replace a piece of me with machinery, claiming he wanted me to be her equal. But she won... again and again, and again, never once refraining. So after I murder my sister, I will buy a warship with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like a dog, and I will tear him apart slowly... piece by piece, until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain I knew every single day.
Kraglin
Yeah... I was talking about, like, a pretty necklace. Or a nice hat. You know. Something to make the other girls go "Ooh, that's nice."
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[from Trailer]
Mantis
When I touch someone I can feel their feelings.
[touches Quill's hand]
Mantis
You feel... love!
Peter Quill
Yeah, I guess - Yeah, I feel a general unselfish love for everyone.
Mantis
No. *Sexual* love...
Peter Quill
No. No, I don't.
Peter Quill
No!
[Drax begins laughing hysterically]
Drax
She just told everyone you deepest, darkest secret!
[Drax continues laughing]
Peter Quill
Dude! Come on! I think you're reacting a little bit!
Drax
You must be so embarrassed!
[continues cracking up]
Drax
Do me! Do me! Do me!
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Rocket
So, we're saving the galaxy, again?
Peter Quill
I guess.
Rocket
Awesome! We're really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers.
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Peter Quill
You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket
Oh, it won't be my turd. It'll be Drax's.
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Drax
You're right... We're family.
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Gamora
It's Guardian! Why would I be a Garden of the Galaxy?
[Drax laughs]
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Peter Quill
I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He's a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me... Yondu didn't have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn't have the beautiful voice of an angel, but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures and hooked up with hot women, and fought robots... I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu.
[tearing up]
Peter Quill
I had a pretty cool dad. What I'm trying to say here is... sometimes that *thing* you're searching for your whole life... is right there by your side all along. And you don't even know it.
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Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
He hates hats.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
On anyone, not just himself.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
[to Yondu]
One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat.
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Rocket
You people have issues.
Peter Quill
Well, of course I have issues. That's my freakin' father!
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[from the closing credits]
The Form of David Hasselhoff
In times of hardship, just remember: We. Are. Groot.
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Drax
How did you get to this weird dumb planet?
Mantis
Ego found me in my larva state. Orphaned on my home world. He raised me by hand, and kept me as his own.
Drax
So you're a pet.
Mantis
I suppose.
Drax
People usually want cute pets. Why would Ego want such a hideous one?
Mantis
I am hideous?
Drax
You are horrifying to look at. Yes.
[Mantis lowers her eyes, offended by Drax' words]
Drax
Bu-but that's a good thing.
Mantis
Oh?
Drax
When you're ugly, and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are... beautiful people never know who to trust.
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Ego
Listen to me! You are a god. If you kill me, you'll be just like everybody else!
Peter Quill
What's so wrong with that?
Ego
*No*!
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Drax
This gross bug lady is my new friend.
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Yondu
I don't use my head to fly the arrow, boy! I use my heart.
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Rocket
[snickering]
I'm sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself...
[deep voice]
Rocket
"You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface!"
[all the Ravagers struggle desperately not to laugh]
Rocket
That's how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? "Scrotum Hat"?
[Rocket and the Ravagers all fall apart laughing]
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Rocket
Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter Quill
I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket
I did it because I wanted to!
Peter Quill
Dick.
Rocket
What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax
How little?
Rocket
Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Peter Quill
It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket
*Don't call me a racoon*!
Peter Quill
I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion]
Rocket
Is that better?
Drax
I don't know.
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[from fourth mid-credit scene]
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Drax
Ow! My nipples!
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Drax
The beast's hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside. I must cut through it from the inside.
Gamora
Huh?... No, no! Drax, wait a minute! *Drax*!
[Drax charges at the monster, and leaps down its throat]
Gamora
He said the skin is too thick to be pierced on the outside. So he...
Peter Quill
But, that doesn't make any sense!
Gamora
I tried telling him that!
Peter Quill
Skin is the same level of thickness from the inside as from the outside!
Gamora
I *realize* that.
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Watcher Informant
Oh, man. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted. At that time, I was a Federal Express man...
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Peter Quill
You said you loved my mother.
Ego
And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I'd... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
Peter Quill
What?
Ego
Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad...
[Peter continuously shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
Peter Quill
*You killed my mother*!
Ego
I tried *so hard* to find the form...
The Form of David Hasselhoff
[changes form to David Hasselhoff]
... that best *suited you*... and this is the thanks I get?
[Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
Ego
I wanted to do this together... but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a *battery*!
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Peter Quill
This is weird. We've got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora
Why would they do that?
Drax
Probably because Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket
Dude!
Drax
[awkwardly]
Right... He didn't steal some of those. I don't know why they're after us. What a mystery this is.
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Yondu
You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket
You don't know anything about me, loser.
Yondu
I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket
Shut up!
Yondu
I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket
I said shut up!
Yondu
I know them scientists what made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket
I'm serious, dude!
Yondu
Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby, into slavery! I know who you are, boy, because you're me!
Rocket
...What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu
The kind that's about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket
All right, okay! Good, that's... Wait. Fight a what?
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Kraglin
Captain?
Yondu
What is it Kraglin?
Kraglin
Hey, remember that Ayesha chick?
Yondu
Yeah, why?
Kraglin
Uh...
[Yondu sees a fleet of Sovereign ships appear]
Yondu
Oh, hell!
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Gamora
What if this man *is* your Hasselhoff?
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Yondu
You can go to hell, then! I don't give a damn what you think of me!
Stakar Ogord
So what are you following us for?
Yondu
Because you're gonna listen to what I gotta say!
Stakar Ogord
I don't gotta listen to nothing! You betrayed the code! Ravagers don't deal in kids.
Yondu
I told you before! I didn't know what was going on!
Stakar Ogord
You didn't know because you didn't want to know because it made you rich.
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Mantis
He's coming.
Drax
Didn't you say you could make him sleep?
Mantis
When he wants! He's too powerful! I can't!
Drax
You don't have to believe in yourself, because I believe in you!
[Ego powers down]
Drax
[to Gamora]
I never thought she'd be able to do it; with as skinny and weak as she appears to be.
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Mantis
If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Peter Quill
You read minds?
Mantis
No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.
Peter Quill
All right.
Peter Quill
Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...
Mantis
No! Romantic, sexual love.
Peter Quill
No. No, I don't.
Peter Quill
No, no. No, I don't.
Peter Quill
No! That is not...
[Drax starts laughing hysterically]
Peter Quill
Okay... That's...
Peter Quill
Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.
[Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
Mantis
I've never felt such humor!
Peter Quill
So unbelievably uncool.
Drax
Oh, Quill...
[Mantis walks over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora
Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.
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Sovereign Chambermaid
[from third mid-credit scene]
High Priestess, the Council is waiting.
Ayesha
They are perturbed I've wasted our resources. When they see what I have created here... their wrath will dissipate.
Sovereign Chambermaid
Is this a new type of birthing pod, ma'am?
Ayesha
That, my child, is the next step in our evolution. More powerful, more beautiful, more capable of *destroying* the Guardians of the Galaxy. I think I shall call him... Adam.
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[from second mid-credit scene]
Stakar Ogord
You know, it's a shame that it took the tragedy of losing Yondu to bring us all together again. But I think he'd be proud knowing that we're back as a team.
Charlie-27
I'm in.
Martinex
Dope.
Mainframe
I miss you guys so much!
Aleta Ogord
Hell yes.
Stakar Ogord
What say we steal some shit?
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Peter Quill
Anulax batteries.
Drax
Harbulary batteries.
Peter Quill
That's nothing like what I just said.
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Rocket
[about the Sovereign people]
You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags, but that isn't true at all.
[winks at Peter in front of the Sovereign leader, Ayesha]
Rocket
Oh shit. I'm using my wrong eye again, aren't I? I'm sorry. That was meant to be behind your back.
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Drax
Die, spaceship!
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Drax
Screw you, spaceship!
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Yondu
It ain't healthy for a mammalian body to hop more than 50 jumps at a time.
Rocket
I know that.
Yondu
We're about to do 700!
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Peter Quill
Well...
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[from fifth mid-credit scene]
Watcher Informant
[the Watchers leave]
Hey, fellas. Hey, wait, where you going? Hey, you were supposed to be my lift home. How will I get outta here? Hey! Aw, gee. I've got so many more stories to tell. Aw, guys. Oh, gee.
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Gamora
Can we put the bickering on hold until *after* we survive this massive space battle?
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[All the Ravagers give tribute to Yondu]
Stakar Ogord
No, he did not, son. He did not.
Charlie-27
Fare thee well, old friend.
Aleta Ogord
Yondu Odonta, I will see you in the stars.
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Rocket
He didn't chase them away.
Peter Quill
No.
Rocket
Even though he yelled at them, and was always mean... And he stole batteries he didn't need.
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Gamora
No. It's not ripe yet... and I hate you.
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Yondu
I ain't done nothing right in my whole life Rat. You gotta give me this.
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Drax
Out of the way, dumber smaller Groot!
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Gamora
You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit. What are you exactly?
Ego
I'm what's called a Celestial, sweetheart.
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Nebula
I win. I win. I bested you in combat.
Gamora
No. I saved your life.
Nebula
Well, you were stupid enough to let me live.
Gamora
You let me live!
Nebula
I don't need you always trying to beat me!
Gamora
I'm not the one that just flew across the universe just because I wanted to win.
Nebula
Do not tell me what I want.
Gamora
I don't need to tell you what you want! It's obvious!
Nebula
You were the one who wanted to win. And *I* just wanted a sister!
[pause]
Nebula
You were all I had. But you were the one who needed to win. Thanos pulled my eye from my head... and my brain from my skull... and my arm from my body... because of you.
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Ayesha
Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny, germinating them in birthing pods.
Peter Quill
I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha
Well, Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
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Peter Quill
Showtime, a-holes!
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Gamora
Nebula... I was a child like you. I was concerned with staying alive until the next day, every day. And I never considered what Thanos was doing to you. I'm trying to make it right. There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.
Nebula
I will help them by killing Thanos.
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Stakar Ogord
[to Yondu]
If you think... I take pleasure... in exiling you... you're wrong. You broke all our hearts.
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Zylak's Frenemy
You suck, Zylak.
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Drax
Those pools, they remind me of a time when I took my daughter to the forgotten lakes of my home world. She was like you.
Mantis
Disgusting?
Drax
Innocent.
[Mantis touches Drax, she senses his sadness and breaks down]
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Rocket
[Teasing Drax who is not wearing any armor,cause it hurts his nipples]
"My nipples hurt. Oh, goodness me!"
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Yondu
[to Rocket]
I was a Kree battle slave for twenty years when Stakar freed me. He offered me a place with the Ravagers. Said all I needed to do was adhere to the code. But I was young... and greedy, and stupid. Like you stealing those batteries.
Rocket
That was mostly Drax.
Yondu
Me and Stakar and the other captains... we weren't so different from you and your friends. The only family I ever had. But I broke the code... they exiled me. This is what I deserve.
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Drax
I'm sorry... but I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Drax
I tried to let you down easily by telling you you were downright disgusting.
[starts gagging]
Mantis
What are you doing?
Drax
Ugh... I'm imagining... being with you physically
[continues gagging]
Mantis
Drax! That's not what I... I don't like you like that! I don't even mate with the... type of thing you are!
Drax
Hey! There's no need to get personal.
Mantis
Listen! Ego has gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I am stupid! You are in danger!
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[Peter Quill comes into Groot's room, sees that his room are mess with vines and Teen Groot playing mind-numbing game]
Peter Quill
Ohh! Dude! Seriously? You've gotta clean up your room, it's a complete mess!
Groot
I am Groot.
Peter Quill
I'm not boring, you're boring! You know what's boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game, what's boring is me, tripping over your vines every day. I'm not boring!
Groot
I am Groot.
Peter Quill
And now, I know how Yondu felt.
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Gamora
[pushing Mantis against a wall after discovering the bodies in the cavern]
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?
Drax
Gamora, let her go!
Gamora
The bodies in the cavern, WHAT ARE THEY?
Mantis
You are scared...
[touches Gamora]
Drax
She already told me everything.
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[Nebula saves Gamora]
Nebula
Get over it!
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[sees a pile of bones]
Nebula
We need to get off this planet.
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Ego
Soon, Peter, we will be all there is. So stop pissing me off!
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Taserface
[to Yondu]
You're the one what killed those men... by leading them down the wrong path. Because you're weak.
[hits Yondu]
Taserface
And stupid!
[hits Yondu again]
Taserface
It's time for the Ravagers to rise once again to glory with a new captain... Taserface!
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Sovereign Operator
[before the Ravager ship is about to explode, Taserface calls the Sovereign] Who is this?
Taserface
I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship. I only ask one thing. That your High Priestess, tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate... Taserface.
[the Operator snickers and erupts into laughter; Taserface groans as the ship explodes]
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[Star-Lord and Rocket squabble over piloting a ship, in the middle of a battle]
Nebula
*Idiots*!
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Gamora
Drax, why aren't you wearing one of Rocket's Aero-Rigs?
Drax
It hurts.
Gamora
Hurts?
Drax
I have sensitive nipples.
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[Yondu and Rocket are held captive in a cage. Yondu notices Groot walking nearby]
Yondu
Psst! Hey, twig! Come here. Come on.
[Groot approaches the cage. He looks sad]
[Groot nods]
Yondu
There's something I need you to get, and bring back to me. In the captain's quarters, there's a prototype fin... the thing I wore on my head. There's a drawer next to the bunk. It's in that. It's red. You got it?
[Groot nods and rushes away. Yondu smiles, thinking the problem is solved. Rocket rolls his eyes and sighs. Groot quietly passes by the sleeping Ravagers. He returns with... Yondu's underwear. Rocket facepalms]
Rocket
Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn't know what you were talkin' about. You have to explain it more careful.
[Groot brings a orloni. The rodent screeches furiously, attempting to break free]
Rocket
That's an orloni. It's a fin, Groot.
Yondu
You explain it this time.
Rocket
All right.
[next, Groot brings a prosthetic eye]
Yondu
That's Vorker's eye. He takes it out when he sleeps. Go. Look again.
[Groot starts walking away]
Rocket
But leave the eye here.
Yondu
Why?
Rocket
[laughs]
He's gonna wake up tomorrow... and he's not gonna know... where his eye is! Ha-ha-ha!
[next, Groot brings a desk. Yondu and Rocket nearly freak out]
Yondu
That's a desk.
[next, Groot brings a severed human toe. Yondu and Rocket feel sick]
Rocket
Tell me you guys have a refrigerator somewhere... with a bunch of severed human toes.
[Yondu shakes his head]
Rocket
Okay. Then let's just agree to never discuss this.
[Yondu removes a leaf-shaped ornament from his suit and shows it to Groot]
Yondu
The drawer you wanna open has this symbol on it. Okay?
[Yondu hands the ornament to Groot. Groot examines it, confused, then places it on his head]
Yondu
What? No!
Rocket
He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
He's relieved you don't want him to.
Groot
I am Groot.
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Nebula
[to Taserface]
I assure you. I am not as easy a mark as an old man without hs magic stick or a talking woodland beast.
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Gamora
What was that story you told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Gamora
He owned a magic boat?
Gamora
Right.
Peter Quill
Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora
Why did he talk again?
Peter Quill
To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
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Ego
I hired Yondu to pick you up after your mother passed away. But, instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Peter Quill
I'll tell ya why; I was a skinny little kid who could slip into places adults couldn't. Made it easier for thieving.
Ego
Well, I've been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax
I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter Quill
What? You're trying to tell me that this whole time, you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax
You look exactly alike!
Rocket
*One's blue!*
Peter Quill
No, he's not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight, and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Peter Quill
Yeah.
Ego
Oh, that son of a bitch!
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Meredith Quill
I can't believe I fell in love with a spaceman.
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Rocket
[to Yondu]
You're smiling. And for a second, I got a warm feeling. But then it was ruined by those disgusting-ass teeth.
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Taserface
[Holding a knife to Rocket's throat after having his name being made fun of]
New plan! We're killing you first!
Rocket
Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks 'Taserface' is a cool name.
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Ayesha
Don't screw with the Sovereign.
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Peter Quill
Doesn't eternity get boring?
Ego
Not if you have a purpose, Peter... which is why you're here.
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Taserface
That Priestess offered us a million! A quarter is only... one-third of that!
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Rocket
I was cybernetically engineered to pilot a spacecraft.
Peter Quill
You were cybernetically engineered to be a douchebag!
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Ego
I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose, and now it is yours as well.
Peter Quill
It's beautiful.
Ego
Over thousands of years I implanted thousands of extensions of myself on thousands of worlds. I need to fulfill life's one true purpose... To grow and spread, covering *all* that exists until everything is... me.
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'Down There!'
[spots Yondu]
Down there!
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Gamora
Where's Peter?... Rocket, WHERE IS HE?... Rocket. LOOK AT ME! WHERE IS HE?
[Rocket mumbles and shakes his head. Groot points outside. Gamora rises and grabs a weapon]
Gamora
No! I'm not leaving without him!
Rocket
I'm sorry. I can only afford to lose one friend today. KRAGLIN, GO!
[Into comms]
Drax
Rocket, where's Quill? ROCKET, WHERE'S QUILL? ROCKET, WHERE'S QUILL?
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Gamora
Either one of you could have gotten us through that field... had you flown with what's between your ears instead of what's between your legs!
Peter Quill
If what's between my legs had a hand on it... I guarantee I could have landed this ship with it.
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Ego
[singing to Looking Glass - Brandy You're a Fine Girl]
She works layin' whiskey down; She serves them whiskey and wine, what a good wife you would be...
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Rocket
Whoa! Whoa. There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas... or even a violent one where I'm standing over there.
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Peter Quill
[as they fight Ego]
Guess I should be glad I was a skinny kid. Otherwise, you'd have delivered me to this maniac.
Yondu
You still reckon that's the reason I kept you around, you idiot?
Peter Quill
That's what you told me, you old doofus.
Yondu
Once I figured out what happened to them other kids, I wasn't just gonna hand you over!
Peter Quill
You said you were going to eat me!
Yondu
That was being funny.
Peter Quill
Not to me!
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Gamora
We need to find Peter now and get off this damn planet.
Mantis
Ego will have won him to his side by now. He has a way...
Nebula
Then we just go!
Gamora
No! He's our friend.
Nebula
All any of you do is yell at each other. You are not friends.
Drax
You're right. We're family. We leave no one behind.
[looking at Nebula]
Drax
Except maybe you.
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Peter Quill
I thought your thing was a sword?
Gamora
We've been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries and I'm going to stop it with a sword?
Peter Quill
It's just... swords were your thing and guns were mine, but... I guess we're both doing guns now. I just didn't know that.
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Ego
I promise you... it's unlike any other place you've ever seen. And there... I can explain your very... special heritage. Finally get to be... the father I've always wanted to be... Excuse me. I've gotta take a whiz.
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Taserface
No, Gef. It's too adorable to kill. Take it to the tailor.
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Howard the Duck
You know what they say..."You're out of luck until you've gone duck."
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[first lines]
Meredith Quill
[sing along with the song Brandy]
There's a girl in this harbor town / And she works layin' whiskey down / They say, Brandy, fetch another round / She serves them whiskey and wine / The sailors say, Brandy, you're a fine girl.
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Rocket
He hates hats.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
On anyone, not just himself.
Groot
I am Groot.
Rocket
One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head... the next minute it's just because you realize part of that head is the hat. That's why you don't like hats?
[Groot nods]
[Groot goes again. He finds a drawer with a symbol similar to the shape of the ornament Yondu gave him. After making sure the ornament matches the symbol, Groot extends his arms and opens the drawer. He searches its contents and retrieves... a small box of candies. Groot rejoices, when suddenly he hears a voice near him]
Kraglin
That ain't it.
[Kraglin finds the fin. He approaches the cage with Groot and hands the fin to Yondu. Yondu glares at him]
[pause]
[Kraglin salutes and places Groot behind the bars of the cage, then starts walking away]
Rocket
One more thing.
[Kraglin stops]
Rocket
You got any clones of Quill's old music on the ship?
[Kraglin looks strangely at Rocket]
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Yondu
I demand a seat at the table! I wear these flames, same as you!
Stakar Ogord
You may dress like us! But you'll never hear the Horns of Freedom when you die, Yondu. And the Colors of Ogord will never flash over your grave.
[Stakar grabs Yondu by the lapels]
Stakar Ogord
If you think I take pleasure in exiling you, you're wrong. You broke all our hearts.
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Text
[Opening Location text on the first shot. Appearing one at the time] Missouri. Earth. 1980.
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Ego
[Peter has 'Brandy' by Looking Glass playing on the walkman]
It's fortuitous that you're listening to this song.
Peter Quill
You know...?
Ego
'Brandy' by Looking Glass. A favorite of your mom's. One of Earth's greatest musical compositions; perhaps its very greatest.
Peter Quill
Yeah.
Ego
You and I, Peter, we're the sailor in the song.
[Begins speaking the lyrics as they play]
Ego
He came on a summer's day / Bringing gifts from far away - like the child I put in your mother, or the freedom you brought Gamora.
[pause]
Ego
Brandy, you're a fine girl / What a good wife you would be / But my life, my love, my lady is the sea. The sea calls the sailor back. He loves the girl, but that's not his place.
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Drax
When you're ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are.
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Peter Quill
What is this?
Gamora
...It's just some unspoken thing.
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Rocket
So, we're saving the galaxy again?
Peter Quill
I guess.
Rocket
Awesome! We'll really be able to jack up our prices if we're two-time galaxy savers!
Peter Quill
I seriously can't believe THAT is where your mind goes!
Rocket
It was just a random thought, man! I thought we were friends! Of course care about the planets and the buildings and all of the animals on the planets.
Peter Quill
And the people.
Rocket
Eh.
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Peter Quill
My mother told everyone my father was from the stars. She had brain cancer, so everyone thought she was delusional.
Ego
Peter...
Peter Quill
Listen, I'd love to believe all of this, I really would. But you left the most wonderful woman ever to die alone.
Ego
I didn't want to leave your mother, Peter. If I don't return regularly return to my planet and the light within it, this form will wither and perish.
Peter Quill
So why didn't you come back? Why did you send Yondu? A criminal, of all people, to come and fetch me?
Ego
I loved your mother, Peter! I couldn't stand to set foot on an Earth where she wasn't living! You can't imagine what that's like!
Peter Quill
I know exactly what that feels like! I had to watch her die!
Ego
[pause]
Over the millions and millions of years of my existence, I've made many mistakes, Peter. But you're not one of them. Please give me the chance to be the father she would want me to be.
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Mantis
The crabby puppy is so cute, he makes me want to die!
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Yondu
You can fool yourself and everyone else, but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket
You don't know anything about me, loser.
Yondu
I know everything about you. I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket
Shut up!
Yondu
I know you steal batteries you don't need and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you because just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is.
Rocket
I said shut up!
Yondu
I know them scientists what made you never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket
I'm serious, dude!
Yondu
Just like my own damn parents who sold me, their own little baby to slavery! I know who you are boy, because you're me!
Rocket
...What kind of a pair are we?
Yondu
The kind that's about to fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket
All right, okay, good that's... wait, fight a what?
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Yondu
So why'd Ego want you here?
Peter Quill
He needs my genetic connection to The Light to help destroy the universe. He tried to teach me how to control the power.
Yondu
So could you?
Peter Quill
A little... I made a ball.
Peter Quill
I thought as hard as I could, that's all I could come up with.
Yondu
You 'thought'? You think when I make this arrow fly, I use my head?
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Ego
[holding Quill's Walkman as it plays 'Brandy']
'My life, my love, my lady is the sea.' Peter... this is The Sea.
[crushes Walkman]
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