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Kinoafisha Films Scary Movie 4 Scary Movie 4 Movie Quotes

Scary Movie 4 Movie Quotes

Henry Hale I fear the presence of the outsiders will attract those of whom we do not speak.

Female Elder #2 But if you talk about those of whom we do not speak, have you not spoken of that about which we do not talk.

Henry Hale Do not speak of that of about which we talk of not speaking... about.

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President Harris [to the U.N] So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.

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Robbie Dad, talk to me! What's happening?

Tom Ryan There's no time to explain.

[a man runs past the window, screaming]

'Alien Attack!' Alien attack!

Tom Ryan Well, actually, that about sums it up.

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[first lines]

Shaquille O'Neal [screaming] Help! Help! Am I dead?

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw You're not dead. You've been taken against your will.

Shaquille O'Neal Kobe?

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Brenda Meeks Here's Detroit.

[Points to a TV showing a destroyed city]

Brenda Meeks Here's Detroit after the invasion.

[City is still destroyed, but now tripods are roaming around]

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Brenda This is some shit, up with which we will not put.

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Brenda [having a nightmare] Lil' Kim- Lil' Kim got my sandwich. Look out- Russell Crowe's got a phone! R.Kelly, don't pee on me! MY LOVELY LADY LUMPS! Where are we?

Cindy Campbell I'm not sure, but I think were close. It's supposed to be near mile 62.

Brenda Is something wrong?

Cindy Campbell No, it's just... I met this guy, and I wonder if he's safe. Oh, you'd love him, Brenda.

Brenda What's his name? I might've already loved him.

Cindy Campbell Tom Ryan.

Brenda Yeah, did him. Big, fat Chinese guy?

Cindy Campbell No... No.

Cindy Campbell [relieved] But he is the kind of guy I'd like to share the rest of my life with.

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Brenda Meeks [Mouthing] You and me should get it on!

Jeremiah Elder Hale. We should welcome the outsiders among us.

Henry Hale Jeremiah, ought not your tongue be held?

Jeremiah I am sorry, Elder Hale... but sometimes my tongue wiggles beyond my ability to control it.

Brenda Meeks This is a problem with which I have had much experience. Maybe I could help him in a room in which there are no others. Or you can all watch. I don't give a shit.

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Oliver This ain't a war, anymore than a war between men and maggots. Or, dragons and wolves. Or, men riding dragons, throwing wolves at maggots.

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Tom Ryan [his car is getting attacked by a mob] Don't worry kids. The doors are locked. There's no possible way they can

[a punch flies through the window and dazes him]

Tom Ryan build the robot out of chocolate. But, that's just common sense. Oh, waiter!

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[From Trailer]

Tom Ryan [after hitting Cindy with a baseball] Oh, hey, I'm sorry!

Cindy Campbell Oh, it's okay. I've taken balls to the face before.

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President Harris [farts] There goes that duck again.

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President Harris I just don't get kids. Remind me to sign that abortion bill.

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[Unrated Version]

Tom Ryan I've never been a good parent. Just ask my son.

Cindy Campbell I did. What exactly is an "cock monger"?

Tom Ryan That's not important right now.

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Saw Villain Tell me you didn't catch anything.

Zoltar No, it's cool. She said she was a virgin.

Saw Villain [sighs] We are so fucked.

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Saw Villain Zoltar come look! This one is actually going to do it.

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Tom Ryan Ever since the divorce it's like my life has no purpose. Half the time, I walk around feeling like a zombie!

C. J. Yo, don't joke about zombies. That shit there - that's real.

Mahalik Yo, you know Nashawn, down on 120th Street?

C. J. Yeah.

Mahalik She told me that she heard a zombie going through her trash the other day. The next morning, she turned up missing.

Tom Ryan Uh...

C. J. [C.J. interrupts] What? Okay, back up. How in the hell do you "turn up missing"?

Mahalik 'Cause nobody knows where you are when they realize you ain't there!

Tom Ryan Guys, I'm trying to ask...

C. J. [C.J. interrupts again] So you telling me that you can appear and disappear at the same time.

Mahalik No, man. You can't appear and disappear at the same time. The bitch ain't David Copperfield!

Tom Ryan Uh, guys...

C. J. [C.J. interrupts yet again] Mmm. No, no. But you can't be gone from one place and show up somewhere else entirely. So when you turn up, you're never missing. And when you're missing, you never turn up.

Mahalik Unless... you a zombie.

C. J. Damn! Hey, that's some plausible shit right there. You should blog about that.

Mahalik I'm gonna put that on MySpace.

C. J. You do that!

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Holly [after farting for an awkwardly long time in front of the court house people] I'm not in my house, am I?

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Narrator And so, love triumphed in the end and the invaders were destroyed. For this world, our world is the world of man. We have earned the right to live here and as long as we love, humanity will prevail. Each of our enemies has failed in their quest to defeat us. Each has been undone by their own nefarious plans. Among all worlds, across all galaxies, we stand above, we stand alone. None can threaten our existence, none can challenge our spirit. And why? Of all the qualities that make us unique, it is love that is our greatest strength. And because of love, mankind...

[Narrator gets hit by a bus]

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[a terrorist jumps out of a van during the TriPod invasion. He has several sticks of dynamite strapped to him]

Terrorist AHA! Death to America!

[he presses the trigger for the bomb, but it doesn't go off]

Terrorist Oh, shit!

[a man runs up to him and knees him in the stomach, dropping him to the floor. About a dozen more people come and beat up the terrorist]

Crowd Kill him! Kill him!

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Shaquille O'Neal [Trying to saw through his chains] AHHH! This will never work.

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Of course, he wants us to cut through our feet.

Shaquille O'Neal You go first.

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Bullshit!

Shaquille O'Neal Yeah, you're probably not man enough. I guess your momma was right.

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Never!

[Holds up saw]

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Who's the coward now, momma?

[Starts cutting through his foot]

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Tom Ryan [Puts gun down the back of his pants and it goes off] Ow! My ass.

[Puts gun down the front of his pants and it goes off]

Tom Ryan Penis!

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Brenda Hey, Cindy! Look, I'm on TV, y'all! Check it out! I'm gonna give a shout out to all my peeps!

[Jigsaw turns round and slaps Brenda in the face]

Brenda HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

[bashing Jigsaw's face into the camara]

Brenda NO ONE... BITCH SLAPS... BRENDA!

Saw Villain Zoltar, help!

[Zoltar comes in and hits Brenda over the head with a metal pipe]

Saw Villain Oh, oh! This is some bullshit!

[Brenda grabs the pipe and wacks Jigsaw with it before pushing Zoltar out of view]

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C. J. [Mahalik reaches over C.J. for a bag of nuts] Hey, what you doing?

Mahalik Relax man. I'm just trying to grab some nuts.

Mahalik [reaches over Mahalik for his bag of peanuts] C.J., what are you doin'?

C. J. I just wanna eat some peanuts.

Mahalik Huh?

C. J. [holds up a bag of peanuts] See? Peanuts.

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[Dr. Phil successfully cuts off his foot]

Shaquille O'Neal Oh, my God!

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw I did it. We're saved.

[Shaq points at the sawed off foot]

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw What's wrong?

Shaquille O'Neal Wrong foot.

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Motherfu...

[faints]

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Marilyn [Tom pulls up in his car] Late again, Tom.

Tom Ryan Hey, Marilyn.

Marilyn I thought you were moving.

Tom Ryan Oh, it's all I could afford right now. You took everything in the divorce except my name.

Marilyn No, actually, the judge granted me that yesterday. You're now officially known as "Horace P. MacTitties."

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Cindy Campbell That last lightning bolt smelled like...

Rachel ...A giant turd...

Tom Ryan Yeah... the lightning...

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Tom's Neighbor #1 Why is the sky so dark?

Tom's Neighbor #2 Why is the wind moving toward the storm?

Tom's Neighbor #3 [sees laundry flapping in the wind] Why doesn't anyone have dryers?

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Jigsaw [to Shaquille O'Neal and Dr. Phil] You're both here because you like playing games with people.

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Saw Villain Enjoy your purple nurple, Tom.

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Tom Ryan I'm not a very good father. Just ask my son.

Cindy Campbell I did. What exactly is a "taint-licker"?

Tom Ryan That's not important right now.

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Oliver We gotta find a way to take out these tripods. I heard that the Japs took out a few of 'em over in Kikkoman.

Tom Ryan Kikkoman. That's- That's a soy sauce.

Oliver Right, yeah. Low sodium.

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President Harris I'm here today at the...

[looks at the U.N emblem]

President Harris ... un.

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Secret Service Agent Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.

President Harris I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.

Secret Service Agent More people will die!

President Harris The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.

Secret Service Agent Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!

[the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]

President Harris Good God! That's horrible!

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Cindy Campbell Oh, Brenda, I know you'd love him.

Brenda Meeks What's his name, I may have already loved him.

Cindy Campbell Tom Ryan.

Brenda Meeks Yep, did him. Big Chinese dude, right?

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Harper Sir, you're naked too!

President Harris I am? I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat!

[points to his nipples]

President Harris Then these aren't buttons?

Harper No.

President Harris And I've been pulling this thing up and down as if it was a zipper!

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Tom Ryan Hey, you look great for being pregnant.

Marilyn I'm not pregnant!

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Cindy Campbell Last night I saw a face.

Tom Ryan Did it have a nose?

Cindy Campbell Well... yeah.

Tom Ryan That does sound like a face.

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Tom Ryan [after finding Michael Jackson] Run away kids! Run towards the tri-pods if you have to!

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Tom Ryan [singing weakly to his daughter] You want this money, then you gotta be a bad bitch...

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Cindy Campbell [to Tom] I was married once...

Cindy's Husband [Flashback] Get out the way, bitch!

Cindy Campbell Don't call me no bitch! You ain't shit!

Cindy's Husband Shut yo ass up, snow ho!

[Cindy throws glass bottle]

Cindy Campbell [flashback ends] Well, actually, married twice.

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Tom Ryan I've never been a good parent. Just ask my son.

Cindy Campbell I did. What exactly is an "Ass Clown"?

Tom Ryan That's not important right now.

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Saw Villain Let the game begin.

Cindy Campbell I... I don't get.

Saw Villain Okay... maybe this will help you "see."

[a knife comes out from the wall]

Cindy Campbell You want me to cut something?

Saw Villain That should be obvious, yes.

[she goes to cut her wrist]

Saw Villain No.

[she reaches out to cut Brenda's shoulder]

Saw Villain No! The key is behind your eye, okay?

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Tom Ryan Its Locked

[Robbie Kicks The Door Down To Get In]

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Henry Hale Martha I believe you have some tidings?

Female Elder #2 Nathaniel Winston and Alice Smith have informed me of there intentions. He plans to have sex with her as soon as possible; she intends to put up a mild fight and then give in.

[elderly women sitting in chair nods her head in agreement]

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Gloating Driver Ey! I got the last workin' car in New York! This is how I roll, bitches! Haha!

[Brenda throws car part at Lil' Jon's head]

Gloating Driver AAHH!

[gets knocked unconscious, car bumps into a trash pile and stops]

Brenda You're right, Cindy! That worked pretty well.

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Cindy Campbell Hello?

[Japanese Ghost Boy doesn't respond]

Cindy Campbell Herro?

[Hello?]

Cindy Campbell Hibachi Benihana Teriyaki?

[Do you live here?]

Japanese Ghost Boy Nagasaki Okinawa Hokkaido Yokohama.

[Your Japanese is awful. It dishonors my ears]

Cindy Campbell Karate Judo Sumo Samurai?

[Are you a ghost?]

Japanese Ghost Boy Nissan, Honda, Mitsubishi, Subaru

[Yes. I was killed and my soul walks the earth!]

Cindy Campbell Harikari Tsunami. Kamikaze Banzai

[How sad. My life is also tragic]

Japanese Ghost Boy Yamaha, Nikon, Casio, Aiwa

[You mistake me for someone who gives a shit]

Japanese Ghost Boy Minolta, Hitachi, Seiko, Toshiba

[I know the secret of defeating the aliens]

Cindy Campbell Buddha! Shiitake Kimono!

[My God! Tell Me!]

Japanese Ghost Boy Tempura, Sushi, Sashimi!

[the answer is within my father's heart! Follow the blood!]

Cindy Campbell Fujitsu!

[Wait!]

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Brenda Meeks [after sleeping with Zoltar] What? We at peace now, I was just sealing the deal.

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Jigsaw I call it, "the nutcracker".

Tom Ryan Why?

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C. J. We caught a lot of fish.

Mahalik Yeah. Black cod.

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Oliver We'll build our own tripods. Ours will have four legs.

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Brenda Meeks [after greeting Cindy] Cindy! Oh, it's been so long.

Cindy Campbell Brenda, I thought you were dead.

Brenda Meeks Oh, I thought you were dead, too!

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Ezekiel [Giggling] Pee-pee! Pee-pee, vagina!

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Cindy Campbell Oh, my God!

Mr. Koji Don't mind her. She slip and fall.

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Tom Ryan [a football just hit Cindy] Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!

Cindy Campbell [Raspy voice] It's okay. My throat cushioned the blow.

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Dr. Phillip C. McGraw I'm not even a psychologist. I'm an electrician.

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Brenda Meeks [Holding up Shaquille O'Neal's femur] I don't believe it! The aliens killed a dinosaur!

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Cindy Campbell Okay Mrs. Norris, time to dig out that dootie bubble...

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Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Your feelings? To hell with your feelings! Everybody with their feelings. I'm obese, my kids a brat, help me, help me! Just shut up!

[Crying]

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw Why can't I fix anyone of them? I'm so dumb and worthless. Momma was right, momma was right!

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C. J. Zombies!

Mahalik Grandma? The zombies have got my grandma!

[Mahalik grabs his grandma and starts shaking her]

Mahalik Die, Grandma! Die! Die! I loved you! I loved you!

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Cindy Campbell It looks like we have a lot in...

Tom Ryan ...common.

Cindy Campbell We're already finishing each other's...

Tom Ryan ...dinner!

Cindy Campbell ...sentences.

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Henry Hale [after being stabbed twice] Fuckin' A...

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Shaquille O'Neal Dr. Phil? What the hell's going on?

Dr. Phillip C. McGraw I don't know. I was doing a show on teens with abandonment issues and suddenly, I woke up here. Man, those kids are gonna be pissed.

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Robbie [mouthing though window] Asshole!

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Japanese Ghost Boy Your Japanese sucks, and it's hurting my ears.