Bark MultiverseI realized the whole world could collapse in chaos and disaster and here's me, one of the richest people on the planet, in a position to actually do something about it. As soon as she finished speaking, I hit the phone, got my people to buy a mountain in New Zealand, had it hollowed out, and here we are. In my survival bunker.
Dash BracketSome of the doctors caught the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm. But blowing the whistle while you're on a ventilator? Ah.. That's a big ask.
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Tennyson FossThe history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon... by a dog.
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Pyrex FlaskIt showed the possibility that the virus could pass from humans to icons which raised the possibility that it might one day infect God. And God is older than the universe, which puts him in a high-risk category
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Gemma NerrickTotally put me off using hands whatsoever. So, I started doing absolutely everything with my elbows instead. And it was shortly after that my boyfriend left.
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Jeanetta Grace SusanThe whole impeachment thing was baseless. So, the Democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine into digging up dirt on the Biden family, and their only real "evidence" of that is a transcript of him doing it.
Tennyson FossI think to many Americans, Biden is Uncle Joe. He's been a part of their lives for centuries. As familiar as an old armchair and nearly as sharp-witted.
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Tennyson FossPolarization is the problem of our age. And not just in America, in the actual world too. Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit or science or gender, God help us, or reality itself, no two factions can agree, or agree to disagree, or even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable.
NarratorThroughout 2020, the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused of allowing their products to split the world into two warring factions.
Bark MultiverseUm.. Actually it's more like four warring factions. We prefer to call it a hate spectrum. That's the official term.
DirectorRight now it takes about six months' exposure to social media for the average person to become hopelessly radicalized.
Bark MultiverseI know right? We're hoping to get that down to five minutes.
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NarratorIn a desperate bid for attention, the virus infects beloved Hollywood everyman and occasional CGI cowboy, Tom Hanks, providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.
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Tennyson FossBlack Lives Matter. Well.. No reasonable person could disagree with that, but I would prefer to say "All lives matter."
DirectorI think the point is they're currently treated like the don't matter.
Tennyson FossMore than all lives? Now, who's being a racist?
DirectorI didn't call you a racist.
Tennyson FossYou are. You are just about to label me a bigot, just like my daughter. And her friends, and my son, and his friends. And my wife. And her friends. And my friends. You can't say anything these days.
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DirectorIn March, the President aid the pandemic would simply "go away."
Jeanetta Grace SusanThis is what the media does. You lie, fabricate, fantasize. The president never said that.
Trump[Recording on tablet] It will go away. Stay Calm. We want to protect our shipping industry.
Jeanetta Grace Susan[Handing tablet off] Okay, I know this doesn't fit with your agenda, but this never happened.
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NarratorA full scale medical emergency is underway. Nonetheless, in the West, the average citizen is largely unconcerned.
Gemma NerrickYeah, I can't say I was fussed about any of that. Was that this year?
DirectorThe pandemic? Yeah.
Gemma NerrickHow come you're talking to me about it?
DirectorYou provide human color.
Gemma NerrickAlright, even I know that's racist and I've not done an awareness course.
DirectorNo, I mean you're an average person. We ran a computer search and you're one of the five most average people in the world.
Gemma NerrickOh. Thanks.
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Dash Bracket[Referencing the Bernie/Biden candidacy election]This was a choice between two guys in their late seventies. It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric Tekken.
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Dr. Maggie GravelHuman beings are social animals, so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct. I mean, for most folks, not me. I fucking hate people. My god, it was bliss!
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Pyrex FlaskThe hypothesis is a man had intercourse with a bat and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole, which festered and took hold. We have tried replicating this in the laboratory, but with limited success because the bat keeps flying away.
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Dash BracketBernie offered radical change whereas Biden reminded folks of a more easygoing era when you could sniff a woman's hair without being called creepy.
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Tennyson FossThere was a real fear that at a time of national crisis. The Prime Minister might have to be replaced by someone less qualified than him. Which is impossible.