Death to 2020 Movie Quotes
Bark Multiverse
I realized the whole world could collapse in chaos and disaster and here's me, one of the richest people on the planet, in a position to actually do something about it. As soon as she finished speaking, I hit the phone, got my people to buy a mountain in New Zealand, had it hollowed out, and here we are. In my survival bunker.
Director
Don't people call you selfish?
Bark Multiverse
I don't know. It's soundproof.
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Dash Bracket
Some of the doctors caught the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm. But blowing the whistle while you're on a ventilator? Ah.. That's a big ask.
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Tennyson Foss
The history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon... by a dog.
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Pyrex Flask
It showed the possibility that the virus could pass from humans to icons which raised the possibility that it might one day infect God. And God is older than the universe, which puts him in a high-risk category
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Gemma Nerrick
Totally put me off using hands whatsoever. So, I started doing absolutely everything with my elbows instead. And it was shortly after that my boyfriend left.
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Jeanetta Grace Susan
The whole impeachment thing was baseless. So, the Democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine into digging up dirt on the Biden family, and their only real "evidence" of that is a transcript of him doing it.
Director
So what did he say on the transcript?
Jeanetta Grace Susan
What transcript?
Director
You just mentioned a transcript.
Jeanetta Grace Susan
Check your tape, I said no such thing.
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Tennyson Foss
I think to many Americans, Biden is Uncle Joe. He's been a part of their lives for centuries. As familiar as an old armchair and nearly as sharp-witted.
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Tennyson Foss
Polarization is the problem of our age. And not just in America, in the actual world too. Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit or science or gender, God help us, or reality itself, no two factions can agree, or agree to disagree, or even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable.
Director
I'm not sure I totally agree.
Tennyson Foss
Well, then why don't you fuck off?
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Narrator
Throughout 2020, the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused of allowing their products to split the world into two warring factions.
Bark Multiverse
Um.. Actually it's more like four warring factions. We prefer to call it a hate spectrum. That's the official term.
Director
Right now it takes about six months' exposure to social media for the average person to become hopelessly radicalized.
Bark Multiverse
I know right? We're hoping to get that down to five minutes.
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Narrator
In a desperate bid for attention, the virus infects beloved Hollywood everyman and occasional CGI cowboy, Tom Hanks, providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.
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Tennyson Foss
Black Lives Matter. Well.. No reasonable person could disagree with that, but I would prefer to say "All lives matter."
Director
I think the point is they're currently treated like the don't matter.
Tennyson Foss
All lives? I don't think so.
Director
No, Black lives.
Tennyson Foss
Oh, those. I'm sorry, what about them?
Director
Well, they matter.
Tennyson Foss
More than all lives? Now, who's being a racist?
Director
I didn't call you a racist.
Tennyson Foss
You are. You are just about to label me a bigot, just like my daughter. And her friends, and my son, and his friends. And my wife. And her friends. And my friends. You can't say anything these days.
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Director
In March, the President aid the pandemic would simply "go away."
Jeanetta Grace Susan
Okay, see...
[sighs]
Jeanetta Grace Susan
This is what the media does. You lie, fabricate, fantasize. The president never said that.
Trump
[Recording on tablet] It will go away. Stay Calm. We want to protect our shipping industry.
Jeanetta Grace Susan
[Handing tablet off] Okay, I know this doesn't fit with your agenda, but this never happened.
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Narrator
A full scale medical emergency is underway. Nonetheless, in the West, the average citizen is largely unconcerned.
Gemma Nerrick
Yeah, I can't say I was fussed about any of that. Was that this year?
Director
The pandemic? Yeah.
Gemma Nerrick
How come you're talking to me about it?
Director
You provide human color.
Gemma Nerrick
Alright, even I know that's racist and I've not done an awareness course.
Director
No, I mean you're an average person. We ran a computer search and you're one of the five most average people in the world.
Gemma Nerrick
Oh. Thanks.
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Dash Bracket
[Referencing the Bernie/Biden candidacy election]
This was a choice between two guys in their late seventies. It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric Tekken.
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Dr. Maggie Gravel
Human beings are social animals, so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct. I mean, for most folks, not me. I fucking hate people. My god, it was bliss!
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Pyrex Flask
The hypothesis is a man had intercourse with a bat and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole, which festered and took hold. We have tried replicating this in the laboratory, but with limited success because the bat keeps flying away.
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Dash Bracket
Bernie offered radical change whereas Biden reminded folks of a more easygoing era when you could sniff a woman's hair without being called creepy.
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Tennyson Foss
There was a real fear that at a time of national crisis. The Prime Minister might have to be replaced by someone less qualified than him. Which is impossible.
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