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Kinoafisha Films This Is Where I Leave You This Is Where I Leave You Movie Quotes

This Is Where I Leave You Movie Quotes

Judd Altman It's hard to see people from your past when your present is so cataclysmically screwed up, you know.

Horry Callen Welcome to my world.

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Judd Altman Three months ago I had a great job and a nice apartment and I was in love with my wife.

Wendy Altman No, you weren't.

Judd Altman No?

Wendy Altman No. She was sleeping with somebody else for a year and you never noticed... How in love could you have been?

Judd Altman Yep... That's fair.

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Linda Callen It would be a terrible mistake to go through life thinking that people are the sum total of what you see.

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Phillip Altman Sometimes I think you're too good for me.

Tracy Sullivan Don't be silly, I'm definitely too good for you.

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Paul Altman Dad always had a soft spot for him.

Judd Altman I think he liked us because we're a lot like him; he liked Phillip because he's nothing like him.

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Wendy Altman Don't worry about Chelsea. Philip's skanky ex-girlfriends are a dime a dozen.

Tracy Sullivan Do they all have to look like Victoria's Secret models?

Wendy Altman She's not that hot.

Tracy Sullivan Oh, come on! I would do her.

Wendy Altman Yeah. I wouldn't say that in front of my brother.

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Hillary Altman You can't leave this house; we're sitting shiva.

Wendy Altman Mom, you're sitting in the exact same spot we put our Christmas tree.

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Quinn Altman Hi Phillip

Phillip Altman Quinn. I always knew there was something of a cold hearted slut in you

Quinn Altman It takes one to know one.

Phillip Altman Touché, Pussycat.

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Phillip Altman Dad was a stoner?

Judd Altman No, it was probably medicinal.

Phillip Altman It always is.

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Horry Callen Brain injury. There are things I can't do.

Judd Altman Like what?

Horry Callen Like remember what the hell it is I can't do.

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Phillip Altman Sorry I'm late

Judd Altman You're a dick.

Phillip Altman Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

Judd Altman Your shirt is on inside out.

Phillip Altman That, I did not know

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Penny Moore You used to laugh at my jokes.

Judd Altman No, I didn't.

Penny Moore Yes, you did.

Judd Altman Yes, I did, but your jokes used to be funnier.

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Judd Altman I'm gonna have to forgive her for the sake of that kid, aren't I?

Phillip Altman Well, I'm no expert... but I think you're gonna have to make much larger sacrifices down the road.

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Judd Altman What's the matter with you. Do you ever think before you speak?

Phillip Altman No, that would take all the fun out of it.

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Wendy Altman You need to put a baby in that woman, like yesterday.

Paul Altman I'm working on it.

Wendy Altman Have you had your man parts checked?

Paul Altman Come on, not now Wendy.

Wendy Altman You may have emptied them over the years... My room was next to yours... My room was next to yours.

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Judd Altman You can't possibly know it' mine.

Quinn Altman Trust me, it's yours.

Judd Altman Well, strangely, trust is not the first impulse I have when it comes to you.

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Phillip Altman Boner is a man of God now. I see Mom's new tits are present and accounted for

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Wade Beaufort Stop chasing tens. Bang a four. Bang a five. Look at the gratitude in their face. You be the best part of their year.

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Wendy Altman So, you are going to sleep with Penny, so you can forgive Quinn, and then get back on the road more traveled, and forget you ever got off.

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Paul Altman Dad would have hated this funeral. It's just one of the things I loved about him. He would have been counting the minuets, so that he could go down the hill, turn on the game, and he would have talked about how full of shit everyone was, and didn't really miss him. He would have been wrong. I do miss him.

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Judd Altman We've come apart there Mom. Could you please close that robe, please. Cover it!

Hillary Altman They are just breasts, Judd. The same ones you suckled at.

Judd Altman No Mother, those are not the same breasts you nursed us with. Those are... those are... you've got bionic breasts now.

Hillary Altman Your Father didn't see it that way. He used to like to put his penis...

Judd Altman Jesus Christ, Mother. Thank you

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Judd Altman I don't understand the Shiva. Mom's not even Jewish, and dad was an atheist.

Wendy Altman A Jewish atheist, and this is what he wanted.

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Paul Altman [On phone to Annie] Calm down... Calm down... CALM DOWN. I'm coming home, I'm coming home.

[to everyone]

Paul Altman I have to go have sex.

Judd Altman Oh.

Wendy Altman You know, in some cultures, people actually enjoy sex.

Paul Altman Well, not when it's on a schedule.

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Wendy Altman Sleeping with your shrink does not technically make you a relationship expert.

Phillip Altman Yeah, but I am an expert in you.

Wendy Altman Yeah? No, you're not.

Phillip Altman Yes, I am. You raised me.

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Judd Altman I spent my entire life playing it safe, just to avoid being exactly where I am now.

Penny Moore Ya know, where you are right now? Right now, you're in a cool rink, on a hot day, listening to a Cindy Lauper classic, under some disco lights. Cut yourself some slack, Judd. Anything can happen. Anything happens all the time.

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Quinn Altman Hi, Phillip.

Phillip Altman Quinn! I always knew there was something of a cold-hearted slut in you!

Quinn Altman Takes one to know one.

Phillip Altman Touché, pussycat! So. What are you guys talking about?

Judd Altman [at once] Nothing.

Quinn Altman [at once] I'm pregnant.

Phillip Altman Mazeltov?

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Penny Moore You coming in?

Judd Altman Should I?

Penny Moore I would.

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Hillary Altman God, the passion, the-the creativity, the - the angles.

Judd Altman Jesus Christ!

Wendy Altman Angles!

Hillary Altman Mort knew his way around a woman's body.

Judd Altman Mother!

Hillary Altman And the sheer size of him. Circumference.

Judd Altman Mom!

Hillary Altman I don't mind telling you, the man was hung.

Wendy Altman That should've been the headstone.

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Judd Altman My marriage is over. I don't have a job.

Hillary Altman That's why you didn't come see him these last few weeks? You thought he'd think less of you?

Judd Altman I think less of me. I've got nothing. Look at me. Way too old to have this much nothing.

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Judd Altman Thanks!

Wade Beaufort For what?

Judd Altman Up until just now, I thought I was the most pathetic guy I knew. Wade: You're welcome.

[Judd shakes his head]

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Paul Altman Phillip...

Judd Altman ...needs a job.

Paul Altman You need a job.

Judd Altman I'll be okay.

Paul Altman Do you really believe that?

Judd Altman I'm getting there.

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Phillip Altman [about shiney red Jaguar] Is that Wade's car?

Judd Altman That's one of his cars. He's got a few.

Phillip Altman He has a few? Think he's compensating for something?

Judd Altman Yeah. For having too much money.

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Paul Altman Judd dated Annie for 6 months, I've been married to her for 6 years. At what point are you going to stop being an asshole about it.

Phillip Altman I don't know, maybe at the point it stops bugging the shit out of you.

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Phillip Altman I'm not selling you my shares. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I want to run the store with you.

Paul Altman How exactly do you think you can add to the business?

Phillip Altman I can help you grow it. New locations, and, and expanded lines. What?

Paul Altman The only thing you've ever grown is weed.

Hillary Altman And he was very good at it.

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Judd Altman It's not a good time, Wendy.

Wendy Altman Dad's dead.

Judd Altman [Taken aback] What?

Wendy Altman [Crying] He died about an hour ago.

Judd Altman They said he had more time.

Wendy Altman Yeah, well apparently, he didn't.

Judd Altman Shit. How's Mom?

Wendy Altman She's Mom. You know, she asked me how much to tip the nurses. Listen, there's something else. Dad wants us to sit Shiva.

Judd Altman Dad's dead.

Wendy Altman Yeah, apparently that's the optimal time to do it.

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Phillip Altman Ah, well, we would be partners actually, after I bought Judd's shares.

Paul Altman Buy? Little brother, you can't even buy a suit.

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Phillip Altman This is one of those tricky situations where, you either need someone to talk to or wanna be left alone. It'd be a great help if maybe you can let me know which one of these...

Judd Altman Go away, please.

Phillip Altman Okay.

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Wendy Altman Love causes cancer like everything else, but it's still love. It has its moments.

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Judd Altman You grabbed my dick, okay. That's why I've been avoiding you.

Annie Altman I didn't mean to.

Judd Altman Oh please, you didn't mean to. What-what'd you think you were gonna find down there, Annie?

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Judd Altman Well, maybe she does care.

Barry Weissman [laughs] I'm an asshole, Judd. I'm not stupid.

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Judd Altman [to Wendy] Starting to do complicated. You proud of me?

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[Annie is having loud sex and everybody is listening though baby monitor]

Judd Altman Save money, everybody. Free of charge. Enjoy.

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Wade Beaufort Now, I understand you are telling me that you think it's gay to groom your privates. Now, are you having one of your buddies help you run the razor? Is that what's making it gay?

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Actors Who Said Iconic Phrases