One Fine Day Movie Quotes
Jack Taylor
Maggie, when you grow up and are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and possess a certain sweetness that's... that's like a distant promise to the brave, to the worthy, could you please not beat to a pulp every miserable bastard that comes your way simply because you can? Could you not do that?
Maggie Taylor
Okay Daddy.
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Jack Taylor
I just want to find a fish who isn't afraid of my dark chocolate layer... and of course she'd have to love my cookie too.
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[Melanie dials her cell phone]
Jack Taylor
Hello?
Melanie
Hi, it's me.
Jack Taylor
Me who?
Melanie
You have the kids?
Jack Taylor
What kids?
[Sammy and Maggie both yell "Hi" into the phone along with Jack]
Jack Taylor
Oh, you mean those kids.
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Jack Taylor
You're asking me for help.
Melanie Parker
It would appear that way, wouldn't it?
Jack Taylor
I'll agree if you'll say, "Jack, please be my knight in shining armor."
Melanie Parker
Jack, don't be a shit-head. Go rescue our kids.
Jack Taylor
This is hard for you, isn't it?
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Jack
You know what my mother used to say to me?
Melanie
Gee, no, what?
Jack
Love your guy like a little boy and he'll grow into a man.
Melanie
So she knew back then that you were gay?
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Oribe's Receptionist
Don't bother with the cute face. I have 5 sons. You make eyes at me like that, I make you pot roast.
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Melanie
I only wanted to warn you that Sammy can get into trouble faster than you can make most women smile.
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Jack
What would you do if I kissed you right now?
Melanie
You wouldn't kiss me.
Jack
But what would you do if i did?
Melanie
Do you wanna kiss me right now?
Jack
I wouldn't've mentioned it if didn't.
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Melanie
"Derived", you must be a writer.
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Melanie Parker
You're the most important thing in the world.
Sammy Parker
No, I'm not. Your job is.
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Melanie Parker
Let's do this right. Let me freshen up so I'll feel a little more like a woman and less like a dead mommy.
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[Phone rings]
Jack
What?
Melanie
I forgot to tell you that Sammy is allergic to shellfish and dander. And also, he's not allowed to watch commercial TV. And no matter what he says, he has to hold your hand when he crosses the street. Oh, and also, if you go to the playground, I'd like you to check the sandbox first, because you never know what people throw in there. And, also... OK. Bye.
Jack
Fine.
Melanie
Fine.
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Marla
I didn't know you had a daughter! She looks just like you!
Jack Taylor
Yeah, well, with any luck she'll grow out of it.
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Jack Taylor
[on the phone while she can hear him]
A real superwoman. Can't open her door, won't shut her mouth.
Melanie
Excuse me, are you talking about me?
Jack Taylor
The first lady. We're thinking about doing a piece on her.
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Melanie
If you don't want your balls juggled, don't throw them in my face.
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Melanie
Look, I just called...
Jack Taylor
You just called to check up on me, because you don't really trust me... Sammy, no! Put the gun down!
[Melanie laughs]
Jack Taylor
...and you only asked me to watch Sammy out of sheer desperation. Part of you would feel safer leaving Sammy at the 9th Street Drop-in Center, *with* LSD, isn't that true?
Melanie
No, that is not true. I just called to warn you that Sammy can get in trouble faster than you can make most women smile. Just be careful, okay?
Jack Taylor
I won't let him out of my sight... hey, Sammy! Guns aren't toys!
[into phone]
Jack Taylor
It's not loaded.
Melanie
Goodbye.
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[at the beginning of the day]
Sammy Parker
My mom hates your dad.
Maggie Taylor
So? My dad hates your mom.
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[at the end of the day]
Maggie Taylor
I think my dad likes your mom.
Sammy Parker
I think maybe my mom likes him back.
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Sammy Parker
Mommy?
Melanie
What happened?
Sammy Parker
I don't wanna stay here anymore and neither does Maggie.
Melanie
Sweetie you're gonna have to just for a...
Sammy Parker
NO!
Melanie
What happened?
Sammy Parker
Spider Man kicked me and She-ra took Maggie's snake.
Melanie
Let me talk to the teacher.
Sammy Parker
She's outside talking to the Hulk about not using the F word.
Melanie
Sammy you're just gonna have to be big and brave and...
Sammy Parker
What's LSD?
Melanie
LSD?
Sammy Parker
Spider Man was talking to Maggie about LSD that he got from his brother.
Melanie
Don't movie! Stay right where you are! You will both be picked up in 10 minutes!
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Melanie
[after Sammy nearly breaks her building model]
That's it. I'm taking you to the 9th Street Drop In Center.
Sammy Parker
I don't wanna go there Mommy.
Melanie
Too bad.
Sammy Parker
Those kids will be mean to me.
Melanie
No they won't.
Sammy Parker
Yes they will.
Melanie
Well you're gonna have to be brave.
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Melanie
Your Peter Pan complex is so 90s.
Jack
What Peter Pan complex?
Melanie
The one you're so proud of.
Jack
Do you have any friends?
Melanie
I don't have time for friends.
Jack
That's because of your Captain Hook complex.
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Jack Taylor
Kick the mean boys in the shins.
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Jack Taylor
This fish was a fox, and she had her own cookie too. But what a female dog. She shoved her fish in my face.
Dr. Martin
In front of the cookie?
Jack Taylor
What?
Dr. Martin
What is she doing with another fish anyways? What is she AC/DC?
Jack Taylor
What are you talking about?
Dr. Martin
Fish with other fish in front of cookies...
Jack Taylor
Fish. *Fish* fish.
Dr. Martin
Oh I see.
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Maggie Taylor
I'm hungry.
Jack Taylor
Want a Tic Tac?
Maggie Taylor
No.
Jack Taylor
That's all I've got.
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Jack Taylor
I'm working on a story right now.
Kristen
You're always working on a story.
Jack Taylor
Well, Yeah. It's what I do.
Kristen
It's the same old one about an every-other-weekend, good-time father, for whom responsibility is a dirty word.
Jack Taylor
Here's a hint, Kristen. During an attempted manipulation, like the one that's in progress, I would have gone with flattery.
Kristen
Why do I always have to be the grownup where you always get to be the little boy?
Jack Taylor
Because in the beginning of the relationship when we were choosing up sides, you chose grownup first.
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Melanie
[on the phone while he can hear her]
If I ever act interested in another man again, would you please shoot me?
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Jack Taylor
[to his daughter]
That's one of the advantages of being an adult. You get to act like a kid anytime you feel like it.
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Melanie
Men like you have made me the woman I am.
Jack Taylor
All the women I know like you have made me think all women are like you.
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[last lines]
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Jack Taylor
You are like Roy Scheider at the end of Jaws, the moment I open the mouth you are gonna drop a bomb.
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Celia
You are sensitive and frightened. I am gentle and brutal. Just think about it!
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Jack Taylor
You aren't going to fire me. My face is on buses.
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Bum in the Police Station
Is that your Mom?
Sammy Parker
[thinks for a second and then nods his head yes smiling]
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