Intolerable Cruelty Movie Quotes
Freddy Bender
Objection, Your Honor: strangling the witness.
Judge Marva Munson
I'm going to allow it.
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Wrigley
Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.
Nero's Waitress
What did you call me?
Wrigley
Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.
Nero's Waitress
You want a salad?
Wrigley
Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?
Nero's Waitress
What the fuck color would it be?
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Miles Massey
Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?
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Rex Rexroth
Have you sat before her before?
Miles Massey
No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.
Rex Rexroth
Well, have you sat after her before?
Wrigley
Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?
Miles Massey
The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.
Rex Rexroth
So, have you argued before her before?
Wrigley
Before her before, or before she sat before?
Rex Rexroth
Before her before. I said, before her before.
Wrigley
No, you said before she sat before.
Rex Rexroth
I did at first, but...
Miles Massey
Look, don't argue.
Rex Rexroth
I'm not. I'm...
Wrigley
No, you don't argue. We argue.
Miles Massey
Counsel argues.
Wrigley
You appear.
Miles Massey
The judge sits.
Wrigley
Then you sit.
Miles Massey
Or you stand in contempt.
Wrigley
And then we argue.
Miles Massey
The counsel argues.
Rex Rexroth
Which you've done before.
Miles Massey
Which we've done before.
Rex Rexroth
Ah.
Wrigley
But not before her.
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Gus Petch
You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you come see Gus Petch.
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Miles Massey
All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy?
[takes a drink of water]
Freddy Bender
My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets.
[Miles spits out some water]
Miles Massey
Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with "Kershner"?
Freddy Bender
"Kershner" does not apply.
Miles Massey
Bring this to trial, we'll see if "Kershner" applies.
Rex
What's "Kershner"?
Miles Massey
Please, let me handle this.
Freddy Bender
"Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey
"Kershner" was in Kentucky?
Freddy Bender
"Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey
All right, Freddy, forget "Kershner". What's your bottom line?
Freddy Bender
Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.
Miles Massey
What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten "Kershner"?
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Miles Massey
Your husband had told me you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. I didn't expect the most beautiful woman I'd ever met.
Marylin Rexroth
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard they make no battery".
Miles Massey
"Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?".
Marylin Rexroth
Now, you didn't ask me here to pick me up? You could be disbarred for that.
Miles Massey
Maybe I'm reckless.
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Miles Massey
Were there any other specifications?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
[in outrageous French accent]
She spe-cif-i-cated a silly man.
Freddy Bender
Objection, Your Honor!
Judge Marva Munson
I'm going to allow it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
She spe-cif-i-cated a man who, though clever at making money, would be easily duped and controlled.
Freddy Bender
Objection, Your Honor!
Miles Massey
Shut up, Freddy. She's allowing it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
She spe-cif-i-cated a man with a wandering pee-pee. How you say? A philanderer whose affairs would be transparent to the world.
Freddy Bender
Objection, Your Honor!
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Finally, a man whom she could herself brazenly cuckold until such time as she might choose to, uh - We would say, "faire un coup de marteau sur des fesses." You would say, "make hammer on his fanny."
Freddy Bender
Your Honor, objection! I-Irrelevant!
Judge Marva Munson
I'm going to allow it!
Miles Massey
Tell us, Baron - Did you introduce her to such a man?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Sir, I am the concierge!
Miles Massey
And to whom did you introduce that calculating woman?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
I introduced her...
[points to Rex Rexroth]
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
to that silly man.
Freddy Bender
Your Honor, objection!
Miles Massey
Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!
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Miles Massey
It was worth it.
Marylin Rexroth
A romantic divorce attorney.
Miles Massey
You fascinate me.
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Miles Massey
I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
Marylin Rexroth
Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.
Freddy Bender
No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.
Wrigley
Hear, hear.
Freddy Bender
Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.
Wrigley
Miles's house.
Freddy Bender
Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.
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Wrigley
Who needs a home when you've got a colostomy bag?
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Miles Massey
So you propose, that in spite demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear.
Rex
Is it possible?
Miles Massey
It's a challenge.
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Miles Massey
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery..." Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines?
Freddy Bender
Objection, your honor.
Judge Marva Munson
Grounds?
Freddy Bender
Uh... poetry recitation.
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Bonnie Donaly
Donovan, is everything alright?
Donovan Donaly
The production meeting was put off. Who's here?
Bonnie Donaly
Here?
Donovan Donaly
Hmm... Who owns that piece-of-shit van out there?
Bonnie Donaly
Oh! It's just a guy. You know... going door to door. Selling... pool cleaner.
Donovan Donaly
So why'd he lock himself in the den?
Bonnie Donaly
Well, he... Oh, God. Remember my friend Ollie?
Donovan Donaly
Ollie Olerud? Short, cretinous wanker? Oh! Ollie's in there?
Bonnie Donaly
Yes.
Donovan Donaly
I see. Well, I'm glad he finally got himself a job. I'd always picked him as some sort of dead beat, but... happy to be proved wrong. So he's selling pool cleaner now? Well... this is the neighbourhood for that. Just door to door, running low on chlorine. That kind of thing. It's quite a coincidence him just dropping by and you two knowing each other so well.
Bonnie Donaly
Donovan, please. Let's just all talk. I mean, I think...
Ollie Olerud
How you doin', Donovan? How you doin', man?
Donovan Donaly
G'day, Ollie. I'm great. You?
Ollie Olerud
I can't complain man.
Donovan Donaly
Excellent. Well, let's get right down to it, then, shall we? We'll take a couple of vacuum hoses. We probably need a new filter round about now. Maybe... Wait a minute, darling. Do we actually have a swimming pool?
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Rex
My wife has me between a rock and a hard place.
Miles Massey
That's her job. You should respect that.
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[in outrageous French accent]
[to his yapping dog]
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Do you want some bones? Huh? Does Elsbieta want some bones? Has anyone any bones?
Miles Massey
Does anyone have any bones? B - Uh, bones? Dog candies?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
No, they are not candies. Milk-Bones. Hard, crunchy bones for the teeth.
Miles Massey
Uh, hard, uh - We'll attend to the dog later. Now, Baron - Where were we?
Court Reporter
[Reading the court transcript in a monotone voice]
She said that she required a husband. Oh, do you want some bones? Does Elsbieta want some bones? Has anyone any bones? Hard, crunchy bones for the...
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Miles Massey
Correct me, but since by now, the ink must be dry, I believe I have the right to collect.
Marylin Rexroth
On?
Miles Massey
You promised to have dinner with me once you were free.
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Wrigley
Why are we eating here?
Nero's Waitress
What's his problem?
Miles Massey
Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.
Nero's Waitress
And for you?
Miles Massey
Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
Nero's Waitress
Slaw Cup?
Miles Massey
What the hell.
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Rex
I don't know... She has Rottweilers.
Miles Massey
Not a good sign.
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Miles Massey
You're looking well, Marylin.
Marylin Rexroth
Hello Miles.
Miles Massey
Obscene wealth becomes you.
Marylin Rexroth
I should have known you'd be here.
Miles Massey
Be here? I'm the key note speaker.
Marylin Rexroth
How nice for you.
Miles Massey
Nailing Your Spouse's Assets.
Marylin Rexroth
Excuse me?
Miles Massey
My speech.
Marylin Rexroth
Oh... Oh, I'm sure you'll bring the house down.
Miles Massey
It's an easy crowd. At this point, I think you're probably the only person I can't teach anything to.
Marylin Rexroth
Really?
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Bailiff
Mr. Krauss, do you solemnly swear that...
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
[In outrageous French accent]
Krauss von Espy.
Bailiff
Mr. Krauss von Espy, do you solemnly...
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Baron Krauss von Espy.
Bailiff
[pause]
... solemnly swear that the testimony you are about to give shall be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Mais bien sur.
Bailiff
No maybes.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
*Mais bien sur.* But of course, yes. The baron does not lie.
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Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
[in outrageous French accent]
She said she wanted a very rich husband. She wanted to know the businesses and the wealths-s - the wealths-s-s - Can I say this? Wealths of our various eligible guests.
Miles Massey
And did she have any other specifications?
Freddy Bender
Objection, Your Honor. Inflammatory.
Miles Massey
What's good for the gander, Your Honor.
Freddy Bender
Is this a legal argument - What's good for the gander?
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Miles Massey
You fascinate me.
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Miles Massey
Marylin, think of me for a moment, not as an attorney, but as a friend.
Marylin Rexroth
Does that mean you won't be charging us for the hour?
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Marylin Rexroth
Do you think he's eating enough?
Sarah Sorkin
Marylin!
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Miles Massey
Tell me more about yourself.
Marylin Rexroth
Alright, Miles. Let me tell you everything you need to know. You may think you're tough, but I eat men like you for breakfast.
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Marylin Rexroth
No, no, no, no, no, this is all wrong.
Miles Massey
What? Is it the kilt?
Marylin Rexroth
Do you love me?
Miles Massey
More than anything.
Marylin Rexroth
Can I trust you?
Miles Massey
Yes, you can trust me.
Marylin Rexroth
A sitting duck.
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Wrigley
What do you think?
Miles Massey
What are they, ladles?
Wrigley
Berry spoons.
Miles Massey
Spoons?
Wrigley
Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.
Miles Massey
And nobody *needs* berry spoons.
Wrigley
Everybody eats berries.
Miles Massey
Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?
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[repeated line]
Gus Petch
I'm gonna nail your ass!
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Wrigley
Who are you looking for?
Miles Massey
Tenzing Norgay.
Wrigley
Tenzing Norgay? That's someone she slept with?
Miles Massey
I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest.
Wrigley
And Marylin knows him?
Miles Massey
No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay. Her Tenzing Norgay.
Wrigley
I'm not sure that I actually follow that.
Miles Massey
Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley. Most have their Norgays. Marylin Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest. I wanna find her Norgay.
Wrigley
But how do you determine which of the people on here are...
Miles Massey
How do you spot a Norgay?
Wrigley
Yeah.
Miles Massey
You start with the people with the funny names.
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Gus Petch
You seem to be taking it pretty good. I've seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral. Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around.
Marylin Rexroth
Don't get me wrong, Mr...
Gus Petch
Petch. Gus Petch.
Marylin Rexroth
Whilst I don't find this terribly amusing, I am delighted that you found this material. This is going to be my passport to wealth, independence... and freedom.
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Marylin Rexroth
What was your performance about this afternoon?
Miles Massey
What did your lawyer say?
Marylin Rexroth
Freddy, thinks you're a buffoon. He says you've been too successful. You're bored, complacent and you're on your way down.
Miles Massey
But you don't think so.
Marylin Rexroth
How do you know?
Miles Massey
Why would you be here?
Marylin Rexroth
Why did you ask me?
Miles Massey
Can't I be curious?
Marylin Rexroth
About what?
Miles Massey
Do you ever answer a question?
Marylin Rexroth
Do you?
Miles Massey
[changing the subject, to the waiter]
I'll have the tournedos of beef. The lady will have the same. Thank you.
Waiter
Thank you, Sir.
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Gus Petch
What are you talking about? "Tell Tale Signs"? Look, I see a ass. I nail it. I don't sneak around sniffing the sheets. God damn it! I'm Gus Petch!
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Miles' Receptionist
Mr. Massey?
Miles Massey
Please, no calls. I'm feeling a little fragile.
Miles' Receptionist
I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt certain you'd want to know. Marylin Rexroth wants to see you.
Miles Massey
Marylin? Uh... When did she...?
Miles' Receptionist
She's here now.
Miles Massey
Is she armed?
[laughs]
Miles Massey
Give me a minute.
[gargles and looks at himself in the mirror]
Miles Massey
Marylin... how nice of you to. Marylin... shame on you. Marylin... what a lovely surprise.
[opening the door]
Miles Massey
# Marylin, what a pleasure...
[seeing Howard]
Miles Massey
Who the hell are you?
Marylin Rexroth
Hello, Miles. So nice of you to see us.
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Howard D. Doyle
I love you. I trust you.
Miles Massey
It's the pre-nup. Brilliant.
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Miles Massey
I saw an ad in the paper. "No-fault divorce. Two week divorce without a lawyer". Made me sick to my stomach. No-fault divorce.
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Howard D. Doyle
I, myself, went to Texas A and M. I'm an Aggie.
Miles Massey
Business?
Howard D. Doyle
Tight end.
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Marylin Rexroth
They bought Massey's argument. If I lied or cheated and was with Rex only for his money, then he shouldn't have to give me any.
Sarah Sorkin
Well, that makes no sense. Why else would you put in all those years?
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Miles Massey
Baron von Espy, what is your profession?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
[in outrageous French accent]
Silly man. I am a baron.
Miles Massey
Yes, but do you not also hold a day job? Paying job. A, uh, a square job.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Well, one has to live. I am the concierge of Les Pantalons Rouges at Bad-Gadesbourg in the canton of Uri.
Miles Massey
And what does that job entail?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
I satisfy such requests as the clientele may present.
Miles Massey
Towels, ice, et cetera?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
We have bellmen for that. No, no, no. Such requests that, were you at home, you would address not to your valet but to your majordomo.
[to his yapping dog]
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Shush, poochy-chow.
Miles Massey
I see.
[Pointing to Marylin Rexroth]
Miles Massey
Baron, do you recognize that woman?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Ah, cher Marylin. But of course. Look who is here. Hi!
Miles Massey
And she was a guest of the Red... Trousers?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Oh, many times, for relaxing and making Alpine recreation.
Miles Massey
Mm-hmm. I am curious about her visit of five years ago. January ninteen ninty eight. Can you remember any specific request she made at that time?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
Yes, I can.
Miles Massey
And, what, at that time, did she tell you she required?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
She said that she required... a husband!
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Marylin Rexroth
I thought he'd outgrown trains.
Gus Petch
They never grow up, they just get tubby.
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Marylin Rexroth
I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it.
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Rex
I just love trains! I love trains!
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Miles Massey
Let me rephrase. I would be delighted, honored, really, if you...
[Marylin's poodle bites Miles Massey on his hand]
Marylin Rexroth
Howard!
Miles Massey
Howard. You named him after your ex.
Marylin Rexroth
I'm sentimental.
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Miles Massey
Sorry. I'm not omniscient.
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Herb Myerson
I'm going to talk to you about the God damn law. We serve the law. We honor the law! And sometimes, Counselor, we obey the law. But, Counselor, this is not one of those times.
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Gus Petch
I'm an ass nailer.
Marylin Rexroth
So I see.
Gus Petch
Gym four times a week. Hour and a half, plus stretching. Life circle. Life step. Life circuit. Gus Petch don't pussyfoot around.
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Miles Massey
Dump him. You can't nail his ass.
Marylin Rexroth
Is that all?
Miles Massey
No, that's not all.
[kisses her]
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Father Scott
In today's cynical world, it's so hard to take that great leap of faith aboard the ship of love and caring.
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Miles Massey
Are you... Wheezy Joe?
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Miles Massey
She won't - She won't suffer, will she?
Wheezy Joe
Not unless you pay extra.
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Rex
[singing "I've Been Working on the Railroad" while bouncing on his bed with the Santa Fe Tarts]
Can't you hear the whistle blowing, rise up early in the... muh!, muh!
[clutches his chest and drops dead from a heart attack]
Santa Fe Tart
[peering down at Rex's body]
What's the matter, Rexy?
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Mrs. Gutman
Sometimes there would be a gizmo.
Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer
A gizmo?
Mrs. Gutman
He had a device he called the Intruder. It was something he had the engineers at the factory design. And then he had a prototype built out of the parts from our vacuum cleaner.
Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer
I see.
Mrs. Gutman
So the vacuum cleaner wasn't available to me for several months.
Mrs. Gutman's Lawyer
Several months without the appliance.
Mrs. Gutman
Yes.
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Miles Massey
[about Marylin]
I'm fascinated by that creature. Richer than me? Well, she deserves every penny. And now she's single again. Excuse me.
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Flight Attendant
You didn't win.
Marylin Rexroth
Excuse me?
Flight Attendant
I can always tell, coming back from Vegas, who didn't win.
Marylin Rexroth
You're right.
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[last lines]
Gus Petch
We gonna make you laugh, we gonna make you cry, but most of all, we gonna
[with audience]
Gus Petch
nail your ass!
Audience
[chanting] Nail your ass! Nail your ass! Nail your ass!
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Miles Massey
Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Bailiff
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Guard #1
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #2
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #3
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Freddy Bender
Problem?
Marylin Rexroth
Puffy.
Guard #4
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Wrigley
Tenzing Norgay.
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[Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself]
Wrigley
Told him it was no go...
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Bonnie Donaly
You should have seen this coming you Australian piece of shit!
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Gus Petch
...and those Rottweilers were a menace, man!
Miles Massey
I told you she had dogs.
Gus Petch
You didn't tell me they had a hard on for Anus Africanus!
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Wrigley
Rex, sit!
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Howard D. Doyle
This is for you, darlin'. This here is for you. This here is for you, baby. Every last little speck of it. I love you. I mean, I love you like a son of a bitch!
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[the two are sneaking into what used to be Miles' house, now Marylin's, to find Wheezy Joe]
Miles Massey
Looks like she's gone... looks like she bought it.
Wrigley
Good stuff! There's no one here.
Miles Massey
Except for the rottweilers.
[Uncaps and shakes his can of mace]
Wrigley
Sure, rottweilers.
[Also uncaps and shakes his can of mace]
Miles Massey
Go that way.
[They sneak away in opposite directions]
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Miles' Receptionist
You have a discovery hearing at five thirty for the Maxine Gopnick case.
Miles Massey
Discovery? Gopnick?
Miles' Receptionist
And a Lance Kelso called. He read your article about palimony settlements...
Miles Massey
Lance Kelso.
Miles' Receptionist
In same-sex partnerships and would like to schedule an appointment.
Miles Massey
Same-sex.
Miles' Receptionist
Arthur Yardumian and his tax attorney want to reschedule their caucus for tomorrow.
Miles Massey
Yardumian?
Miles' Receptionist
Arthur had to fly to Atlanta for a deadbeat dad hearing.
Miles Massey
Atlanta.
Miles' Receptionist
And your 10:30 is here: Rex Rexroth.
Miles Massey
Rex Rexroth?
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[first lines]
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Donovan Donaly
Bitch! That's my Daytime Television Lifetime Achievement Award!
Bonnie Donaly
Cheesy bastard!
Donovan Donaly
You whore!
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Donovan Donaly
That's my jag. That's my jag. That's my bloody Jag! You bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bye, bye baby!
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Miles Massey
Hey, it's me. Any messages?
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Miles' Receptionist
Where are you?
Miles Massey
Comin' at ya.
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Miles Massey
Hmm... Hmm... Yes, your husband did show remarkable foresight in taking those pictures. And, yes, absent a swimming pool, the presence of a pool man would appear to be suspicious. But, Madam, who is the real victim here? Let me suggest to you the following. Your husband, who on a prior occasion had slapped you, beat you.
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Rex
Can't we have a civilized discussion about this?
Marylin Rexroth
Our lawyers can.
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Miles Massey
Please, sit. Relax. Consider this office your office, your haven, your war room for the duration of the campaign.
Rex
Thank you.
Miles Massey
Now, Sir... Tell me your troubles.
Rex
Well...
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Sarah Sorkin
Why don't you come out to Malibu and see my new beach house tomorrow?
Ramona Barcelona
I didn't know Dimitri had a beach house.
Sarah Sorkin
Neither did I, until my lawyer found it. Quite a paper trail. Had it in the dog's name.
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Marylin Rexroth
Hello, Darlings. Mwah. Mwah.
Ramona Barcelona
So, you and Rex are...
Marylin Rexroth
Well, as my private investigator put it: We're gonna nail his ass.
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Wrigley
You had a guy break into her house and photograph her address book?
Miles Massey
No, Wrigley. I happened to let a man know that I was interested in her address book.
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Miles Massey
Let me rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you ever been in love?
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Miles Massey
A husband? That's an unusual request. Did she specify what kind of a husband she was looking for?
Freddy Bender
Objection!
Judge Marva Munson
Grounds?
Freddy Bender
Uh... Hearsay.
Miles Massey
On second hand, Your Honor, this is direct testimony about the Baron's own conversation.
Judge Marva Munson
I'm going to allow it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy
She said she wanted a very rich husband. She wanted to know the businesses and the wealthses... wealthses... can I say it... wealthses of our various eligible guests.
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Rex
[to the Baron]
I'm not sick. You're the one who's sick.
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Sarah Sorkin
Well, I think it stinks. They left you with nothing. Makes you wonder about the entire legal system. Like Rodney... Whatshisname.
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Sarah Sorkin
Oh! Oohh!
Marylin Rexroth
Are you alright, Sarah?
Sarah Sorkin
Yeah.
Marylin Rexroth
What is it?
Sarah Sorkin
Peptic ulcer. I have medication but... I can't take it before elective surgery.
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Marylin Rexroth
You could see people.
Sarah Sorkin
Palimony. Son of a bitch Marvin Mitchelson. I'm telling you, honey, getting laid is financial Russian Roulette.
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Marylin Rexroth
Mr. Donaly? Excuse me. You are Donovan Donaly?
Donovan Donaly
I'm in a meeting.
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Wrigley
Rex Rexworth kept everything. You win, no compromise. Isn't that what you wanted? Good God, Miles. What are you looking for?
Miles Massey
I don't know.
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Marylin Rexroth
Well, I'm free this evening, so I suppose a little dinner would do no harm.
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Mr. MacKinnon
Are you rentin' kilts?
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Miles Massey
I intend to devote myself to pro-bono work in East Los Angeles, or one of those other... God bless you all.
Wrigley
I love you, man.
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Wrigley
Thank God you have the pre-nup.
Miles Massey
I have no pre-nup.
Wrigley
You have no pre-nup.
Miles Massey
I have no pre-nup.
Wrigley
Wrigley, Miles Massey: Aaaaaagh!
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Marylin Rexroth
Miles, you'll always be my favorite husband. But no more sentiment, darling. I really have to be going.
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Miles Massey
Well today, Miles Massey, is here to tell you that love need cause us no fear. Love need cause us no shame. Love is... good. Love is good. Now I am of course aware that these remarks will be received here with cynicism - cynicism; that cloak that advertises our indifference and hides all human feeling. Well I'm here to tell you that that cynicism, which we think protects us in fact destroys - destroys love, destroys our clients and ultimately destroys ourselves. Colleagues - when our clients come to us confused and angry and hurting because their flame of love is guttering and threatens to die, do we seek to extinguish that flame so that we can sift through the smoldering wreckage for our paltry reward? Or do we fan this precious flame - this most precious flame - back into loving, roaring life? Do we counsel fear or trust? Do we seek to destroy or build? Do we meet our clients problems with cynicism, or with love? The choice is of course each of ours. For my part I have made the leap of love and there is no going back.
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Miles Massey
Well today, Miles Massey, is here to tell you that... love need cause us no fear. Love need cause us no shame. Love is... good. Love is good. Now I am of course aware that these remarks will be received here with cynicism - cynicism; that cloak that advertises our indifference and hides all human feeling. Well I'm here to tell you that that cynicism, which we think protects us in fact destroys - destroys love, destroys our clients and ultimately destroys ourselves. Colleagues - when our clients come to us confused and angry and hurting because their flame of love is guttering and threatens to die, do we seek to extinguish that flame so that we can sift through the smoldering wreckage for our paltry reward? Or do we fan this precious flame - this most precious flame - back into loving, roaring life? Do we counsel fear or trust? Do we seek to destroy or build? Do we meet our clients problems with cynicism, or with love? The choice is of course each of ours. For my part I have made the leap of love and there is no going back. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last time I will address you as the president of N.O.M.A.N.
[National Organization Of Matrimonial Attorneys, Nationwide]
Miles Massey
or as a member. I intend to devote myself to pro-bono work in East Los Angeles or one of those other... God bless you all."
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Miles Massey
[interrupts Priest] I do!
Wee Kirk Priest
Jesus, will you let me finish? Have you never been married before?
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Marylin Rexroth
What are you after Miles?
Miles Massey
Well, I'm a lot like you. Just looking for an ass to mount.
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Donovan Donaly
Explain this away, darling!
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Freddy Bender
If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it.
Miles Massey
Well, at this point, my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
Freddy Bender
My client's ruled that out.
Miles Massey
My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.
Freddy Bender
That's a fart in a stiff wind.
Miles Massey
My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period.
Freddy Bender
My client feels sufficiently dispassionate.
Miles Massey
My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.
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