Paulette
You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
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Dog Spa receptionist
Your dogs are gay!
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Paulette
Ooh... the bend and snap! I did that last night naked. I broke a window though.
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Elle
Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid
I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
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Elle
I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!
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Elle
Oh, my God. I almost forgot.
Detective Finchley
You want me to what?
Elle
A biological birth parent search.
Detective Finchley
For your dog?
Elle
For my Chihuahua-American Bruiser Woods. I found him abandoned years ago.
Detective Finchley
Miss, I'm the highest-paid most sought after private investigator in the greater Boston area.
Elle
And that's precisely why we came to you, Detective. It is absolutely vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto. His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.
Detective Finchley
May I ask why?
Elle
Of course. "Martha Stewart Weddings" recommends a 4 to 6-week window for RSVPs and naturally I can't send the invitation without an address. And the sooner I get started on all that calligraphy, really, the better.
Detective Finchley
You wanna send an invitation to your wedding to your dog' mother. Are you serious?
Elle
Detective, if I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach, you better believe I'm gonna make room for the mother of the one loving creature who's always been there for me. In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.
Detective Finchley
I'm thinking the same thing.
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Elle
Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.
Timothy McGinn
Oh my God, it's capital Barbie.
Reena
She's so... shiny.
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Elle
I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.
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Congresswoman
[looking over her new hairdo]
You have the full support of the Sunshine State!
Paulette
Yay for Ohio!
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Emmett
Elle I don't care where I marry just as long as I do. I do... I do... feels good.
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Stanford Marks
You're the girl with the perfumed poo-poo bags, aren't you?
Elle
Actually I'm the woman with the scented waste receptacles, but yes
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Sid
An honest voice is louder then a crowd's.
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Elle
So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!
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Paulette
Who's ready to discharge?
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V.E.R.S.A.C.E. tagline on website
We test makeup on animals, so you don't have to.
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Elle
I have always respected redheads as members of a hair color minority.
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Rep. Rudd
Snaps for Congresswoman Hauser!
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Elle
Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.
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Security Guard
No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.
Elle
Lucky I always keep it on me. Hold on. It's right here. There you go.
Security Guard
What is it?
Elle
It's my double platinium VVIP VERSACE Preferred Customer identification card, of course. Available only to those that have shopped on at least five continents. If that fails to satisfy you, you can also contact Billy Dailey, head of customer relations.
Security Guard
You got the wrong VERSACE, lady.
Elle
Really? So Donatella's not here?
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Elle
Oh, Bruiser! Your mother lives at the top secret VERSACE think-tank. I told you they had one.
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Rep. Rudd
Don't worry Bob I'll get her. And her little dog too.
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Elle
Oooooh! Nice briefcase!
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Paulette Parcelle
Elle! Oh my god, you look like the Fourth of July. Makes me want a hotdog real bad.
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[Elle first arrives in Washington DC]
Sid
Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.
Elle
It's a thrill to be here.
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Elle
Who wants to talk animal testing?
Timothy McGinn
Write a bill, Britney.
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Elle
You blocked this bill, nobody else and I want to know why.
Rep. Rudd
why? Why does anything happen in Washington, survival. You have no idea what it takes to get here, to stay here. The money it takes. And it just so happens my chief financial contributor happens to have purchased half-share in a major cosmetics company, and THEY want to continue testing on animals. So much so that they are willing to backroll my opponent in next years elections if I did not kill YOUR bill.
Elle
I trusted you. I looked up to you.
Rep. Rudd
I can't do anyone any good if I'm no longer here.
Elle
But you're not doing anybody any good. Nobody in your district. Not even yourself.
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Lady at Versace
You've got the wrong Versace.
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Elle
This is just like CSpan, except I'm not bored.
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Elle
I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company!
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