Ball of Fire 1941 - Movie Quotes

Professor Bertram Potts What're you gonna do?

Sugarpuss O'Shea I'm going to show you what yum-yum is. Here's yum.

[kisses him]

Sugarpuss O'Shea Here's the other yum.

[kisses him again]

Sugarpuss O'Shea And here's yum-yum.

[gives a long kiss that knocks him backwards onto a chair]

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [about Potts] Yes, I love him. I love those hick shirts he wears with the boiled cuffs and the way he always has his vest buttoned wrong. Looks like a giraffe, and I love him. I love him because he's the kind of a guy that gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. Love him because he doesn't know how to kiss, the jerk!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [needing help with a stubborn zipper] You know, I had this happen one night in the middle of my act. I couldn't get a thing off. Was I embarrassed!

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[Professor Magenbrush says Sugarpuss has a slight rosiness at the back of her throat]

Sugarpuss O'Shea SLIGHT rosiness? It's as red as The Daily Worker and just as sore!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea For instance, do you know what this means - "I'll get you on the Ameche"?

Professor Bertram Potts No.

Sugarpuss O'Shea 'Course you don't. An Ameche is the telephone, on account of he invented it.

Professor Bertram Potts Oh, no, he didn't.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Like, you know, in the movies.

Professor Bertram Potts Well, I see what you mean. Very interesting. Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body.

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Miss Bragg That is the kind of woman that makes whole civilizations topple!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [examining the professors' books] Oh, "Greek philosophy!" I got a set like this with a radio inside.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Hey, who decorated this place, the mug who shot Lincoln?

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Joe Lilac [as the professors draw guns on Joe and his men] What is this?

Prof. Oddly I believe... I think it is known as an "up-stick."

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [jibing Betram for nervousness over his loosened tie] Oh, you know, one time I watched my big brother shave.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Huh! A little sun on my hair and you had to water your neck.

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Professor Bertram Potts Sugarpuss, uh, before you go, would you... would you, eh, yum me just once more?

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Professor Bertram Potts Before we attempt to get back to work, I'd like to say a few words. You've been very kind and very tactful. If I may say so, over-tactful. The entire ride home in the car you avoided a certain subject to make empty conversation. Now let's have it out. I made an ass of myself and I know it.

Prof. Jerome Oh, well, we all have, Potts.

Professor Bertram Potts Yes, but I was the lead donkey.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Richard ill. Who's Richard ill?

Professor Bertram Potts Richard the Third.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea You, uh, you don't think we could sort of begin the beguine right now?

Professor Bertram Potts Well, it's, uh, nearly one o'clock, Miss O'Shea.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Oh, foo, professor. And let's get ourselves a couple drinks, light the fire maybe, and you can start working on me right away.

Professor Bertram Potts Well, I wouldn't think of imposing on you at this hour.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Listen, I figured on working all night.

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Prof. Gurkakoff [discovering Sugarpuss gave back the wrong ring] The subconscious never makes a mistake. She gave you the ring she didn't want - his ring - and she kept the one she wanted - yours.

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Miss Totten Father had just one reason for ever starting this unfortunate enterprise: vanity. He broke a blood vessel because he found his name was omitted from the Encyclopedia of Britannica, because thirty pages were devoted to Thomas Alva Edison, seventeen to Alexander Graham Bell, but not one line to Daniel S. Totten, the inventor of the electric toaster.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [mistaking Bertram for a police dick come to take her downtown] Hey, how many of you are on this job?

Professor Bertram Potts Uh, the entire project? Eight.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Oh. The other seven waiting outside?

Professor Bertram Potts Oh, no. They're at home sound asleep, I imagine.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Asleep?

Professor Bertram Potts Yes, they go to bed at nine every night.

Sugarpuss O'Shea You mean to tell me with crime what it is in New Yor... Say, are you a bull or aren't you?

Professor Bertram Potts Well, if "bull" is a slang word for professor, then I'm a bull.

Sugarpuss O'Shea A professor?

Professor Bertram Potts Of English.

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Joe Lilac Having some trouble, Mr. D.A.?

District Attorney Oh, don't worry, Joe. And don't underestimate this office or the State of New York. I've got some boys that can find a needle in a haystack.

Joe Lilac Oh, that's a cinch. All you have to do is get a horse to eat the hay and then x-ray the horse.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea What's buzzin', cousin?

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Professor Bertram Potts She wouldn't say yes? What... Why, you very ugly young man, you know, to me, at this moment you look perfectly delightful.

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Bum This has given me a new interest in life, Doc.

Newsboy Me too. I'm gonna use some of those two-dollar words hollering my papers: Park Avenue Bigamy Scandal, Most Illuminating! Most Illuminating!

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Professor Bertram Potts That man talked a living language; I embalmed some dead phrases.

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Professor Bertram Potts We're working under pressure. After nine years of effort, we are, as the race track enthusiast might say, in the home stretch. Three more years and our encyclopedia will be finished. Let's not bog down in the middle of the letter S.

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Duke Pastrami [Giving Sugarpuss O'Shea a message from Joe Lilac] He sends ya' a love message. He says to tell ya' he gets more bang outta' you than any dame he ever knew.

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Miss Bragg Don't look into the matter. Look into the library!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Who was that guy learned so much from watching an apple drop?

Prof. Gurkakoff Isaac Newton, 1642 to 1727. The law of gravity.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Yeah, that's him. And I want you to look at me as another apple, Professor Potts. Just another apple.

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Miss Bragg If I were the cream for that woman's coffee, I'd curdle.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea I don't give a whoop whether the others went for me. You're the one I'm wacky about, just plain wacky.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea [Upon arriving late to Professor Potts's round-table discussion on slang, already in progress] Don't tell me the jive session has beat off without baby!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea I'm mink coat. I'm no bungalow apron. That's the guy I'm getting. Pretty good getting for a gal that came up the hard way.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Third Avenue girl in the major league at last. Wait till they find out, those other dolls in the show.

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Professor Bertram Potts I've just finished my article on slang. Twenty-three pages compiled from a dozen reference books, eight hundred examples.

Prof. Robinson Well?

Professor Bertram Potts Everything from the idiotic combination of "absotively" to the pajorative use of "zigzag." I traced the evolution of "hunky-dory," tracked down "skidoo" from "skedaddle." Eight-hundred examples and I may as well throw it in the wastebasket. Three weeks work...

Prof. Robinson You're hysterical.

Professor Bertram Potts Outmoded... based on reference books twenty years old. Take "smooch," take "dish," take, uh...

Prof. Oddly "Hoi toi toi?"

Professor Bertram Potts "Hoi toi toi." Not one of them included.

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Joe Lilac You know, I was kinda counting on Sugarpuss to tell ya the score. Trouble is, she's all right givin' out with the twists and the wisecracks, but when it comes to leveling off she gets chicken.

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Prof. Jerome You don't mind if we talk, do you?

Duke Pastrami Just keep it funny.

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Garbage Man I could use a bundle of scratch right now on account of I met me a mouse last week.

Prof. Oddly Mouse?

Garbage Man What a pair of gams. A little in, a little out, and a little more out.

Professor Bertram Potts I am still completely mystified.

Garbage Man Well, with this dish on me hands and them giving away 25 smackaroos on that quizzola.

Professor Bertram Potts Smackaroos?

Prof. Oddly Smackaroos? What are smackaroos?

Garbage Man A smackaroo is a...

Professor Bertram Potts No such word exists.

Garbage Man Oh, it don't, huh? A smackaroo is a dollar, pal.

Professor Bertram Potts Well, the accepted vulgarism for a dollar is a buck.

Garbage Man The accepted vulgarism for a smackaroo is a dollar. That goes for a banger, a fish, a buck, or a rug.

Professor Bertram Potts Well, what about the mouse?

Garbage Man The mouse is the dish. That's what I need the moolah for.

Prof. Oddly Moolah?

Garbage Man Yeah, the dough. We'll be stepping. Me and the smooch - I mean, the dish, I mean, the mouse. You know, hit the jiggles for a little drum boogie.

Professor Bertram Potts Please, please, not so fast.

Garbage Man Brother, we're going to have some hoytoytoy.

Prof. Oddly Prof. Oddly, Prof. Robinson, Prof. Jerome, Prof. Gurkakoff, Prof. Magenbruch, Prof. Quintana: Hoytoytoy?

Garbage Man Yeah, and if you want that one explained, you go ask your papas.

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Prof. Jerome [doorbell rings] It must be the statistics on San Salvador's saltpeter.

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Prof. Magenbruch Maybe my data on sex is a little outdated, too.

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Professor Bertram Potts Is that coming from next door?

Miss Bragg It's coming from this door.

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Newsboy Four words, blitz it, mister! Blitz it, will you? You give me the mimis.

Professor Bertram Potts Mimis?

Newsboy Yeah, the screaming mimis.

Professor Bertram Potts Extremely picturesque.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Scrow. Scram. Scraw.

Professor Bertram Potts The complete conjugation. All right, I'll scraw.

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Prof. Quintana Potts, could you tell us what was it like backstage?

Prof. Oddly Very vivacious, I imagine.

Prof. Gurkakoff And perhaps, ballerinas giggling up and down iron staircases.

Prof. Magenbruch Around and around.

Prof. Jerome Possibly wearing tights.

Prof. Robinson Tights...

Prof. Oddly And that ineffable smell of rice powder.

Prof. Peagram On nude shoulders.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Okay, what do you want, hep cats?

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Joe Lilac Sugie, say, what the sweet Judas gives out?

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Duke Pastrami What kind of jive is that? If you're gonna talk, talk so we can dig it.

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Joe Lilac [to Sugarpuss over the phone] Maybe you'd like to sit down and knit them eight little sweaters to remember you by

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Duke Pastrami We'll dismiss the class right after the ceremony

Professor Bertram Potts Did you say after the ceremony?

Duke Pastrami [Putting the phone down] That's what I said

Professor Bertram Potts You mean they're not married yet?

Duke Pastrami [Showing Bertram the gun] Why do you think we're futzing around with these?

Professor Bertram Potts Well I don't know I thought

[Duke Pastrami interrupts]

Duke Pastrami A little trouble with Sugarpuss' vocal chords, wouldn't say yes

Professor Bertram Potts She wouldn't say yes, what

[laughs]

Professor Bertram Potts . You very ugly young man, you know to me at this moment you look perfectly delightful

Duke Pastrami [confused] Huh?

Professor Bertram Potts I mean absolutely beautful

Duke Pastrami I what?

Professor Bertram Potts Positively wonderful

Duke Pastrami Are you nuts?

Professor Bertram Potts [laughing] No I feel like yodeling

[yodeling]

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Professor Bertram Potts We'll call you a heated taxi and furnish you with woolen socks and warm slippers.

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Prof. Peagram Cleopatra, queen of Egypt, daughter of Ptolemy Xlll, born 69 BC, killed herself on the 29th day of August, 30 BC, by placing an asp to her bosom.

Garbage Man A what?

Prof. Peagram An asp. A small snake.

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Professor Bertram Potts You have split an infinitive. Never "to carelessly expose." Always "to expose carelessly."

Miss Bragg I'm not here to juggle words.

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Professor Bertram Potts That maneuver down my spine was very unnecessary.

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Professor Bertram Potts I've just finished my article on slang. Twenty-three pages compiled from a dozen reference books. Eight hundred examples. Everything from the idiotic combination "absotively" to the pejorative use of "zigzag." I traced the evolution of "hunky dory," tracked down "skiddo" from "skedaddle." Eight hundred examples and I may as well throw it in the waste basket. Three weeks' work.

Prof. Robinson Potts, you're hysterical.

Professor Bertram Potts Outmoded. Based on reference books 20 years old. Take "smooch." Take "dish." Take...

Prof. Oddly Hoytoytoy?

Professor Bertram Potts Hoytoytoy. Not one of them included. Living in this house cut off from the world, I've lost touch. And it's inexcusable! That man talked a living language. I embalmed some dead phrases.

Prof. Gurkakoff But where are you going?

Professor Bertram Potts Out to collect new data, to tap the sources of slang, the major sources. The streets. The slums. The theatrical and allied professions.

Prof. Robinson Oh, now, Potts, don't you think that...

Professor Bertram Potts I know it's regrettable, this loss of time, gentlemen, but it must be done. Leave the key under the mat. I won't be home before 9 o'clock.

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Newsboy Extra! Extra! Nab Benny the Creep in cement killing! Read all about it. Corpse's dogs dunked into cement. Extra! Extra! Ice-pick killing! Link Benny the Creep with Big Tom! Extra! Extra! Seek man behind the man behind the murder ring! Extra! Extra!

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Prof. Oddly Being a botanist, I find an astonishing parallel between a woman's heart and the wind flower or Anemone nemorosa. Perhaps you know the plant, how it waits for the warm sunshine and soft winds before it unfolds its petals. Sensitive and delicate. One rough, impetuous bee can completely destroy the bloom.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Come on, Krup, knock yourself out!

[singing]

Sugarpuss O'Shea Boogie!

Gene Krupa Orchestra Lah-dah-dee-lah-dah-lah-dah

Sugarpuss O'Shea Boogie!

Gene Krupa Orchestra Lah-dah-dee-lah-dah-lah-dah

Sugarpuss O'Shea Now, mister, can't keep on a-drivin', Just gently jam the jivin', Drumboogie, the cat is rockin' with a solid eight, I tell you it's more to gait, The joint is jumpin'...

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Gene Krupa Orchestra [singing] Boogie!

Sugarpuss O'Shea You hear the rhythm rompin'

Gene Krupa Orchestra Boogie!

Sugarpuss O'Shea You see the drummer stompin', Drumboogie, drumboogie

Gene Krupa Orchestra Boogie!

Sugarpuss O'Shea It really is a killer, Drumboogie, drumboogie, The drum boogie-woogie

Gene Krupa Orchestra Boogie!

Sugarpuss O'Shea The rhythm won't offend you

Gene Krupa Orchestra Boogie!

Sugarpuss O'Shea It's really gonna send you...

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Professor Bertram Potts Young man, what is the name of that young lady?

Waiter Sugarpuss O'Shea.

Professor Bertram Potts An astounding specimen.

Waiter She jives by night. Root, zoot and cute and solid to boot.

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Asthma Anderson Benny the Creep had an accident.

Sugarpuss O'Shea I never heard of Benny the Creep. Who's he?

Asthma Anderson One of the boys.

Duke Pastrami He was on kind of an errand when he grazed into a police car, that dope.

Sugarpuss O'Shea And for that I've got to hide out? That don't make sense, Pastrami.

Duke Pastrami No, you see, when the bulls gave Benny a ticket, they saw Kinnick in the back of the car.

Asthma Anderson Dead.

Sugarpuss O'Shea In the accident?

Duke Pastrami That's what Benny was trying to tell them. Only they saw Kinnick's feet.

Asthma Anderson They was in a cake of cement.

Duke Pastrami Benny was gonna dump him in the East River.

Asthma Anderson That was the errand.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Suppose you tell the DA to take a nice running jump for himself?

Professor Bertram Potts Bewildering.

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Professor Bertram Potts I hate to intrude like this, but mine is a very...

Sugarpuss O'Shea Cut the corners. What is it?

Professor Bertram Potts Well, this inquiry is one of considerable importance.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Stop beating up with the gums.

Professor Bertram Potts What was that?

Sugarpuss O'Shea Get this. I don't know from nothing.

Professor Bertram Potts Oh, but you do. Every word you say proves as much.

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Professor Bertram Potts You see, I'm conducting an investigation on current slang. Would you object if I used you for observation and study?

Sugarpuss O'Shea Yeah, I would.

Professor Bertram Potts If I could have your assistance for just a few days it would be...

Sugarpuss O'Shea Out, out, Professor.

Professor Bertram Potts Then you won't help me?

Sugarpuss O'Shea No. Out. Shove in your clutch.

Professor Bertram Potts "Shove in your clutch." Exactly the kind of thing I want.

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Professor Bertram Potts You see, the word "puss" means face.

Prof. Peagram Yes.

Professor Bertram Potts As for instance, sourpuss, picklepuss. Sugarpuss implies a certain sweetness in her appearance.

Prof. Peagram Sugar, yes, yes.

Prof. Robinson Never mind the etymology, was she...

Prof. Jerome Was she blonde or brunette?

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Sugarpuss O'Shea I think you're a pair of cracked dice.

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Prof. Peagram If I might venture a suggestion, why couldn't the young lady sleep in my room?

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Sugarpuss O'Shea If you want me tomorrow morning at 9:30, you...

Professor Bertram Potts Oh, I do, Miss O'Shea. But, even the most free-thinking people must respect the...

Sugarpuss O'Shea All right, feel that.

[sticks her bare leg up]

Sugarpuss O'Shea Go on, feel that foot.

[Potts feels the foot]

Sugarpuss O'Shea Okay, tootsie bell, what do you say?

Professor Bertram Potts It's cold.

Sugarpuss O'Shea It's cold and it's wet. Now, come here. Come here. Closer. Closer. Come on, give!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea I'm fine. Except I've got a run in this stocking. Well, how do we start, Professor? You see, this is the first time anybody moved in on my brain. Have you got some kind of a machine, an X-ray or a vacuum cleaner maybe that sorts out the words you want? What's your method, Professor?

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Any message?

Prof. Peagram Well, they spoke very picturesquely.

Prof. Robinson Yeah, very.

Prof. Oddly Yes, they said it's getting hot and hotter and to stay in the icebox like a good little salad.

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Joe Lilac How's about a little Benzedrine?

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Joe Lilac I should have brought along my valet. I'm a sucker for comfort.

District Attorney Why, don't worry, Joe. You'll have your comfort. We'll have platinum bars on your cell, and we'll heat up a chair for you, special. Twenty thousand volts.

Joe Lilac AC or DC?

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Hi-de-ho, fellas.

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Miss Bragg [picking up a woman's stocking] I know Professor Peagram explains the corset he wears as due to a floating kidney. What's the explanation of this?

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Professor Bertram Potts I don't think you'll find our venture dull, Miss O'Shea. The scientific conquest of an important subject is never dull. "Slang," as the poet Carl Sandburg has said, "is language which takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work." Let us - let us, too, then get down to work.

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Professor Bertram Potts There's another word I'd like to take up now. It's recurred several times in our discussions and its meaning still eludes me. I think it was Miss O'Shea who used it yesterday in reference to the cuffs that I wear. The word is "corny."

Sugarpuss O'Shea Yeah, wouldn't you say they were corny?

Professor Bertram Potts Because of the cornstarch in them?

Sugarpuss O'Shea Because it's 1941.

Professor Bertram Potts Then corny means old fashioned.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Kind of hick, loose-tooth.

Garbage Man Mortimer Snerd. Oh, geez.

College Boy There's other kinds of corn, too. When you give your girl your fraternity pin, well, if she says, "I'll keep it forever," - that's corny too.

Newsboy Yeah or take a joke. "That's no lady, that's my wife."

Garbage Man Making your baby's shoes into ashtrays. That's corn.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Right off the cob.

Professor Bertram Potts Well, let's stick with corn. Is it synonymous with baloney?

Newsboy No, it's anything that gets them in the sticks.

Garbage Man "Long time, no see, " that's Indian corn.

Sugarpuss O'Shea Yeah, when a guy comes to see a girl and says, "Let's turn off the lights, it hurts my eyes." Brother, that's corn.

Professor Bertram Potts The implication is he's trying to pull some hoytoytoy?

Sugarpuss O'Shea You're catching on, Professor.

Professor Bertram Potts Countrified, old-fashioned, sentimental.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Oh, swell. Now where is this little clambake of Professor Potts'?

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Say, kids, I'm stuck. Any of you can jerk a zipper?

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Prof. Magenbruch Did you get the records?

Prof. Robinson Well, they were all out of "Beat Me Daddy, Eight to the Bar".

Prof. Oddly Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Prof. Robinson But I got "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" and "Shoot the Sherbet to Me Herbert".

Sugarpuss O'Shea Oh, now watch us go!

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Sugarpuss O'Shea I'm supposed to stay in this old mans' home till the moths eat holes in me?

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Prof. Gurkakoff I can't find the common denominator between the steps and the music.

Sugarpuss O'Shea You bet you can't, you're playing a polka, and I taught you a conga.

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Joe Lilac Get a couple of the other old beavers to come along in the car.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea One of the professors got off the beam a little. Yeah, a slight case of Andy Hardy.

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Professor Bertram Potts I draw a salary of $3,200 per year. In the last election, I voted the straight Republican ticket.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea Maybe I'm just crazy, but to me, you're a regular yum-yum type.

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Joe Lilac Professor, you really thought she was going to marry you with your 3,000 what-was-it a year? She spends that much for having her toenails painted.

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Joe Lilac I kind of figured you'd bumped your brains into one of them pink clouds.

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Joe Lilac We're not down here to enjoy ourselves. This is a wedding.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea A man is a goof to marry any woman.

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Sugarpuss O'Shea What is all this subpeni business?

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Duke Pastrami Don't look so big now, them eight big brains.

Asthma Anderson Not to me they don't.

Professor Bertram Potts You are under the impression that you are big because you have those firearms because you know how to load them and pull the trigger. It would be interesting to teach them the contrary.

Duke Pastrami Button it up, understand?

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Larsen We've had quite enough of your activities. It has cost the estate some $300,000 to at last have its name spread across every tabloid in New York.

[reading from a newspaper]

Larsen "Night Club Babe Hides Out In Totten Foundation."

Miss Totten And this one!

Larsen Yes. "Professor Bridegroom Carries Ball Of Fire Across State Line."

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Sugarpuss O'Shea What is this? Putting the screws on me?

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Ball of Fire Movie Quotes