The Banshees of Inisherin Movie Quotes
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I am not putting me donkey outside when I'm sad, okay?
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Priest
Do you think God gives a damn about miniature donkeys, Colm?
Colm Doherty
I fear he doesn't. And I fear that's where it's all gone wrong.
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Colm Doherty
If punching a policeman is a sin, we may as well just pack up and go home.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
Some things there's no moving on from. And I think that's a good thing.
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Dominic Kearney
Howdo!
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Jesus Christ, Dominic! Would you ever stop creeping up on people? You almost gave me a fecking heart attack!
Dominic Kearney
I wasn't creeping up on ya. I was sliding up on ya.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Between you and that ghoul, Jesus!
Dominic Kearney
I always call her a ghoul, too, because she is a ghoul. Jeez, we have a lot in common, don't we? Me and you. Calling old people ghouls and that. It's a great old lake, isn't it? I'm glad I caught you, actually. Because there was somethin' I was wantin' to ask ya, actually. And discovering how much we have in common... well, it just makes me want to ask you even more.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
We don't have anything in common.
Dominic Kearney
Don't skip ahead. But yeah, what I was wantin' to ask you was... Somethin' along the lines of... Should've planned this, really. Well, yeah, what I was wantin' to ask you was... You probably wouldn't ever want to, I don't know... to fall in love with a boy like me, would ya?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Dominic, I don't think so, love.
Dominic Kearney
No, yeah, no. I was thinking no. Not even in the future, like? Like when I'm your age?
[she nods negatively]
Dominic Kearney
Yeah, no, I didn't think so. Just thought I'd ask on the off chance, you know... like "faint heart" and that. Well, there goes that dream. Well... I best go over there and do whatever that thing over there I was gonna do was.
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Dominic Kearney
Look at this I found. A stick with a hook. What would you use it for, I wonder. To hook things that are the length of a stick away?
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Colm Doherty
I do worry sometimes I might just be entertaining myself while staving off the inevitable.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
You used to be nice. Or did you never used to be? Oh, God. Maybe you never used to be.
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[last lines]
Colm Doherty
Pádraic. Thanks for lookin' after me dog for me, anyways.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Anytime.
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Priest
How's the despair?
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
[bursting into Colm's house]
How are ya, fatty? Dancing with your dog, is it? Well who else is gonna dance with ya? Your poor dog has no say in the matter. And if you're too rude to be offering me a seat, I'll be taking one of me own accord!
Colm Doherty
Have you gone fecking mental?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Have I gone fecking mental? No I haven't gone fecking mental. Not only have I not gone fecking mental, but I have got ten fingers to prove I'm not fecking mental. How many fingers have you got to prove you're not fecking mental?
Colm Doherty
Nine fingers.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Nine fingers is the epitome of mental.
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Siobhan Súilleabháin
He won't be bothering you no more.
Colm Doherty
That's a shame. That's the most interesting he's ever been. I think I like him again now.
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Colm Doherty
Niceness doesn't last.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
There's two of us in this!
Colm Doherty
No, there isn't!
Pádraic Súilleabháin
It takes two to tango.
Colm Doherty
I don't want to tango.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
You were dancing with your dog...
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Dominic Kearney
What trouble are ya in with him?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
He just... doesn't want to be friends with me any more.
Dominic Kearney
What is he, twelve?
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
So you'd rather be friends with this fella, would ya? A fella who beats his own son black and blue every night that's he's not fiddling with him.
Dominic Kearney
I never told him that, daddy. He's just drunk now.
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Priest
I do not have impure thoughts about men. And how dare you say that about a man of the cloth?
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Colm Doherty
Ah, well, I suppose niceness doesn't last then, does it, Padraic? But will I tell ya something that does last?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
What? And don't say somethin' stupid like music.
Colm Doherty
Music lasts.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Knew it!
Colm Doherty
And paintings last. And poetry lasts.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
So does niceness.
Colm Doherty
Do you know who we remember for how nice they was in the 17th century?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Who?
Colm Doherty
Absolutely no one. Yet we all remember the music of the time. Everyone, to a man, knows Mozart's name.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well, I don't, so there goes that theory. And anyway, we're talkin' about niceness. Not what's his name. My mammy, she was nice. I remember her. And my daddy, he was nice. I remember him. And my sister, she's nice. I'll remember her. Forever I'll remember her.
Colm Doherty
And who else will?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Who else will what?
Colm Doherty
Remember Siobhan and your niceness? No one will. In 50 years' time, no one will remember any of us. Yet the music of a man who lived two centuries ago...
Pádraic Súilleabháin
"Yet" he says, like he's English.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Come home, Padraic.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I don't give a feck about Mozart. Or Borvoven. Or any of them funny name feckers. I'm Pádraic Súilleabháin. And I'm nice.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
I'll have a word with him, Colm. You don't need to do anything drastic. He won't be botherin' you no more.
Colm Doherty
That's a shame. That's the most interesting he's even been. I think I like him again now.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
It was the 18th century, anyway. Mozart. Not the 17th.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
It was all going fine until he chopped off all his fingers.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
I don't like to be chatting about these types of things, Dominic!
Dominic Kearney
What types of things?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Sisters with no clothes on!
Dominic Kearney
You saw my daddy with no clothes on.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Till the day I die, I wish I hadn't.
Dominic Kearney
Sure, don't I know it.
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Colm Doherty
I was too harsh yesterday.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Yesterday, he says! I know well you was too harsh yesterday.
Colm Doherty
I just... I just have this tremendous sense of time slipping away on me, Padraic. And I think I need to spend the time I have left thinking and composing. Just trying not to listen to any more of the dull things you have to say for yourself. But I am sorry about it. I am, like.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Are you dying?
Colm Doherty
No, I'm not dying.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
But then you have loads of time.
Colm Doherty
For chatting?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Aye.
Colm Doherty
For aimless chatting?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Not for aimless chatting. For good, normal chatting.
Colm Doherty
So we'll keep aimlessly chatting and my life will keep on dwindling. And in 12 years, I'll die with nothin' to show for it, bar the chats I've had with a limited man, is that it?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I said, "not aimless chatting" I said "Good, normal chatting."
Colm Doherty
The other night, two hours, you spent talking to me about the things you found in your little donkey's shite that day. Two hours, Padraic. I timed it.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well it wasn't me little donkey's shite, was it? It was me pony's shite. Which shows how much you were listenin'.
Colm Doherty
None of it helps me. Do you understand? None of it helps me.
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Dominic Kearney
Shh. Daddy'll kill us if we wake him when he's been wanking.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
What's your tune called?
Colm Doherty
The Banshees of Inisherin, I think.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
But, there are no banshees on Inisherin.
Colm Doherty
I know, I just like the double S-H sounds.
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Siobhan Súilleabháin
Dear Padraic, I am safely ensconced in the mainland and, Padraic, it's lovely here. There's a river running past my window as I write, and the people already seem less bitter and mental. I'm not sure why, but I think it's 'cause a lot of them are from Spain. Mostly, I wanted to say there's a spare bed here for you, Padraic. And with the war almost over, I think there'd be work for ya here. Because there's nothing for you on Inisherin. Nothing but more bleakness and grudges and loneliness and spite and the slow passing of time until death. And sure, you can do that anywhere. So come, Padraic. Leave there.
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Colm Doherty
So, let's just call it quits and agree to go our separate ways, for good this time.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Your fat fingers killed me little donkey today. So, no, we won't call it quits. We'll call it the start.
Colm Doherty
You're jokin' me.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Yeah, no. I'm not jokin' ya. So tomorrow, Sunday, God's day, around 2:00, I'm going to call up to your house and I'm gonna set fire to it, and hopefully you'll still be inside it. But I won't be checkin' either way. Just be sure and leave your dog outside. I've nothing against that gom. Or you can do whatever's in your power to stop me. To our graves we're taking this. To one of our graves, anyways.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
It's about your daddy.
Declan
What about Daddy?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Uh, bread van crashed into him.
Declan
The bread van?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Yeah. They said you'd best hurry home to him, lest he should die all alone.
Declan
Die?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Or get worse, all alone.
Declan
This is impossible.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
It's not impossible. Bread vans crash into people all the time.
Declan
I know! That's how me mammy died. If it's the same fecking bread van, I'll kill them.
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Mrs. McCormick
A death shall come to Inisherin afore the month is out.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
A death, huh?
Mrs. McCormick
Maybe even two deaths.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well, that'd be sad.
Mrs. McCormick
We shall pray to the Lord 'tis neither you, nor poor Siobhan, will be either of them.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well, is that a nice thing to be sayin'?
Mrs. McCormick
I wasn't trying to be nice. I was trying to be accurate.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
Now... if I've done somethin' to ya, just tell me what I've done to ya. And if I've said somethin' to ya or maybe if I've said somethin' when I was drunk and forgotten it. But I don't think I've said somethin' when I was drunk and I've forgotten it. But if I did, then tell me what it was. And I'll say sorry for that too Colm. With all me heart, I'll say sorry. Just stop running away from me like some fool of a moody school child.
Colm Doherty
But you didn't say anything to me. And you didn't do anything to me.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well that's what I was thinking, like.
Colm Doherty
I just don't like ya no more.
Colm Doherty
I don't.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
But you liked me yesterday.
Colm Doherty
Oh, did I, yeah?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I thought you did...
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
Do you know what you used to be?
Colm Doherty
No, what did I used to be?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Nice! You used to be nice! And now, do you know what you are? Not nice.
Colm Doherty
Ah, well, I suppose niceness doesn't last then, does it?
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
What the hell was he hittin' you with?
Dominic Kearney
A kettle was the final thing. I wouldn't minded, but for the spout.
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Priest
It isn't him you have the impure thoughts about, is it?
Colm Doherty
Are you joking me? I mean, are you fecking joking me?
Priest
People do have impure thoughts about men, too.
Colm Doherty
Do you have impure thoughts about men, Father?
Priest
I do not have impure thoughts about men. And how dare you say that about a man of the cloth?
Colm Doherty
Well, you started it.
Priest
Well, you can get out of my confessional right now, so you can. And I'm not forgiving you any of these things until the next time, so I'm not!
Colm Doherty
Well, I better not be dying in the meantime then, eh, Father? I'll be pure fucked!
Priest
You will be pure fucked! Yes, you will be pure fucked!
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Priest
It's an island, Colm. Word gets around.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
They don't think I'm dim or anything?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Dim? No.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
You don't seem very sure about it.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Of course, I'm sure about it.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Dominic's the dim one on the island, isn't he?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
He is, aye. By miles.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Uh, hang on, by miles. And then, who's the next dimmest?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Well, I don't like to judge people in those terms now, do I?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
In what terms?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
In order of their dimness.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well, I know you don't. And neither do I, do I? But try, like.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
No! I won't try. There's enough judgy people on this fecking island, so no! You're not dim! You're a nice man, all right? So, move on!
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I'm as clever as you, anyways. I know that at least.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Yeah, don't be fucking stupid.
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Dominic Kearney
Me, I pay no attention to wars. I'm again' 'em. Wars and soap.
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Siobhan Súilleabháin
You can't just all of a sudden stop being friends with a fella!
Colm Doherty
Why can't I?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Why can't ya? Because it isn't nice.
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Mrs. O'Riordan
Letter came for ya.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Fell open, did it?
Mrs. O'Riordan
Aye, in the heat, I suppose.
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Jonjo Devine
I don't think you're dull. And jeez, if I was to cut something off meself for every dull person that came in here, I'd only have me head left.
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Dominic Kearney
I used to think you were the nicest of them. Turns out you're just the same as them.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I am the nicest of them.
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Priest
Wouldn't you say punching a policeman is a sin?
Colm Doherty
Ah here. If punching a policeman is a sin, we may as well just pack up and go home.
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Siobhan Súilleabháin
Has he said somethin' to ya when he was drunk?
Colm Doherty
No, I prefer him when he's drunk. It's all the rest of the time I have the problem with.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
What's the fecking matter, then?
Colm Doherty
He's dull, Siobhan.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
He's what?
Colm Doherty
He's dull.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
But he's always been dull. What's changed?
Colm Doherty
I've changed. I just don't have a place for dullness in me life anymore.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
But you live on an island off the coast of Ireland, Colm. What the hell are you hoping for, like?
Colm Doherty
For a bit of peace, Siobhan. That's all. For a bit of peace in me heart, like. You can understand that. Can't ya? Can't ya?
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Colm Doherty
If you don't stop talkin' to me, and if you don't stop botherin' me, or sendin' your sister or your priest to bother me...
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I didn't send me sister to bother you, did I? She has her own mind. Although, I did send the priest though, you have me there.
Colm Doherty
What I've decided to do is this. I have a set of shears at home. And each time you bother me from this day on, I'll take those shears and I'll take one of me fingers off with them. And I'll give that finger to ya. A finger from me left hand. Me fiddle hand. And each day you bother me more, another I'll take off and I'll give ya until you see sense enough to stop. Or until I have no fingers left. Does this make things clearer to ya?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Not really, no.
Colm Doherty
Because I don't want to hurt your feelings, Padraic. I don't, like. But it feels like the drastic is the only option left open to me.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
You've loads of options left open to ya. How's fingers the first port of call?
Colm Doherty
Please, don't talk to me no more, Padraic. Please. I'm begging you.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
But...
Jonjo Devine
Shush, like, Padraic. Just, you know, shush, like.
Gerry
Yeah, I'd shush, like.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I will shush. Except me and me sister were thinking, you might just be a bit depressed, Colm. And I tell you this much, fingers just confirms it. Don't you think, Colm?
Colm Doherty
Starting from now.
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Dominic Kearney
Was you never wild?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
Wild? Was I never wild? I don't know what you're talking about, Dominic. Wild how? Angry?
Dominic Kearney
Not angry. Wild
Siobhan Súilleabháin
You just keep saying wild, Dominic!
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Siobhan Súilleabháin
What do you need from him, Colm? To end all this?
Colm Doherty
Silence, Siobhan. Just silence.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
One more silent man on Inisherin, good-oh! Silence it is, so.
Colm Doherty
This isn't about Inisherin. It's about one boring man leaving another man alone, that's all.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
One boring man! You're all fucking boring! With your piddling grievances over nothin'! You're all fucking boring! I'll see he doesn't talk to you no more.
Colm Doherty
Do. Else it'll be all four of them the next time, not just the one.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
You're not serious. Well, that won't help your fecking music.
Colm Doherty
Aye. We're gettin' somewhere now.
Siobhan Súilleabháin
I think you might be ill, Colm.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
Well, don't ask a man to call up to ya at your fecking house, so, like he has nothing better to do with his fecking time.
Colm Doherty
I didn't ask you to call up to me at me house. And you do have nothing better to do with your fecking time.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Huh?
Colm Doherty
You do have nothing better to do with your fecking time.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I know I've nothing better to do with me fecking time, but there's better things I could be doing with me fecking time than to be calling up to ya at your house, Colm Doherty!
Colm Doherty
Like what?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Huh?
Colm Doherty
Like what else could you be doin'?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Reading.
Colm Doherty
Reading, yeah? Me, this morning... this I wrote. Tomorrow, I'll write the second part of it. And the day after, I'll write the third part of it. And by Wednesday, there'll be a new tune in the world, which wouldn't have been there if I'd spent the week listening to your bollocks, Padraic Suilleabhain. So, do you want to take your pint outside, or do you want me to take my pint outside?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I'll take my pint outside, 'cause it's a shite tune anyways, I wouldn't bother with it.
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Dominic Kearney
If we sat next to Colm, the women would have to talk to us too, and then we could get at them with our small talk.
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Peadar Kearney
Aye. Off to the mainland in the morning I'm headin'. That's why I need the clean shirt, like. 'And why are you off to the mainland in the mornin', Peadar?' Oh, thanks for asking, Colm. I'll tell ya why. They've asked for extra manpower for a couple of the executions in case there's any kind of a to-do, like. Six bob and a free lunch they're payin' me. And sure I'd have gone for nothin'. I've always wanted to see an execution, haven't you? Although, I'd have preferred a hanging.
Colm Doherty
Who are they executin'?
Peadar Kearney
The Free State lads are executin' a couple of the IRA lads. Or is it the other way around? I find it hard to follow these days. Wasn't it so much easier when we was all on the same side, and it was just the English we was killin'? I think it was. I preferred it.
Colm Doherty
But you don't care who's executin' who?
Peadar Kearney
For six bob and a free lunch, I don't care! They could be executin' you. Why don't you come with me? You could write a miserable feckin' song about it. Nah, I'm only messin'.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
I think.
Jonjo Devine
Ah, you don't, Padraic.
Gerry
You don't, Padraic.
Jonjo Devine
Your sister does.
Gerry
Your sister does, aye. Siobhan does.
Jonjo Devine
You're more of a...
Gerry
You're more of a... What is he?
Jonjo Devine
You're more one of life's good guys.
Gerry
You're more one of life's good guys, aye. Apart from when you're drunk.
Jonjo Devine
Apart from when you're drunk, aye.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I used to think that'd be a nice thing to be. One of life's good guys. And now, it sounds like the worst thing I ever heard.
Jonjo Devine
Ah, don't take it like that, Padraic.
Gerry
Don't take it like that, Padraic. We're on your side.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
We haven't been rowing. I don't think we've been rowing. Have we been rowing?
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[first lines]
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Colm? Are you coming out to the pub, Colm? It's two o' clock, like. Will I see you down there so? I'll see you down there so.
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Gerry
Are you rowing?
Pádraic Súilleabháin
I didn't think we were rowing.
Gerry
Well, you are rowing.
Jonjo Devine
Well, you are rowing. He's sitting outside on his own like a whatchamacallit.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
It does look like we're rowing.
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Pádraic Súilleabháin
There was a bit of news I remembered, Mrs. O'Riordan. Dominic Kearney's father beat Dominic senseless with a kettle Saturday, and is staying with me and me sister, Dominic is. So, at least his father will take a bit of a break from his beatin' of him. And him, a policeman. Isn't that news?
Mrs. O'Riordan
Ar, that Dominic's an awful little bollocks. That's no news.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
Still, he was in a bad way when I came upon him.
Mrs. O'Riordan
I'd beat him with a kettle myself if I wasn't old.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
It's news is all I'm sayin'.
Mrs. O'Riordan
That's no news. That's shite news.
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Peadar Kearney
What were you talking to the boat fella for?
Siobhan Súilleabháin
For none of your fecking business, I think it was.
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Dominic Kearney
Tout chez.
Pádraic Súilleabháin
What?
Dominic Kearney
Chez? Tout chez? It's from the French?
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Colm Doherty
I killed a miniature donkey.
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