Bill RintelsHave you ever laughed at a comedian when he pretended to stutter? There's nothing funny about a man who stutters, but people laugh. They're amused. But they're not happy about it.
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Joseph Frady[to Deputy Sheriff]Don't touch me unless you love me.
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GailThey say a martini is like a woman's breast: one ain't enough and three is too many.
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Deputy Red[Frady's just ordered milk at a bar.]Can I buy you a drink, miss? You know there for a moment, I thought you were a man. But you aren't are you?
Sheriff L.D. WickerWell, you see he's my sister's boy. Had to do something nice for her, he's so damn mean he can't get along with anybody else. He's dumb. He's a real turkey. You know, you move his plate five inches, that boy's gonna starve to death.
Joseph Frady[getting defensive]Look, I don't need to tell you anything. You're not a cop.
[Frady turns around to leave]
Jack YoungerI wouldn't walk out that door if I were you.
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[last lines]
Hammond Commission SpokesmanLadies and gentlemen, you've been invited here today for the official announcement of the inquiry into the death of George Hammond. A complete transcript of the investigation is in preparation. This committee has spent nearly six months of investigation, followed by eleven weeks of hearings. After careful deliberation, it is concluded that George Hammond was assassinated by Joseph Frady. An overwhelming body of evidence has revealed that Frady was obsessed with the Carroll assassination, and in his confused and distorted state of mind seems to have imagined that Hammond was responsible for the senator's death. He was equally convinced that Hammond was somehow plotting to kill him. And it is for those reasons that Frady assassinated him. Although I'm certain that this will do nothing to discourage the conspiracy peddlers: there is no evidence of a conspiracy in the assassination of George Hammond. Those are our findings. The evidence will be available as soon as possible. Thank you. This is an announcement, gentlemen. There will be no questions.
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Joseph FradyI'm dead, Bill. I just want to stay that way for awhile.
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Joseph FradyLook, why don't you go out and bust up a keno game. Do something worthwhile for chrissakes, you two bit vice squad, you're not only dumb, you're dirty.
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Austin TuckerNow I don't know what you want but if it's money, I'll give you ten thousand dollars to keep me out of it. You don't mention my name, you don't come looking for me. All I want is to stay out of it.
Joseph FradySorry, Mr. Tucker, you've got information I need. Money doesn't mean anything to me. This story's gonna mean more to me than ten thousand dollars.
Austin TuckerFella, you don't know what this story means.
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Jack YoungerYour tests suggest that you have remarkable talents.
Carroll Commission SpokesmanLadies and gentlemen, you have been invited here today for the official announcement of the inquiry into the death of Senator Charles Carroll. This is an announcement, not a press conference. Therefore, there will be no questions. A complete transcript of the investigation is being prepared for publication on March 1st. At that time, the committee will hold a full-scale press conference. After nearly four months of investigation, followed by nine weeks of hearings, it is the conclusion of this committee that Senator Carroll was assassinated by Thomas Richard Linden. It is our further conclusion that he acted entirely alone, motivated by a sense of patriotism and a psychotic desire for public recognition. The committee wishes to emphasize that there is no evidence of any wider conspiracy; no evidence whatsoever. It's our hope that this will put an end to the kind of irresponsible and exploitive speculation conducted by the press in recent months, as I've said in the complete text of the hearings, which provides the bases for the committee's findings which will be published on March 1st. When you've had a chance to examine the evidence, you'll have every opportunity to ask those questions which remain unanswered, if they are any. That is all. Thank you.
Tucker's AideLook, that's the way Mr. Tucker wants it. And if I don't see you, you don't see him.
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Bill RintelsWhen I agreed to take you back in January I made two suggestions. One was about your drinking. Well, you seem to have licked that. The other was that you curb your talent for creative irresponsibility: you can start working on that right now.
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Bill RintelsWe're in the business of reporting the news, not creating it.
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Joseph FradyHey, L.D., what's the news on your friend, uh, Buster?
Sheriff L.D. WickerWell... Actually there just ain't no Buster.
Joseph FradyWell, I was drinking in this bar and, uh... I used to drink a lot. Next thing I know, I'm running around a laundromat, only I don't have any clothes on. And some old lady claimed I was trying to... you know, molest her.
Jack YoungerWere you?
Joseph FradyI don't know. I don't know what I was doin' there, I don't remember a thing. I don't know how I got there. Nothing. All I know is that they, uh, arrested me for... indecent exposure. You know, a thing like that can follow you around. You try to get a job, you're a "sex offender." I'm no sex offender.
Jack YoungerNo, I'm sure you're not.
Joseph FradyYou know what I think? In that bar they put something in my beer that made me take off my clothes.
Jack YoungerWell, if that's all there is to it, we'll check it out with the El Monte police. It'll be no problem.
Joseph FradyYeah, and it was the time before that it was your husband.
Lee CarterYou may find this difficult to accept but I'm terrified.
Joseph FradyI think if memory serves me you were always terrified about something or other, I think it was that some guy might come up and attack you in bed.