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Kinoafisha Films They Came Together They Came Together Movie Quotes

They Came Together Movie Quotes

Molly Can I ask you a question: how do you sleep at night?

Joel I usually jerk off and then sleep pretty soundly.

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Molly I love fiction books. Do you?

Eggbert No, they're not real.

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Joel Give me another one, make it a double.

Bartender You look like you had a bad day.

Joel Heh, tell me about it.

Bartender Well, you came in here looking like crap and you haven't said very much.

Joel You can say that again.

Bartender Well, you came in here looking like crap and you haven't said very much.

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Melanie [on the phone] ... So he went down on me and I came in like one second, haha...

Joel Good morning Melanie.

Melanie Oh my boss is here, I'll call you later. Bye dad.

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Molly [playing charades, acting like a shark]

Brenda Paws!

Valerie Laws!

Eggbert Jizz!

Teddy Jews!

Bob Time's up.

Molly Jaws. I was doing Jaws.

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Brenda Desert's almost ready. Who wants coffee?

Eggbert I would love a double-cream, no coffee.

Valerie I'll have a half mocha macchiato.

Teddy I'll have a caf, half latte caramel venti frappuccino.

Molly Molly, Joel: Boy, whatever happened to just good old regular coffee?

Molly ...Asshole.

Joel Cunt.

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Joel Why don't you just take a jerk, you hike!

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Kyle You can have the pussy, just save me the hole.

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Joel [at dinner party] So, uh, Molly...

Molly Listen, before you ask me anymore questions from the Icebreaker Handbook, here's the 411: Upper Sweet Side NYC. Does the name ring a bell?

Joel Yeah. Little candy shop?

Molly Ding ding ding! Give the man a prize, he's a winner! What does he want Johnny? A new car! Yes, that is my store and I put my whole life into it.

Joel I had no idea.

Molly The only line you care about is the bottom line. Are you the kind of person I feel a strong connection to? Yes. Do I find you cute and funny? Yes. Could you be the guy that I fall for and live with forever? Yes, but the point is you're a corporate robot. And so it is with great pleasure that I say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead!

[chucks water in his face and storms off, everyone gasps]

Joel Molly. Wait, Molly!... Shit.

[awkward silence]

Joel I'll have what she's having, heh.

Bob ...You are having what she's having. It's all the same food; the pasta and the beans and the lentils.

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Molly I don't know Tiffany but she sounds like a stupid bitch.

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Molly [Frank comes running] Frank?

[turns to Joel]

Molly Frank, my old boyfriend, remember?

Joel Right.

Molly What are you doing here? Where's Mia, the yoga instructor? Thought you two had eloped and gone to Paris.

Frank She died, so that's over. Marry me, Molly.

Molly No, Frank, it's too late for that.

Frank Okay.

[turns around and leaves]

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Molly I'll have a low fat, sugar free banana yogurt muffin. But if they don't have that, I'll have half a poppyseed muffin, if they can take out all the poppyseeds and heat it up.

Joel Okay.

Molly Hold on! If they can't heat it up, then leave half the poppyseeds in and sprinkle the other half of the poppyseeds onto half of a blueberry muffin, and then cut both halves in half and throw them both away. In either scenario, I want a lemon chocolate loaf but, this is very important, it must be shrinkwrapped, and more importantly it must smell more like lemon than chocolate. Got it?

Joel That's how you order a muffin?

Molly What? I want things the way I want them.

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Joel Communism could work. It really could. But what they're doing now isn't communism, it's totalitarianism dressed up as communism.

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Molly Wanda, I really like this guy Joel, but I just don't know if he's the one. I mean, I wish there was some sort of sign that proved it.

Wanda How about this? When you meet up with him tonight, change the way you look - just a tiny little bit, but if he notices, then, that's how you'll know he's the one.

Molly [Muses] Change the way I look and see if he notices. Wanda, thank you, you're the best.

Wanda You are.

[Molly moves forward and pecks Wanda on the lips. Wanda looks horrified]

Wanda No.

Molly Just felt like I was getting a vibe.

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Roger I want to make a toast. To my beautiful white daughter, Molly.

Pam Hear, hear.

Joel [confused look] Wait, what?

Roger She is beautiful, isn't she, Joel? Skin pure as the driven snow. Completely unmongrelized. Uh... My beautiful Aryan princess, Molly.

Pam To Molly. Thanks, Mama.

Joel What the fuck?

Roger Joel, have you ever thought about how white people should be proud of their heritage, just like other people are?

Joel No.

Pam Do you realize because of the race mixers white people are now the minority in this country?

Roger It's a good point.

Molly Guys, let's not bore Joel. Justin, how's school?

Joel [cut to Joel and Molly enters her apartment] How could you not tell me that your parents were white supremacists?

Molly I didn't think it was important, Joel.

Joel Not important? Are you kidding? "Oh, hi, Mom. It's me, Joel. Guess what? I'm dating this great girl. Her name's Molly. By the way, she's a Nazi."

Molly So they're a little eccentric!

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Molly Umm... forget it.

Joel What?

Molly No, I...

Joel C'mon, tell me.

Molly Are you hungry?

Joel Hungry? Try starving.

Molly Why don't I have you over for dinner? I'll make you my world famous mac and cheese.

Joel 'K

[smiles and nods]

Molly I like how you say 'K.

Joel I like how you say I like how you say 'K.

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Joel Do you love me?

Tiffany I love Saturdays.

Joel I know you love Saturdays, but do you love me?

Tiffany I think you're A-okay. How many times do I have to say it before you believe me?

Joel Look, there's something I need to tell you. Ever since you and I got back together, something hasn't felt right. I think deep down, you're a horrible person. Granted, you're smoking hot. And that's something no one could ever take away from you. Except of course, Father Time, who will most certainly take that away from you sooner rather than later. But that's not my point.

Tiffany What is your point?

Joel My point is... I'm sorry, but it's over.

Tiffany Are you breaking up with me?

Joel Yes. And I should have done it a long time ago. You and I are like rain-proofing on a wooden deck. Finished.

Tiffany Well, fine. And you want to know something? I always faked it.

Joel Faked what? Your orgasms?

Tiffany No, Joel. I'm not who you think I am.

Joel Judge Judy?

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Karen That is a crazy story!

Joel Told ya! It's like a corny romantic comedy.

Kyle It is. It was such a great beginning, why did you guys decide to get a divorce?

Joel Well, things got pretty rough after that.

Molly Roland's promise to keep my store flourishing forever, well, it turned out to be a little bit more complicated than we thought. Long story short, the store is gone.

Joel And Cup of Joel basically crashed and burned after a week. I mean, it really wasn't anything. And as much as little Tucker loved havin' a new dad around, he was pretty traumatized seein' his real dad get shot in the face by the police.

Molly The debts started to pile up and I started taking pills to numb the pain.

Joel And then...

Molly I started sleeping with Frank again. But enough of our sob stories. The bottom line is, we mutually decided that we were better off as friends than spouses.

Joel Yeah.

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Joel Saving that little candy shop is about saving life on Earth as we know it! That's all I've got. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

Roland He's right. Well, well, well. You just got yourself a big promotion and a corner office.

Trevor What?

Joel Oh, my God. I'm so shocked. I wasn't expecting that to happen at all.

Trevor This is ridiculous. That corner office was mine!

Roland I'm sorry, Trevor. Didn't you hear? You're fired! And if your desk isn't empty by tomorrow morning, I am gonna have your license revoked.

Trevor What license?

Roland It's over, Trevor. Now get out of here before I change my mind!

Trevor No, I want you to change your mind. Then I'll still have a job.

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Joel Isn't there room in New York City for two candy stores, Roland?

Trevor Don't be seduced by his word jazz.

Roland Shut up, Trevor. You may have a point, Joel.

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Joel What are we doing?

Molly Oh my god, this is all happening so fast.

[Joel moves in for a kiss]

Molly I can't - my Aunt Flo is visiting.

Joel You're on your period?

Molly No, my Aunt Flo is visiting me from Florida. Hey Aunt Flo.

[Turns to see her Aunt Flo standing nearby]

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Joel I have a dream, that someday I want to have my own coffee place, A Cup of Joel, you know, as like in cup of joe, but I would say Joel...

Molly Right.

Joel ...because everyone knows cup of joe, cup of Joel because my name's Joel.

Molly Smart.

Joel So Joel instead of joe.

Molly I get it.

Joel Ahh, I don't know, it's probably just wishful thinking, right, it's kind of stupid.

Molly No, it's not stupid, it's great, you should do that.

Joel Tiffany always said that it was a dumb idea.

Molly I don't know Tiffany, but she sounds like a stupid bitch.

[Both chuckle]

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Pam Want to see me naked, Joel? See anything you like? Take me, Joel. Shag me rotten.

Joel But I'm in love with your daughter, Mrs... Whatever Molly's last name is. Good answer! You did it, Joel. He did it, you guys!

Molly [Molly and Roger come out from behind the curtains] Yeah. You're the first boyfriend I ever had to pass the test!

Roger I'm very impressed, Joel. Very impressed.

Joel Uh, thanks.

Roger I have watched many, many of Molly's boyfriends bend my wife over that sideboard and flunk the hell out of this test!

Joel Oh. Can I take the test again?

[all laughing]

Joel Please? Come on, I wanna fuck your mom.

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Bubby Are you okay, bubela?

Joel Hmm... Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just thinking about some stuff.

Bubby Let me tell you a little story.

Kyle [cut to restaurant scene] Wait! Who is this person?

Joel My bubby. The lady I was talking about that likes fiction books?

Karen Oh, your grandmother.

Joel Yeah.

Bubby [cut to Bubby's apartment] Let me tell you a little story. It's about bagels.

Joel Wait, say no more. I've got it. You were gonna say the bagels are a metaphor for the circle of life.

Bubby No, I wasn't gonna say that.

Joel Oh, my God, of course! How could I have not seen it? I let my desire to land the Dickricker account cloud my judgment! I know exactly what to do!

[Joel stands]

Joel Thank you, Bubby!

Bubby [Bubby stands and hugs Joel] Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you!

Joel [embrace lingers] What are we doin'?

Bubby I don't know, but it feels so right.

Joel Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna f*** you so bad.

Bubby Do it. Do it, Joel. Don't overthink this.

Joel Oh, no.

[Joel lifts Bubby's skirt revealing youthful legs and breaks the embrace]

Joel I... I should go.

Bubby Yeah, I get it.

Joel Hey, Bubby.