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Stakeout Movie Quotes

Chris Lecce [Chris and Bill are whiling away the time playing trivia questions] Okay, I got one, name the 16th President
Bill Reimers I don't know
Chris Lecce Here's a hint...
Bill Reimers Abraham Lincoln.
Bill Reimers [His questions are identifying quotes] Okay, "This was no boating accident!"
Chris Lecce No idea
Bill Reimers Man, you suck at this
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Chris Lecce [whilst searching Maria's house, Chris holds up a newspaper clipping about Montgomery] Now is no time to be pausing for the news, Chris
Bill Reimers Now is no time to be pausing for the news, Chris
Chris Lecce [Chris continues his search]
Chris Lecce Ah - we have a letter. 'Dear Maria, I hear you are doing okay. I hear you are seeing a couple of guys. Sometimes I get so mad I could wipe out the entire world, and enjoy myself doing it'. Now how could she have dumped a charmer like him?
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Captain Giles Something bothering you, Mr Coldshank?
Phil Coldshank No, no.
Captain Giles Don't bullshit me. What's on your so called mind?
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[Reading the police profile on Maria McGuire]
Bill Reimers And, the moment we've all been waiting for... 313 pounds.
Chris Lecce 313 pounds? Let me see that.
Bill Reimers I would imagine that's fully clothed.
Chris Lecce Oh my God, she could be the house! I hate this job!
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[on the phone with Bill while at Maria's place]
Chris Lecce I'll be about half an hour.
Bill Reimers Where are my donuts you prick?
Chris Lecce Maybe more.
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Bill Reimers [seeing Phil and Jack leave, laughing about something] Yeah, I smell a rat, they are up to something. I don't know what it is, but they are up to something. I'm going to find out what it is
[he raises binoculars to his eyes, lowers them, then turns to Chris]
Bill Reimers Do you know what it is?
Chris Lecce [casually, with a straight face] Yeah, I think I have a pretty good idea
Chris Lecce What, what, tell me?
Bill Reimers [Turns at Chris' gesture, and sees that ink coating the rims of the binoculars is now around each eye, making him look like a racoon] Son of a bitch! Christ, I'm gonna *kill* 'em!
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Bill Reimers [to Phil] Lick my left one, buddy.
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Bill Reimers [looking in the refrigerator] I don't believe this. They ate all the food and left dog turds in the fridge.
Chris Lecce Don't worry. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?
Bill Reimers Truth and justice.
Chris Lecce Anything else?
Bill Reimers Doughnuts.
Chris Lecce Why not? We *are* cops.
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B.C [arriving at docks] Come on! Let's go.
B.C [sees Chris] Jesus Christ! That guy's a cop.
Richard "Stick" Montgomery [sarcastic] I know he's a cop! His hands are cuffed!
B.C Not him! The other one.
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[in checkout]
Cashier [looks at one of Chris's items and sort of scolds] Eating between meals.
Chris Lecce [mimicking] Eating between meals.
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Richard "Stick" Montgomery Hey. What'd I tell you about touching my books.
Billy Steeks [raising his voice] I didn't touch your dirty fag rags!
Richard "Stick" Montgomery Oh yeah! Well then who the hell else did, since its just you and me in here.
Billy Steeks Piss off!
Richard "Stick" Montgomery Don't f*cking tell me to piss off.
Billy Steeks I just did asshole.
[the two start fighting]
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Bill Reimers But I would appreciate that you not act like a walking hard on while we're working together.
[leaves room]
Bill Reimers Excuse me.
Chris Lecce Succinctly put.
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Richard "Stick" Montgomery Isn't love great, Chris? One minute you're a god, the next minute you're a scum-suckin' pig.
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Richard "Stick" Montgomery [to Maria] You broke my heart.
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Bill Reimers [after Chris comes back from bugging Maria's phone and snooping around her room] What the hell were you doin'?
Chris Lecce What do you mean, what was I doin'? I was putting in a bug, for crying out loud.
Bill Reimers Oh, really? Is that what that was? Huh? Well I don't call goin' through that woman's drawers *puttin' in a goddam bug*.
Chris Lecce Oh, calm down. Don't blow a bowel, okay? For crying out loud. I thought I saw something in her bureau that would tell us whether or not she talked to Montgomery.
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Chris Lecce [in the Captain's office, after the FBI agent has explained what they'd like the police to do] Wait a second. Wait a second.
[laughs]
Chris Lecce Excuse me Captain. There's something a little ripe here. Let me - Let me ask you a question. What you're asking is that you'd like us to sit on our butts... on some low priority shit detail... on the off chance that we're gonna run across some *bad people*. And then what are we supposed to do? We're supposed to give you a jingle... so that you can make the arrest and gets the keys to the city?
[laughs]
Chris Lecce Excuse me, Captain. I'm sorry. I don't like to sound negative, but this is bullshit. I'm a cop. You understand me? I'm not a security guard. I see some *bad people*... I'm gonna be a little too busy to, uh, make a phone call.
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Captain Giles [to Chris] What the hell happened to you? Looks like you got your ass kicked?
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Captain Giles [to Chris, Bill, Phil and Jack] Now, this is not an invitation to a prom, boys. I don't give a shit if you don't like the date. Now, you gentlemen are going to watch this broad until the fat lady sings or I say different. And if you f*** this up, I'm gonna take your nuts... and tie 'em in a knot and run 'em through my shredder.
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[last lines]
Bill Reimers What a boner!
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Bill Reimers [during an argument about who killed Kennedy, Bill checks the fridge] Those bastards. They ate everything and left us a dog turd.
Chris Lecce Ralph Warren left us a dog turd?
Bill Reimers No, Phil and Jack. I am gonna get those guys. I don't know how, but I will.
Chris Lecce Give me the keys. I'll go to the supermarket. What do you want?
Bill Reimers Truth and justice.
Chris Lecce Anything else?
Bill Reimers Doughnuts.
Chris Lecce Why not? We're cops.
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Bill Reimers [when Chris stares at Maria] Are you gonna shoot pictures or draw some from memory?
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[after robbing gas station]
Richard "Stick" Montgomery How much we got?
Richard "Stick" Montgomery That's good. As long as we have gas money, that's all we need.
Caylor Reese Yeah. But its hardly worth rubbing people out for.
Richard "Stick" Montgomery [defensive] What?
Caylor Reese [doesn't want to try to explain] Nothing.
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Bill Reimers What the hell did we do to deserve this?
Chris Lecce I think it was that stripper we sent to the captain on his birthday.
Bill Reimers I told you we should have sent the woman.
Chris Lecce Yeah, I think you're right. I screwed up.
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Bill Reimers What are you gonna do about her?
Chris Lecce Oh, man, I... I think I love her. I really do.
Bill Reimers Well, I'd hate to think that you risked it all just because you liked her.
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Chris Lecce Problem?
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[after Marie hit him]
Richard "Stick" Montgomery Don't you *ever* hit me.
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