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Kinoafisha Films Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason Movie Quotes

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason Movie Quotes

Bridget Jones I will not fuck it up again, Mum.

Mum Bridget! Language!

Bridget Jones Sorry. I will not fuck it up again... mother.

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Daniel Cleaver [Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy have just had a fistfight over Bridget] You know what, mate? If you are so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her?

Mark Darcy [turns away and starts to walk]

Daniel Cleaver [pause] Cause then she'd definitely shag me.

[Mark dives again into the fountain]

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Dad Ciggy?

Bridget Jones No. No thanks. I've given up again.

Dad Shame. I find them very useful. I take great comfort in the fact that they might kill me before things actually get worse.

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Mark Darcy As a matter of fact, I have a question to ask you.

Bridget Jones Okay. As long as it's not, "Will you marry me?"

[chuckles. Mark looks devastated]

Bridget Jones Oh, God... It *is* "Will you marry me?"

Mark Darcy Well, I'm not going to say it now.

Bridget Jones No, no, no! Just wait!

[runs back to the door]

Mark Darcy The moment's gone, Bridget.

Bridget Jones We've just come out into the corridor and you say, "I've got a question to ask you" and then I don't say *anything*!

[pause]

Bridget Jones and you say...

Mark Darcy [pause] Bridget Jones, will you marry me?

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Bridget Jones Friends - they spend years trying to find you a boyfriend, but the moment you get one, they instantly tell you to dump him!

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[last lines]

Bridget Jones I truly believe that happiness is possible... even when you're thirty-three and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.

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Bridget Jones Well, uh... I just wanted to tell Mr. Darcy that I heard what magnificent work he actually did, releasing me from prison. Tiny... tiny misunderstanding to do with an enormous stash of cocaine. And I also wanted to say, since having found out that his girlfriend is actually a lesbian, that I love him. Always have. Always will. And that I'm, you know, available for dates if he should feel so inclined.

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Mark Darcy Bridget, will you stop? Stop staring at me while I'm asleep. Now, find something to do.

Bridget Jones Sorry.

[Bridget turns away, only to turn back around again to look at Mark]

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Mark Darcy [answers the phone] Hello?

Bridget Jones It's me. Just wondered how you are.

Mark Darcy I'm fine thanks. Everything alright with you?

Bridget Jones Fine, though, er, I've just had a rather graphic shag flashback. You do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom.

Mark Darcy Right, well, thank you. I'm actually with the Mexican Ambassador just at the moment and the Head of Amnesty International and the Under Secretary for Trade and Industry and you're on speakerphone.

Bridget Jones Oh, right.

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Daniel Cleaver [after fighting and falling into a fountain together] What are you gonna do now? Drown me in sixteen inches of water?

Mark Darcy [slight pause] Yes, certainly.

[fight resumes]

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Rebecca Bridget Jones!

Bridget Jones No, I'm Bridget Jones!

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Rebecca It was me who recommended this resort. I've been coming here since I was 11.

Bridget Jones [says to herself] Wow. Three whole years!

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Bridget Jones Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity that I wouldn't share a lift with, let alone a job.

Daniel Cleaver [swings around on his chair, coming into Bridget's view] Oh, come on Jones there must have been something you liked about me.

Bridget Jones You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is, do you know the location of your arsehole?

[walks out]

Daniel Cleaver [to other colleagues] As a matter of fact I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers, for that matter.

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Mark Darcy [Bridget gets out of bed covered in a sheet and begins to fumble around] What on Earth are you doing?

Bridget Jones Getting dressed.

Mark Darcy Why're you dancing around in that tent business?

Bridget Jones Because I don't want you to see any of my wobbly bits.

Mark Darcy Well now that's a bit pointless, isn't it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.

Bridget Jones [Bridget's head emerges from the sheet] Really?

Mark Darcy Absolutely. I think it's high time we had another look.

[Bridget drops the sheet on the floor]

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Daniel Cleaver Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Hmm?

Bridget Jones Except Hitler.

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Bridget Jones I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.

Mark Darcy And can you think of three?

Bridget Jones Yes.

Mark Darcy Which are?

Bridget Jones First off, I embarrass you. I can't ski, I can't ride, I can't speak Latin , my legs only come up to here and yes I will always be just a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed!

Mark Darcy No, hang on! That-that can't be a reason.

Bridget Jones No, it's not a reason! But you're not perfect either! You look down your nose at absolutely everyone and you're incapable of doing anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate.

[pause]

Bridget Jones It feels like you're waiting to find someone in the VIP room who's- who's so fantastic, just the way she is, that you don't need to fix her.

Mark Darcy Bridget, this is mad.

Bridget Jones And perhaps you thought you found her.

[long pause]

Bridget Jones Do you *want* to marry me?

[awkward silence]

Mark Darcy Look- I...

Bridget Jones You see, you can never muster the strength, to fight for me.

[long silence. Mark opens his mouth and closes it again. Bridget walks out]

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Bridget Jones [Bridget is on the phone talking to Mark's answering machine while he waits outside her flat] You're outside! Look err, I'll ring you later. Unless you've come to chuck me once and for all, in which case... Bye and thank you and sorry.

[Mark buzzes up again from outside]

Bridget Jones Oh God please don't chuck me, don't chuck me. If you have chucked me, please change your mind, I'll behave much better in future.

[pause]

Bridget Jones On the other hand if you haven't chucked me please behave better next time we go out. Stuck up snob.

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Mark Darcy Would you step outside please?

Daniel Cleaver I'm afraid it's not possible.

Mark Darcy Look are you gonna step outside or do I have to drag you?

Daniel Cleaver I think you're gonna have to drag me.

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Bridget Jones You can't do this, I'm English! And an award-winning journalist... Well, maybe not award-winning, but I have been to *lots* of award ceremonies.

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Shazzer What about a wig? They're lawyers aren't they? Lawyers love wigs.

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Bridget Jones You think you've found the right man, but there's so much wrong with him, and then he finds there's so much wrong with you, and then it all just falls apart.

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Bridget Jones You are angry.

Mark Darcy No, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.

Bridget Jones Disappointed? Oh, God, that's worse than angry.

Mark Darcy I'm just disappointed I can't take you home this instant.

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Daniel Cleaver [while fighting] You're insane!

Mark Darcy And you're a disgrace, Cleaver, and you're gonna pay for it!

Daniel Cleaver Ow, you're pulling my hair! Fuck off, I'm not going in the sodding water!

Mark Darcy You're going in, Cleaver!

Daniel Cleaver If I'm going in, you're going in with me, you smug bastard!

[they fall into the fountain]

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Bridget Jones She's got legs up to here! My legs only come up to here!

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Mark Darcy Can I ask you a question Bridget?

Bridget Jones Of course, any question... as long as it's not, 'Will You Marry Me'.

[pause after looking at Mark's face]

Bridget Jones Omg, it is isn't it? It's will you Marry me? Ok, no! Wait, pretend that we just came out...

[walks back to the door, opens and closes it]

Bridget Jones and you asked me if you could ask me a question and I said yes and NOTHING more. Ok, go.

Mark Darcy Bridget Jones, will you marry me?

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Shazzer [Whisper to Bridget] Jellyfisher alert. Jellyfisher alert.

[turns away]

Bridget Jones Janey Osbourne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.

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Bridget Jones [Diary] Oh God, I'm very worried. What if someone says, "Bridget Jones get out of here, you are ridiculous"?

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Bridget Jones [diary] Have never been happier in entire life. However, must not obsess or fantasize.

[pause]

Bridget Jones Bridget Darcy; Mrs. Darcy; Mr. and Mrs. Darcy; Lord and Lady Darcy!

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Mark Darcy And this is Horatio...

Bridget Jones Horatio?

Mark Darcy Yes, Horatio.

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Bridget Jones You know, I never really understood why you wanted to date me. It seems so unlikely.

Daniel Cleaver Come on, Jones, for God's sake. You're sexy. You make me laugh - at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best shag I ever had.

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Daniel Cleaver I spent the night with a gorgeous Thai girl who turned out to be a gorgeous Thai boy!

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Mark Darcy Are you really pregnant?

Bridget Jones Well, give it three minutes.

Mark Darcy What do you fancy? Boy or a girl?

Bridget Jones l dunno, it doesn't matter.

Mark Darcy Although, l suppose l've always had the fantasy of a son.

Bridget Jones Another Mark Darcy.

Mark Darcy Or maybe something like Huck. Or River. Or some fabulous Hebrew name like Noah. Anyway, l could teach him to play cricket and rugby and visit him at Eton on St Andrew's Day.

Bridget Jones Eton?

Mark Darcy Yes. The Darcy men have been going to Eton for five generations.

Bridget Jones Well, my son's not going to be sent away from home. Especially to some fascist institution where they stick a poker up your arse that you're never allowed to remove again.

Mark Darcy l see.

Bridget Jones l didn't mean you.

Mark Darcy No, of course not. So what's the alternative? Sleeping in his parents' bed, breastfeeding until he's a teenager and some progressive school, where the day is spent singing Yellow Submarine?

Bridget Jones Oh, you're absolutely right. lt's madness to allow a child to enjoy his education or live with his parents.

Mark Darcy What is madness is to have a child if his parents can't have a discussion without one shouting at the other.

Bridget Jones lt's negative.

Mark Darcy That's too bad.

Bridget Jones Yes, very sad.

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Shazzer [on Daniel Cleaver] You wouldn't sleep with him?

Bridget Jones No, of course not. Absolutely not.

[pause]

Bridget Jones But he is clever.

Shazzer Yes?

Bridget Jones And handsome.

Shazzer He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy!

Bridget Jones [pause] Well, no one's perfect.

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Jeremy Paxman Ah Daniel! Your Madrid piece was outstanding. Full of insights; really original.

Daniel Cleaver [Walking with Bridget] Oh cheers Jeremy, thanks mate. Ya, I really appreciate that. Lads worked really hard on that one.

Daniel Cleaver [Jeremy walks away] Tosser.

Daniel Cleaver [to Bridget] Talking of which, how is Mark Darcy?

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Daniel Cleaver Well, you know what a fan I am of any woman married to Mark Darcy.

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Bridget Jones Am late, with mad hair, and can barely breathe in scary knickers.

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Bridget Jones Janey Osbourne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.

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Daniel Cleaver New York. the Big, Juicy Apple. The city that never sleeps with the same person two nights running. My favorite place in America, where Sex And The City isn't just a programme, it's a promise.

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Daniel Cleaver Oh, Suvarnamali, Why can you not see that I adore you? Why do you avoid and scorn me? If you cast me off and leave me. How should I live another day?

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Daniel Cleaver Oh, come on Jones. Who gave who the hoof... and why?

Bridget Jones Let's just say... that we suffered from fatal incompatibility.

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Bridget Jones He must still love me!

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Shazzer [suitcase won't shut] Fuck!

Bridget Jones What?

Shazzer There's no fucking room in the fucking suitcase.

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Bridget Jones [diary] Wonder what Mark Darcy would be like as a father. Father to his children I mean, not to me. That would be weird Oedipus-like thought.

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Daniel Cleaver What is this special power you hold over me, Jones?

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Bridget Jones And I truly believe