Interstate 60 Movie Quotes
Bob Cody
Ever hear of Frederick Turner, Mr. Oliver?
Neal Oliver
No, sir.
Bob Cody
Well, he was an historian. About a hundred years ago he came up with a theory about the frontier. He said the frontier was a safety valve for civilization, a place for people to go to keep from goin' mad. So, whenever there were folks who couldn't fit in with the way things were, nuts, and malcontents, and extremists, they'd pack up and head for the frontier. That's how America got started - all the crackpots and troublemakers in Europe packed up and went to a frontier which became the thirteen colonies. When some people couldn't fit in with that, they moved farther west, which is why all the nuts eventually ended up in California. Turner died in 1932, so he wasn't around long enough to see what would happen to the world when we ran out of frontier. Some people say we have the frontier of the mind, and they go off and explore the wonderful world of alcohol and drugs, but that's no frontier. It's just another way for us to fool ourselves. And we've created this phony frontier with computers, which allows people to, you know, think they've escaped. A frontier with access fees?
Neal Oliver
What about space? You know, the final frontier!
Bob Cody
Ah, Star Trek isn't space. That's television - fine fuckin' frontier that is. Besides, how many folks can just pack up and go to space?
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Bob Cody
Say what you mean, mean what you say. You know that if everybody followed that rule, there'd be a lot less trouble. You know, we still have a contract, Mr. Oliver. Sure hope you're not thinking about breaking that contract.
Neal Oliver
Thinking about it? Yes. Doing it? No, sir.
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O.W. Grant
Every event is inevitable - if it wasn't, it wouldn't happen.
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Neal Oliver
[In the scene Ray is showing Neal cards in quick succession and he has to say what suit they are]
Did I pass?
Ray
No!
[shows Neal the cards]
Ray
But few people do.
Neal Oliver
Black hearts? Red spades? Come on, that's like cheating.
Ray
Ah, experience has conditioned you into thinking that all hearts are red and all spades are black because their shapes are similar. It's easier for your mind to interpret them based on that past experience instead of being open to the idea they could be different. We see what we expect to see, not necessarily what's really there. Children who have never played cards always pass this test. Makes you wonder how many other things are right in front of you - sights, sounds, smells that you can't experience because you've been conditioned not to. The good news is, if we do the test again, you'll pass. Once you're aware that there can be black hearts and red spades you'll be able to perceive them. Your brain's wiring is like the interstate highway system. It's easier to go from one well-traveled place to another. But the places in between, off the highway, even though they're there, most people zip right past them.
Neal Oliver
Well, that's a cool trick, but there aren't any card games with red spades and black hearts.
Ray
Well, how would you know?
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O.W. Grant
As I say, messing with people's heads can be a lot of fun. You should try it.
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Bob Cody
Hey, Bob Cody. I don't drive, and I don't like to hitchhike. When I hitchhike I'm at the mercy of the driver. But when I pay for the ride, I'm the employer and I call the shots. That's how I like it. So you want to work for me?
Neal Oliver
Well, I'm going to Danver. I wouldn't mind making some money.
Bob Cody
Good. I'm going to Renburg. It's on your way. Here's my proposition. You pay for gas, pay for your meals. No alcohol while you're on payroll. I pick the radio stations. I initiate all conversations. I'll pay you $10 cash every hour, and the mileage money when we get to Renburg. In all other matters, you play straight with me, I'll play straight with you. So, do we have a contract?
Neal Oliver
We have a contract.
Bob Cody
So who's my new employee?
Neal Oliver
Neal Oliver.
Bob Cody
Mr. Oliver, you may call me "Mr. Cody" or "sir".
Neal Oliver
You've got it, sir.
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O.W. Grant
Don't take it personal kid. I fuck with everybody.
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Neal Oliver
[voice over] Mr. Cody had rather unique tastes in audio stimulation.
Woman on radio
The choice is clear. The Arion 620, the American-made car for American-made drivers.
Bob Cody
That's a lie. Arion engines are made in Japan.
Man on radio
Kill Signal, the movie everyone's talking about, from Weber Films.
Bob Cody
[laughs] That's another lie. We're not talking about it.
Another man on radio
We're the U.S. post office, and we care.
Bob Cody
Oh! That's the biggest whopper of all.
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[explaining the nature of his wish granting to Neal]
O.W. Grant
Now one young couple wished to be married and live happily ever after. So I blew up their car at the church on the way to the honeymoon. Another guy he wanted great, perfect sex every day with his choice of gorgeous women - no pregnancies. So everyday he gets a FedEx delivery of a skin magazine and a box of tissues.
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Neal Oliver
I love this highway.
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[last lines]
O.W. Grant
Say - you have a birthday coming up, don't you?
Nancy
How'd you know that?
O.W. Grant
Don't forget to make a wish.
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Valerie McCabe
Valerie McCabe, Yale '91. I've got a special rate for visitors, and I know I can win your case.
Neal Oliver
You don't even know my case.
Valerie McCabe
The Madison case? Nuisance suit. Happens to visitors all the time. Fact is J.J. Madison doesn't even have a cat. He's allergic. I could have it thrown out in no time.
Neal Oliver
Wait, he never had a cat? So, why's he going to sue somebody for it?
Valerie McCabe
Because he can.
Neal Oliver
What?
Valerie McCabe
Every adult citizen of Morlaw is a lawyer, so everybody sues everybody else. It doesn't matter if there's a cause. It's how we ensure that everyone makes a living off their profession.
Neal Oliver
Yeah, but that's insane.
Valerie McCabe
I could sue you for that. You just made a defamatory remark about this town. Hey, are you looking at my legs? I could sue you for that too, sexual harassment.
Neal Oliver
Is there anything you can't sue me for?
Valerie McCabe
Hire me. That way, everything between us is subject to attorney-client privilege. I'm $75 an hour. First hour is free.
Neal Oliver
Well, at least you know my case. All right, you're hired.
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[first lines]
Neal Oliver
[voiceover]
Given an infinite universe and infinite time, all things will happen. That means that every event is inevitable, including those that are impossible. And it's as good an explanation for all of this as anything else. Now, a lot of stories start in bars, so that's where we're going to start this one. Not because I was there - I wasn't. But because it's a damn good introduction to a very unique... fellow.
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Neal Oliver
If I tell, it won't come true
O.W. Grant
Actually, that's an old wives tale, truth is you should always tell your wish, kind of Karma thing, put it out there, project it. Then it just might come true.
Neal Oliver
Never heard that before
O.W. Grant
Oh, it's true, believe me. I know. I'll cut this
[cake]
O.W. Grant
for you.
Sally
Okay, so now, you have to tell us
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[rolls his eyes]
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Lynn Linden
What? Something wrong with the way I fucking talk?
Neal Oliver
No, no, no no no... I mean yes. Yes, you make Mike Tyson sound like an Oxford graduate.
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Neal Oliver
[voice over]
As I said, it all started on my 22nd birthday, specifically here at my traditional birthday lunch. As always my father had picked the restaurant. Attending were the usual suspects: Sally, who my parents actually liked, maybe even more than I did; my dad, Daniel, attorney-at-law; my mom, Marlene, the attorney's wife; and my sister and best friend, Nancy, put on earth by the grace of God to keep me from going insane.
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Neal Oliver
[voice over]
I worked graveyard shift at a grocery warehouse, filling orders for the trucks to take to the various stores in the morning. I liked it for three reasons: I'd gotten the job on my own, it paid enough that I did not have to ask the old man for cash, and it annoyed Daniel that his son was even working at such a low class job.
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Neal Oliver
Okay, so if everyone who lives here is a lawyer, how do you live? I mean, who runs the grocery store? Who does your dry-cleaning? Who fixes the shitter when it breaks?
Valerie McCabe
Well, we all moonlight on the law-related jobs. You know, police, bailiffs, court reporters. But those other, trivial things you mentioned? They're done by people like you awaiting trial. It's the only way they can afford their legal fees.
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Valerie McCabe
Fred, Mr. Oliver is a potential fugitive. Lock him up.
Neal Oliver
Lock me up?
Valerie McCabe
Of course. We lawyers have to protect our livelihood.
Neal Oliver
Wait; you can't do this to me. I have rights.
Valerie McCabe
I know you do, Sweetie. I'm here to protect them.
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Neal Oliver
[pointing at a painting on a wall]
Oh, and Dad, that thing? It's crap. You got ripped off.
[pause]
Neal Oliver
And it's upside down.
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O.W. Grant
[after a truck runs over Baker's cell phone and Grant's bike]
Oh they say everything happens for a reason... Me? I guess I just needed a new bike.
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Neal Oliver
So what are you? An angel or a god?
O.W. Grant
No, no, I'm just a guy that likes to mess with people's heads.
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Captain Ives
The fact is, ma'am, here, your son's of legal age. If he wants to stay, he can't be forced to leave. And... he wants to stay. Well, they all do. They're addicts.
Susan Ross
But he's just a boy. He didn't know what he was doing.
Captain Ives
Oh, no, no. He knew. They all knew. That's why there's those warnings posted all over town.
Neal Oliver
Yeah, but if this drug's so addictive, why is it legal?
Captain Ives
Son, this town had a serious drug problem and all the problems that go along with it. We've tried everything: punishment for dealing, punishment for using, more enforcement, tougher enforcement, jail, hell, public humiliation. But it all came down to one thing, some folks just want to get high. So, we came up with a radical solution: Euphoria. Synthetic drug, potent, legal and totally addictive, and we warn everyone not to use it. But like I said, some folks just want to get high. One hit of this and they were hooked, and we own them. Town controlled the supply, so, of course, we could set the price, and we made it very affordable. Live in our camps, eat our foods, you know, just do a couple of odd jobs: pick up some trash, mow the lawn, clean some toilets and you get your Euphoria. And at night, man, party till you drop. Withdrawal's so intense, that everybody pays the price. It's an incredible achievement, really. Drug's so powerful that it sublimates the sex drive. You know how many rapes we had here last year? None.
Susan Ross
Are you saying that Philip's going to be cleaning toilets for the rest of his life? With no sex drive? He'll never marry? I'll never have grandchildren?
Captain Ives
It's ironic, isn't it? Americans fought a war for freedom, another one to end slavery. So, what do some of them choose to do with their freedom? Become slaves. Well...
Neal Oliver
But they're human beings. I mean, they have rights. They didn't know what they be giving up.
Captain Ives
They made a choice. But look at them. They seem miserable to you? They live a simple, happy life. No decisions, no responsibilities. Uh-uh. No problems. They found their answer. You so sure that your life is better than theirs?
Neal Oliver
It's like their animals.
Captain Ives
Well, yeah, we're all animals. It's just that some of us have different priorities, that's all.
[Captain Ives whistles to the young cleaning woman as he tosses a straw of Euphoria on the floor; taking the drug, she laughs uncontrollably]
Captain Ives
Whatever your priorities are, Banton is a real nice place to live.
Susan Ross
[horrified] No! It's a nightmare! Please, I want my son back. I'll do anything.
Captain Ives
All right. Now, it comes down to these three choices: One, you move here to the Euphoria free zone, and that way, at least you'll get a chance to see him. Hell, some parents end up having their kids work for 'em. Kind of a perverse payback. Two, you go home. Try to find something else to make your life worthwhile. Or three...
[offers some Euphoria]
Captain Ives
join the party.
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[Neal and Tolbert collect their winnings]
Elmer the Bettor
All right, what's the trick?
Tolbert (Deep Stomach)
Trick?
Elmer the Bettor
Where's the food? Can't all be in your damn stomach.
Tolbert (Deep Stomach)
Actually, I don't know. You know, the fact is I've always loved eating, more than anything. Go into a restaurant and want to order everything on the menu. But I was always frustrated by the small capacity of my stomach. Well, 17 years ago, I made a wish...
[looks at O.W. Grant]
Tolbert (Deep Stomach)
and, amazingly enough, it came true. Now I have, what you might call, a black hole in my belly. Only I have to keep eating like this six or seven times a day. Gets expensive. So I travel a lot, and I take advantage of guys like you to pay for it.
Elmer the Bettor
[scoffs in defeat] That's a good one.
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