Serving Sara Movie Quotes
[Sara Moore's jeans' pant leg gets caught in a roller of a machine]
Sara Moore
Help me!
[Joe Tyler helps her by unbuttoning her jeans and then tearing that caught pant leg off]
Sara Moore
Jesus Christ! I said, "Help me," not "Undress me."
Joe Tyler
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you over that big machine that was going to rip you into pieces.
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Joe Tyler
Hey, I'm not sure if you guys have met: Guy who got run over, Guy who ran over!
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Ray Harris
It's only been three white geniuses ever: Da Vinci, Stallone in the first Rocky, and now you, Tony!
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Gordon Moore
This better get done, or I'm gonna hang your ass out to dry, you understand?
[hangs up phone]
Ray Harris
[mocking Gordon]
"This better get done, or else I'll hang your ass out to dry." Jesus! A redneck telling a Black man he's gonna hang him! That's the new millennium.
[yells out into the hall]
Ray Harris
Page Tony! And get Farrakhan and 'em on the phone... I think they might want a trip down there!
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Warren Cebron
Gordon, as your attorney, I advise you not get your personal security mixed up in this.
Gordon Moore
Mm-hm. Well, "as my attorney", you screwed this up, dickweed.
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Gordon Moore
Quick as a hiccup!
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Sara Moore
[Sara gets on the bus and notices Joe, as she sits behind him]
Well, well. There is a God.
Joe Tyler
Actually, it was two Italians.
Sara Moore
Do you have any feelings? Do you have any shred of humanity or compassion?
Joe Tyler
[Sarcastically]
Ah, little sick dogs pull at my heart strings, but, uh, certainly not trophy wives from Australia.
Sara Moore
Australia? Look, first of all, I'm English, you twit. And second of all, we've certainly had our ups and downs, but I've stuck it out. And trophy wives don't do that. You know what? The guy on the phone was right. You are an asshole.
Joe Tyler
Hey! I was just doing my...
Sara Moore
The guy who called up to my apartment to say you were on your way up with those lovely papers.
Sara Moore
Yeah, like I know every guy in New York with a Brooklyn accent.
Joe Tyler
Tony. It's gotta be Tony. That son of a bitch has been tipping off my marks for two months. That's why it's been so hard.
Joe Tyler
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch!
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Joe Tyler
My job sucks. It's got no benefits and no future.
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Joe Tyler
Actually, I was pretending to be dead, but can't fool you.
Sara Moore
How can someone end a marriage like that? Just... pow!
Joe Tyler
Look, are you telling me that you didn't see this coming? Let me guess: a lot of trips out of town? "Go ahead, honey. Go ahead. Don't worry your pretty little head. I'll take care of the homestead". Not to mention those extra poker nights with the boys.
Sara Moore
Gordon doesn't play poker.
Joe Tyler
You're missing my point. Look, I have served thousands of subpoenas. Granted, never one to somebody as hot as you. I don't know your husband, but I do have a great deal of insight to men and we are mean, hurtful, and despicable. Male Headquarters would kill me if they knew I was telling you this.
Sara Moore
Yeah, well, despicable is putting it mildly. But then, you complain that we get half of everything. Believe me, with this type of treatment, half is the very least we should get.
Joe Tyler
The only thing you're getting half of, honey, is screwed.
Sara Moore
What do you mean?
Joe Tyler
He served you first. He's in Texas. He's got home-court advantage.
Sara Moore
What? Wait, served me first. What is this? Third grade?
Joe Tyler
Yeah. Sometimes. Texas has some of the most conservative divorce laws in the country. Not to mention those good ol' boy judges. I'm sure most of them aren't married to their first wives.
Sara Moore
Believe me, if I'd known this was coming, I would've been the one doing the serving.
Sara Moore
How about that, huh?
Joe Tyler
Whatever.
Sara Moore
No, seriously. What would have happened if I had served him first?
Joe Tyler
OK. If you had served him first, the trial would have been in New York, not in Texas, where you would have fared a lot better. 50% better, actually.
Sara Moore
Hey, I have a proposition for you: You tear up the papers on me and I'll hire you to serve my husband, I'll pay you twice what you're getting now.
Joe Tyler
Look, here's where you don't understand. I've already told them that I served you, OK? So, if I flip it and tag your husband, my reputation will be shot, I'll never work again.
Sara Moore
I'll give you 10% of my divorce settlement.
Joe Tyler
$20,000,000?
Sara Moore
Mm-hmm.
Joe Tyler
10% of half?
Sara Moore
Mm-hmm.
Joe Tyler
You're willing to pay me $1,000,000?
Sara Moore
Well, that still leaves 9 for me versus next to nothing. It's kind of a no-brainer.
Joe Tyler
You're really serious?
Sara Moore
I think we should draw up a contract.
Sara Moore
Sara Moore, Joe Tyler: ...Million...
Joe Tyler
If anybody calls for Miss Sara Moore, tell them she's relocated to one of your hotels in Bangor, Maine.
Joe Tyler
That's right. Bangor, Maine. That's where she'll be.
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Motel Clerk
Let me get this straight. Your telling me your from the motels parent company, doing spot inspections and I should give you room for free so you can see how it is? Well let me just say you either either fork over 34.95 or you are plum outta luck! Got me?
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