Stuck on You Movie Quotes
Dart in Head Guy
[with dart stuck in his head] Hey, do I look different to you?
Man
You got a dart in your head, you dumb shit.
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Doctor 1
I'm afraid... we lost them.
[girls gasp and begin to cry]
Doctor 1
[other doctor enters]
Doctor 2
It's okay, they'd been taken up to the top floor. We found them.
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Cher
How many Cher's do you know?
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1st AD
Excuse me, Miss Cher, there's a few fans outside hoping for autographs.
Cher
Allright, but I am not taking any pictures.
Cute Autograph Girl
Oh shit, it's just Cher.
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Walt
Christ Bob, you haven't been laid in five years.
Bob
Hey, how would you know?
[Walt gives him a serious look]
Bob
Damn.
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Walt
Times up Casanever. Can I join you for a drink?
Bar Hottie
Sure.
Walt
Okay, what's your name?
Bar Hottie
Debbie.
[they shake hands]
Walt
Hi I'm Walt Tenor.
Bar Hottie
Nice to meet you.
Walt
Nice to meet you!
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Walt
Hey, Dave. How about another tall one?
Dave
Got it. How about you there, Bob?
Bob
No, no. No, I'm cool. I'm the designated walker tonight.
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Cher
I was a bitch with a capital C.
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Walt
All right. Burgers on the house!
[everyone shouts "Yeah!"]
Bob
He's just kiddin', you cheap bastards.
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Bob
[to Walt, on the operating table just before the twins are anesthetized for dangerous separation surgery]
Promise me you'll still be there when I wake up.
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Bob
Hey, I'm alone!
Convenience Store Patron
Great buddy, you're gonna stay that way, too!
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Morty O'Reilly
I'm gonna have to level with you. Siamese twins ain't the easiest sell I've ever had.
Bob
We're not Siamese. We're American.
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Cher
[to extremely young lover, while in bed together]
Go to bed. You have a geography test in the morning.
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Walt
She's got mace.
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Rocket
[Bob is doing a bad job of cooking burgers by himself]
Hey Bob, get the lead out of your ass!
Bob
Hey, up yours, Rocket!
Rocket
[sarcastically]
Oh, Nice Comeback.
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[on her new TV show]
Cher
This makes Touched by an Angel look like Trainspotting.
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Drive-by Heckler
Hey, Freaks!
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May
[to Bob and Walt]
Look, I was hoping we could have a word in private, I mean just the three of us.
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Bob
We flew over the Grand Canyon on our way out here.
May
Really?
Bob
Yeah, it's way different from the Vineyard. You know, with the big hole and shit. Um, and it's orange.
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Walt
Boozing with Cher... boozing with Cher...
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Bob
Hi, how are ya? My name's Bob Tenor but I'm really more of a baritone.
Bar Hottie
Hi Bob.
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Man in burger bar
[to Rocket] Hey! I ordered diet coke!
Rocket
Enjoy your meal
Man in burger bar
[to Bob] Hey, you shouldn't have freaks in here!
Bob
You know, you're absolutely right, we don't want freaks in here, so Rocket, would you kindly show this freak to the door?
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[Walt and Bob are considering separation]
Walt
Think about it. You'll be able to read a book alone, play golf by yourself,
[whispering]
Walt
masturbate in private like the good Lord intended.
Bob
What are you talking about?
Walt
Oh, please, last night it was like trying to sleep next to a paint-shaker.
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Walt
Are you kidding? You could win an humanitarian award for how nice you were to us.
Cher
Aww... no. Well, really, is there talk of me getting one?
Walt
No, no, it's just a figure of speech.
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Morty O'Reilly
If you do this, you're committing career suicide.
Walt
That's what they said when Erik Estrada quit "CHiPS".
Morty O'Reilly
You're shitting me. He quit?
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May
[to motel clerk]
Hey, you wouldn't happen to know if Bob was alone, would you?
Moe
I highly doubt it.
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Mimmy
Bob, the people at Table 14 are really hungry, where's the food?
Bob
How much time have I got left?
Mimmy
You're already fourteen minutes over!
Bob
Well then, what are they bitching about? They're gonna get a free meal.
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Rocket
[Bob is doing a bad job of cooking burgers by himself]
Hey Bob, get the lead out of your ass!
Bob
Hey, up yours, Rocket!
Rocket
[sarcastically]
Oh, Great Comeback.
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