Wayne's World 2 Movie Quotes
Del Preston
So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really. But, sure enough, I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
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Honey Horne
So Garth, would you like to have dinner some night?
Garth
Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
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Bad Actor
Uh...
Wayne
Gordon Street, Gordon Street!
Bad Actor
Uh, Gordon Street! Oh yeah, Gordon Street! Uh, I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. But that was a long time ago. When I was young.
Wayne
[looks at camera]
Do we have to put up with this? I mean, can't we get a better actor? I know it's a small part, but I think we can do better than this.
[person from set crew comes in and replaces actor with another one]
Good Actor
Gordon Street? Ah, yes, Gordon Street. I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. Long time ago, when I was a young man. Not a day passes I don't think her and the promise that I made which I will always keep. That one perfect day on Gordon Street. That's uh, five blocks up, two over.
[jumps in car and drives away]
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Honey Horne
I'm going to be frank.
Garth
OK. Can I still be Garth?
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Garth
How can you sleep like that?
Del Preston
Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
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Wayne
Garth, it's Heather Locklear. And she's signaling to us! There is a god!
Garth
Heather be thy name.
Wayne
Wayne, Garth: Scwiiiiiiiiing!
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Glenn
So Wayne, I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?"
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Jerry Segel
What? Is something wrong?
Wayne
What do you mean?
Jerry Segel
It's my eye, isn't it.
Garth
Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?
Jerry Segel
There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?
Wayne
Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Jerry Segel
You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.
Garth
I'd like to think I have an eye for details.
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Wayne
Hi, uh we're here to see Handsome Dan. My name is Wayne Campbell
Bjergen Kjergen
Yah, I know. We've been expecting you, Vane Campbell. I am Bjergen Kjargen.
Wayne
Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen
I am from Sveden.
Wayne
Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen
Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne
Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen
Yah hah.
Wayne
Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen
Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne
It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.
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Concert Nerd #1
Aren't you those two guys from that TV show, Wayne's World?
Wayne
No.
Concert Nerd #2
Well, you guys sure look like them.
Garth
Look, if Wayne says we're not, we're not, okay?
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Wayne
[trying to avoid mentioning Jerry Segel's albino right-eye]
We'll just take these home, run them over with a fine tooth comb, cross the "t"s and dot the... lower case "j"s.
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Garth
Wayne, we don't wanna end the movie this way, do we?
Wayne
Good call, Garth. If we're gonna go down, let's at least go down in glory. Let's do the "Thelma and Louise" ending!
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Wayne
Wayne, Garth: We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Steven Tyler
You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up!
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Garth
Nice to meet you, Miss Horny.
Honey Horne
That's *Horné*. It's French.
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Honey Horne
I'll bet you like to be in control. Tell me.
Garth
Well, um, when I was 17, my little sister tried to borrow my Def Leppard record. I said, "No way!".
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Del Preston
Did he have a naked Indian?
Wayne
Yes.
Garth
Wow.
Del Preston
I have to ask, didn't you think it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the indians bottom.
Wayne
Yes, absolutely
Del Preston
I had the same dream.
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Wayne
I can't believe Paramount is spending the money to fly us to England. I would have thought they would just use two doubles.
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Wayne
Here we are, at Piccadilly Circus!
Garth
Wow, what a shitty circus.
Wayne
Good call. There's no animals or clowns! What a ripoff!
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Wayne
Okay, you've probably already noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.
Garth
Usually at this time on Aurora cable, you're watching "Plant World".
Wayne
But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot. But we were able to talk "Plant World" into changing with "Cooking World".
Garth
Although they didn't want to change at first.
Wayne
But fortunately, "White Supremacy World" was cancelled, and all the trades worked out
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Del Preston
Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.
Garth
You were at Woodstock?
Wayne
Excellent! What was it like?
Del Preston
It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.
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Wayne
You're worthless! You're less than nothing! What's keeping you here? You don't belong here! Why don't you just quit?
Milton
Cause I've got no place else to go!
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Cassandra
Ah, Wayne, I would like you to meet my father, Mr. Wong.
Jeff Wong
Please meet you acquaintance, Wayne Campbell.
Jeff Wong
You speak Cantonese very well, but please, call me Jeff.
Wayne
Very well... *Jeff*.
Jeff Wong
Wayne, I will be blunt. I do not want my daughter involved with a man whose life has no direction.
Cassandra
Father, please...
Jeff Wong
Quiet. Adult speaking.
Wayne
With all due respect, *Jeff*, in our culture, women are allowed to make their own decisions.
Jeff Wong
How dare you speak to me in such an insolent tone! You have left me no choice but to fight you.
Wayne
If we were to fight, I think it would better if we were dubbed and not in subtitles.
[Jeff is now dubbed with a gravelly American accent, and his dialogue is out of sync with his lip movements]
Jeff Wong
Very well. If that is your custom... prepare to die!
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Wayne
Jim, why was I supposed to put on this concert?
Jim
Because you had to learn that it doesn't matter what you do, Cassandra loves you for who you are and that, being an adult means facing resposibility yet still taking the time to have fun.
Wayne
Right, its like coming home on Friday night and doing your homework right away so that your Saturday night is free to just party.
Jim
No I like the way I said it better.
Wayne
OK.
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Garth
A *sphincter* says *what?*
Bobby Cahn
...I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right?
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Milton
I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great. I'm gonna go pick a fight.
Wayne
He's gotten a lot better.
Garth
Way better.
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Honey Horne
Take me, Garth!
Garth
Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
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Del Preston
Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It takes two people to run a concert: one back stage, and one out front. One man alone cannot do this. Wayne, you will run the backstage team. Milton, you are my liaison between Wayne's backstage team and Garth's front-stage team which includes myself in the booth. To the left and right of the stage are machine-gun nests, belt-fed M-60 Brownings. Now these babies tend to heat up so shoot in 3 second bursts. In the event of capture I will personally distribute these cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so.
[Places a capsule in his mouth]
Del Preston
Any questions?
Garth
Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar?
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Garth
Ok, we've had some word that there is some bad red rope licorice circulating in the crowd. Please stay away from the red rope licorice. Do not bite any off or chew it. It could cause a dental emergency...
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Cassandra
Wait, let me show you what I got at a garage sale.
Wayne
What'cha got?
Cassandra
Isn't that great? You've heard it?
Wayne
Exqueese me? Have I seen this one before? "Frampton Comes Alive"? Everybody in the world has Frampton Comes Alive. If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with samples of "Tide".
Cassandra
Look at this old one. Gerry and the Pacemakers.
Wayne
Wow. That is old. You know, I bet those guys actually have pacemakers by now.
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Wayne
Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man
Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne
Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim
No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth
What do these guys do?
Chicken-man
Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth
Weird.
Wayne
Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.
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Wayne
Where are you going?
Garth
Mikitas. Aren't you coming?
Wayne
No, I'll just embarrass you. I'll just stay here and lick the cat's butt.
Garth
Okay.
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Wayne
Oh! Come on! Do you think I'm a gulla-bull? Or even a gulla-calf?
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Honey Horne
Take me, Garth.
Garth
Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.
Honey Horne
I am gonna be frank.
Garth
Okay. Can I still be Garth?
Honey Horne
Shut up and kiss me!
Garth
[Honey pulls Garth towards her and kisses him. Garth is floating in the air. Honey lets go of Garth and Garth drops and hits the floor hard. Honey picks up Garth and carries him in her arms and carries him into the bedroom to have sex]
Can I have some cocoa later?
[Garth hits his head and groans]
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Garth
[the morning after Honey seduces Garth. Garth comes out of the bathroom holding a smoking pipe. He speaks with a posh British accent]
Good morning, Darling! I trust you slept well? I hope I wasn't too much of an animal?
Honey Horne
[Honey wearing a white night dress raises her arms and holds grapes in her right hand]
Come. Hold me.
Garth
You know I will.
[Garth puffs on his smoking pipe and blows bubbles]
Garth
Party on!
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Garth
[nervously;adressing crowd] ... We-Welcome to A-Aurora...
Guy in Crowd
[yells] Eat me!
Garth
...not just a town, but a st-state of mind.
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Garth
So, did Jim Morrison give you Del Preston's exact address?
Wayne
Yeah, he said EXACTLY London, England.
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Garth
Wow. Look at this scrapbook.
Wayne
Wow!
Garth
That's you with Led Zeppelin.
Del Preston
Yeh. My old lady put that together. We must've toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady, and the road.
Wayne
Is that you and Bob Dylan? Who's that old lady?
Del Preston
That's my old lady.
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Jim
Ask me a question.
Wayne
Okay, two trains are coming at each other at sixty miles an hour, one from Chicago, one from Los Angeles.
Jim
[cutting him off]
No, ask me a question about your life.
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Bobby Cahn
[while watching Wayne imitating a scene from The Leprechaun]
Why do you hang around with these guys?
Cassandra
Because they're fun. If I wanted a guy that was all drag and ambition I could've stayed in Hong Kong. Back there guys like that are 12 for 10 cents.
Bobby Cahn
You mean a dime a dozen.
Cassandra
Maybe where you shop.
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Garth
God, Handsome Dan is so cool. He must get a million chicks. I bet he's totally studly and buffed.
Wayne
With a voice like that, man, he's got to be a babe magnet.
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Wayne
You're not really listening to me, are you?
Handsome Dan
Uh-huh.
Wayne
I mean I could say anything right now like "You're a complete tool".
Handsome Dan
Mmm-hmm.
Garth
But you wouldn't hear it cause... you're a freak with a microphone.
Handsome Dan
Uh-huh.
Wayne
It's not even challenging anymore. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. Isn't that true, sphincter boy?
Handsome Dan
Uh-huh. What? Oh! Hahaha! They're getting closer all the time. Alright, good information about Waynestock, very exciting. We'll be back with more right after PIG Sports. Right now, it's sixteen minutes past the big hour. Isn't that right, Mr. Scream?
Mr. Scream
Heeeeeeeey ha-haaaaaaaaaah!
Handsome Dan
Great. Good stuff. I think people are getting really cranked.
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[Garth takes a sip from a glass of liquor and spits it out]
Garth
This Coke's gone bad.
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Cassandra
You know, I haven't seen Garth in a while. What's he up to?
Wayne
Oh, Garth's doing his laundry.
Cassandra
Too bad he doesn't have a girlfriend to do HIS laundry.
Wayne
Oh yeah; thanks for doing my laundry. Hey Cassandra, how do you get my clothes so white and fresh-smelling?
Cassandra
It's an age-old Cantonese family method that very few people know about.
Wayne
Ahh... Wait a minute... Calgon? Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
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Garth
Uh, Wayne, you know, I don't think you should mention that Jim Morrison thing anymore. It's just that people have started to talk, you know. They're saying things like, "Hey, there goes Garth and his friend Wayne... the psychopath."
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Jim
Hey Wayne, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine: Sammy Davis, Jr.
Wayne
Wow, nice to meet you, Mr. Junior.
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Wayne
What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga! But I'll probably end up working at Great America, mopping up hurl and lung butter.
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[Wayne is about to speak, but he hesitates many times]
Cassandra
Wayne, you look like you've got something to say.
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Wayne
You can see him?
Rip Taylor
Well, of course! I mean, how are you gonna miss a half-naked Indian?
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Mr. Scream
Heeeeeey ha-haaaaaaah!
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Wayne
What am I supposed to do with my life?
Jim Morrison
You should put on a concert in Aurora, Wayne
Wayne
How am I gonna get the bands to come?
Jim Morrison
If you book them, they will come.
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Wayne
Everybody's really hassling me to do something with my life, you know? To become an adult. I feel like I'm in a John Hughes rite de passage movie.
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Steven Tyler
[singing] So never judge a book by its cover, Or who you gonna love by your lover, Sayin', love put me wise to her love in disguise, She had the body of a Venus, Lord, imagine my surprise, Dude looks like a lady, Dude looks like a lady...
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Wayne
Oh, I almost forgot. This year, Garth finally got pubes.
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Cassandra
Not bad for a little girl from Hong Kong.
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Cassandra
Can you believe they're not making vinyl anymore? It's weird, isn't it?
Wayne
That is weird.
Cassandra
Bobby said my album will never, ever be on vinyl.
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Garth
[in a bar] Living on your own definitely has its perks.
[girl passes by]
Garth
Schwing! You know, because your mom doesn't tell you to turn down the stereo, and junk like that, you know, which is a real drag. Schwing! Schwing! You know, because moms are genetically programed to hate music played at the appropriate level, right? I mean - and my dad, forget about it. Schwing! Schwing! Schwing! Schwing! He could ruin a Led Zeppelin reunion concert. You know what I mean? Schwing! Schwing! 'Cause he hates any music played at the appropriate level. Schwing! Schwing! Schwing!
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Wayne
Position one to position two. Do you copy?
Garth
This is position two in position. Position three, what's your position?
Terry
Position three. I read you. Position four, do you copy? Over.
Neil
Four copies. Back to position one. Over.
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Milton
Awesome party! Good tunes. Good brew. Good buddies. I feel great, man. I feel great!
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Del Preston
Ladies and gentlemen! Your roadie training begins today. It will not be easy. You will get tired. You will get blisters. You will get aches and pains. But, you will also get good. Are you ready?
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Garth
[in Honey's apartment] Oh, my God. You're so limber.
Honey Horne
Don't you just love music?
[gets up and seductively dances to a Bossa Nova beat]
Garth
Do you have any Megadeth?
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Honey Horne
You know what I love?
Garth
What?
Honey Horne
I love the way those big, thick glasses magnify your pupils.
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Honey Horne
Thanks for coming in with me. I'm always a little afraid to come in by myself. Come. Come on.
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Honey Horne
You know what I wish?
Garth
What?
Honey Horne
I wish I could climb up inside of that big old brain of yours and just walk around.
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Garth
[Honey kissing and licking Garth's thumb] Feel naughty. Feel naughty. I thought I saw a puddy cat. Whoa! Boldly go where no man has ever gone before...
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Concert Nerd
How long does it take you to get here from Aurora? It takes me forty minutes, door to door.
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Garth
I am no longer a stranger in the ways of the woman.
Wayne
All right, man. All right! Good work, my friend. On that note, game on.
Garth
Game on! All right!
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Bjergen Kjergen
Since you have sacrificed your health for knowledge of my home country, I find you very attractive, and - I hope to make love to you in the near future.
Wayne
Well, shnuergen. Okay. All right. Okay. All right.
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Wayne
Wayne, Garth: Oh, yeah.
Steven Tyler
[singing] Talk is cheap, Shut up and dance, Don't get deep, Shut up and dance, A love has got me down, A tear just hit the ground, So, I started writin' you this song, But the words I wrote came out all wrong, Yeah, but it's alright...
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Garth
Wayne! Wayne! Okay, here's what's happening so far. A lot of people have started to show up, but none of the bands are here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to hurl.
Wayne
Okay, Garth, ix-nay on the hurl-hay. I need your help. Think!
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Honey Horne
You could have me anytime you want. And I do mean anytime. Get me my cigarettes, would you, lover?
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Garth
Are you all right?
Wayne
Women. I feel like I've been placed in the delete bin of life next to Mahogany Rush.
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Garth
Okay. We have some word that there is some bad red rope licorice circulating in the crowd. Repeat, stay away from the red rope licorice. Do not bite any off and chew it. It could cause a dental emergency.
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Garth
We now have an official babe lair.
Wayne
I know, man. This place is gonna be chick central.
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Jerry Segel
Waynestock? You would purposely invite the rock 'n' roll element into our community?
Garth
Well, what's wrong with a little entertainment?
Jerry Segel
Entertainment is fine, but this? You know, we have lots of big acts that come through here. Ice Capades, Tiny Toons, Kenny G.
Garth
Kenny G?
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Garth
Does Princess Di still live here? She is such a babe.
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Garth
Del, you're really gonna love Aurora.
Del Preston
Who's Aurora, anyway?
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Jerry Segel
We would love to put on a rock concert. Not!
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Cassandra
I'm nice to him because he's my producer. But if this record deal falls through, I lose my visa, and then I have to go back to Hong Kong.
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Jim Morrison
What you're saying is that Peter Lawford warned Kennedy not to mess with the military-industrial complex.
Sammy Davis, Jr.
Yeah. Dig this, man. J. Edgar Hoover was one bad cat. I mean, he had a completely different bag from Jack. I mean, he just couldn't groove. And when two cats can't groove to the same tune, one of them has to visit the man upstairs.
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Sammy Davis, Jr.
I gotta split, man. I got some cats I gotta hang with.
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Wayne
She will be mine again. Oh, yes. She will be mine again.
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Wayne
Good night and party on!
Garth
Party on, Wayne!
Wayne
Party on, Garth.
Wayne
Wayne, Garth: [singing] It's Wayne's World, Wayne's World, Party time, Excellent...
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Wayne
We're going to a concert tonight in Chicago.
Garth
Excellent.
Wayne
Yes. And did I mention that we will be seeing... .
Wayne
Wayne, Garth: Aerosmith. Whoooooooooooa!
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Wayne
A year has passed. I'm a little older. I'm a little wiser. I'm starting to get hair in really weird places, man. I feel like I'm turning into Sasquatch.
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2026, Japan / USA, Adventure, Animation, Comedy, Family, Fantasy, Adaptation, Horror
