Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Movie Quotes
Optimus Prime
You picked the wrong planet! Give me your FACE!
[tears off the Fallen's face and sticks him with his staff]
Optimus Prime
I rise... you FALL!
Megatron
NOOO! NOOO!
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Sam Witwicky
Bee, if you hate me I understand. I messed up. I'm sorry.
Bumblebee
[through his radio]
"You are the person I care for most in my life, and if there is anything you need I won't be far away."
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Starscream
Not to call you a coward, master, but sometimes, cowards do survive...
Megatron
This isn't over.
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[last lines]
Optimus Prime
Our races, united by a history long forgotten and a future we shall face together. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message so that our past will always be remembered. For in those memories, we live on.
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Jetfire
Tell me, is that robot civil war still going on? Who's winning?
Sam Witwicky
The Decepticons.
[Jetfire grimaces and spits]
Jetfire
Well, I changed sides to the Autobots.
Sam Witwicky
What do you mean, changed sides?
Jetfire
It's a choice. It's an intensely personal decision. So much negativity... Who wants to live a life filled with hate?
Wheelie
You mean you don't have to work for those miserable freaking Decepticons?
Jetfire
If the Decepticons had their way, they'd destroy the whole universe!
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Chief Master Sergeant Epps
We've shed blood, sweat, and precious metal together...
Galloway
Soldier, you're trained to shoot, not to talk!
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
Don't tempt me...
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Galloway
"The Fallen shall rise again"? Sounds to me like something's coming. So let me ask: If we ultimately conclude that our national security is best served by denying you further asylum on our planet, will you leave peacefully?
Optimus Prime
Freedom is your right. If you make that request, we will honour it. But before your President decides, please ask him this: What if we leave, and you're wrong?
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[the Twins, in ice cream truck mode, enter a NEST warehouse]
Skids
Badass ice cream truck coming through... scuse me, scuse me...
[New alternate modes are seen: two cars, green and red]
Skids
Yeah, baby! It's upgrade time!
Mudflap
Yes, sir! This is my booty call right here. Time to get my sexy on with the green...
[does a dance]
Skids
Ah, no, green is MINE! I call green!
[tackles Mudflap and flips him over]
Skids
I got the green!
Mudflap
That hurt, man!
Skids
It's supposed to hurt, it's an ass-kickin'!
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Skids
Skids, Mudflap: [slogan on ice cream truck] Decepticons: Suck my popsicle!
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[empowered by Jetfire, Ratchet and Jolt]
Optimus Prime
Let's ROLL!
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[last words]
Jetfire
In my Decepticon life, I never did a thing worth doing until now... Optimus, take my parts, and you will have a power you've never known. Fulfill your destiny...!
[rips out his spark]
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Starscream
Only to help spawn our new army! The Fallen decrees it! After all, in your absence, SOMEONE had to take command...
[Megatron slams Starscream against the wall containing protoform sacks]
Megatron
So disappointing...
Megatron
Even in death, there is no command but MINE!
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Sam Witwicky
You won't give me a day, huh? You won't give me one day in college?
Optimus Prime
I'm sorry, Sam, but the last fragment of the All Spark was stolen.
Sam Witwicky
Like what? Like Decepticons stole it?
Optimus Prime
We placed it under human protection at your government's request... but I'm here for your help, Sam, because your leaders believe we brought vengeance upon your planet. Perhaps they are right. That is why they must be reminded by another human of the trust we share.
Sam Witwicky
This isn't my war!
Optimus Prime
Not yet. But I fear it soon will be. Your world must not share the same fate as Cybertron. Whole generations lost...
Sam Witwicky
I know, and I want to help you, I do, but I am not some alien ambassador, you know? I'm a normal kid with normal problems. I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry, I... I really am.
Optimus Prime
Sam, fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.
Sam Witwicky
You're Optimus Prime. You don't need me.
[Sam walks away]
Optimus Prime
We do, more than you know.
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Chief Master Sergeant Epps
I hope those F-16s got good aim.
Major Lennox
Yeah? Why's that?
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
I told them to hit the orange smoke.
[looks slowly at the orange smoke a few feet to his right]
Major Lennox
You mean that orange smoke?
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
It wasn't my best throw...
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
Chief Master Sergeant Epps, Major Lennox: RUUNNN!
[makes a break for it as the rain comes]
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Chief Master Sergeant Epps
[the pilot calls for a bailout due to "engine failure". Lennox is prepping Galloway and moves him toward the rear of the plane]
Galloway
Why aren't you wearing your chute?
Major Lennox
Because I have to secure the VIPs first! Ok I want you to listen very carefully, and memorize everything that I say. Each chute has a GPS tracker so you can be found by Search and Rescue. Right next to that's a fabric webbing called a bridle, which holds the pin that keeps the main container closed. Ok, are you listening?
Galloway
I can't hear what...
Galloway
All right, all right...
Major Lennox
All right when the pilot chute inflates into the air, it pulls the pin and opens the main. Red's your backup, blue's your primary. I want you to pull the blue. I need you to pull it really hard!
[Galloway pulls the blue cord]
Major Lennox
Not now, we're on the plane you dumbass!
Galloway
What? NO!
[as the chute deploys, he gets sucked out of the plane; a satisfied Lennox heads back into the plane]
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
Did he say good-bye?
Major Lennox
No, he didn't say good-bye.
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Sam Witwicky
Bee, I want to talk to you about the college thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky
Hey! I'm not taking you with me!
[Bumblebee is downcast]
Mikaela Banes
I'm gonna wait outside...
[goes outside and starts to strip]
Sam Witwicky
Bumblebee, just hear me out okay? You know, freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, that's all it is. It is best for both of us. I know it doesn't sound like it but... you're an Autobot, you shouldn't be living in my dad's garage. I mean you're suffocating in here. Hey will you look at me please? Hey, come on big guy...
[gives Bumblebee a hug]
Sam Witwicky
Look, the guardian thing is done, okay? You did your job. It's over with. You've gotta be something else, you've got have a bigger purpose then just me, Bee! I can't be the end all deal in your life! I wanna be normal, I want to go to college. Everybody has this, and I should be able to experience this. And I can't do that with you.
[Bumblebee bursts into tears; literally, with his windscreen cleaners malfunctioning]
Sam Witwicky
Come on... it's not the last time I'm gonna see you, you know? Come on, don't do that... Bee, you're killing me...
[Bee angrily gesticulates to Sam to go away]
Sam Witwicky
You'll always be my first car man. I love you.
[leaves the garage]
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Jetfire
This planet was visited by our race once before, by our earliest ancestors, millennia ago. They were on an exploratory mission to harvest Energon, the lifeblood of our race. Without it, we'll all perish, oxidize and rust... like my wretched self! Do you have any idea what it's like to slowly fall part and die?
Agent Simmons
Let's not get episodic, okay, old-timer? Beginning, middle, end. Facts, details. Condense: Plot. Tell it!
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Optimus Prime
For the last two years, an advanced team of new Autobots has taken refuge here under my command. Together, we form an alliance with the humans: a secret but brave squad of soldiers, a classified strike team called NEST. We hunt for what remains of our Decepticon foes, hiding in different countries around the globe...
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[surrounded by soldiers]
Sideswipe
What is the meaning of this?
Ironhide
You dare point a weapon at ME? You want a piece of me? I WILL TEAR YOU APART!
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Sam Witwicky
We're old friends.
Agent Simmons
Old FRIENDS? You are the case that shut down Sector Seven. Now that it disbanded, no security clearance, no retirement, no nothing! All because of you!
[looks at Mikaela]
Agent Simmons
And your little criminal girlfriend. Look at her now, so mature.
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[starting a fight]
Skids
Are you scared?
Mudflap
Scared? Scared of your ugly face!
Skids
I'm ugly? Well, we're twins, you stupid genius!
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[Sam encounters the Dynasty of Seven Primes]
Prime #1
Prime #1, Prime #2, Prime #3: Sam... we have been watching you for a long, long time. You have fought for Optimus, our last descendant, with courage and sacrifice, the qualities of a leader. A leader worthy of our secret. The Matrix of Leadership cannot be found, it must be earned. Return now to Optimus. Merge the Matrix with his spark. It was, and has always been, your destiny...
[Sam wakes up]
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Megatron
There is another source of Energon hidden on this planet. The boy could lead us to it.
[Megatron sends Prime sprawling with a kick]
Sam Witwicky
OPTIMUS!
[Megatron blasts Optimus]
Megatron
Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?
Sam Witwicky
Up! GET UP!
Optimus Prime
You'll never stop at one!
[Surrounded by Decepticons, Optimus Prime unsheathes Energon blades]
Optimus Prime
I'll take you ALL on!
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Leo Spitz
HEY! Who drove a freaking yellow Camaro? There's a car on the porch!
[Sam rushes out to see Bumblebee outside]
Sam Witwicky
What are you doing here?
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Agent Simmons
Before I got fired, I looked through Sector Seven's crown jewel. Several files of alien research point to one inescapable fact: the Transformers, they've been here a long, long time. How do I know?
[tosses a box file to Leo]
Agent Simmons
Archeologists found these unexplained markings on ancient ruins all over the world: China, Egypt, Greece...
[runs an old film that shows archeologists and the said markings]
Agent Simmons
Shot in 1932. These the symbols you're seeing in your head? Same ones over here, right? So tell me, how did they end up all drawing the same thing?... Aliens. And I think some of them stayed. Check this out: Project Black Knife...
[holds up photos of vehicles]
Agent Simmons
Robots in disguise, hiding here! We detected radioactive signatures all across the country. I pleaded on my knees with S-7 to investigate, but they said the readings were infinitesimal, that I was obsessed! Me! Can you imagine that?
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Wheelie
I will have so many Decepticons on your butt!
Sam Witwicky
What is it, a Decepticon?
Mikaela Banes
Yeah.
Sam Witwicky
And you're training him?
Mikaela Banes
I'm trying to.
Agent Simmons
I spent my whole adult life combing the planet for aliens, and you're carrying around one in your purse like a little Chihuahua.
Wheelie
Huh? Do you want a throwdown, you pubic 'fro-head?
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[Leo comes out of bathroom with pants down and trips, accidentally tazers himself in the chest and falls on top of the guard he had just tased]
Agent Simmons
You're an amateur, kid, a rank amateur.
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Ron Witwicky
Sam!
Judy Witwicky
What?
Ron Witwicky
Sam!
Sam Witwicky
Mom! Dad!
[Rampage launches himself in front of Sam, tossing his parents around]
Sam Witwicky
Wait! WAIT!
Ron Witwicky
Sam, listen to me! I want you to run!
Sam Witwicky
Wait, wait, wai...
[Sam hears a whistle, and catches sight of a hidden Bumblebee...]
Sam Witwicky
Okay...
[holds up his sock]
Sam Witwicky
Okay, this is what you want... and I know you need me, 'cause I know about the Matrix...
Ron Witwicky
Sam, just go!
Judy Witwicky
Sam, listen to your father!
Ron Witwicky
Sam, they're gonna kill us all anyway!
Sam Witwicky
Look, just come over here and take it, don't harm them... okay. BUMBLEBEE!
[Bumblebee jumps on Rampage]
Sam Witwicky
Take 'im down, Bee!
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Mikaela Banes
Okay, so how do we stop him?
Jetfire
Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.
Sam Witwicky
Optimus Prime?
[Jetfire leans forward to look at Sam]
Jetfire
So you've met a Prime? Why, you must have met a great descendant. Is he alive? Here, on this planet?
Sam Witwicky
He sacrificed himself to save me.
Jetfire
So he's dead. Without a Prime, it's impossible. No one else could have stopped the Fallen.
Sam Witwicky
So, the same energy that's gonna be used to reactivate the machine... could that energy somehow be used to reactive Optimus and bring him back to life?
Jetfire
It was never designed for that purpose, but it's an energy like no other.
Sam Witwicky
So, then how do you get us to the Matrix before the Decepticons get to me?
Jetfire
Follow your mind, your map, your symbols! What you carved in the sand, it's your clue: "When dawn lights the Dagger's Tip, Three Kings will reveal the doorway!" Find the doorway! Go now! GO! That was my mission! It's YOUR mission now! Go before the Decepticons find me and find you!
[Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Simmons, Bumblebee and the Twins leave]
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Megatron
My master, I failed you on Earth. The Allspark is destroyed and without it, our race will perish.
The Fallen
Oh, you much have much to learn, my disciple. The Cube was merely a vessel. It's power, it's knowledge, can never be destroyed. It can only transform.
Megatron
How is that possible?
The Fallen
It has been absorbed by the human child. The key to saving our race now lies within his mind.
Megatron
Well, then, let me strip the very flesh from his body!
The Fallen
And you will, my apprentice, in time. For millennia, I have dreamed of my return to that wretched planet where I, too, was once betrayed by the Primes I called my brothers. Only a Prime can defeat me... and now, only one remains.
Megatron
Optimus... he protects the boy.
The Fallen
Then the boy will lead us too him, and revenge will be ours.
Megatron
Yeesss...
Starscream
The boy will not escape us! We have him in our sights!
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Agent Simmons
One man, alone...
Leo Spitz
Stop saying that!
Agent Simmons
...betrayed by the country he loves...
Leo Spitz
Oh, my goodness, I'm in the car with you. You're not alone.
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Jetfire
What do you want?
Sam Witwicky
Look, we just want to talk!
Jetfire
I've got no time to talk, I'm on a mission! I'm a mercenary doom-bringer!... What planet am I on?
Sam Witwicky
Earth.
Jetfire
Earth? Terrible name for a planet. Might as well call it DIRT, Planet Dirt...
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Sam Witwicky
Maybe we can help each other. You know things I don't know, I know things you don't know...
Leo Spitz
I don't think he knows what we know.
[Sam carves Cybertronian symbols into the ground with a dagger]
Sam Witwicky
I could do this all day. It comes in waves, these vivid symbols. They're symbols, but they're in my mind. You see, all this is in my mind, and Megatron want what's in my mind, him and someone called the Fallen...
Jetfire
The Fallen? I know him. He left me here to rust! The original Decepticon! He's terrible to work for, it's always apocalyose, chaos, crisis...
[scrutinizes the symbols]
Jetfire
These transcriptions, they were part of my mission! The Fallen's search... I remember now!... for the Dagger's Tip, a-and the Key!
Sam Witwicky
Slow down! The Dagger's Tip? The Key? What are you talking about?
Jetfire
[activating a space bridge]
No time to explain! Hold on, everybody! Stay still or you'll die!
[Humans and robots vanish into a flare of light, they all fall in the sand as they arrive in Egypt]
Jetfire
Well, that wasn't so bad. I just hope we're still on the right planet.
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Jetfire
I have issues of my own, and it started with my mother! My ancestors have been here for centuries! My father, why, he was a wheel! The FIRST wheel! Do you know what he tranformed into?
Agent Simmons
No.
Leo Spitz
What?
Jetfire
NOTHING! But he did so with honour! DIGNITY, damn it!
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Optimus Prime
Any last words?
Wheelbot
This is not your planet to rule! The Fallen shall rise again!
Optimus Prime
Not today.
[blasts Wheelbot in the head]
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[an ice cream truck trundles along a Shanghai road]
Skids
Ding-a-ling! Come out and get your ice cream...
Mudflap
Any bad robot out there better get ready for an ass-whoopin'!
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[after the forest fight]
Megatron
That went well.
Starscream
We've lost the boy, master. The Autobots must be shielding their signals...
Megatron
I can't even rely on you to swat a simple insect!
[Megatron thwacks Starscream with his own arm and kicks him]
Starscream
One insect, among seven billion...?
Starscream
He could be anywhere!
Megatron
Then we will force them to find him for us! It's time for the world to know about our presence. No more disguises. NO MERCY! The time has come for my master's arrival.
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Wheelie
I'm changing sides. I'm changing sides too, Warrior Goddess!
[climbs on Mikaela's foot]
Wheelie
Who's your little Autobot?
Mikaela Banes
Aww, you're cute...
Wheelie
Name's Wheelie. Yeah. Say my name, say my name...
Sam Witwicky
What are you allowing to happen to your foot just now?
Mikaela Banes
At least he's faithful, Sam.
Mikaela Banes
Yeah, well, he's faithful and he's nude and he's perverted. Can you just... Can you stop?
[pulls Wheelie off Mikaela]
Wheelie
Hey, what are you doing?
Sam Witwicky
Just stay right there, okay? I'm not gonna tell you again.
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[surrounded by Devastator's Constructicon vehicles]
Agent Simmons
You ever see "Gunfight at the O.K. Corral"?
Leo Spitz
No.
Agent Simmons
Starring Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas?
Leo Spitz
No, why?
Agent Simmons
Looks like we're right in the middle of it.
Leo Spitz
Is that good?
Agent Simmons
A lot of people died.
[the Constructicons transform and combine to form Devastator]
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Mikaela Banes
[to Wheelie]
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about your eye. But if you're a good boy, then I'm not gonna put out your other eye. I'm not gonna hurt you. Just tell me what these symbols are, please...
Wheelie
[examines the documents]
Oh... oh, I know that, that's the language of the Primes! I don't read it, but these guys... Where the frick did you find photos of these guys?
Sam Witwicky
Is this them?
Wheelie
Yeah! Seekers, pal! Oldest of the old! They've been here for thousands of years, looking for something. I don't know what, nobody tells me nothing. But they'll translate those symbols for you. And I know where to find them!
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Sam Witwicky
[to Alice and Leo as they enter the room to find he's written in Cybertronian all over the walls]
Hey! You ever have a song stuck in your head? Its like the worst song ever, but you cant help but whistle it or sing it cause it repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself, repeats itself. Kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar, kitten calendar.
Leo Spitz
Dude, what the eff?
Sam Witwicky
I know you're freaking out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Easy fix. Puzzle code in my head. Now it's on the walls. Everything is good.
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Skids
Skids, Mudflap: Yo, Leo!
Leo Spitz
This thing's gonna give me a heart attack, I swear.
Mudflap
That's 'cause you's a wuss.
Leo Spitz
You guys forced me into that car, right? So.
Mudflap
I think he's scared.
Skids
Hey, Mudflap, what are we gonna do with this shrimp taco?
Mudflap
Let's pop a cap in his ass, throw him in the trunk and then nobody gonna know nothing, know what I mean?
Skids
Not in MY trunk!
Leo Spitz
Yo, bumper cars? I'm hearing you, okay? I'm right here and I can hear you! No one's popping any caps in any asses, okay? I've had a HELL of a day!
Skids
Why don't you get a haircut with your bitch ass?
Mudflap
Go whine to your boyfriend.
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[first lines]
Optimus Prime
Earth, birthplace of the human race. A species much like our own, capable of great compassion and great violence. For in our quest to protect the humans, a deeper revelation dawns: our worlds have met before...
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Sam Witwicky
Look, I am slowly losing my mind, okay? I had a little crab bot plug in to my brain and start projecting little alien symbols like a freaking home movie! And on top of that, I am a wanted fugitive! So you think you got it rough?
Agent Simmons
You said it projected images from your brain?
Sam Witwicky
Yeah.
Agent Simmons
Meat locker, now!
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Mikaela Banes
Kiss this, bitch!
[runs Alice over]
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Galloway
Now, under the Classified Alien-Autobot Cooperation Act, you agreed to share your intel with us but not your advancements in weaponry.
Optimus Prime
We've witnessed your human capacity for war. You would absolutely bring more harm than good.
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[Mikaela discovers Wheelie and captures him]
Wheelie
Is that the best you got, huh? Is that the best you can do?
Mikaela Banes
What are you doing here, you little freak?
[she grabs a blowtorch, and burns Wheelie's right eye off]
Wheelie
That's my eye, you crazy bitch!
[clips a blue eye over his injured one as a replacement]
Mikaela Banes
You gonna talk now?
Wheelie
I seek knowledge from the Cube. The Fallen demands me!
Mikaela Banes
What knowledge?
Wheelie
You got the shard, I need the shard. Give me the shard. I need the shard. They're gonna whack me! I'm gonna be dead with that shard!
[Mikaela toys with Wheelie's good eye with the blowtorch]
Wheelie
Easy, Warrior Goddess, I'm just a little salvage-scrap drone!
Mikaela Banes
Then I'm your worst nightmare!
Wheelie
Hey, hey, hey!
[Mikaela grabs Wheelie and stuffs him in a box]
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[Wheelie leads the group to an SR-71 Blackbird jet]
Wheelie
Oh, there he is... This guy's a legend, like the Chairman of the Board! Yo, freshman, point the shard and watch the magic happen.
[Sam sticks the Allspark shard into the jet. Mikaela makes a closer examination of the plane, and discovers a symbol...]
Mikaela Banes
Oh, shit... It's a Deception!
Agent Simmons
Decepticon? Behind the MiG NOW!
[Sam, Mikaela, Leo and Simmons scramble away as the Blackbird transforms]
Jetfire
What sort of hideous mausoleum is this?
[Jetfire spots the humans]
Jetfire
Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves, or suffer my infinite wrath!
[Cautiously, the humans approach the robot]
Jetfire
You little spinal-cord-based organisms...!
[bangs his head on a model of a satellite, which drops and just misses Sam]
Jetfire
Oh, bugger it!
[stands upright]
Jetfire
Behold, the eternal glory of Jetfire! Prepare for remote systems override!
Wheelie
I tell you, this guy did NOT age well!
Mikaela Banes
I don't think he's gonna hurt us...
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Agent Simmons
[positioned under Devastator on the pyramid to give a position for the rail gun, sees two wrecking balls hanging from Devastator's groin]
I am directly below... the enemy's scrotum.
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[sucked into Devastator's vortex]
Mudflap
I don't want to die! Kung fu grip, boy, kung fu grip...!
[gets sucked inside]
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Sam Witwicky
Bee, get in the garage! NOW!
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[Skids and Mudflap try to chase Sideways as an ice cream, but crash into a wall]
Mudflap
I messed that up... I'm okay...
Skids
This is combat, man!
Mudflap
I got brain freeze!
Skids
What's wrong with you?
[punches Mudflap]
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Skids
Oh, look who came sashaying back.
Mudflap
Hair growing like a Chia Pet, look at him.
Leo Spitz
I had a bit of a mild panic attack earlier, right?
Mudflap
That's 'cause you're a pussy.
Leo Spitz
I think I'm allowed that, considering what I've been through.
[directs attention to Sam]
Leo Spitz
Hey, you say you have in your head? I know someone who can help.
Sam Witwicky
Who?
Leo Spitz
RoboWarrior.
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Sam Witwicky
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
[Jetfire thrusts himself right in their faces, making them fall over]
Jetfire
I told you my name was Jetfire! So stop judging me!
Wheelie
Whoa, somebody shit the bed this morning!
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Jetfire
Somewhere buried in this desert, our ancestors built a great machine. It harvests Energon by destroying suns.
Sam Witwicky
Destroy suns?
Leo Spitz
You mean blow them up?
Jetfire
Yes! You see, in the beginning, there were seven Primes, our original leaders. And they set out into the universe, seeking distant suns to harvest. The Primes set out with one rule: never destroy a planet with life. Until one of them tried to defy this rule. And his name was, forevermore, the Fallen...
[projects a hologram and narrates the events seen within]
Jetfire
He despised the human race, and he wanted to kill you all by turning on that machine. The only way to activate it is with a legendary key called the Matrix of Leadership. A great battle took place over the possession of the Matrix. The Fallen was stronger than his brothers, so they had no choice but to steal and hide it from him. In the ultimate sacrifice, they gave their lives to seal the Matrix away in a tomb made of their very own bodies. A tomb we cannot find.
[shuts off the hologram]
Jetfire
Somewhere, buried in this desert, that deadly machine remains. The Fallen knows where it is, and if he finds the Tomb of the Primes, you world will be no more.
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[At dawn, Sam looks up in the sky and makes a discovery]
Sam Witwicky
[points at a cluster of stars]
See those stars, see how the last one touches the horizon? That's Orion's Belt. It's also called the Three Kings, the reason for that is because the three Egyptian kings who ruled in Giza built them to mirror those stars. So, it's like an arrow staring you in the face...
Agent Simmons
They all point due east, towards Jordan. The mountains of Petra...
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[sensing Demolishor]
Ironhide
He's here. I smell him.
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[Soundwave tracks down the Witwickys in Paris]
Soundwave
Yeesss...
[makes a call]
Judy Witwicky
Hello? I mean, bon soir!
[hears Soundave breathing]
Judy Witwicky
What? Who is this?
Soundwave
Where is the boy?
Judy Witwicky
For Pete's sakes, I'm not impressed with your perverted mouth-breathing!
[hangs up]
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Galloway
Now, what do we know so far? We know that the enemy leader - classified NBE-1, aka Megatron - is rusting in peace at the bottom of the Laurentian Abyss, surrounded by sophisticated detection nets AND full-time submarine surveillance. We also know that the only remaining piece of your alien All Spark is locked in an electromagnetic vault, here on one of the most secure naval bases in the world...
Soundwave
Decepticons: we have located the shard.
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[Devastator activates his vortex grinder]
Mudflap
Oh, look at this motherf...!
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Megatron
Dotor, examine this alien specimen...
[the Doctor transforms and crawls on Sam]
Doctor
I'll scan you. Let's take a look at your face. I'm ze Doctor. Ze oddjob. Information!
[shoves a probe down Sam's throat, and acquires readings from a hologram]
Megatron
Oh, there they are...
Sam Witwicky
What?
Megatron
These symbols can lead us to the Energon source!
Doctor
We must have ze brain on ze table! Chop chop!
Sam Witwicky
Brain? What does he mean by my brain?
Megatron
Well, you have something on your mind, something I need...
Sam Witwicky
Hold on, I know you're pissed, I know you're pissed because I tried to kill, you and it's completely understandable! If somebody tried to kill me, I'd be upset too! I think we have an oppurtunity here to start anew, and-and develop our relationship, and see what it leads us, okay? So, you just call the Doctor Inspector off and let's just talk for five seconds!
[the Doctor pulls out a buzzsaw]
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Leo Spitz
That's it! No mas! I'm not going anywhere, all right? And you guys are crazy! You don't even know where you're going! I'm staying! Who's with me, huh?
[no response]
Leo Spitz
Viva la revolution!
Mikaela Banes
Good luck, Leo.
Sam Witwicky
Enjoy the heat!
Agent Simmons
You're better off staying, you're slowing down the mission. I give you twenty minutes before the vultures start pecking at you like lunch meat! Try swallowing your tongue, go out quickly. End it with dignity.
[Everyone gets in the car and leaves]
Leo Spitz
Wait, wait, wait! Don't leave me with this old-ass plane... WAIT!
[runs after the convoy]
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Optimus Prime
Sam? Where are you?
[Megatron runs Optimus Prime through with his blade and blasts him through the wound]
Megatron
You are so WEAK!
[back on Earth, a shocked Sam watches Optimus collapse]
Optimus Prime
Sam... run!
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[Bumblebee throws the Twins out of Petra]
Skids
Ah, now that's rude...
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[Devastator climbs the Great Pyramid]
Agent Simmons
Oh, God, this is it. The Pyramid's built right over the machine! They turn that machine on... no more sun. Not on my watch. Not on MY watch!
[climbs the Pyramid]
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[Sam and Mikaela discover Simmons working in a diner]
Sam Witwicky
You gotta be kidding me...
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[after Bumblebee blasts the house to destroy the kitchen bots]
Judy Witwicky
Sam, Sam, listen to me... When you go, he goes. I cannot live with a psychotic alien in my garage!
Ron Witwicky
Judy, national security... Look, if we stay quiet, they're gonna take care of everything. Just consider this the official start of our remodel, okay?
Judy Witwicky
Fine. If the government's paying, I want a pool and a hot tub! And I'm gonna skinny-dip and you can't say shit about it!
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Megatron
Come here, boy. Closer... You remember me, don't you?
Sam Witwicky
I'll do what you say, all right? Just don't hurt them...
Megatron
SHUT UP!
[flicks Sam through a wall and onto a table]
Megatron
[pinning Sam down]
It feels good to grab your flesh! I am going to kill you slowly, painfully, but first, we have some delicate work to do. How could I snap your limbs off!
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[Sam appears back in college]
Professor Colan
So glad you could join us, Professor Einstein.
Sam Witwicky
Yeah, I was kinda busy. Okay.
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[spying on Mikaela]
Wheelie
You're hot, but you ain't too bright!
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[in the middle of the Egyptian desert]
Agent Simmons
That really, really hurt. You're just lucky that I didn't get hurt! People could have gotten killed, okay? And if I would have gotten hurt, you would have heard...
Jetfire
Oh, shut up! I told you I was opening a space bridge, it's the fastest way to travel to Egypt.
Sam Witwicky
[his hand injured and bandaged]
When did you... When did you tell us? You didn't tell us anything. You didn't tell us anything. Why are we in Egypt?
Jetfire
Don't you get snippy with me, fleshling! You were duly informed!
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[fighting Devastator]
Mudflap
Nobody messes with me! In your face!
[fires on Devastator]
[Mudflap jumps off Devastator and Skids hurls him a grapple to swing on]
Mudflap
Nobody messes with the Twins!
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[arriving at the Pyramids]
Starscream
Master, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the soldiers brought the body of Prime.
Megatron
The boy must have the Matrix... we cannot let him reach Optimus! Decepticons! Begin our assault!
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Skids
Shhh! Undercover, y'all! You gotta blend in with your surroundings, you gotta be part of the landscape...
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Ticket Agent
And have any strangers given you anything suspicious to carry on today?
[Mikaela slams her foot on the box]
Mikaela Banes
No.
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Leo Spitz
Dead pigs.
Mikaela Banes
YUCK!
Agent Simmons
What you are about to see is top secret. Do *not* tell my mother!
[Simmons reveals a secret bunker in a meat locker]
Leo Spitz
Swine flu, not good.
Agent Simmons
Now you know: next time you eat a goat or a pig, there's a story behind it, sad little story.
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Optimus Prime
Thank you, Sam, for saving my life.
Sam Witwicky
You're welcome. Thank you for believing in me.
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Mikaela Banes
You live with your momma?
Agent Simmons
No, my momma lives with me. There's a big difference.
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Mikaela Banes
You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
Sam Witwicky
And?
Mikaela Banes
I'd do anything for you.
Mikaela Banes
And?
Sam Witwicky
I... adore you.
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[Galloway interrupts the NEST briefing to General Morshaower]
Major Lennox
Director Galloway, our National Security Advisor. The President just appointed him liaison...
[rolls his eyes]
General Morshower
Well I guess I didn't get that memo.
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Ron Witwicky
You'll see that a lot in college, too.
Sam Witwicky
What are you talking about, Dad?
Ron Witwicky
There's gonna be a lot of women there.
Sam Witwicky
Yeah, well, I'm a one-woman kind of guy.
Ron Witwicky
Look, Mikaela's the greatest, but you gotta give each other room to grow, okay? You're no different than any other couple your age.
Sam Witwicky
Except we discovered an alien race together.
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Sam Witwicky
[about the kiss from Alice]
You ever had your stomach tongued by a mountain ox with a five-foot tongue? It's fun for me, okay, Mikaela? And it smelled like... Like diesel! Like a diesel-y tinge to it!
Mikaela Banes
You're such a little girl!
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Soundwave
Decepticons, mobilize. It is time.
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[Autobot reinforcements arrive at the forest fight]
Ironhide
Autobots, attack!
Ratchet
Bumblebee, get them out of here!
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Frat guy
Freshman!
Sam Witwicky
Yeah?
Frat guy
Is that your car in our bushes?
Sam Witwicky
No... uh, this is a friend of mine's, he just... went to go get you a tighter shirt...
Frat guy
There isn't a tighter shirt! We checked!
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Sam Witwicky
[on the phone with Mikeala]
I just read a 903-page astronomy book in 32.6 seconds. I had a meltdown in the middle of my class. I am seeing symbols ever since I...
Mikaela Banes
Since what?
Sam Witwicky
Ever since I touched the Cube splinter.
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[the Twins chase Sideways]
Mudflap
Whatcha gonna do?
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[drawing away the Decepticons]
Agent Simmons
One man, alone, abandoned by the country he loves...
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Major Lennox
Arcee, you ready?
Arcee
We're locked and loaded.
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[arriving at Sam's college]
Judy Witwicky
Look at this place! I feel smarter already! Can you smell that?
Ron Witwicky
Yeah, smells like $40,000 a year.
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Agent Simmons
[handing out a jar]
Here, take one of these pills and slip it under your tongue. It's the high concentrate Polymer they put in Oreo cookies. It flukes the polygraph every time.
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Sam Witwicky
You know what this is? This is the awkward moment. Yeah, see, you're trying to see if I'm a normal guy. I'm trying to see if you're a normal guy. Balanced, unmedicated, nothing under the crawl space.
Leo Spitz
Good personal hygiene, won't stab me in my sleep.
Sam Witwicky
No criminal record, won't steal anything.
Leo Spitz
Including girlfriends.
Sam Witwicky
Especially girlfriends.
Leo Spitz
You got a girlfriend?
Sam Witwicky
I do. You?
Leo Spitz
No, not a chance.
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Sam Witwicky
Hey, you know the glyphs? These? The symbols that have been rattling around in my head?
[shows the Twins the symbols he drew]
Skids
That's old school, yo. That's like... That's Cybertronian.
Mudflap
That's some serious stuff, right there.
Sam Witwicky
They gotta mean something, like a map or like map. Like a map to an Energon source! Can you read this?
Skids
Read?
Mudflap
No. We don't really do much reading. Not so much.
Sam Witwicky
If you can't read it, we gotta find somebody who can.
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Major Lennox
Look who showed up... Director Galloway, what an unexpected surprise...
Galloway
Save it! Shanghai's a mess!
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[Sam, Mikaela and Leo are on the run from Decepticons]
Leo Spitz
Okay, so what else don't I know, all right? Since you guys forgot to mention some minor details.
[Grindor comes for them]
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[after seeing Optimus Prime transform]
USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
You gotta wonder: if God made us in His image, who made him?
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[Optimus is resurrected with the Matrix]
[the Fallen warps and jumps on Prime, and plucks the Matrix from his chest]
The Fallen
My Matrix.
[warps off]
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Ron Witwicky
Let's go. March, young lady!
[to his son's horror, Ron slaps his wife's derriere]
Judy Witwicky
I love it when you call me "young lady," you dirty old man.
[goes upstairs giggling]
Ron Witwicky
You ain't seen nothing yet...
Sam Witwicky
Dad, Dad, Dad, whoa!
Ron Witwicky
What?
Sam Witwicky
I'm watching what you're doing, Dad. It's not a rap video.
Ron Witwicky
It's just like a coach thing.
Sam Witwicky
That was a really creepy move just now, Dad.
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[the Witwicky home is under siege by Decepticons]
Ron Witwicky
What was that?
Sam Witwicky
That's the whole kitchen!
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[a diminutive Egyptian Guard comes up to them]
Agent Simmons
These are my people. I'm one-thirty-six Arab.
Wheelie
Great, a freaking Munchkin! Little people are mean. Tell him he's tall.
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[Leo dials on a cellphone]
Sam Witwicky
What're you doing?
Leo Spitz
Making a call so I can get outta here!
[Sam snatches the phone]
Sam Witwicky
Dude, the government can track us with these!
[breaks the phone]
Leo Spitz
They can track us?
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[Lennox and Sam are under attack by Mixmaster]
[transforms]
Jetfire
Stick the landing... Arrggghhhh!
[crash-lands, and attacks Mixmaster]
Jetfire
Behold the glory of Jetfire!
[slices Mixmaster in half]
Jetfire
Now let me show you how we brought the pain in MY day!
[stomps on Mixmaster and breaks off his head]
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Professor Colan
Young man, I will not be punk'd in front of the dean. No, this is my universe here. Do you understand me? I am the alpha and the omega. Get out of my class!
Sam Witwicky
Yes, sir.
[Sam leaves]
Professor Colan
Anyone else care to have some sort of mental breakdown?
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Galloway
I'm ordering you to stand down.
[rips off Lennox's badges]
Galloway
[sneer]
You won't be needing this anymore. Get your assets back to base! And take that pile of scrap metal back to Diego Garcia. Let's go!
[leaves as Epps comes to stand next to Lennox]
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
I really don't like that dude. He's an asshole.
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[NEST brings Optimus's body to Egypt]
Chief Master Sergeant Epps
We just dropped ten tons of dead robot out in the middle of nowhere. I sure hope this kid knows what he's doing...
Major Lennox
Yeah, me too.
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[the Fallen makes a broadcast in Times Square]
The Fallen
Citizens of the human hive, your leaders have withheld the truth. You are not alone in the universe. We have lived among you, hidden, but no more. As you've seen, we destroy your cities at will, unless you turn over this boy.
[images of Sam appear]
The Fallen
If you resist, we will destroy the world as you know it.
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[Wheelie gets his foot caught in a mousetrap and starts cursing, catching Bones's attention]
Wheelie
What're you looking at, yah slobberpuss?
[he gets his other foot caught in a sticky pad]
Wheelie
This place is a freaking house of horrors!
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Skids
OW, man, you shot me in the face!
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Ratchet
[about Galloway]
This fool is terribly misinformed!
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[Optimus shoots Megatron in the face and blasts him through a wall]
Megatron
Tharscweam!
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[Optimus, in truck mode and carrying Sam, is being chased by Megatron in tank mode]
Sam Witwicky
Here he comes!
[Megatron and Optimus Prime transform; Megatron tackles Prime just as Sam jumps out]
Optimus Prime
HIDE, SAM!
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Jetfire
I command these doors to open!
[aims his blaster at a door]
Jetfire
Fire!... I said, FIRE!
[the blaster malfunctions and misfires]
Jetfire
Oh, bollocks! Damn these worthless parts...
[smashes his way out of the museum]
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Doctor
Ze shard make Energon!
[sticks the shard into Megatron's chest]
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The Fallen
Soon this planet will be dark forever...
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Major Lennox
Bring in Sideswipe!
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Mikaela Banes
Here we are in the middle of the desert, with the stars above us, and you still can't tell me you love me.
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[Sam and Mikaela run through pillars]
Starscream
Rampage, spring the trap.
[Rampage unloads Ron and Judy]
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The Fallen
Die like your brothers.
Optimus Prime
They were your brothers, too.
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[Leo observes Frenzy's head in a jar]
Agent Simmons
Hey! Still radioactive, hands off!
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[Sam invites Alice into his Camaro for a ride]
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Megatron
DECEPTICONS!
[Grindor and Starscream enter the forest]
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[Sam, Mikaela, Leo and Simmons run after Jetfire, the Autobots joining in the chase]
Agent Simmons
[looking back at the smashed wall]
The museum is going to be very angry, very angry! We gotta catch that plane!
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Arcee
Follow us through the pillars. We'll take you to Optimus...
[gets hit]
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Mikaela Banes
Fucking do something!
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[in a bout of flatulence, a parachute ejects from Jetfire, causing him to topple backwards]
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[straddling a wrecked and sinking naval carrier]
The Fallen
Revenge is mine!
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Megatron
DEVASTATOR!
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[from director's cut]
Sam Witwicky
Bumblebee, just hear me out okay? You know, freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, that's all it is. It is best for both of us. I know it doesn't sound like it but... you're an Autobot, you shouldn't be living in my dad's garage. I mean you're suffocating in here. Hey will you look at me please? Hey, come on big guy...
[gives Bumblebee a hug]
Sam Witwicky
Look, the guardian thing is done, okay? You did your job. It's over with. You've gotta be something else, you've got have a bigger purpose then just me, Bee! I can't be the end all deal in your life!
Bumblebee
What is YOUR purpose, Sam?
Sam Witwicky
I don't know. I... I wanna be normal, I want to go to college. Everybody has this, and I should be able to experience this. And I can't do that with you.
[Bumblebee bursts into tears; literally, with his windscreen cleaners malfunctioning]
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[to Mikaela]
Sam Witwicky
I love you.
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The Fallen
My brothers could not stop me from this...
[activates the solar harvester with the Matrix]
Megatron
Yeesss...
The Fallen
Now, I claim your sun!
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Ratchet
Ironhide, we should leave this planet...
Ironhide
That's not what Optimus would want.
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Sam Witwicky
I love it when you say "camshafts." Whisper it to me.
Mikaela Banes
Camshafts.
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Mikaela Banes
Leo, stop freaking out, stop freaking out.
Agent Simmons
Shut this guy up, huh?
Leo Spitz
Please, just let me live, just let me live!
Mikaela Banes
Shut up and let him drive!
Sam Witwicky
Just stop screaming...
Agent Simmons
All right, that's it!
[tases Leo, rendering him unconscious]
Agent Simmons
I can't take that guy anymore.
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Mikaela Banes
It took all this to say you love me.
Sam Witwicky
You said it first.
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Jetfire
Right... I'm on a mission!
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Doctor
[examining Megatron's body] Need parts! Kill ze little one!
[the Constructicons dismember one of their members]
Scrapmetal
Nooo...!
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Leo Spitz
We're trusting old Grandpa Blackbird, who can't even remember which planet he's on?
[at Petra]
Agent Simmons
Well, in his defense, this is the biggest doorway I've seen in my life.
Leo Spitz
All right. Let me do a quick check.
[looks around]
Leo Spitz
Nope! Doesn't look like archeologists have been here, guys?
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Judy Witwicky
[touring Sam's college]
People are sure friendly here. Some kids just gave me this bag of brownies.
Sam Witwicky
Mom, that's not a brownie! Don't take it!
Judy Witwicky
Sam, I am your mother and I can do what I want!
Ron Witwicky
Honey! They baked it with reefer!
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[deployed to intercept Demolishor]
Optimus Prime
Autobots, I'm in pursuit!
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Leo Spitz
Okay, I'm just gonna go to the cops, all right? I'm going to tell the truth...
Sam Witwicky
Hey, you wanted this! You wanted the Real Deal? Wake up, you're in the MIDDLE of it! You want to go, nobody's in your way!
[Leo stares at Sam, at a loss of words]
Leo Spitz
Stop complaining!
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Leo Spitz
I'm the key to this. The aliens, they want me 'cause of my site.
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[Mikaela throws her suitcase at Alice, and collects it back]
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[Grindor carries a car with Leo, Sam and Mikaela in it towards an abandoned factory, and drops it...]
Leo Spitz
We're gonna die!
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Major Lennox
Stick with me, all right? Stay on my ass!
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Galloway
What we need is to come up with a suitable diplomatic solution...
Major Lennox
What, like giving up the kid? There's NO negotiating with them!
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Major Lennox
We got a whole bunch of fight coming our way!
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The Fallen
Yeesss... the last Prime is dead.
[gets up from his throne]
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[Devastator is destroyed]
Agent Simmons
YEAH!
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[on the radio with a difficult captain]
Agent Simmons
We have got the mother of ALL NBEs on us...!
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Graham
Cover Optimus!
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Diego Garcia Soldier
Major, incoming SOS from Autobots!
Diego Garcia Soldier
Multiple Deception contacts in motion. Vicinity, eastern United States, sir!
General Morshower
As in how many?
Diego Garcia Soldier
Unclear, sir.
General Morshower
Well, get clear!
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[hiding from the police, hanging on a wall]
Skids
This is what's called blending in, like a ninja...
Mudflap
Shut up or I'll blend my fist in your face!
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Starscream
Found the boy!
[opens fire]
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Soundwave
Decepticons: boy's location detected.
Starscream
Starscream in pursuit.
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General Morshower
Holy shit, it's a trick! Commence Operation Firestorm!
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[after slicing Sideways in half]
Sideswipe
Damn, I'm good.
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Sam Witwicky
I work for you now? That's incredible. It's the first day of college, I got a career at a dinky internet firm with a boss who is made up of just pure champion stuff.
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Mikaela Banes
Guys always run when you say it first.
Sam Witwicky
Yeah, well, so do girls. Especially, girls like you with options.
Mikaela Banes
So this is all part of your elaborate plan to keep me interested?
Sam Witwicky
Can be.
Mikaela Banes
Ain't those working?
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[Wheelie tracks Mikaela as she leaves the Witwicky home]
Soundwave
Soundwave acknowledges. Pursue her, retrieve it.
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Judy Witwicky
Sam Witwicky, you and I are gonna have a word!
[turns to Mikaela, who has just arrived at the house]
Judy Witwicky
Hi, Mikaela. I have a bald spot.
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Sam Witwicky
You don't stop, you don't hide. You run. You understand me?
Ron Witwicky
No!
Sam Witwicky
You've gotta let me go. You've gotta let me go.
Judy Witwicky
Let him go.
Ron Witwicky
You come back! YOU COME BACK!
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[Sam shows Mikaela Bumblebee testing his vocal processors]
Mikaela Banes
Is he still having voice problems?
Sam Witwicky
He's playing it off.
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Sam Witwicky
Hey, beautiful! I made you a long-distance relationship kit... I got you a webcam so we can communicate 24/7!
Mikaela Banes
Sounds cute. I can't wait...
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[Mikaela dresses up in a fancy dress to surprise Sam]
Sam Witwicky
Wow!
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Chief Master Sergeant Epps
[after seeing the onslaught of Decepticons]
We're about to get our asses WHOOPED!
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Agent Simmons
Sometimes you make it to the end of the rainbow, and a leprechaun's placed a booby-trap on you!
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Ratchet
Jolt, electrify! Transfer those afterburners!
[Jolt charges and fuses Jetfire's parts with Optimus]
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[attacked by Alice]
Sam Witwicky
Tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue, tongue!
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Major Lennox
Arcee! Twins! Target headed your way!
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Sam Witwicky
Okay guys, low profile, all right?
Wheelie
Some of us have work to do! Dumb Autobots...
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[a Camaro crashes Sam's college party]
Leo Spitz
You have a car, man? That's awesome!
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[he is wearing a jock strap]
Sam Witwicky
What is THAT?
Agent Simmons
What? Oh, I wear it when I'm in a funk. So does Giambi, Jeter... It's a baseball thing.
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Megatron
Is the future of our race not worth a single human life?
Sam Witwicky
Get up, GET UP!
Optimus Prime
You'll never stop at one, ILL TAKE YOU ALL ON!
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Optimus Prime
Weak, Puny, Waste of metal, Junk. Yard. Crap.
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Ron Witwicky
I don't know what's going on, but we gotta move!
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Frat guy
How about I park my foot up your ass?
Sam Witwicky
What size shoe do you wear?
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[Alice attempts to seduce Sam]
Leo Spitz
Can I just sit and watch? I'll eat my pizza quietly!
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Mikaela Banes
Hey, Bones, you hungry?
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