Kate & Leopold Movie Quotes
Stuart
It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.
Gretchen
I believe you.
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Kate
People might think I'm brave, but I'm not.
Leopold
[quoting Thucydides]
"The brave are simply those with the clearest vision of what is before them - glory and danger alike - and, notwithstanding, go out to meet it."
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[Talking to himself]
Leopold
Ah Miss Blaine, you dance like a herd of cattle. You are a rare woman who lights up a room simply by leaving it!
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Leopold
[of the Brooklyn Bridge]
Good Lord, it still stands. The world has changed all around it, but Roebling's erection still stands! Ha, ha!
[to nearest bystander]
Leopold
That, my friend, is a miracle!
Sanitation Worker
What?
Leopold
It's a miracle, man!
Sanitation Worker
It's a bridge.
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Stuart
Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past.
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[last lines]
Leopold
Well, let us proceed. Please raise your glasses so we may toast to my bride-to-be, the woman whose welfare and happiness shall be my solemn duty to maintain. The future Duchess of Albany...
[Kate catches his eye]
Leopold
Kate McKay. Of the McKays of...?
Kate
Massapequa.
Leopold
Massapequa.
[to his uncle's confusion, Leopold goes to Kate]
Kate
I love you.
Leopold
I love you.
[They kiss, then begin to dance]
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Leopold
Some feel that to court a woman in one's employ is nothing more than a serpentine effort to transform a lady into a whore.
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Kate
She was a real romantic, my mom. When, when Prince Charles and Lady Di got married, she had a party, she made crumpets and jam. It was like a Super Bowl party, but for moms. She cried for a week.
Leopold
I don't know the story of Prince Charles and Lady Di.
Kate
Oh, you don't want to. It's a cautionary tale, further proof.
Leopold
Of what?
Kate
You can't live a fairy tale.
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Leopold
That thing is a damned hazard!
Kate
It's just a toaster!
Leopold
Well, insertion of bread into that so-called toaster produces no toast at all, merely warm bread! Inserting the bread twice produces charcoal. So, clearly, to make proper toast it requires one and a half insertions, which is something for which the apparatus doesn't begin to allow! One assumes that when the General of Electric built it, he might have tried using it. One assumes the General might take pride in his creations instead of just foisting them on an unsuspecting public.
Kate
You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice. You know why? Because everybody pushes their toast down twice!
Leopold
Not where I come from.
Kate
Oh, right. Where you come from, toast is the result of reflection and study!
Leopold
Ah yes, you mock me. But perhaps one day when you've awoken from a pleasant slumber to the scent of a warm brioche smothered in marmalade and fresh creamery butter, you'll understand that life is not solely composed of tasks, but tastes.
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Leopold
[Kate reads an apology letter from Leopold]
Dearest Katherine, I behaved as an imbecile last night, animated in part by drink, in part by your beauty, and in part by my own foolish pride. And for that, I am profoundly sorry. Please accept as a gesture of apology, a private dinner on the rooftop tonight at eight o'clock.
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Kate
Why are you standing?
Leopold
I am accustomed to stand when a lady leaves the table.
[So, Charlie gets up]
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[Has chased and cornered a bag snatcher, while on horseback]
Leopold
I warn you scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain.
[bag snatcher throws down the bag an flees, onlookers applaud]
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Kate
I'm not very good with men.
Leopold
Perhaps you haven't found the right one.
Kate
Maybe. Or, uh... maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.
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Charlie
Don't you think it's time you told me who you are. I mean, don't get me wrong, doing the Duke thing with you 24/7 is a blast, but really. Who are you?
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Leopold
Marriage is the promise of eternal love. As a man of honor I cannot promise eternally what I've never felt momentarily.
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Charlie
[about the dishwasher]
And you push this button. Word to the wise: don't press that till she wakes up, so she sees you doing it.
Leopold
How clever. The proverbial tree in the woods.
Charlie
If a man washes a dish, and no one sees it...
Charlie
Charlie, Leopold: - did it happen?
Charlie
Right.
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Leopold
Where I come from the meal is the result of reflection and study. Menus are prepared in advance, timed to perfection. It is said that without the culinary arts, the crudeness of reality would be unbearable.
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Leopold
Otis always told me love is a leap. Lamentably, I was never inspired to jump.
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Leopold
What has happened to the world? You have every convenience and comfort, yet no time for integrity.
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Uncle Millard
It has always been your greatest misfortune, nephew, that you so thoroughly amuse yourself with the sound of your own voice.
Leopold
In a life as stagnant as mine, that I can amuse myself at all is an evolutionary miracle.
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[while at dinner, JJ has been quoting Boheme to Kate. As Leopold leaves, he decides to correct JJ's errors]
Leopold
By the way. There is no "Andre" in Boheme. It's Rodolfo. And though it takes place in France, it is rarely played in French as it is written in Italian. Goodnight, Kate.
[he leaves. Charlie grins at JJ and Kate and then follows]
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Kate
And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!
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Stuart
You of all people should understand, you're a scientist. I mean, you invented the elevator.
Leopold
What is an elevator? What are you talking... Where the hell am I?
Stuart
I told you, you haven't actually gone anywhere, you're still in New York.
Leopold
That sir, is not New York!
Kate
I'm afraid it is!
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[Leopold and Charlie leave the club. Charlie is fuming because Leopold has enthralled Patrice, Charlie's love interest]
Charlie
And I would have gotten her number if you hadn't turned the evening into a guided tour of the Louvre!
Leopold
My apologies.
Charlie
Let's get one thing straight. Patrice, she thought you were cute - probably gay, and cute - and cute, Leo, that's just the kiss of death.
Leopold
Perhaps.
Charlie
Perhaps? Certainly!
[Charlie takes it from him in disbelief]
Leopold
As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew.
Charlie
A what?
Leopold
Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon. Now, that number rings her.
Charlie
Yes?
Leopold
So ring her tomorrow.
Charlie
I can't. She gave the number to you.
Leopold
Only because I told her of your affections.
Leopold
Merely that you admired her, but you were hesitant to make an overture, as you'd been told she was courting another.
Charlie
Shit... that's good! Well, what did she say?
Leopold
She handed me the napkin.
[Charlie rushes under a lit store window to read the napkin, and starts dialing his cell phone]
Leopold
Charles, it's quite late.
Charlie
No, no, she won't be home yet. I get her machine and leave a message, ball's in her court.
Leopold
You're ladling calculation upon comedy. The point is, to keep the ball in *your* court.
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Leopold
Are you suggesting madam that there exists a law compelling a gentleman to lay hold of canine bowel movements?
Police Officer
I'm suggesting that you pick the poop up.
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[first lines]
Roebling
Time. Time, it has been proposed, is the fourth dimension. And yet, for mortal man, time has no dimension at all. We are like horses with blinders, seeing only what lies before us. Forever guessing the future and fabricating the past.
[applause]
Leopold
Brilliant.
Otis
Quite right, Your Grace.
Roebling
How, you ask, can we break these shackles, and live not in the moment, but in the glorious expanse of time continued? Listen, and I shall tell you. The secret lies in the enduring power of our achievements, our creations!
[applause]
Roebling
As the Pyramids testify to the Egyptians, so my glorious erection shall represent our culture in perpetuity!
[points to the half-finished Brooklyn Bridge]
Roebling
Behold, rising before you, the greatest erection on the continent! The greatest erection of the age! The greatest erection on the planet!
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Leopold
You require a chaperone. His intentions are obvious.
Kate
I'm alone with you, do I need a chaperone?
Leopold
We are not courting, Kate. If we were, as a man of honour, I would have informed you of my intentions in writing.
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[Kate finds a letter Darci has written in response to Leopold's invitation to dinner]
Kate
Darci? What is this?
Darci
It's a reply to Leopold's invitation... You're going, right?
Kate
I haven't decided yet.
Darci
Oh, you haven't decided if you want to have dinner on the rooftop with a duke?
Kate
Who thinks he's from 1876! NO. And I would appreciate it if...
Darci
Kate, come *on*, okay? I don't know what this guy did to piss you off, but that is the best apology letter in the history of mankind. Just sign it, Kate! It's four-thirty, we'll fax it.
[the phone rings and Darci picks it up, flustered]
Darci
Kate McKay's office.
[Darci slams the phone back down and starts to cry]
Darci
They hung up!
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Charlie
We have a saying in the McKay house: "You shake and shake the ketchup bottle, none will come, and then a lot'll."
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Kate
I don't want it to be Sunday. I want more of this, more 1876.
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Kate
So clearly, you must be a man out of time or Sergeant Pepper!
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[to Charlie]
Leopold
Is it your habit sir, to simply enter a conversation without introduction?
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Stuart
Women have changed since your time, Leo. They've become dangerous!
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Kate
Sunday is the day before the day I work, so it gets poisoned.
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Stuart
All this time I thought that I had pretxeled fate and that it had to be untwisted, but what I had never considered is that the whole thing *is* a pretzel. A beautiful 4D pretzel of kismetic inevitability.
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Charlie
You want to vex my sister!
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Kate
I've been paying dues all of my life. And I'm tired, and I need a rest, and if I have to peddle a little pond scum to get one, then so be it.
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Stuart
Maybe the reason I was your guy was so I could help you find your guy.
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[Talking on the phone]
Stuart
Are you sitting down?
Stuart
No, you're not.
Kate
Yes, I am.
Stuart
No, you're not.
Kate
Ye...
[Kate sits down in chair with a thud]
Kate
Okay.
Stuart
I found it.
Kate
What did you find?
Stuart
The portal. A crack in the fabric of time. It was over the East River, Kate, just where I said it would be.
Kate
You found the portal?
Stuart
A portal into April 28th, 1876. I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge and took a walk in 1876 today. I followed the Duke of Albany around old New York. Are you listening?
Kate
Avidly.
Stuart
This here's the twist, Kate. Here's the kicker.
Kate
What's the kicker?
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Kate
You're sucking the life out of my condiments!
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Kate
Can you go away? Can you just go away? Can you go away?
Leopold
Im sorry if I have offended you in anyway...
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[From Director's Cut]
Kate
We make cereal crunchier. We make boring movies shorter. We made Smucker's get the seeds out of their jam. We did that. As far as I'm concerned, we're heroes.
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Kate
Stuart, Can you tell me in short, complete sentences featuring no words over two syllables why exactly I am in these pictures?
Stuart
Probably not.
Kate
Try!
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Leopold
I feel as though we've met on a previous occasion.
Kate
Well Lionel, seeing as how I've never met any of Stuart's friends, not even sure he has any, I don't think that's possible.
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Kate
Look, this is not complex. He gave me the Palm Pilot, he just forgot the pointy thing.
Leopold
I've been warned about you.
Kate
Oh. And what, pray tell, did the great disappointment say?
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Kate
Stuart, you can tell me you picked up a transvestite in Times Square. I don't care!
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Charlie
[Charlie, obviously drunk, is entertaining his friends with stories from acting camp]
Ok, she comes back, the audience is about to leave, she comes back on stage and she starts squirting everybody with this turkey baster with this fime mist and she's screaming "Un-sex me! Un-sex me!"; it's just raw, human passion...
Dennis
Isn't, uh, Willem Dafoe a part of that group?
Charlie
Yeah, and he did this monologue about how the best things in life are hidden in people's basements...
Leopold
Like the Louvre?
[everybody pauses and looks at Leo]
Leopold
I'm sorry, you were saying, Charles?
Patrice
What about the Louvre?
Monica
Yeah, tell us what you were going to say.
Leopold
Well, only a fraction of the Louvre is on the walls. The rest is in the basement.
Patrice
You've been in the basement of the Louvre?
Leopold
Oh, yes!
Patrice
I was a art history major at Vassar!
Leopold
Ahhhh...
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Kate
I'm not the protagonist in a major motion picture.
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[on phone]
Kate
My palm pilot! You still have it.
Stuart
Kate, it's one in the morning.
Kate
And clearly, you're awake, so what is the infraction?
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Charlie
Victorian dude, who has never seen a Met's game, watching TV. Scene: "I say, are those little people in that box of phosphors. Crikey, I believe it is. This game is more beguiling than cricket"
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Leopold
[has a purse thief trapped near a locked gate to an overpass in the park]
I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained to ride at the King's academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. Where you run, I shall ride and when you stop, the steel of this strap will be lodged in your brain.
[the purse thief throws the purse to the ground and runs off]
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[Leopold has been chosen as the spokesman for Kate's butter commercial]
Leopold
Fresh creamery butter. Is there anything more comforting? I say there is. And perhaps you'll agree when you sample fat-free Farmer's Bounty with the genuine essence of creamery butter in every bite. With every mouthful of Farmer's Bounty you shall receive butter's luxurious comfort in your mouth without adding to the luxury of your waistline.
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Kate
Do you hear that do you hear the music.
Leopold
Yes
Kate
Have you seen the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Leopold
No
Kate
No laughs
Leopold
Not yet
Kate
Do you see that old guy over there. ?
Leopold
Hmm
Kate
He listens to the soundtrack of Breakfast At Tiffany's every night before he turns the light off goes to sleep.
Kate
Oh I don't want it to be Sunday. I want more,more 1876.
Leopold
But Kate you don't work on Sundays we can still have more.
Kate
Yeah I know but Sunday is the day before I work so it gets poisoned.
Leopold
I see
Kate
So tomorrow we get to shoot your commercial.
Leopold
Kate
Kate
Hmm
Leopold
Would you,might you ever consider. Time for Bed.
Kate
Your so relaxed
Leopold
That's OK
Kate
Your tucking me in
Leopold
Yes
Kate
Your my Otis
Leopold
Yes your grace
Kate
Don't go stay?
Leopold
I love you Kate McKay.
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Kate McKay
There sucking the life out of cinema.
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