Charlie Wilson's War Movie Quotes
Gust Avrakotos
There's a little boy and on his 14th birthday he gets a horse... and everybody in the village says, "how wonderful. The boy got a horse" And the Zen master says, "we'll see." Two years later, the boy falls off the horse, breaks his leg, and everyone in the village says, "How terrible." And the Zen master says, "We'll see." Then, a war breaks out and all the young men have to go off and fight... except the boy can't cause his legs all messed up. and everybody in the village says, "How wonderful."
Charlie Wilson
Now the Zen master says, "We'll see."
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Charlie Wilson
These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world... and then we fucked up the endgame.
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Joanne Herring
Why is Congress saying one thing and doing nothing?
Charlie Wilson
Well, tradition mostly.
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Charlie Wilson
You're no James Bond.
Gust Avrakotos
You're no Thomas Jefferson, either. Let's call it even.
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Charlie Wilson
You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.
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Gust Avrakotos
[after smashing his boss's office window]
My loyalty! For twenty four years people have been trying to kill me! People who know how. Now do you think that's because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think that's because I'm an American spy? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!
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Charlie Wilson
You mean to tell me that the U.S. strategy in Afghanistan is to have the Afghans keep walking into machine gun fire 'til the Russians run out of bullets?
Gust Avrakotos
That's Harold Holt's strategy, it's not U.S. strategy.
Charlie Wilson
What is U.S. strategy?
Gust Avrakotos
Well, strictly speaking, we don't have one. But we're working hard on that.
Charlie Wilson
Who's 'we'?
Gust Avrakotos
Me and three other guys.
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Charlie Wilson
First off, I'd appreciate it if you didn't throw my name around quite so much, because from time to time I use it myself, and I need it in good condition.
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Zvi
You want me to steer Israel towards an arms deal with Egypt, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia?
Charlie Wilson
Yes.
Zvi
Well, just one or two problems with that, just off the top of my head.
Charlie Wilson
Zvi...
Zvi
Afghanistan and Pakistan don't recognize our right to exist, we just got done fighting a war against Egypt, and everyone who has ever tried to kill me or my family has been trained in Saudi Arabia!
Gust Avrakotos
That's not true, Zvi. Some of them were trained by us.
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Gust Avrakotos
Promises were made!
Cravely
Not by me.
Gust Avrakotos
I've been with the company for twenty-four years. I was posted in Greece for fifteen. I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army. I've neutralized champions of communism. I've spent the past three years... learning *Finnish!* Which would come in handy here in Virginia, and I'm never ever sick at sea. So I wanna know why... I'm not gonna be your Helsinki station chief.
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Joanne Herring
May I ask what it is that I've done to make you dislike me, Mr. Avrakotos?
Gust Avrakotos
I like you just fine, Mrs. Herring, it's just been my experience that when people with money and too much free time get involved in politics, pretty soon, I forget who it is I'm supposed to be shooting at.
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Charlie Wilson
Were you standing at the goddamn door listening to me? How could you even - That is a thick door! You stood there and you listened to me?
Gust Avrakotos
I didn't stand at the door. Don't be an idiot. I bugged the Scotch bottle.
Charlie Wilson
What!
Gust Avrakotos
It's got a little transmitter on it, I've got a little thing in my ear, get past it.
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Charlie Wilson
Do you drink, Mr. Avrakotos?
Gust Avrakotos
Oh God yes.
Charlie Wilson
Well, then, should we try some of this scotch, or is it going to release Sarin gas?
Gust Avrakotos
Well, I don't think so, but do me a favor and open it over there
[points away from him]
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Charlie Wilson
What's the gift for?
Gust Avrakotos
It's from the Afghan desk for doubling the budget for the Mujahadeen.
Charlie Wilson
Well, thank you.
Gust Avrakotos
It was nothing.
Charlie Wilson
It's a nice bottle of scotch. Must have been hard to get.
Gust Avrakotos
No, doubling the budget was nothing. Ten million dollars for covert ops against the Russian army is meaningless. What are you, an infant?
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Gust Avrakotos
Until the phone rang this morning Charlie, I did not know I never heard of you.
Charlie Wilson
Well, ask around.
Gust Avrakotos
I did.
Charlie Wilson
What'd you find out?
Gust Avrakotos
That your greatest legislative achievement in six terms, is getting reelected five times.
Charlie Wilson
Anything else?
Gust Avrakotos
That you hold more IOU's than any member of the House.
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Charlie Wilson
I cannot just call up a judge and tell him what to do.
Larry Liddle
Why?
Charlie Wilson
Well cause it's against... a shitload of really good laws Garry...
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Charlie Wilson
I stood in Harold Holt's office in Islamabad, and I offered him the keys to the safe. I said to him, "What do you need?" And I was apparently annoying him.
Gust Avrakotos
Well, that's because Harold Holt is a tool. He's a cake-eater, he's a clown, he's a bad station chief, and I don't like to cast aspersions on a guy, but he's going to get us all killed.
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Gust Avrakotos
As long as the press sees sex and drugs behind the left hand, you can park a battle carrier behind the right hand and no one's gonna fucking notice.
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Larry Liddle
Miss?
Charlie's Angel #1
Yes sir?
Larry Liddle
It seems to me lookin' around, that it's almost all women workin' here; and that they're all very pretty. Is that common?
Charlie's Angel #1
Well... Congressman Wilson, he has an expression. He says uhh, "You can teach 'em to type, but you can't teach 'em to grow tits."
Larry Liddle
Well, that's... charming.
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Joanne Herring
Are you Catholic, Mr. Avrakatos?
Gust Avrakotos
Greek Orthodox.
Joanne Herring
Still a Christian, though.
Gust Avrakotos
Imagine my relief.
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Cravely
I'm sorry but you can hardly blame the director for questioning the loyalty to America of people that are barely Americans in the first place.
Gust Avrakotos
Yeah, well, I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douchebag.
Cravely
Get the fuck out of my office before I end your career, asshole!
Gust Avrakotos
Yes, sir!
[to the maintenance guy fixing the window]
Gust Avrakotos
Yeah, my friend, I'm gonna need you for a second.
[smashes the window]
Gust Avrakotos
My loyalty? For 24 years people have been trying to kill me. People who know how. Now, do you think that's because my dad was a Greek soda pop maker? Or do you think it's because Im an American spy? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!
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Charlie Wilson
Well, Jesus, Donnelly. Everyone in town knows I'm on the other side of that issue.
Donnelly
Ethics?
Charlie Wilson
Yeah!
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Cravely
You tell me to go fuck myself and I'm supposed to apologize. You break my window, I'm supposed to apologize?
Gust Avrakotos
The Helsinki job was mine!
Cravely
The Helsinki job was not yours. If it was yours, you'd be in Helsinki.
Gust Avrakotos
Alan Wolfe stood in this office...
Cravely
Alan Wolfe is no longer the director...
Gust Avrakotos
It was on the books.
Cravely
Alan Wolfe is no longer the director of European Operations. He does not make those appointments. I do.
Gust Avrakotos
Promises were made!
Cravely
Not by me.
Gust Avrakotos
I've been with the company for 24 years! I was posted in Greece for 15! Papandreou wins that election if I don't help the Junta take him prisoner! I've advised and armed the Hellenic Army! I've neutralized champions of Communism! I've spent the past 3 years learning Finnish which should come in handy here in Virginia! And I'm never ever sick at sea! So I wanna know why I'm not gonna be your Helsinki Station Chief.
Cravely
You're coarse.
Gust Avrakotos
Excuse me?
Cravely
For Helsinki I need someone with diplomatic skills. You don't have them.
Gust Avrakotos
Is that right?
Cravely
That is right. And I don't know why the hell I didn't fire you when you broke my fucking window!
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Gust Avrakotos
The Swiss-made Oerlikon STA antiaircraft cannon - that's what you'd use to shoot down an Mi-24 HIND gunship in the mountains, right.
Mike Vickers
Well, the Oerlikon's a good start, but the Russians would just start flying higher-altitude missions.
Charlie Wilson
So what else do they need?
Mike Vickers
Same thing they'd give us: AK-47s, AK-74s, AKMS. The Soviets didn't come into Afghanistan on a Eurail pass, they came in T-55 tanks. The fighters need RPG-7 antitank grenade launchers, Katyusha 170-millimeter rockets, wire mines, plastic mines, bicycle bombs, sniper rifles, ammunition for all of the above, and frequency-hopping radios and burst transmitters so these guys aren't so fucking easy to find. I've written it all in a report you can read; you'd be the first one who did.
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Zvi
This meeting it going to be run professional.
Gust Avrakotos
Oh absolutely. We're going to be talking to the Deputy Defense Minister while his boss gets a belly dance from a friend of Charlie's.
Zvi
What?
Charlie Wilson
A friend of mine is a well known belly dances in Texas. It's always been her dream to perform in Egypt, so she's our way in. While she's dancing for the Defense Minister, we'll be talking to the deputy.
Zvi
Oh my God.
Gust Avrakotos
No, she's supposed to be pretty good
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Charlie's Angel #4
The Washington Post wants to know what you thought of your time in rehab.
Charlie Wilson
And what did you tell them?
Charlie's Angel #4
That the Congressman didn't go to rehab because they don't serve whiskey there.
Charlie Wilson
That's why you're my press secretary, boo-boo!
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Cravely
And I don't know why the hell I didn't fire you when you broke my fucking window.
Gust Avrakotos
Oh yes sure you do Cravely.
Cravely
Look Gust!
Gust Avrakotos
Yeah you're fucking Roger's fiance, and you know I know.
Cravely
I'm not... I'm not... I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response.
Gust Avrakotos
Yeah yeah, you're dignifying her in the ass, at the Jefferson Hotel, Room 1210, but let me ask you, the 3000 agents Turner fired, was that because they lacked diplomatic skills as well?
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Joanne Herring
I mean, how did you get into the CIA?
Gust Avrakotos
I don't work for the CIA, I work for the Department of Agriculture.
Joanne Herring
Fruit and Plant Division?
Gust Avrakotos
More specifically, apple imports
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Gust Avrakotos
It's called the Milan Anti-Tank Missile.
Charlie Wilson
Can the Afghans win without it?
Gust Avrakotos
No.
Charlie Wilson
End of discussion.
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Joanne Herring
He may be in trouble with the press, but he stayed out of jail. You don't see God's hand in this?
Gust Avrakotos
Well reasonable people can disagree, but I don't see God anywhere within miles of this. On the other hand, if you slept with me tonight, I bet you I could change my mind in a hurry.
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Cravely
Ok. I know it was difficult for you to come in here hat in hand, that's not the kind of... upbringing, I guess is the word I'm looking for, it's not the kind of man you are. I understand that. I'm not looking to humiliate you or exact a price in any way so why don't you just apologize? We'll call it water under the dam and we'll go about our business.
Gust Avrakotos
Excuse me? What the fuck?
Cravely
What?
Gust Avrakotos
What the fuck are you talking about?
Cravely
Clair George said you were coming in here to apologize.
Gust Avrakotos
I'm supposed to come in here so you could apologize to me.
Cravely
According to whom?
Gust Avrakotos
Clair George.
Cravely
You told me to go fuck myself. I'm supposed to apologize to you?
Gust Avrakotos
Also water goes over a dam and under a bridge, you poncy school boy.
Cravely
Clearly there's been a miscommunication between Clair George and somebody.
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Charlie's Angel #4
The Congressman has never been to rehab. They don't serve whisky at rehab.
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Gust Avrakotos
Yeah, well I'd like to take a moment to review the several ways in which you're a douche bag?
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Zvi
I love you, Charlie, but you are a grown man who still hasn't learned to look both ways before he crosses the fucking street!
[he glares at Charlie]
Zvi
Alright, I'll help you.
[he turns and looks at Avrakotos]
Zvi
But I don't like this guy!
Charlie Wilson
I know exactly how you feel.
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[typist smiles and gives a thumbs-up]
Gust Avrakotos
... Thank-you.
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Charlie Wilson
How old are you?
Mike Vickers
I'll be 30 next week.
Charlie Wilson
This is CIA's weapons expert?
Gust Avrakotos
One of them.
Charlie Wilson
But he's the most senior.
Gust Avrakotos
Look...
Chess Player #1
Mike!
Mike Vickers
Yeah, bishop to queen's knight 7.
Gust Avrakotos
See, he's playing without even looking at the board.
Charlie Wilson
That's a useful skill... if Afghanistan's ever invaded by Boris Spassky.
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Joanne Herring
Charlie, I want you to defeat the Soviet Union, and end the Cold War.
Charlie Wilson
O-K!
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Charlie Wilson
She always wanted to be a dancer but it was against her religion.
Brigadier Rashid
What religion is that?
Charlie Wilson
She's Baptist.
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Gust Avrakotos
And with Doc's backing, you'll get the votes of the other committee members.
Charlie Wilson
Yep.
Gust Avrakotos
I don't believe you.
Charlie Wilson
I don't care.
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Charlie Wilson
This thing is going to get done by the CIA and it's going to get done quietly.
President Zia
You have authority to do this?
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[first lines]
CIA Award Presenter
The defeat and break up of the Soviet empire, culminating in the crumbing of the Berlin wall, is one of the great events of world history. There were many heroes in this battle but to Charlie Wilson must go this special recognition. Just thirteen years ago the Soviet army appeared to be invincible. But Charlie, undeterred, engineered a lethal body blow that weakened the communist empire. Without Charlie, history would be hugely and sadly different. And so for the first time a civilian is being given our highest recognition: that of honored colleague. Ladies and gentlemen of the clandestine services, congressman Charles Wilson.
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President Zia
[Pakistani President Zia agrees to accept Israeli transfers of seized Soviet weapons to the Afghan resistance]
Pakistan and Israel would have to appear to be enemies in the public eye.
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Gust Avrakotos
There's this story of the Old Zen Master...
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Charlie Wilson
By the way, I love Jesus Christ and his mother Mary as much as anybody. About 38 churches you could move that creche to, everybody lives.
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President Zia
I don't need courtesy. I need airplanes, guns and money.
Charlie Wilson
Well, we just doubled the CIA's budget for covert ops.
Brigadier Rashid
From five million to ten million.
Charlie Wilson
That's right!
Colonel Mahmood
Is that a joke?
Charlie Wilson
No!
Brigadier Rashid
Is that meant to be a funny joke?
Charlie Wilson
No sir!
President Zia
Congressman, what they are saying is that ten million dollars from the United States to fight the Russian army is such a low figure that it can be mistaken for a joke.
Charlie Wilson
I... I caught on to the sarcasm, sir.
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Charlie Wilson
Who is running the thing? Who is the prosecutor?
Charlie's Angels - Suzanne
Uh... Rudolph Giuliani, New York, Southern District.
Bonnie Bach
Do you know him?
Charlie Wilson
No.
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Gust Avrakotos
You know, me and three other guys are killing Russians. Is it possible that I met the only elected official in town who can help me?
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Board Member
Who wants to build a school in Pakistan?
Charlie Wilson
Afghanistan!
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President Zia
Do you have the authority to do this?
Charlie Wilson
No, I'm actually in danger of breaking the Logan Act.
President Zia
...I don't know what that is.
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Joanne Herring
I miss you Charlie.
Charlie Wilson
Oh Joanne... I always miss you.
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Charlie Wilson
Soon God will be on both sides of this War.
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Gust Avrakotos
Excuse me, what the fuck?
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Mike Vickers
Yeah! Let's go kill some Russians!
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Gust Avrakotos
I'm reading transcripts of phone conversations between French and German generals arguing over office space at NATO headquarters, and analysing wire-taps out of Mercury Bay, New Zealand. You know, historically, a hotbed of anti-American activity.
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[last lines]
CIA Award Presenter
So, for the first time, a civilian is being given our highest recognition, that of Honored Colleague. Ladies and gentlemen of the Clandestine Services, Congressman Charles Wilson.
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Joanne Herring
Go fight this war, Charlie. Everything possible is on the line - including your manhood!
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Gust Avrakotos
That's how a cold war turns into a real war and that's something you want to keep a very good eye on.
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Charlie Wilson
Congressmen aren't elected by voters, Joanne, they're elected by contributors!
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Harold Holt
We can't control this thing anymore! The man stood in my office in Islamabad and I told him, "A sudden influx of money and weaponry..."
Cravely
[Cravely is putting on a Santa costume for the Christmas party just outside his office]
Could you hand me that belt, please? Thank you.
Harold Holt
I mean, how is it possible that this... congressman... of no particular importance, is doing this by himself?
Cravely
I will admit, it's not unimpressive.
Harold Holt
Is this the war we want to be fighting, Henry? Huh?
Cravely
Harold, whatever he's doing, believe me, it's working.
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Charlie Wilson
Well, I'll tell you what I told Harold Holt. I can get the money. Now, the U$10 million is a joke? Fine. What you need?
Gust Avrakotos
To do what?
Charlie Wilson
To shoot down the helicopters. To shoot down the helicopters. If we can help them shoot down the goddamn helicopters, everything's gonna start going our way.
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