Matsui
So, business?
Danny Ocean
Business.
Rusty Ryan
A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui
.
Danny Ocean
If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en... would fall... on the same day.
Rusty Ryan
Mm.
Matsui
Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui
When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider... with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell
[All eyes turn to him, expectantly]
Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell
I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Rusty Ryan
Kashmir?
Danny Ocean
Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan
We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean
We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell
Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean
You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan
A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell
What?
Danny Ocean
She's seven.
Rusty Ryan
Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean
No, you don't need to tell him that...
Linus Caldwell
Sorry.
Linus Caldwell
OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan
It means you stay here.
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Linus Caldwell
[Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of "The Benedict Job"]
Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?
Basher Tarr
Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean
Thanks, Linus.
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Linus Caldwell
Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan
If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell
Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan
Yes.
Linus Caldwell
Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan
Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell
Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan
Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell
Oooooooooo.
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Danny Ocean
Do I look 50 to you?
Basher Tarr
Yeah.
Danny Ocean
Really?
Basher Tarr
Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up.
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Linus Caldwell
Um, all right, let's go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?
Basher Tarr
Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell
Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy
Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell
Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr
Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell
Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr
No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr
and not enough people.
Turk Malloy
Hell in a Handbasket?
[pause]
Linus Caldwell
and...
Linus Caldwell
Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.
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Danny Ocean
What are you doing?
Rusty Ryan
Sleeping. Why are you dressed?
Danny Ocean
It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!
Rusty Ryan
It's 11:30. The night before.
Danny Ocean
[realizes he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour]
Rusty Ryan
Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos have you had?
Danny Ocean
Five.
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Molly Star
I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell
Thanks.
Molly Star
We both are.
Linus Caldwell
[pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell
[revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother]
You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star
I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell
[shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Linus Caldwell
Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
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Tess Ocean
[while trying to get through a crowd of fans thinking she's Julia Roberts]
How is this going to get Danny out?
Linus Caldwell
We need someone famous.
Tess Ocean
Why didn't you get someone famous?
Linus Caldwell
Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Linus Caldwell
'I'. 'I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral'! Just protect your fake baby!
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Turk Malloy
It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
Virgil Malloy
We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy
Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy
I have feelings.
Turk Malloy
No, you don't.
Virgil Malloy
Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Turk Malloy
Oh my God they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Virgil Malloy
Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Danny Ocean
Rusty's not 50 years old.
Turk Malloy
Yeah, dude, we know Rusty's not 50.
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Linus Caldwell
I blew the meet with Matsui.
Molly Star
Let me guess. He pulled a lost in translation on you?
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Terry Benedict
The last time we talked, you hung up on me.
Rusty Ryan
You used nasty words.
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Reuben Tishkoff
[to a fortune teller. As he is having his palm read by her, he turns around to see Terry Benedict with two enforcers]
This? You couldn't see *this*?
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Danny Ocean
How much is everyone short?
Turk Malloy
14.
Virgil Malloy
You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy
Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy
Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton
Eight.
Linus Caldwell
Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr
I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell
What's the interest?
Livingston Dell
Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy
What?
Livingston Dell
I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan
I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan
Hotels, man.
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Reuben Tishkoff
I can handle Saul's share.
Danny Ocean
You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff
Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean
That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen
[speaks in Mandarin]
Livingston Dell
So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff
97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan
He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff
Another thief.
Linus Caldwell
Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean
What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell
Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean
So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Danny Ocean
Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan
Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean
Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell
I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy
I hear German girls are really hot.
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Tess Ocean
This is just wrong.
Linus Caldwell
You mean like... morally?
Tess Ocean
Well... yeah I guess.
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Turk Malloy
I'll give you a million dollars if you don't speak for a month.
Virgil Malloy
I wanna eat your whole head.
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Tess Ocean
[to Danny on the phone, Terry Benedict and two of his men show up]
There's water in the basement, and the pilot light is out.
Danny Ocean
Hang up!
[Tess hangs up]
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Danny Ocean
How old do you think I am?
Virgil Malloy
48?
Danny Ocean
You think I'm 48 years old?
Virgil Malloy
52?
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Danny Ocean
You know, I was once in a vault while it was being robbed.
Bank Officer
[pause]
that must have been quite an experience...
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Tess Ocean
Ma Marcus?
Julia Roberts
Um... No it's Julia.
Tess Ocean
um... oh... Hello Julia... it's ah... Julia.
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Livingston Dell
[Linus, Basher and Turk are escorted into a jail cell already holding the rest of the gang]
So, how'd it go?
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Virgil Malloy
Doesn't this guy believe in fresh air?
Rusty Ryan
He opens the second floor window every now and then.
Virgil Malloy
What does that mean?
Rusty Ryan
It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.
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Linus Caldwell
So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr
A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell
Yeah!
Basher Tarr
You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr
He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy
Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell
No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr
You might be right. Make the call.
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Rusty Ryan
Of course, we haven't considered the most obvious solution.
Danny Ocean
Oh yeah?
Rusty Ryan
We could turn ourselves in. Go to jail. Nothing Benedict could do to us there.
Danny Ocean
Yeah, good idea. We all go to the cops and confess to the Bellagio robbery. That averages twenty years for grand larceny for each of us. Yeah, that'd teach him.
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Saul Bloom
You're all aces in my book, butI want the last check I write to bounce.
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Saul Bloom
Do you have any idea how vulnerable a fetus' brain is to the electromagnetic field created by your cell phone? You might as well point a gun at her stomach!
Bruce Willis
I'm Bruce Willis.
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Tess Ocean
You're doing recon work on our anniversary?
Danny Ocean
Tess...
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Turk Malloy
How do you think it feels when you're sitting down on the toilet and someone's banging on the door?
Reuben Tishkoff
Well, I gotta sit down on the toilet or else I'm gonna shit on your feet.
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Reuben Tishkoff
[after Linus complains about the freak]
Are you hosting a telethon we don't know about?
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Virgil Malloy
[At an engagement dinner]
[clinks his glass]
Virgil Malloy
All right, I know I'm just the groom, and I'm not supposed to say anything, like uh, a speech. But I don't care what the rules are, because I really wanna thank my family. My mom and dad, my Uncle Gary and Aunt Grace. Uncle Ted, Aunt Celeste, and their children Denise and Jessica. My Bishop Tom and his wife, Helen. My neighbor, John, and his new girlfriend, Tanya. And all the guys at Lean Machine Inc., Bobo, Mullethead, Big Sam.
[His brother is not mentioned]
Virgil Malloy
And everyone else who's just been great in welcoming Sara into the family. Thank you.
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Linus Caldwell
Can I talk to you for a second?
Rusty Ryan
What is it?
Linus Caldwell
This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but I've been doing my homework and I'd really like to play a more central role this time around
Rusty Ryan
Right
Linus Caldwell
I'm ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate
Rusty Ryan
It's just a sit down with Matsui he's got his own language
Linus Caldwell
I watched you and Danny really closely last time around
Rusty Ryan
In my professional opinion you're not ready but if you're convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but you've got to be sure
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Tess Ocean
Whoa-whoa-whoa, Linus Caldwell junior varsity you are not following any of the procedures that Danny and I talked about if Terry Benedict shows up, so something is wrong, what is wrong?
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[last lines]
Reuben Tishkoff
If, God forbid, anything does happen to you, we will not be involved.
Terry Benedict
You better not be, Reuben. You better not be.
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Linus Caldwell
OK, when did you leave the message?
Roman Nagel
Two days ago. She had your phone.
Danny Ocean
She has your...
Rusty Ryan
Yeah.
[beat]
Danny Ocean
That means that sh...
Rusty Ryan
Yep.
[beat]
Danny Ocean
Well you better...
Rusty Ryan
Yeah.
[walks away]
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Reuben Tishkoff
Who's the guy on the $100 bill?
Linus Caldwell
Adams.
Danny Ocean
John Travolta.
Reuben Tishkoff
Yeah, he said every problem is an opportunity in disguise.
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Rusty Ryan
Anybody remember that scene in Miller's Crossing when John Turturro begs for his life?
Reuben Tishkoff
Sure, "Look into your heart."
[pause]
Reuben Tishkoff
I cry every time.
Danny Ocean
What?
Rusty Ryan
We have no line of sight.
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[on the Night Fox]
Turk Malloy
Come on, he's one guy, and he's French.
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Terry Benedict
I'd like to say a few words... about commitment. About honor. About responsibility. About a very special someone and admitting to her...
Terry Benedict
...admitting her in front of everybody that her wedding... and that very special honeymoon trip to Epcot Center... will have to be postponed.
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Shop Owner
[Inquiring about his purchase]
What is it - a special occasion?
Danny Ocean
It's our second third anniversary.
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Terry Benedict
[on the cell phone, talking to Baron Francois Toulour]
Who do you think you're dealing with? Nothing costs nothing.
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Roman Nagel
And tell him he dresses like a gigolo!
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Assistant Manager
After the second call, I tried knocking, but he won't open up.
Rusty Ryan
I'll handle it; I know him
[bangs on hotel room door]
Rusty Ryan
It's me.
Rusty Ryan
[looks around the trashed hotel room]
Jeez, Topher, you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.
Topher Grace
I'm sorry. Russ, look, I know this is your joint. I just... there's this girl. I love her, man. I love her, but she is driving me crazy! I can't sleep. I can't work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. I mean, it's like...
Assistant Manager
[answers phone]
Hello?
Assistant Manager
Rusty, call for you.
Topher Grace
Dude, don't leave!
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Basher Tarr
Great... for a dead guy!
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Museum Director
[talking about "The Sixth Sense"]
The moment that she doesn't talk to you in the restaurant, I knew.
Bruce Willis
Your friends didn't tell you?
Museum Director
No.
Bruce Willis
That's when you figured it out?
Museum Director
Yeah, but the movie was still enjoyable for me.
Bruce Willis
Thanks.
[whispering to Tess]
Bruce Willis
If everybody's so freaking smart, how come the movie did $675 million worldwide, theatrical.
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Bruce Willis
You'd better call the rice paddy.
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Danny Ocean
So how much do we all owe, each?
Reuben Tishkoff
$17.34 million. Assuming Benedict gives us Prime Plus One, which I doubt. Figure 19 to be safe.
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Frank Catton
Let me break it down for you like a fraction.
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François Toulour
The egg left Paris this morning on its way to Rome, it travels with heavy security and usually with one or more replicas, sometimes they even show the replica without anybody knowing, when the egg goes on display Monday morning you'll have forty eight hours to steal it before your deadline is up of course when the deadline passes, you don't have the egg LeMarque will who's the best
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Basher Tarr
It's gonna get out, then we'll be dead, and no one will want to work with us.
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Danny Ocean
You're being awfully cavalier with a lot of people's lives so you can play out a game. You're gonna regret it.
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Reuben Tishkoff
Terry, I can't predict the future. I pay professionals to do that, and even they get it wrong sometimes.
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Virgil Malloy
Smoke the freak out.
Danny Ocean
Yeah.
Turk Malloy
Smoke the freak out.
Linus Caldwell
Hey!
Turk Malloy
What?
Linus Caldwell
Do we have to use that term?
Turk Malloy
What term?
Linus Caldwell
"Freak."
[pause]
Linus Caldwell
I mean the National Institute of Mental Health estimates 5.6 percent of adults develop agraphoriaphobia...
[unable to pronounce]
All
Agoraphobia.
Linus Caldwell
Whatever. I'm just saying, I mean, do we...? I don't think we need to be an organization that labels people.
Basher Tarr
Oh, now we're an organization?
Linus Caldwell
Would you call Emily Dickinson a freak?
Reuben Tishkoff
Are you hosting a telethon we don't know about?
Virgil Malloy
Who's Emily Dickinson?
Linus Caldwell
Am I the only one who feels funny about stealing from a... you know, a handicapped guy?
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