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Barbarian Movie Quotes

Tess Nope.
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Keith Do I look like some kind of monster?
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Tess How do you know she can't get in here?
Andre Shit, I've been living in this place for fifteen years, and she ain't never came in this motherfucker.
[the Mother bursts in and attacks Andre]
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AJ [taking a phone call from a friend] What up, faggot! Guess who's back in town?
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Nursing Video Narration This process might seem overwhelming. But with a little practice, it can soon become a pleasurable experience. This is perfectly natural.
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Tess [to Keith] It's such a cliche. The guy who thinks love and control are the same thing. And the girl who lets herself become, I don't know, some kind of pet or something? Oh, my god. It's so cliche, and it's so boring, and I can't believe it's happening to me.
Keith Look, there's always going to be people that project some kind of dynamic onto us that serves them. It's up to us if we want to play ball or not.
Tess Is that my lesson?
Keith I don't know.
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AJ [to Frank, after watching him do something horrific on a video tape] What is wrong with you? The fuck is wrong with you? Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you, you fuck!
[Frank pulls a gun out of his drawer]
AJ Hey, hey, hey, whoa.
[Frank points the gun at his own head]
AJ No, no, no, wait!
[Bang!]
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Andre You make a Copy of a Copy of a Copy, you get that.
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AJ This is my fault.
Andre It don't matter whose fault it is.
AJ It does! I hurt somebody! That matters. I don't know if I'm a bad person. But I might be. I might be a bad person. Or maybe I'm a good person who just did a bad thing. I can't change what I've done. I can just try and fix it. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fix it.
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Tess You cannot get it upset.
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Tess Why is it always the girls who get their hearts ripped out in these things?
Keith Girls can rip. Trust me.
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The Mother B... B... Ba... baby
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Tess We need to go. We need to go now!
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Doug We're moving, Frank. Yeah. I hate to do it. You know? But the wife thinks if we don't do it now we may not be able to get out this time next year, because, you know, neighborhood's going to hell, Frank. You plan on staying?
Frank I'm not going anywhere
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Tess Look, I'm not a Crackhead! I'm someone who's escaped being captured! What do you want me to say?
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Keith Look, are you gonna stay locked into some fucked-up toxic dynamic that somebody else picked for you, or are you gonna move on? Maybe find someone else. Even if that means that you may get your heart ripped outta your chest all over again.
Tess Why is it always the girls who get their hearts ripped out in these things?
Keith Girls can rip. Trust me.
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AJ I can get away, but you're gonna have to slow her down.
[to The Mother]
AJ Hey, come get your baby!
[throws Tess off the side of the water tower]
The Mother [dives off the water tower after Tess, and lands underneath her on the ground]
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[repeated line]
Tess Keith!
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Keith I'm not sta... .
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[he drunkenly leaves a voice message for Megan]
AJ Hi, Megan. This is AJ. Uh... I'm guessing you probably don't wanna talk to me, but I, um... I just wanna say I'm really, really sorry if I did anything that night that might've like... Offended you or... 'Cause you know, people can have different versions of the same thing. And... I'm actually not even mad at you about it. And I hope you're not mad at me 'cause I really... I really am sorry. And if you call me back, I'll apologize to you again. So... Please call me back, and I'll apologize to you again. Okay.
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Jeff The income we have for the year is what we're gonna have at the year's end. No new money coming in.
AJ I think that's pretty safe to say.
Jeff What do you anticipate your legal expenses to be?
AJ So, I talked it over with my lawyer, and we're looking at two separate cases here. There's the defense against the charge, which is 100% not true, by the way. So, there's that, and then there's the countersuit for defamation, which I'm 100% gonna win. I'm gonna ruin this fuckin' bitch.
Jeff How much?
AJ They said it's probably gonna be, like, around 70,000 in each.
Jeff So, 140,000.
AJ What does that do to me?
Jeff Well, with your current rate of spending, that's gonna put you at zero in... Three months.
AJ Oh, fuck me.
[laughs]
AJ Oh, my God.
Jeff You've got some small income from your Michigan properties... But it's your mortgage here that's killing you.
AJ Are you saying I have to sell my house?
Jeff I'm saying you're gonna have to make some tough choices.
AJ I could sell the Michigan properties. Some of those make money, right?
Jeff Yeah, but some don't. You could sell those. Buy yourself some time. But no more than a couple of months. Those aren't exactly hot properties.
AJ I can't fuckin' believe this. This is nuts.
Jeff Listen, AJ, I gotta tell ya.
AJ What?
Jeff At the end of this week, I'm gonna give you your files back.
AJ Cool. What's that mean?
Jeff I'm going to suggest that you find alternate wealth management.
AJ [chuckling] Oh, my God. You're dropping me to?
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[on the phone with his lawyer]
AJ Robert, hey. You see the article? Oh, it's out. Yeah, insane. Feel like I'm sittin' on the sideline, just watching this thing spiral out of control. Robert, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. I'm just gonna put you on speaker. Getting in a rental. Hold on. You hear me?
Robert I hear you.
AJ Uh, I was just saying, if I could just have, like, a conversation with her, I could probably nip this whole thing in the bud.
Robert Absolutely not. Under no circumstances are you to contact her.
AJ [scoffs] if I just call her and just be like...
Robert Listen to me. There's zero chance, at this point, that you calling her is gonna bring about anything but more problems for you. Do you hear me?
AJ Mmmhmmm.
Robert Any communication goes through us from now on... Wait, I'm sorry. What do you mean you're getting into the rental? What rental?
AJ Uh, I'm in Detroit. I rented a car.
Robert You're in Detroit, Michigan?
AJ Yeah. What?
Robert AJ, you aren't supposed to leave the state.
AJ [scoffs] Why not? I'm not under arrest. I'm allowed to travel.
Robert This is not advisable. You really need to be here in case there are developments.
AJ Developments? You think they're gonna arrest me?
Robert I think that is a very distinct possibility. I think that flying off to another state is not a good look right now.
AJ Well, Robert, I don't know how to say this, but, um, unless you plan on taking me on pro bono, uh, I'm gonna have to scrape up some money. You know, I'm not here on the lam. I'm not here on vacation. I'm here to do some fucking liquidating.
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Everett Could we just, like real talk for a moment, though? Could we real talk?
AJ Fuck, yeah, dude.
Everett Okay, like, just, what the fuck actually did happen with you guys? No, dude. I'm saying, like, you're my boy, obviously. I'm gonna believe whatever you tell me.
AJ Right, right.
Everett I gotta hear you say it.
AJ No, I know, I know. I feel you.
Everett 'Cause I read the website. I know what the fuckin' internet says, but, like, man-to-man, real-talk, what the fuck actually happened?
AJ Dude, I'll be real with you, okay?
Everett That's all I'm asking for.
AJ Yo, yo, let me be...
Everett That's the only thing I'm asking.
AJ Let me be real with you. We fucked. We did fuck. Okay?
Everett Right.
AJ She just took some convincing, is all. That's it.
Everett Okay, but what the fuck does that mean, though? Like, I mean what she like... Did she say no? Was she like, "No, stop?"
AJ I mean, at first. But, like, I wasn't like... "Come here, bitch. I'm gonna rape you."
Everett Right.
AJ It was like, in the beginning, she was like, "No..." Whatever. But, like... Then we started foolin' around more, and then she was down. Like fuckin' really down.
Everett Right.
AJ I'm a persistent dude, right? I'm like fuckin' Eye of the Tiger.
Everett Yeah. Right.
AJ You know? And she came around, and that's it. That's what happened, straight up.
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[AJ answers the phone while driving]
AJ Yello!
AJ's Agent Hey, A.J. I have David Stern and Melissa Herbert's for you.
AJ Love it.
AJ's Agent Guys, you're on with AJ.
AJ Yo, what's up?
Melisa Hi, AJ.
David Hey, AJ. Uh, we need to discuss something that's just come through.
AJ Cool. What's up?
Melisa So this is a bit of an awkward conversation, but there's been a troubling development.
AJ Okay, what?
Melisa Apparently, Megan Maddox has contacted the network through her lawyer and she's made a very serious accusation against you.
AJ Really? What'd she say?
Melisa She's claimed that you were sexually aggressive during the filming of the pilot, and she no longer wants to move forward if you're involved.
AJ She..What?
Melisa The network is taking this very seriously.
AJ What does that mean?
Melisa That means that at this time, they're gonna start an investigation.
AJ Wait, wait, wait. What about the pilot? Hold on. Wait a minute. This is crazy. So, are we not picked up anymore?
Melisa Well, like I said, they're going to conduct an investigation, and then decide how to proceed.
AJ An investigation?
David AJ, I think, honestly, the most likely outcome of all of this that even if the show does go forward... It's very unlikely that you will be involved
Melisa No.
AJ I'm fired?
David I think, essentially, that's the most likely outcome.
AJ That fuckin' bitch. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wait a minute, you guys. Wait, wait, wait. This is totally blown out of proportion.
Melisa Okay, I think it's important to say that it's not in your best interest to go into details on this call.
AJ The fuck does that mean, Melissa?
David Okay, AJ, I think you just need to calm down, honestly, buddy. You can just relax.
AJ This can't be real. Just like that, I'm out? Are you fucking kidding? I was the first to be attached to that! She came on after me! Okay, I... I recommended her.
David AJ, I think, honestly, you just need to calm down.
Melisa David, I think we should tell him the other thing.
David No, I think right now he just needs to cool down...
AJ What other? What other?
David It's not important, AJ. You just have to relax.
AJ What? No, no, no, fuck that. What other? What else?
Melisa There's gonna be a story tomorrow on the Hollywood Reporter about this.
AJ About what? About me? Are you kidding?
Melisa The allegations are very serious.
AJ Yo... What's she saying I did? Is she saying I raped her or something?
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David AJ, why don't you just calm down, okay?
AJ No. What the fuck is she saying?
Melisa Yes. She saying that you raped her.
[AJ pauses in shock]
David AJ, are you there?
AJ I gotta call you back.
[He hangs up]
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