Libeled Lady Movie Quotes
Bill Chandler
I thought that was rather clever of me.
Connie Allenbury
Yes, I thought you thought so.
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Warren Haggerty
She may be his wife, but she's engaged to me!
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Warren Haggerty
Would I ask you to do this thing for me if I didn't consider you practically my wife?
Gladys
Would you ask your wife to hook up with that ape?
Bill Chandler
The ape objects.
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Warren Haggerty
Gladys, do you want me to kill myself?
Gladys
Did you change your insurance?
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Warren Haggerty
They're married, all right.
Gladys
Oh, but that's arson.
Warren Haggerty
You mean bigamy.
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Harvey Allen
What'll we use for a headline?
Warren Haggerty
I don't care. Anything. "War threatens Europe!"
Harvey Allen
Which country?
Warren Haggerty
Flip a nickel!
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Gladys
I hope you choke on it.
Bill Chandler
Oh, darling.
Gladys
Don't call me darling. You know what my name is.
Bill Chandler
Of course - Mrs. William Chandler.
Gladys
I'd just as soon have a number.
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Connie Allenbury
Any woman can be starved by neglect. The little attentions Bill paid you seemed so much greater, because you weren't getting them from Haggerty.
Gladys
The only time Warren ever sent me flowers, he signed Bill's name to the card!
Connie Allenbury
Exactly! He probably never noticed the clothes you wore, never told you how lovely you looked, the way Bill did.
Gladys
That's right! How did you know?
Connie Allenbury
Women can't fool women about men.
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Magistrate
Well I hope you'll be very happy and don't forget to invite me to your silver anniversary.
Gladys
It'll have to be in the next six weeks!
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Gladys
The things I do for that newspaper!
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Mr. Allenbury
That man is a first class angler!
Connie Allenbury
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
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Gladys
I don't care who he is. Nobody talks to me like a house detective.
Warren Haggerty
How do you know how a house detective talks?
Gladys
Don't you think I read?
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Justice of the Peace
[Bill and Connie getting married by a Justice of the Peace]
My wife will be the witness. She'll be down in a minute... Oh, here she is now.
Wife of the Justice of the Peace
[Barely glancing at the couple]
Are they sober?
Justice of the Peace
Well, I... I... I think so.
Connie Allenbury
This is love, not liquor.
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Connie Allenbury
[Bill is holding the reins of a horse]
Bill, what is it?
Bill Chandler
It's a horse. C'est un cheval. Es ist ein Pferd. Es un caballo.
Connie Allenbury
Let's stop clowning.
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Gladys
Oh, I'm so happy. Today's my wedding day.
Tiny - Gladys' Maid
What, again, Miss Gladys?
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Gladys
You can't do this to me, Warren Haggerty. Not to me. First, it was a fire at sea. Then it was a kidnapping. What's the gag this time?
Warren Haggerty
Darling, there's no gag. The newspaper's made a mistake.
Gladys
Yeah, well so has little Gladys - engaged to a newspaperman.
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Warren Haggerty
Why, there isn't a newspaper in the world that would hire me as an office boy, would they Bill?
Bill Chandler
Not if they knew you like I do.
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Gladys
I'll miss my little Billy-kins.
Bill Chandler
And I'll miss my little fuzzy-face.
[the bellboy and waiter are standing agape, eating this stuff up]
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Bill Chandler
May I be frank, too?
Connie Allenbury
Why not?
Bill Chandler
You dance superbly.
Connie Allenbury
I was hoping for something original.
Bill Chandler
Oh, dear, life is so full of disappointments.
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Connie Allenbury
You can't build a life on hate, or a marriage on spite. Marriage is too important. Mine only lasted an hour, but... I know.
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Gladys
Driver, can't you go any faster?
Cab Driver
I can lady, but the cab can't.
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Warren Haggerty
I knew I was a sap.
Bill Chandler
That's right, you were. But you'll get your money's worth.
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Gladys
[to Bill Chandler]
You can't fool me anymore with your hoof, hoof, hoof, or your insomnia, or your publisher. You're a pretty poor sample of a husband.
[She turns to Warren Haggerty]
Gladys
Oh, and you're ten times worse than he is. At least he had some excuse for kicking me around. He was in love with another woman. But you double-crossed me for the sake of a newspaper. Well, marry the paper and be the proud father of a lot of headlines.
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Bill Chandler
I'm afraid that dancing isn't exactly my line.
Connie Allenbury
I should say it was part of your line.
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Mr. Allenbury
So, you've fished Gluckman's Point? Well, you're an angler all right.
Connie Allenbury
I should say Mr. Chandler's quite an angler.
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Bill Chandler
Yes, my little fuzzy-wuzzy, fuzzy-wuzzy.
Gladys
Oh, they're lovely. Thank you, sugar pie.
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Gladys
You are a strange egg.
Bill Chandler
I'll bet you say that to all the boys.
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Bill Chandler
You're a sweet kid, Gladys.
Gladys
You're not such a cluck yourself.
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Ching
Maybe Miss Benton again. I'm afraid...
Warren Haggerty
You're afraid? I'm marrying her, and you're afraid.
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Warren Haggerty
And I'm gonna bring in the best guy we ever had on a libel suit.
Mr. Bane
Who's that?
Warren Haggerty
A guy that I guarantee to beat anybody in the world from Ghandi to Garbo - Bill Chandler.
Mr. Bane
Bill Chandler? Yes. And you fired him - the best man we ever had on libel. You admit it and you fired him.
Warren Haggerty
Yes, and I'd do it again. He was a heel, a demented double-crossing heel. Tried to run the whole paper. Thought he knew more about it than I did.
Mr. Bane
And was right.
Warren Haggerty
Yeah.
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Denver Courier Editor
[On the phone with Haggerty's newspaper]
Sure, I know him. Chandler left Denver four months ago. Yeah, and the boss's wife almost followed him to San Francisco. That guy is dynamite.
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Cable Editor
Hey, maybe that guy's dead.
Warren Haggerty
Yeah, it'd be just like him to die at a time like this.
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Gladys
I knew I'd find you with a drink in your hand.
Warren Haggerty
What are you doing here?
Gladys
Well, what are *you* doing here?
Warren Haggerty
Didn't Ching tell you?
Gladys
Yes, Ching told me and I told him and now I'm telling you! I won't stand for it.
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Mr. Bane
Hey, didn't they tell you I wanted to see you? Say, what is this? Do I own a paper or a lunatic asylum?
Gladys
You just took the words right out of my mouth.
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Warren Haggerty
Aw, come on now. You mustn't fight.
Bill Chandler
Why not? We're married.
Warren Haggerty
Well, you're supposed to be happily married. You're supposed to be crazy in love with each other.
Gladys
Yeah, and I must have been crazy to let you marry me off to another guy.
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Connie Allenbury
How'd you like a swim in the moonlight?
Bill Chandler
Swim?
Connie Allenbury
Later on. You do swim?
Bill Chandler
Oh, yes. Almost as well as I dance.
Connie Allenbury
Then you'll drown.
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Connie Allenbury
I do very well for the back streets, but you're ashamed to be seen with me in public.
Bill Chandler
Certainly. A gal who smears mustard all over her chin.
[He wipes her chin]
Connie Allenbury
Thanks. Beautiful now?
Bill Chandler
No. Just clean.
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Bill Chandler
Still at the Star? Old man hasn't gotten wise to ya yet, huh? Well, one of these days you'll be out on your ear and then the Star will be a first-class sheet.
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Mr. Allenbury
[Speaking about Bill Chandler]
You mean to tell me that you married him?
Connie Allenbury
Yes, father
Mr. Allenbury
But who is this woman?
Connie Allenbury
Well, uh, that's Bill's wife.
Mr. Allenbury
What?
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Warren Haggerty
I tell you I can't go now. The paper's in a jam. We're facing a libel suit!
Gladys
Well, you're facing a breach of promise suit. If you don't want to marry me, just say so!
Warren Haggerty
Gladdie, you're getting yourself all upset, darling. Over, here, a little drinkie, maybe?
Gladys
No, not today I don't. Today I get married!
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Bill Chandler
Cheerio.
Warren Haggerty
Wait a minute, what's your hurry?
Bill Chandler
Breakfast time.
Warren Haggerty
Breakfast can wait. I got an idea.
Bill Chandler
I'll take breakfast.
Warren Haggerty
I want to talk to you.
Bill Chandler
Why, Warren, you weren't like that when I left.
Warren Haggerty
This is a proposition.
Bill Chandler
Not before breakfast.
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Bill Chandler
During the six months I was on the Star, I saved you all told some $300,000. What did I get? A hundred and 25 bucks a week.
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Bill Chandler
You know, it just dawned on me that I seem to have made myself a permanent member of your party.
Connie Allenbury
Yes. It's dawned on me too.
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Connie Allenbury
Goodnight, Mr. Chandler. Don't keep father up too late with your fish stories.
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Bill Chandler
My intimates call me, "Polar Bear" Chandler.
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Bill Chandler
You know, you're one girl in a million.
Gladys
You don't know the tenth of it.
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Warren Haggerty
[to copy boy]
Here son, tell Douglas to print up one copy of the evening edition. Put that item at the head of the society column.
Johnny
One copy?
Warren Haggerty
That's what I said.
Johnny
Gosh, our circulation is certainly falling off.
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Warren Haggerty
I promised I'd meet her at the alter at the stroke of 12. And they'll be no reprieve from the Governor this time.
Ching
I hope you be - very happy.
Warren Haggerty
Yes, said the spider to the fly.
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Bill Chandler
Why, grandma, what big muscles you've got.
Connie Allenbury
The better to sock you with, grandpa.
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Ching
A merry marriage and many happy comebacks.
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Warren Haggerty
Where did you go when you left us Bill?
Bill Chandler
Intelligence Department Warren, I always did like contrast. Well, Cheerio!
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Mr. Bane
Nonsense! I'll be in my office. Get rid of this woman!
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Gladys
For two years, I played second fiddle to this paper.
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Gladys
You were all terribly smart, weren't you? You were all building up to a nice happy ending. Haggerty wins his case. Chandler wins his girl. Well? Well, where do I stand? I'll tell you where, right behind the eight ball!
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Gladys
But I don't want a divorce. I wanna get married and stay married.
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Warren Haggerty
There he is, torn from our arms, the bridegroom of an hour.
Gladys
Well, that's too long for me.
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Gladys
That's Warren for you. Crazy about me, but boy how he conceals it.
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Gladys
You can't leave me. Bill, you mustn't leave me.
Bill Chandler
Oh, baby. This is terrible, breaking into our honeymoon like this.
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Gladys
Follow that Volkswagen!
Cab Driver
I got it!
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Connie Allenbury
I resent the understatement.
Mr. Allenbury
Just a spoiled brat.
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Connie Allenbury
I like music with my moonlight.
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Connie Allenbury
Are you amendable to reason?
Bill Chandler
Uh huh.
Connie Allenbury
Then you will come to my charity bazaar?
Bill Chandler
Nope!
Connie Allenbury
You turn me down for the horse show.
Bill Chandler
But I ride with you every morning.
Connie Allenbury
You scorned my bid to a concert.
Bill Chandler
But I strum my guitar 'neath thy window each eve.
Connie Allenbury
And now you refuse my invitation for tomorrow night.
Bill Chandler
But I'm dining with you and father this evening.
Connie Allenbury
Mm hmm. It's your last meal, my lad. I'm beginning to tumble.
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Warren Haggerty
A fine mess you made of this. And all because you tried to steal Gladys.
Bill Chandler
[Stammering]
I... Say, I wouldn't try to steal Gladys if she was the last female on earth.
Warren Haggerty
Female, huh? That does it. You can't stand there and insult Gladdie.
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Connie Allenbury
I'm dying to feel the stick in my hands again.
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Bill Chandler
Afraid I wasn't concentrating. It was your eyes.
Connie Allenbury
Beautiful, aren't they?
Bill Chandler
They remind me...
Connie Allenbury
Yes. Yes, I know. Sparkling diamonds, deep sapphires.
Bill Chandler
No. No, they remind me of - angry marbles.
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Warren Haggerty
It will be all right Gladys.
Gladys
You mean you're going to leave me here alone?
Bill Chandler
I'm here.
Warren Haggerty
Darling, it'll be all right. It's just a business arrangement.
Gladys
Well, it's mighty funny business if you ask me.
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Fishing Instructor
Mrs. Chandler, would you mind stepping down here to the corner of the table and - bending over?
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Connie Allenbury
Darling, you're a sucker!
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Bill Chandler
I just can't make him out. I can understand he's tossing me to the dogs for the paper. But when he does it to the girl he loves!
Gladys
Who's tossing who to what dogs?
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Warren Haggerty
You know, Miss Allenbury, this situation has outgrown a petty fight. We've got to consider the humanitarian aspect. I must appeal to your social conscience.
Connie Allenbury
Oh, thanks. I didn't know your paper thought I had one.
Warren Haggerty
Oh, Now, now. Miss Allenbury, if you go through with this case, it's going to throw 500 people out of employment. Men and women, jobless, walking the streets - women like yourself, tired and cold and hungry. Driven to drink and ruin.
Connie Allenbury
You write the editorials, don't you?
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Photographer
Turn her around, Palmer.
Connie Allenbury
Take your hands off of me!
Photographer
Watch the dicky bird, ducky.
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Bill Chandler
That, say I, is the fine Italian hand of Haggerty - the bull in a China closet.
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Ching
[Haggerty puts on his top hat]
Very pretty.
Warren Haggerty
Pretty? I'm supposed to be the groom, not the bride!
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Gladys
You're so obvious, Warren. Why can't you be subtle, like Bill?
Warren Haggerty
Are you going to listen to him or are you gonna listen to me?
Gladys
I'm going to listen to Bill. He knows best.
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Harvey Allen
I can't bust up his wedding.
Editor
If you don't it's our funeral.
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Bill Chandler
[Haggerty comes up behind and pokes him in the back]
Warren Haggerty! From Brooklyn to Bombay, a stab in the back spells Haggerty.
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Mr. Allenbury
And you can tell your owner, Mr. Hollis Bane, we're not entertaining any representatives of his yellow rag in this house.
Warren Haggerty
I'll make it a point to tell him. You're entertaining no representatives of the Evening Star.
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Warren Haggerty
Not four hours ago, I heard your two-timing Romeo whispering sweet nothings into the ears of Connie Allenbury. Now what do you think of that?
Gladys
Bill told me all about it. That's technique, Warren. You wouldn't understand it.
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Gladys
You'd make your crippled grandmother do a fan dance for that paper.
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Connie Allenbury
If he's first-class, I'll travel steerage.
Mr. Allenbury
Well, what'd you come up here for? You had a weekend all planned in town.
Connie Allenbury
I didn't want to see my favorite father tossed to a wolf.
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Connie Allenbury
Oh, dad's a grand judge of character. He placed you right away. Impetuous, friendly, enthusiastic, guileless.
Bill Chandler
Guileless? Not too sure about that.
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Bill Chandler
Don't apologize for suspecting people, Connie. Keep right on. Ring every coin you meet. There are lots of wooden nickels in circulation.
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Warren Haggerty
What a lady-killer you are. One look at you and the gal disappears.
Bill Chandler
Say, don't worry. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Warren Haggerty
Warren Haggerty, Bill Chandler: No. It didn't cost $5 million either.
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Gladys
You dance divinely.
Bill Chandler
Oh, thanks. There have been complaints.
Gladys
Then you must've been out with amateurs.
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Warren Haggerty
Say, what's gong on here?
Editor
Maybe he's working on the wrong girl.
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Gladys
Yes, just as Bill says, and have you smear our names all over your paper, you headline hunter.
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Warren Haggerty
You know, you've had this coming for a long time.
Warren Haggerty
We'll settle it right now.
Bill Chandler
With interest.
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Warren Haggerty
Take my advice, Ching, don't ever get married.
Ching
Oh, maybe not so bad, Mr. Haggerty. I mudder and fadder, day get married.
Warren Haggerty
You're kiddin'.
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Warren Haggerty
Can't I stay away from here for one day without someone pulling a boner? You call yourself a newspaper man? Where's your nose?
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Bill Chandler
I know all about her. Title-crazy, with a fatheaded old father to buy her in and out. America's international playgirl. That's her rep - and she thinks it's worth $5 million. When I get through with her, she'll take five cents.
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Bill Chandler
Now, here's the plan. Allenburys are in London. So I sail for England at once.
Warren Haggerty
But they're coming back in 10 days.
Bill Chandler
That's why I'm sailing, to come back with them. Five days on a boat. Anything can happen on a boat. I meet the girl. Perhaps she comes to my cabin.
Warren Haggerty
Oh, no, no, no. Not this girl.
Bill Chandler
Only for a cocktail. Perfectly innocent to her, to me, to everyone on the boat. Except our private detective, who radios my wife.
Warren Haggerty
You got a wife?
Bill Chandler
No. This is a setup, not a confession. But we hire some attractive girl to marry me and when the time comes, she stages a pretty little scene over her erring husband and sues Connie for alienation of affection.
Warren Haggerty
That's it. That's it! The Star called Connie a husband-stealer and she denies it. All right, we duplicate the situation. Only this time she does steal a husband. This time, we're right!
Bill Chandler
Let her go to bat with a libel suit after that and see what she collects.
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Gladys
I won't be quiet! The things I've taken for that newspaper, Warren Haggerty. But, this gets the blue ribbon. Trying to marry me off to that - to that baboon!
Bill Chandler
Say, let's not deal in personality.
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Gladys
Hey, where are you going?
Bill Chandler
To get some bed clothes. I'm sleeping out here.
Gladys
Well...
Warren Haggerty
You see, it'll be all right. Bill out here. You in there.
Gladys
Warren Haggerty, do you mean to tell me that you're willing for me, your fiancée, the girl which you love...
Warren Haggerty
Now, Gladys, please.
Gladys
Listen, I've done plenty for you and the Evening Star, but, there's a time to draw a line and I'm drawing it!
Warren Haggerty
Darling, there's nothing to worry about. I tell ya, I trust Bill like he was a brother!
Gladys
Yeah, but, he isn't my brother!
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Bill Chandler
You know, you're a funny kid. That's what you seem like up here, a kid. Very different from the girl I met on the boat.
Connie Allenbury
I feel different. This place, it's all tied up with my childhood. The trees, the air, the water. Even the frogs. I'm mad about frogs.
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Mr. Bane
Appeal to her reason!
Warren Haggerty
She has no reason... This is Connie Allenbury, the international playgirl, the spoiled daughter of the rich without a brain in her head! But I know how to handle her kind. I'm gonna throw myself on her mercy. I'm gonna appeal to her heart. I'm gonna pull out stops. Give her the sob stuff!
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Warren Haggerty
I'm going to wash up the Allenbury case and Mr. William Chandler with it. Gladys may be eating out of his hand now, but before I get through, she'll be biting it!
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Babs
We never dreamed he was married. He didn't look married. He certainly didn't act married.
Mrs. Burns-Norvell
The married ones never do.
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