Dirty Grandpa Movie Quotes
Lenore
For what it's worth, I still really wanna fuck you.
Dick Kelly
Oh, we're gonna fuck.
Lenore
Yeah, we are.
Dick Kelly
We're gonna thunderfuck.
Lenore
You're gonna tsunami on my face.
Dick Kelly
You're gonna flood like the Nile.
Lenore
Yeah, I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over.
Dick Kelly
The villagers will finally eat.
Lenore
You're gonna die while you're eating me out. I want your last breath to be in my pussy.
Cody
Lenore, you're such a slut!
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Jason Kelly
Being a corporate lawyer is awesome. I get to handle SCC compliance...
Dick Kelly
No shit.
Jason Kelly
Yeah, yeah.
Dick Kelly
You handle SCC compliance?
Jason Kelly
LP agreements...
Dick Kelly
Oh, man! I didn't know that!
Jason Kelly
LLC agreements...
Dick Kelly
You're shitting me.
Jason Kelly
Being a corporate lawyer, you know, it's got its upsides.
Dick Kelly
You know what I'd rather do?
Jason Kelly
What?
Dick Kelly
I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon.
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Dick Kelly
Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention.
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Lenore
I like your pull out couch.
Dick Kelly
Yeah? Well, I got news for ya. That's the only thing that's gonna be pulling out tonight.
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Cousin Nick
Fuckin' sucks dick about grandma, huh? Old woman fuckin' murdered like that.
Jason Kelly
I think she had cancer.
Cousin Nick
We'll never know the truth.
Jason Kelly
We absolutely know the truth. Grandma had cancer for ten years.
Cousin Nick
You don't just die from cancer, Jason.
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Dick Kelly
We have a long standing bet - who's the better golfer. Obviously I've got the bigger three wood.
Lenore
Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina.
Jason Kelly
Holy shit.
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Dick Kelly
Look... I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this. I haven't done it for a long time.
Lenore
I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check
Lenore
Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up.
Dick Kelly
I've fallen and I can't get up.
Lenore
Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower.
Dick Kelly
Things were better under Eisenhower.
Lenore
We like Ike!
Lenore
Are you cumming or dying?
Dick Kelly
I'm not sure, maybe both!
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Dick Kelly
I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? You want summa dat drank? Summa dat purple draaank? Summa dat purple ass motherfuckin' pimp dick draaank?
Bradley
Who... the fuck... are you?
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Dick Kelly
Party till you're pregnant!
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Dick Kelly
I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
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Dick Kelly
Hey, you know your cigars! What are you, half Cuban or something?
Lenore
Actually I am, Professor.
[bends over]
Lenore
The bottom half.
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Dick Kelly
My grandson, Jason.
Stinky
Is he here to scissor with me?
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Dick Kelly
The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
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Dick Kelly
You're like some sort of cock blocking terminator sent back from the future to cock block humans.
Dick Kelly
The robots should've sent you instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you could've cock blocked John Conners' parents and he never would've been born.
Jason Kelly
*Shut up Grandpa. Shut up*
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Jason Kelly
I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa.
Dick Kelly
You're the one that's going to have to watch out. You might get Oreo'd.
Jason Kelly
Oreo'd?
Dick Kelly
That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. You're the cream in the middle.
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Lenore
Hi, Professor.
Dick Kelly
Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.
Lenore
Thank you.
Dick Kelly
I was actually talking to him.
Bradley
Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.
Dick Kelly
Just try not to join the cast of "Rent" on the way back.
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Dick Kelly
Jason, I want to fuck. For the first time in 40 years, I'm single, and I want to fuck. I want to fuck until my dick falls off. I want to fuck a horse, and I want to drink its blood. I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, even through the menopause, even through the cancer. She was the love of my life, I'll miss her every goddamn day, but she told me on her death bed, you get back out there again. I haven't had sex in 15 years Jason, and I want to fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
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Lenore
You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, and I'm just a girl from Long Island City who likes to fuck old people.
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