Empire Records Movie Quotes
Warren
Who glued these quarters down?
A.J.
I did.
Warren
What the hell for, man?
A.J.
I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.
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Mark
We mustn't dwell... no, not today. We CAN'T. Not on Rex Manning day.
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A.J.
What's with you? Yesterday you were normal and today you're like the Chinese guy from the Karate Kid. What's with you today?
Lucas
What's with "today" today?
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[Joe is talking to the police about Warren]
Warren
Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall.
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[Debra has just shaved her head]
Gina
Well, "Sinead O'Rebellion." Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior.
Debra
God, that is so clever. I swear you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets.
Gina
And you get smarter the shorter your hair gets, so it's probably a good thing you went with that. It's a wonderful look for you, darlin'.
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Mark
Hey, Lucas. I've decided I'm going to start a band.
Lucas
The first thing you need is a name. Then you'll know what kind of band you've got.
Mark
Right, right. I was thinking about, um, Marc. How does that sound?
Lucas
Is that with a C or with a K?
Mark
Well my name is with a
[checks his nametag]
Mark
K, so I was thinking my band's name could be with a C. That way it's kind of that psychedelic, you know, trip thing.
Lucas
Always play with their minds.
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Gina
Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.
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Debra
I went to rock and roll heaven, and I wasn't on the guest list.
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Debra
Definitely an amateur.
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Gina
No revealing clothing.
Debra
We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.
Gina
Oh, no, Debra, don't be bitter. Surely with your ever-growing collection of flesh-mutilating silver appendages and your brand-new neo-Nazi boot camp makeover, the boys will come a-runnin'.
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Joe
Deb, what are you doing?
Debra
I just wanted to have a little chat with Warren.
Warren
Yeah? Have a little chat with my gun.
[waves it under her nose]
Warren
*Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't fucking Warren!*
[kicks furniture to underline point]
Eddie
His name isn't Warren.
Berko
[whispering as well]
His name isn't Warren?
Mark
I thought his name was Warren?
Debra
[to Warren]
Well, you can't kill me 'cause I'm already dead. And I talked to God, and she says, "Yo, wassup?" and she wants you to lose the gun.
Warren
What? You are a psycho! A *psycho!*
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Joe
[hands retrieved CDs to the caught shoplifter]
I want you to take these, hold 'em against your chest, stand against the wall, and they're gonna take a photograph of you.
Warren
Why don't you go shove 'em up your ass?
Lucas
Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.
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Jane
Actually, his new album tested well among teenage males.
Lucas
Jane, did you compare the percentage of teenage male Rex Manning fans to the incidence of homosexuality amongst teenage males?
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Lucas
Mark, who's your favorite singer?
Mark
Axl.
Lucas
Well if Axl Rose was driving down the highway, and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?
Warren
No way man!... Axl would pound on the gas, turn the wheel, take aim, and take that sucker out!
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A.J.
Joe, I need to ask your advice. Now I know you know a lot about love and women and all that sort of thing...
Joe
Oh yeah, my wife left me for another woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave at gunpoint. Does this qualify me?
A.J.
Oh yeah, definitely.
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A.J.
Hi, what're you doing up here?
[Corey pushes A.J so he falls]
Corey
You listen to me! You're so special and you're so talented and you have everything it takes! You have MORE than everything it takes and you're REALLY stupid because you don't know that. And I know you don't love me anymore, and I know that I blew it but at least I know that, and if you don't go to art school and if you don't understand how special you are then you know nothing!
A.J.
Corey, I...
Corey
And I did love you, and I still... only I didn't realise that it really was love because it was more than love and it wasn't just some stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else and I'll never love anybody as much as you and I hate you! I hate you!
A.J.
Corey, I quit. I quit!
[pause]
A.J.
I'm going to art school, in Boston. So I can be near you.
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Lucas
I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.
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Corey
Joe, you're the best boss in the world. Can I bring Rex his lunch?
Joe
Berko's taking him his lunch.
Corey
Um Joe, you know that Berko's gonna insult him to his face I don't think that's such a good idea.
Joe
I don't care if Berko sticks an M-80 up his butt and lights it. In fact, I hope he sticks one up mine, it might be an improvement.
Corey
Joe, I have to bring Rex his lunch.
Joe
Berko is.
Corey
Joe, I need to bring him his lunch.
Joe
Berko is.
[pause]
Joe
...alright.
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Lucas
Warren, look what you took.
[going through the CD's that Warren stole from the store]
Lucas
Rap... metal... rap... metal... And Whitney Houston.
Warren
It's for my girlfriend, okay?
Lucas
Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.
Warren
Maybe you bite me.
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Rex Manning
Why don't you all just fade away.
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A.J.
Lucas, hey Lucas. Hey Lucas. What the hell are you doin' here, man?
Lucas
Something happened to me last night. In Atlantic City.
A.J.
Oh, you went to Atlantic City?
Mark
Wow! Did you win anything?
Lucas
No. I did not win. So if you guys ever wonder if it was nice to know you, I tell you now that it was.
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Lucas
$9104. I counted it... twice.
Lady at Craps Table
I like your style.
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Lucas
In the immortal words of The Doors, 'The time to hesitate is through.'
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Gina
Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come a-runnin'.
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Debra
I guess nobody really has it all together, huh?
Corey
No.
Debra
I feel like I should welcome you to the neighborhood or something. Anyway, did you really want to do Rex Manning in the count-out room? Is that how you always imagined your first time would be? Your back up against the daily totals and your feet pounding against the safe? 'Oh Rexy stop that. You're so sexy.'
Corey
Why are you being so nice to me?
Debra
Let's save our Hallmark moment.
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A.J.
Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile.
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Lucas
The fat man walks alone.
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A.J.
Lucas, do you think it's possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it?
Lucas
In this life there are nothing but possibilities.
A.J.
Well, that's good, because I have to tell Corey I love her by 1:37.
Lucas
That's an excellent time.
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Lucas
I used to pee in my bed. I did. I, I wet my bed until I was ten. My mother turned me over to the county when I was ten to- not for being a bed wetter- but for being a bad seed. Anyways, 3 years went by, then Joe came. And he took me out, and I became the well adjusted person I am today.
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Lucas
Joe, is it okay if I leave the couch? 'Cause I'm gonna leave the couch now, okay? My ass is falling asleep, so I gotta go. I'm leaving.
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A.J.
You did have hair when you went in there, right?
Debra
Yeah. It's still in the sink, if you want to glue it.
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Lucas
Joe!
Joe
Where's the money?
Lucas
Joe, the money is gone.
Joe
Yeah, I know it's gone... but where's it gone to?
Lucas
Atlantic City.
Joe
Atlantic City?... Is it coming back from Atlantic City?
Joe
What's it doing in Atlantic City, Lucas?
Lucas
...Recirculating.
Joe
Recirculating?
Lucas
Yeah.
[Joe knocks the donation cup that Lucas was carrying out of his hands and grabs his arm]
Joe
Lucas, listen to me. I told Mitchell Beck that you forgot to deposit the money. I told Mitchell that the money was still here.
Lucas
Joe, that's not true. It's in Atlantic City... I swear.
Joe
Shut up, sit down, and don't you move.
Joe
Oh, shut up! Under no circumstances do I want you to leave that couch... unless it's to get me $9000, and then you bring it here to me, okay?
Lucas
Okay. You know, I think things are gonna be all right now, Joe.
Joe
Oh? And what makes you think that.
Lucas
Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
[nodding]
Lucas
Mmhmm!
Joe
...What a moron.
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Eddie
They're my special recipe... and you know what that means... Lots of sugar.
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Joe
Could you please not sing, Mark.
Mark
You know what Joe? One of these days, I'm gonna show you little people.
Joe
Yeah, well on that day I'm gonna jump outta my wheelchair and do a dance.
Mark
How 'bout today, huh? Rex Manning day.
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Joe
Gina, you'd better go home.
Gina
Am I fired?
Joe
Have I fired anyone today? No. Why would I start with you?
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Lucas
Joe, I think it's gonna be okay.
Joe
What makes you think that?
Lucas
Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear.
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[Lucas has just gambled away all Joe's money]
Lucas
I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this.
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Debra
I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink plastic razor with daisies on it and a moisturizing strip.
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Corey
So is this how your life's gonna be now, huh? You're just gonna screw every has-been until your tits fall down and they don't want you anymore?
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Lucas
The long arm of the law has embraced our dear friend Warren.
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Lucas
Mitchell's the man, Joe.
Joe
And the man calls all the shots.
Lucas
Damn the man.
Joe
Let me explain it to you. Mitchell's the man. I'm the idiot. You're the screw-up. And we're all losers. Welcome to Music Town.
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Berko
[Warren is being away by the police]
Don't drop the soap, Warren.
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[Corey left her bra]
Eddie
You forgot your thingy.
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[wearing nothing but a Music Town apron]
Gina
I really think Music Town is torn on the revealing garment issue.
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Corey
My dad always said that there's 24 usable hours in every day.
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Eddie
This music is the glue of the world, Mark. It's what holds it all together. Without this, life would be meaningless.
Mark
Hey, did you hear about Lucas?
Eddie
Hey, Lucas, man, I hear you went to Vegas and you married a mobster's wife and now you've got a hit on you and stuff. Is that true?
Lucas
Not entirely true.
Eddie
Well, outlaw man, we salute you.
Lucas
Thank you, Eddie.
Eddie
No problem.
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Corey
I'm not like you, I don't need to do what you do with guys.
Gina
Oh, I see, not like me, the turbo-slut.
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Lucas
Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head.
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High Roller
That's an 18,000 dollar bet, you sure you know what you're doin kid?
Lucas
I know this, that if I win this roll I will save the place that I work from being sold, and the jobs of my friends that work there. Thus striking a blow at all that is evil and making this world a better place to be in.
Lady at Craps Table
Huh?
Lucas
...And I'll buy you guys a drink.
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Lady at Craps Table
Feeling lucky?
Lucas
I am guided by a force much greater than luck.
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Eddie
Can I ask you something? Do you know where Harvard is?
A.J.
It's near Boston.
Eddie
No, I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It's another planet man - another universe. Totally unlike the one we know. Filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats. What I'm trying to say is, you and Corey just aren't made for each other. She's different from you.
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Warren
Me Joe, you Jane.
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[after Joe beats Lucas up in his office]
Joe
Here.
[hands Lucas a washcloth]
Joe
You deserved that, you know that.
Lucas
Yeah, I know it.
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Gina
Lucas, what are you doing in here?
Lucas
My life has reached its pinnacle. Joe is letting me close the store tonight.
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Gina
I don't know it's just something I've always been able to do.
Rex Manning
Alright. What am I wearing now?
Gina
Jockeys. Navy blue. Am I right?
Rex Manning
I don't know.
Gina
Well, why don't you check it out, and you let me know.
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A.J.
...you know, I got to tell her that I, uh, well, you know, that I uh...
Joe
love her.
A.J.
Yeah, now how do I do that?
Joe
You say I love you. What do you want, written instructions?
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[Debra comes out to take over from Corey with her newly shaved head]
Corey
Why'd you do that?
Debra
Just your typical nutty teenager in America...
[Debra lifts her arm to reveal her bandaged wrist]
Debra
Oh! Before you guys hear all about it.
Corey
That's supposed to be a joke, right?
Debra
No. You're the joke.
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Joe
Where's Rex?
Debra
Got a better question for you, Joe. Where's Gina?
[Joe hears Gina in the xerox room with Rex]
A.J.
I'll look upstairs.
Debra
I'll check the bathroom.
Berko
I'll check the storage room.
Lucas
I'll check the sofa.
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A.J.
Hey Joe, I wanna tell Corey how I feel about her, and I thought you'd be the perfect guy for the job...
Joe
Oh, yeah. My wife left me for a woman and my girlfriend forced me to leave on gunpoint. Does this qualify me?
A.J.
Yeah, absolutely.
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Mitch
Why do I get the feeling that I'm being royally screwed?
Joe
Because you are, Mitch.
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A.J.
You know that feeling when you get out of a warm bath... well... you make me feel like a bath?
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Lucas
Do you know how many people there are out there?
A.J.
Well, about 6 billion.
Lucas
Really... 6 billion... that's a lot of people...
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[about the CDs that Warren tried to shoplift]
Lucas
Rap, metal, rap, metal, Whitney Houston.
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Gina
Do you think this story is already written? Or do you think a bold and courageous act can change the course of history?
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Eddie
[enters]
Hey, hey, how's it going, man? Joe, I'm sorry I'm late. I brought some pizza just in case anyone got hungry. So, what's up, man? Why you guys looking so glum?
[in clowning way:]
Eddie
Where's sexy Rexy?
Debra
It's kinda funny that you put it that way.
[points at that door]
Eddie
What?
[tries to open door of count-out office]
Corey
Why is the door locked?
[everybody quiet]
Corey
Where's Gina?
[chuckles nervously]
Corey
Where's Rex?
Rex Manning
[emerging from the count-out room, still adjusting his clothes, with Gina following]
What? No applause?
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Gina
You are brave. You're getting out of here. You're always talking about how I do what I wanna do, but I don't.
[softly:]
Gina
I don't. Because I wanna sing in a band.. but, um, I don't have the guts to even audition. And I know that if I don't do something, I'm gonna end up like my mother. Her life ended after high school.
Corey
You're never gonna be like your mother if you don't wanna be like your mother.
[Gina smiles through tears]
Corey
You're gonna be fine.
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Corey
Dad says there's twenty-four usable hours in every day. Thank you.
Gina
You absolutely amaze me. You are a nerd.
Corey
That's me.
[chuckles]
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[only gets given the finger]
Corey
She hates me.
Gina
Yeah, she hates me too. But I have enough sense to hate her back.
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Rex Manning
[to fan, at autograph table]
Hi, what's your name?
Kathy
Kathy. K-A-T-H-Y.
Rex Manning
Okay.
Kathy
[as he signs]
You know, I've seen every episode of The Family Way.
Rex Manning
Oh, yeah?
[flashes big smile]
Kathy
And you were my favorite singer in high school.
Rex Manning
[looks up, smile fades]
Who's your favorite singer now?
Kathy
You! It's still you!
[nods over-eagerly, unconvincing]
Rex Manning
[hands over photograph]
Bye.
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