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The Untouchables Movie Quotes

Jim Malone [talking privately in a church] You said you wanted to get Capone. Do you really wanna get him? You see what I'm saying is, what are you prepared to do?
Eliot Ness Anything within the law.
Jim Malone And *then* what are you prepared to do? If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way. Because they're not gonna give up the fight, until one of you is dead.
Eliot Ness I want to get Capone! I don't know how to do it.
Jim Malone You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?
Eliot Ness I have sworn to capture this man with all legal powers at my disposal and I will do so.
Jim Malone Well, the Lord hates a coward.
[jabs Ness with his hand, and Ness shakes it]
Jim Malone Do you know what a blood oath is, Mr. Ness?
Eliot Ness Yes.
Jim Malone Good, 'cause you just took one.
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Al Capone [to his henchmen after Ness and his team intercepted his shipment of liquor from Canada] I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!
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[last lines]
Scoop Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then?
Eliot Ness [jokingly] I think I'll have a drink.
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Jim Malone [to Ness on the walkway underneath a bridge] You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.
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George Stone [after Ness has pushed Nitti off the roof and gone back in the courthouse] Where is Nitti?
Eliot Ness He's in the car.
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Jim Malone [at the police training academy] Why do you want to join the force?
George Stone To protect the property and citizenry of...
Jim Malone Ah, don't waste my time with that bullshit. Where you from, Stone?
George Stone I'm from the south-side.
Jim Malone Stone. George Stone. That's your name? What's your real name?
George Stone That is my real name.
Jim Malone Nah. What was it before you changed it?
George Stone Giuseppe Petri.
Jim Malone Ah, I knew it. That's all you need, one thieving wop on the team.
George Stone Hey, what's that you say?
Jim Malone I said that you're a lying member of a no good race.
George Stone [He cuffs Stone across the face. As he draws back his arm again, Stone presses a gun under his chin] Much better than you, you stinking Irish shit pig.
Jim Malone Oh, I like him.
Eliot Ness [Ness looking a bit nervous and Malone smiling at Stone] Yeah I like him too.
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Jim Malone [on the walkway underneath a bridge] OK, pal, why the mahaska? Why are you carrying the gun?
Eliot Ness I'm a treasury officer.
Jim Malone Alright. Just remember what we talked about now.
[Malone walks away]
Eliot Ness Hey, wait a minute! What the hell kind of policemen you got in this god damn city? You just turned your back on an armed man.
Jim Malone You're a treasury officer.
Eliot Ness How do you know that? I just told you that.
Jim Malone Who would claim to be that who was not? Hmm?
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Eliot Ness [referring to Malone] I'm going to see you burn, you son of a bitch, because you killed my friend!
Frank Nitti He died like a pig.
Eliot Ness What did you say?
Frank Nitti I said your friend died screaming like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think about that when I beat the rap.
[He runs a comb through his hair and walks toward the door. Ness, enraged, grabs him from behind and pushes him past the door]
Frank Nitti Hey... hey!
[Ness propels him toward the ledge]
Frank Nitti *Hey!
[Ness pushes him off the roof. He falls, screaming]
Eliot Ness Did he sound anything like *that*?
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Al Capone [to the members of his crime family] Life goes on. A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms. What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy?
Hoods Dames! Dames. Dames.
Al Capone Baseball!
[Hoods clap]
Al Capone A man - a man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part - of - a - team.
Hoods Teamwork. Teamwork Teamwork.
Al Capone Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field - what is he? You follow me? No one! Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But, I get nowhere unless the team wins.
Hoods Team! Team. Team.
[Capone beats one of the hoods to death with a baseball bat]
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Jim Malone [to Ness as they assemble their team] If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.
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Jim Malone Why do you want to be a police officer?
Williamson To protect the... people and the... p...
Jim Malone I'm not looking for the "yearbook" answer. Why do you want to join the force.
Williamson The force?
Jim Malone Yeah, why do you want to join the force.
Williamson Because... I...
Jim Malone Yeah?
Williamson ... think I could help.
Jim Malone You think you could help.
Williamson ... with the force.
Jim Malone Thank you very much, you've been most helpful.
[Williamson leaves]
Jim Malone [to Ness] There goes the next chief of police.
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Bowtie Driver [while on the main stairway inside the train station] Me and the bookkeeper are walking out of here, getting into a car, and driving away. Or else he dies! He dies! And you ain't got nothing! You got five seconds to make up your minds!
Eliot Ness You got him?
George Stone Yeah, I got him.
Bowtie Driver [Bowtie starts counting off five seconds] One!
Eliot Ness Take him.
George Stone [Stone shoots him] Two!
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Mountie Captain [under the impression Malone shot a man in the mouth while he was still alive] Mr. Ness! I do not approve of your methods!
Eliot Ness Yeah, well... You're not from Chicago.
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Jim Malone [while waiting in a cabin for Capone's liquor shipment to come across the Canadian border] Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even want it to happen. Just watch what does happen.
Eliot Ness Are you my tutor?
Jim Malone Yes, sir. That - I am.
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Reporter [interviewing Capone while a barber shaves him] And what of your reputation for violence? That those who don't buy your product are dealt with violently?
Al Capone [pulls his face away from the razor, sees that he's bleeding slightly, the barber looks horrified] S'alright. I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we used to say "You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word."
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Eliot Ness [in court] Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done.
Al Capone What'd you say? What're you saying?
Eliot Ness I said, "Never stop fighting till the fight is done."
Al Capone What?
Eliot Ness You heard me, Capone. It's over.
Al Capone [sneering] Get out, you're nothing but a lot of talk and a badge.
Eliot Ness Here endeth the lesson.
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Jim Malone [upon meeting each other for the first time] You, you carry a badge?
Jim Malone [gives him a shotgun] Carry a gun.
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Eliot Ness Your Honor, the truth is that the man Capone is a killer and he will go free. There is only one way to deal with such men, and that's hunt them down. I have. I have forsworn myself. I have broken laws I swore to defend. I've become what I beheld and I'm content I have done right. That man must be stopped. You must...
Judge I'll be the judge of what I must do, Mr Ness.
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Jim Malone [firing his gun to stop a suspect from running from away from him in the Canadian countryside] All right! Enough of this running shit!
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Jim Malone [Ness and Malone are at the training academy looking for new recruits for their special "Untouchables" unit, Stone approaches and Malone asks him while looking down at his clipboard] Why do you want to join the force?
George Stone To protect the property and the citizenry of the city...
Jim Malone [interrupts, annoyed] Oh, please, don't waste my time with that bullshit...
[he looks up and sees Stone for the first time, noticing his dark complexion and slick black hair]
Jim Malone Where are you from, Stone?
George Stone From the south side.
Jim Malone [clarifying] "Stone"? "George Stone"? That's your name? What's your *real* name?
George Stone That is my real name.
Jim Malone Nah. What was it before you changed it?
George Stone [long uncomfortable pause and then] Giuseppe Petri.
Jim Malone [turns to Ness] Jeez, I knew it! That's all you need is one thieving wop on the team!
George Stone [stunned and offended but remaining calm, Stone pats him coolly on the back to get his attention] Hey...
[Malone turns back around to face him]
George Stone What's that you said?
Jim Malone [poking him belligerently in the chest with his clipboard] I said that you're a lying member of a no-good race.
George Stone [Stone angrily slaps the clipboard out of his hands; Malone goes for a melee weapon on his person but Stone already has his revolver pointed right under Malone's chin and fiercely says to him] It's much better than you, you stinkin' Irish pig.
Jim Malone [suddenly Malone is quite amused, saying to Ness] Oh, I like him.
Eliot Ness [nervously] Yeah, I like him, too.
Jim Malone [Stone draws back his weapon and Malone says to him] You just joined the treasury department, son.
George Stone [both smile and shake hands] Yeah, okay.
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Eliot Ness [Ness has just shot a gangster after the Canadian border raid while they stand outside the cabin] I had to kill him.
Jim Malone Oh, yeah. He's as dead as Julius Caesar... Would you rather it was you?
Eliot Ness No, I would not.
Jim Malone Well, then, you've done your job. Go home and sleep well tonight.
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Jim Malone [holding him against the window of the cabin in Canada] You're gonna talk, pal. You're gonna beg to talk. Because somebody's going to talk!
[walks out of the shack, and holds the dead body of a gangster Ness shot]
Jim Malone Hey you, on your feet! We need you to translate this book! And I'm not going to ask you a second time! I'm gonna count to three.
[places gun in the gangster's mouth]
Jim Malone What's the matter? Can't you talk with a gun in your mouth? One... two... THREE!
[pulls the trigger, blowing the corpse's skull cap off]
George [screams] Don't! Okay! I'm going to talk! I'll tell you whatever you want! What do you want to know?
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Judge [after Ness has discovered Capone bribed the jury to acquit him] Bailiff, I want you to go next door to Judge Hawton's court, where they've just begun hearing a divorce action. I want you to bring that jury in here, and take this jury to his court. Bailiff, are those instructions clear?
Bailiff [puzzled] Yes, sir, they're... clear...
Al Capone [to his attorney] What's he talking about? What is it?
Judge Bailiff, I want you to switch the juries.
Bailiff Yes sir.
Defense Attorney Your honor, I object!
Judge Overruled.
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Eliot Ness [looking at a gold chain Malone is holding while they celebrate after a successful liquor raid] What is that?
Jim Malone God, I'm with a heathen. That is my call-box key and that is St Jude.
George Stone Santo Jude. He's the patron saint of lost causes.
Jim Malone And policemen.
Eliot Ness Patron saint of policemen?
Jim Malone Everybody needs a friend. Lost causes. Policemen. Which do you want to be?
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Jim Malone [to Capone's bookmaker with Oscar and Ness present inside the cabin on the Canadian countryside] You're muckin' with a G here, pal! You'll hang high unless you cooperate.
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Jim Malone Isn't that just like a wop.
Hoods [He starts backing away from Malone]
Jim Malone Brings a knife to a gun fight.
Hoods [He backs away faster]
Jim Malone Get outta here you Dago Bastard!
Hoods [He runs out the door of Malone's home]
Jim Malone Go on get your ass outta here!
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Al Capone [to reporters] I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand? Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I'd have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won.
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Mrs. Blackmer [showing up unannounced to his office] I came here to thank you. It was my little girl that got killed with that bomb.
Eliot Ness I'm sorry, please. I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Blackmer You see it's because I know that you have children too... and that this is real for you, that these men caused this tragedy. And I know that you will put a stop to them. I know you'll do that now.
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Al Capone [to reporters] People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that. And all this talk of bootlegging - what is bootlegging? On a boat, it's bootlegging. On Lake Shore Drive, it's hospitality. I'm a businessman!
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Eliot Ness So much violence...
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Hoods [while on the main stairway inside the train station] You got 5 seconds to make up your minds
Eliot Ness You got him?
George Stone Yeah I got him
Hoods 1...
Eliot Ness Take him
[Stone shoots, the Hood drops with blood coming out of his mouth]
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[first lines]
Title Card 1930. Prohibition has transformed Chicago into a City at War. Rival gangs compete for control of the city's billion dollar empire of illegal alcohol, enforcing their will with the hand grenade and tommy gun. It is the time of the Ganglords. It is the time of Al Capone.
Reporter [to Al Capone] An article, which I believe appeared in a newspaper, asked why, since you are, or it would seem that you are, in effect, the mayor of Chicago, you've not simply been appointed to that position.
[other reporters laugh]
Al Capone Well, I'll tell ya, you know, it's touching. Like a lot of things in life, we laugh because it's funny and we laugh because it's true. Now, some people will say - reformers, they'll say, 'Put that man in jail! What does he think he is doing?' Well, what I hope I'm doing, and here's where your English paper's got a point, is - I'm responding to the will of the people.
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Jim Malone [Repeated line to Ness] what are you prepared to do?
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Jim Malone [after a plan intercepting Capone's shipment of liquor through Canada goes wrong] Oh what the hell? You gotta die of something.
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Jim Malone [stopping at a post office] Well, here we are.
Eliot Ness What are we doing here?
Jim Malone Liquor raid.
Eliot Ness [looking at the police station across the street] Here?
Jim Malone Mr. Ness, everybody knows where the booze is. The problem isn't finding it, the problem is who wants to cross Capone.
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District Attorney [when the Judge announces the switch of jury] What did you tell him?
Eliot Ness I told him his name is in the ledger too.
[Close-up of the Judge, staring daggers at Ness from the bench]
District Attorney His name wasn't in the ledger...
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Jim Malone [Mike is unwilling to disclose the information of Walter Payne] I need to know where this guy is! And I need to know NOW! Or I'm gonna rat you out for all the shit I know that you've done in your life! I'm going to turn you over!
Police Chief Mike Dorsett [icily] This is a dead man talking to me, Jimmy.
Jim Malone Is it?
Police Chief Mike Dorsett [muttering] You're dead.
[they fight until Mike gets the upper hand]
Police Chief Mike Dorsett Who the hell do you think you are? I'll have your ass hanging from a flagpole in the morning!
Jim Malone [Malone kicks Mike in the groin, pins him to a wall and point his gun at him] Let's cut the wolfing, pal! You tell me, or you're going to the hospital or the fucking morgue!
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[Malone, dying of multiple gunshot wounds, reaches for something on the floor]
Eliot Ness What? What do you want? This?
[Ness grabs Malone's St. Jude medallion and hands it to him, but Malone throws it aside and reaches for a railway timetable]
Jim Malone [pointing, wheezing] Book... book...
Eliot Ness The bookkeeper?
Jim Malone Bookkeeper! Now... *what are you prepared to do?*
[Malone dies]
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Alderman I wonder if we could talk for a minute? John O'Shea, Alderman, 43rd Ward.
Eliot Ness Yes, Alderman, I know who you are. Would you excuse us?
[dismisses the rest of the team from his office]
Eliot Ness We have several large operations in the works, so we're rather busy, Alderman. So, what can we do for you?
Alderman I came up to congratulate you on a job well done. Share your good fortune on such a lovely day.
[drops bribe envelope on the desk]
Eliot Ness What's that?
[shrugs and makes a giggle sound]
Eliot Ness What is that?
Alderman Mr. Ness, you're an educated man. Let me pay you the compliment of being blunt. There's a large, a large and popular business - which you are causing dismay. Why don't you just cross the street and let things take their course.
Eliot Ness [summoning the team] Would you come in here please?
[as the team enters]
Eliot Ness In Roman times, when a fellow was convicted of trying to bribe a public official, they would cut off his nose, and sew him in a bag with a wild animal, and throw that bag in a river.
[picking up the bribe and throwing it at Alderman]
Eliot Ness You tell your master - that we must agree to - disagree!
Alderman You're making a mistake.
Eliot Ness Yeah I know, well I've made them before, I'm beginning to enjoy them.
Alderman You fellows are untouchable, is that the thing? No one can get to you? Hey, everyone can be gotten to.
Eliot Ness [speaking over Alderman and throwing him out] You tell Capone, that I'll see him in hell.
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Eliot Ness [after blowing away a crook who wouldn't "Freeze!" inside the cabin on the Canadian countryside] Didn't you hear what I said? What are you, deaf? What is this, a game?
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Frank Nitti [taunting Ness as he holds onto a rope from the edge of the roof of the courthouse] Come on Mr. Treasury man, ARREST ME!
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Al Capone [to reporters] When you got an all-out prizefight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. 'N' that's how you know who won.
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Jim Malone [to Ness] Welcome to Chicago.This town stinks like a whorehouse at low tide.
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Bodyguard [Ness confronts Capone] Something you want here?
Eliot Ness [referring to Oscar Wallace] My friend was killed today.
Bodyguard I don't care.
Eliot Ness You don't care.
[Ness punches the bodyguard in the nose, knocking him to the ground]
Eliot Ness Now he does.
[to Capone]
Eliot Ness Come on here, Capone. You want to fight? You and me, right here? That's it, come on! What's the matter? You afraid to come out from behind your men, you afraid to stand up for yourself?
Al Capone You want to do it now? You want to do the mat now?
Eliot Ness Yeah! Come on, you guinea son of a bitch!
Al Capone What? You talk to me like that in front of my son? Fuck you and your family!
Eliot Ness Fu...
[Ness goes for his gun, while all of Capone's men pull out there guns and point them at Ness]
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Scoop Mr. Ness! Any comment for the record?
Eliot Ness I just happened to be there when the wheel went round.
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Blackmer Girl Hey, mister! Mister, wait! Mister! You forgot your brief...
[the briefcase explodes]
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Eliot Ness [to his men while he rides on a snow plow truck] All right now, let's do some good!
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Jim Malone [On a liquor raid. With his hand on the door] If you walk through this door now, you're walking into a world of trouble. And there's no turning back. You understand?
Eliot Ness [Nods] Yes I do.
[Pumps his shotgun]
Eliot Ness Good.
[Points]
Eliot Ness Get me that ax.
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Eliot Ness I wanna hurt the man, Malone. You hear me? I wanna start taking the battle to him. I wanna hurt Capone!
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Eliot Ness [confronting Capone at the entrance to a hotel] Come on Capone! You wanna fight? You wanna settle it right now? Right here? Let's go!
Al Capone Listen to me here! You ain't got nothin' on me, nothin'! You're just a cop! Fuck you and your family!
Eliot Ness Fuh... know what?
[Ness goes to pull his gun, Capone's goons pull their guns and point them at Ness]
Jim Malone Not now Eliot, not now.
[Malone grabs Ness]
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Jim Malone First, who can you trust?
[Ness starts to answer but Malone interrupts him]
Jim Malone Nobody. The cops, nobody. 'Cause nobody wants you here.
Eliot Ness Then why are you helping me?
Jim Malone Because I swore to uphold the law. And if you believe that, I'll tell you another. Now, who can you trust?
Eliot Ness [resigned] I can trust nobody.
Jim Malone That's the sorry truth.
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Jim Malone [Enters the liquor cache and fires into the air] Federal officers!
Eliot Ness Get your hands in the air! Nobody move!
Jim Malone This is a raid!
Eliot Ness Everybody into the center of the room!
Baseball Bat Victim What are you doing here?
Jim Malone All this stuff is impounded! You're all under arrest!
Baseball Bat Victim Hey, this isn't right! Hey, this is no good!
[Points at Malone's face]
Baseball Bat Victim You got a warrant?
Jim Malone Sure, here's my warrant!
[Punches him twice in the stomach. He collapses]
Jim Malone How do you think he feels now? Better? Or worse?
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Eliot Ness [visiting Malone at his home after hours] If you'd like to come with me, I need your help. I'm asking you for help.
Jim Malone Well. That's the thing you fear, isn't it?
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Bartender That green beer you're peddlin' just ain't any good.
Bowtie Driver It ain't supposed to be good! It's supposed to be bought.
Bartender I ain't buyin'.
Bowtie Driver Don't worry about it, pops! We won't come back.
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Al Capone [to reporters] There is violence in Chicago, of course, but not by me and not by anybody I employ, and I'll tell you why. Because it's not good business.
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Jim Malone Mr Ness, I wish I'd met you 10 years and 20 pounds ago. But I just think it got more important to me to stay alive. And that's why I'm walking the beat.
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Oscar Wallace We can get him on income tax evasion if we can just show that any of the money from the organization business is going to *him*. See, legally, he receives no income.
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Oscar Wallace Capone's organization is *incredibly* diverse. Look at this. It owns Canadian holding company associations, which owns, in turn, Green Light Laundry, Midwest Cabs, Jolly Time Playthings...
Eliot Ness Jolly Time Playthings?
Oscar Wallace Yes. Jolly Time Playthings.
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Jim Malone If you have to fire, hold low - and squeeze. And put your man down. Because he'd do the same to you. Shoot to kill. Did you hear what I said?
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Al Capone You fuck, you got nuthin'! You're nuthin' but talk and a badge. You're here because you got *nuthin'*. You got nuthin' in court, you don't got the bookkeeper, you got nuthing! Nuthing!
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Eliot Ness [visiting his new born baby boy] Look at this guy, this guy, he's so serious.
Ness' Wife Well, he's got a lot on his mind.
Eliot Ness He does?
Ness' Wife Yes!
Eliot Ness Like what?
Ness' Wife Like what his name is.
Eliot Ness Well, "John." I thought that was all settled. "John." I thought we liked "John".
Ness' Wife And I suppose his middle name will be "Law".
Eliot Ness No, it'll be "Edgar." It'll be "J. Edgar."
Ness' Wife I don't think so.
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Mountie Captain We will engage from the Canadian side of the bridge. Thus, taking them by surprise from the rear. And surprise, as you very well know, Mr Ness, is half the battle.
Eliot Ness The surprise is half the battle. Many things are half the battle. Losing is half the battle. Let's think about what is all the battle. Let's take the fight to them, gentlemen!
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Police Chief Mike Dorsett You're fuckin' nuts, man. You're fuckin' out of your mind! You're out of your mind! And I tried to save your life. Get your hands off. You owe me, Jimmy. I don't owe you nothin'.
Jim Malone My people are being killed.
Police Chief Mike Dorsett Your people? We're your people!
Jim Malone You're my people?
Police Chief Mike Dorsett Yes, we're your people.
Jim Malone You fuckin' run with the Dagos!
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Al Capone Your Honor. Your Honor, is that justice?
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Jim Malone Ness! I am just a poor beat cop.
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Jim Malone Maybe I'm that whore with a heart of gold. The one good cop in the bad town.
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Ness' Wife Now it's time to go to work. Go make a good first impression. I love you, Eliot. Now shoo.
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Eliot Ness You're a good cop.
Jim Malone How do you know that?
Eliot Ness You told me.
Jim Malone I'm such a good cop, how come I'm walking the beat, then, at my age?
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Eliot Ness We are a little in the dark here, but any ideas you may have.
Oscar Wallace Well, actually, yes, sir, I do. And the one I want to try first is this. He has not filed a return since 1926.
Eliot Ness A return?
Oscar Wallace An income tax return.
Eliot Ness Income tax.
Oscar Wallace Yes, sir.
Eliot Ness What do you do at the bureau, Mr Wallace?
Oscar Wallace Oh, I'm an accountant.
Eliot Ness An accountant?
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Oscar Wallace We can prosecute him for income tax evasion.
Eliot Ness Try a murderer for not paying his taxes?
Oscar Wallace Well, it's better than nothing.
Eliot Ness All right. How do we link him to the money?
Oscar Wallace I don't know.
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