The Fisher King Movie Quotes
Parry
Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?
Jack Lucas
No.
Parry
It begins with the king as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest, to prove his courage so he can become king. Now, while he's spending the night alone, he is visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the Grail, so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power, and glory, and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement, he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible - like God... so he reached into the fire to take the Grail, and the Grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire, to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man - not even himself. He couldn't love, or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day, a fool wandered into the castle, and found the king alone. And being a fool, he was simple-minded; he didn't see a king. He only saw a man alone, and in pain. And he asked the king, "What ails you, friend?" The king replied, "I'm thirsty - I need some water to cool my throat." So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water, and handed it to the king. As the king began to drink, he realized his wound was healed! He looked in his hands, and there was the Holy Grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."
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Parry
There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.
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Anne Napolitano
I don't believe that God made men in his image. 'Cause most of the shit that happens is because of men. No, I think man was made in the Devil's image. And women were created out of God. 'Cause after all, women can have babies, which is kind of like creating. And which also accounts for the fact that women are so attracted to men... 'cause let's face it... the Devil is a hell of a lot more interesting! I've slept with some saints in my day, and believe me, I know what I'm talking about. So the whole point in life - the *whole* point of life, I think, is for men and women to get married... so that God and the Devil can get together - and work it out. Not that we have to get married or anything. God forbid.
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Jack Lucas
It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils.
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Jack Lucas
[drunk and talking to the Pinocchio doll]
You ever read any Nietzsche? Nietzsche says there's two kinds of people in the world: people who are destined for greatness like Walt Disney... and Hitler. Then there's the rest of us, he called us "the bungled and the botched." We get teased. We sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We're the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin... get gunned down in Dairy Queens.
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Parry
What do you think of the death penalty?
John the bum
Death is definitely a penalty! It ain't no fuckin' gift!
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Jack Lucas
Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process?
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Jack Lucas
I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.
Parry
I know.
Jack Lucas
A very nice psychotic man.
Parry
Thank you.
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Crazed Video Customer
What I'm in the mood for is sort of a Katherine Hepburn-y/Cary Grant-y kinda thing. Nothing heavy; I couldn't take heavy. Something zany! I'm looking for something zany... or something modern would be fine, too, like a Goldy-Hawny, Chevy-Chasey kinda thing - you know, funny! I want to laugh. I have to laugh tonight, really. Oh, do you have anything with that comedian, he's on that show that's on the radio? You know, the guy who says, "Hey, forgive me!" I get such a kick out of the way he says that! He's so goddamn adorable! That would be perfect! Didn't he make a movie?
Jack Lucas
S'a big-titty, spread-cheeky kinda thing.
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[after their first date, Lydia believes that Parry will leave her like all the other men in her life]
Lydia
I'm not feeling very well.
Parry
Well, no wonder. We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of 60 seconds. I don't remember the first kiss, which is the best part.
Lydia
It was very special to meet you...
[politely]
Parry
Please? I'm not coming up to your apartment. That was never my intention.
Lydia
You don't want to.
Parry
Oh, no, I want to. I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida. But I don't want just one night. I have a confession I have to make to you.
Lydia
You're married? You're divorced? You have a disease?
Parry
No, please stop. I'm in love with you. And not just from tonight. I've known you for a long time. I know that when you come out from work and fight your way out that door. You get pushed back in, and then you come back out. I walk with you to lunch. It's a good day, if you stop and get that romance novel at that store. I know on Wednesdays, you go to that dim sum parlor. And I know that you get a jawbreaker before you go back into work. And I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends. Sometimes you feel uncoordinated and you don't feel as wonderful as everybody else. Feeling as alone and separate as you feel you are... I love you. I love you! I think you're the greatest thing since spice racks. I'd be knocked out if I could just have that first kiss. And I won't be distant. I'll come back in the morning. I'll call you, if you let me. But I still don't drink coffee.
[taking all of this in, Lydia caresses Parry's face]
Lydia
You're real... aren't you?
[Parry and Lydia kiss. She then goes up the stairs to her apartment building]
Lydia
Bye.
[She tries to open the door]
Lydia
It's the wrong door.
[She opens the correct one and enters]
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Jack Lucas
[Parry is dancing around naked in Central Park]
The man talks to invisible people, he sees invisible horses, and he's lying naked in the middle of Central Park. I should be surprised? I'm not surprised, I'm out of my *fucking* mind to even be here!
Parry
Who are you talking to, Jack?
Parry
Are they here?
Jack Lucas
They're saying, "Jack, go to the liquor store, findeth the Jack of Daniels, that ye may be shitfaced, doo-lang, doo-lang!"
Parry
They said that?
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[Parry awakens from his catatonic state, Jack appears to be asleep]
Parry
I had this dream, Jack. I was married. I was married to a beautiful woman. And you were there, too.
[pause]
Parry
I really miss her, Jack. Is that okay? Can I miss her now?
[pause]
Parry
Thank you.
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Jack Lucas
Where would King Arthur be without Guinevere?
Parry
Happily married, probably.
Jack Lucas
Well, that's a bad... that's a bad example.
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Disabled Veteran
Didja hear that Jimmy Nickles got picked up yesterday?
Jack Lucas
Oh, yeah?
Disabled Veteran
Yeah. He got caught pissin' on a bookstore. Man is a *pig*. No excuse for that.
[lady drops coins in his cup]
Disabled Veteran
Thank you, baby. It's social anarchy when people start pissing on bookstores.
[man throws coins on the ground near his feet, which Disabled Veteran cannot reach]
Jack Lucas
Asshole. He didn't even look at you.
Disabled Veteran
He's payin' so he don't have to look. See... guy goes to work every day, eight hours a day, seven days a week. Gets his nuts so tight in a vice that he starts questioning the very fabric of his existence. Then one day, 'bout quitting time, Boss calls him into the office and says, "Hey Bob, whyncha come on in here and kiss my ass for me, will you?" Well, he says, "Hell with it. I don't care what happens, I just want to see the expression on his face as I jab this pair of scissors into his arm."
[sighs]
Disabled Veteran
Then he thinks of me. He says, "Waitaminit. I got both my arms, I got both my legs. At least I'm not begging for a living. Sure enough, Bob's gonna put those scissors down and pucker right up. See, I'm what you call kind of a "moral traffic light", really. I'm like sayin', "Red! Go no further! Boooo-ee boooo-ee boooo-ee..."
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Jack Lucas
I can't believe I'm on a first name basis with these people!
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Anne Napolitano
Didn't you say that what you liked about our relationship is that we didn't have to think? We could just be there for each other.
Jack Lucas
Suicidal paranoiacs'll say anything to get laid.
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Jack Lucas
I wish there was some way I could just pay the fine and go home.
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Jack Lucas
What if some homophobic jogger runs by and kills us to get back at his father? "Jack Lucas, found dead next to a dead, naked man. The two were dead. His companion was naked." I hate it when they use the word: "companion." It's so insinuating. Probably boost the sales of my biography, though. The public has a fascination with celebrity murders that involve nakedness. Bastards.
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Parry
I'm a knight on a special quest. And I need help.
[Jack nods]
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Lydia
I have never been through a dating period.
Anne Napolitano
It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed a thing.
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Jack Lucas
You're on the air, caller.
Edwin
Hello, Jack, it's Edwin.
Jack Lucas
Oh, it's Edwin! Edwin, we haven't heard from you in, what, a day? I've missed you.
Edwin
I've missed you too, Jack.
Jack Lucas
So, it's sunrise confession time, Ed, what've you got for us?
Edwin
Um, I went to this bar, this very, you know, hard-to-get-into place called Babbitt's.
Jack Lucas
Oh. Yeah, I know the place, it's one of those chic yuppie watering holes.
Edwin
Well, I met this beautiful woman...
Jack Lucas
[groans]
Come on, now, Ed. If you start, uh, telling me you're falling in love again, I'm going to have to remind you of that time we made you propose to that, uh, checkout girl at Thrifty's that you liked so much, you remember her reaction?
[door slamming is heard with woman screaming sound effects; Jack's crew make disgusted noises]
Edwin
She was just a girl...
Jack Lucas
Uh-huh.
Edwin
...this is a beautiful woman.
Jack Lucas
Yeah, and "Pinocchio" is a true story. Ed, you're never going to get this tart to your dessert plate.
Edwin
No, this is different...
Jack Lucas
Edwin.
Edwin
She likes...
Jack Lucas
Edwi-- hey!
[whistles]
Jack Lucas
Hey! Edwin! Hey, c'mon now, I told you about these people, they only mate with their own kind, it's called "yuppie inbreeding". That's why so many of them are retarded and wear the same clothes. They're not human, they don't feel love, they only negotiate "love moments". They're evil, Edwin, they're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!
Edwin
[quietly]
OK, Jack.
Jack Lucas
Alright. Well, it's been a thrill. As always, have a perfect day. Everyone here at the Jack Lucas Show says bye. This is Jack Lucas, so long, arrivederce; I'll be sending you a thought today as I lie in the back of my stretched limo having sex with a teenager of my choice, and that thought will be, "Thank God I'm me".
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Parry
Jack, I may be going out on a limb here, but you don't seem like a happy camper.
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Parry
I am deeply smitten.
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[last lines]
Parry
Goodnight, Manhattan! Say goodnight, Jack.
Jack Lucas
Goodnight, Jack.
Parry
[laughs]
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First Punk
You a faggot, too?
Parry
Faggot? No, but I do believe in fairies!
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Parry
I'm surprised some man just doesn't come in here and snatch you up all for themselves.
Anne Napolitano
*You're* surprised?
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Anne Napolitano
Jack, love of my life, you hate people.
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Jack Lucas
Of all the people in this city, I can't believe I met the guy whose wife I killed.
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Jack Lucas
[on himself, and Parry]
"Radio Personality Turns Screwball On Mission From God." I just hope that when they put me away, they find me a place right next to his.
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Jack Lucas
I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
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Parry
C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?
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Parry
You have a great set of... dishes.
Anne Napolitano
Jack, he's trying to start a con-vuh-sation...
Jack Lucas
Then talk to him, he won't bite you.
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Anne Napolitano
I've been dating longer than I've been driving!
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Anne Napolitano
You're not so invisible. You want a personality? Try this on for size: you can be a real bitch sometimes.
Anne Napolitano
I know, I know - it feels great!
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Parry
Come back, we'll rummage.
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Jack Lucas
Have I died?
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Lydia
How much?
Jack Lucas
Well, you're a store member, so we could probably...
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Parry
Mendacity!
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Anne Napolitano
Have another drink, Jack, it's on the house. Like everything else.
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Jack Lucas
[as Anne sits on his lap]
So much has happened that I think it would be a good thing for both of us if we slowed down a little.
Jack Lucas
Come on, Anne. Now, look, this has been a real, real difficult time for me this past year or so.
Anne Napolitano
Yeah?
Jack Lucas
And, uh, you know, I feel like I'm above water for the first time. I feel like I know a lot more now and I don't want to make any more mistakes.
Anne Napolitano
So?
Jack Lucas
I think I need time to... make the right choices. To, uh...
Anne Napolitano
W-wait, wait, wait. I'm lost here. What are you saying?
Jack Lucas
I think maybe I should be alone for a while.
[Anne slowly turns her head, rolls her eyes and gets off him to sit on another chair to face him, Jack tries to keep holding her hand but can only latch onto a finger]
Jack Lucas
You know, now that I know more, you know, I-I feel that, uh, I should focus on my career, now that I can - now that everything's taken care of. You know, Parry's, uh...
Anne Napolitano
[interrupts]
All right, first of all, first of all, let me just say one thing, okay? You don't know shit. Okay? Secondly, as far as we go, what have we been doing here except time? Have I - have I ever pressured you? Once? Ever?
Anne Napolitano
No. So what time do you need, baby?
[Jack picks up a cassette case to dawdle with it, Anne grabs it, puts it down and takes his hands]
Anne Napolitano
I love you. You love me. You want to get your career going? I think that's the greatest thing in the world. I wanna be there...
[Jack tries to pull one hand away and gets scratched by one of her nails in the process]
Anne Napolitano
I'm sorry. I wanna be there when it happens. So wh-what do you need time to figure out? Huh?
[Jack says nothing]
Anne Napolitano
All right, l-let - let me just ask you one thing. Do you love me?
Anne Napolitano
[laughs, pulls herself away from him completely]
You can't even give me that, can you? Jesus, Jack! What were you planning to do here? Were you planning on just packing up your things, walking out the door and dropping me a note when you meet somebody new?
Jack Lucas
I had no idea what I was planning to do. I just said I need time.
Anne Napolitano
[outraged]
Bullshit! If you're gonna hurt me, hurt me now, not some long, drawn-out hurt that takes months of my life because you don't have the balls!
Jack Lucas
Okay, I'll pack my stuff tonight.
[gets up and walks away]
Anne Napolitano
[beginning to cry]
Um, what have you been doing here? Could you just tell me that? What have you been doing here?
Jack Lucas
Look, we both got something out of this, okay?
Anne Napolitano
[shouting, stands up and throws an object across the room]
WHAT DID I GET? WHAT DID *I GET*? What did I get I couldn't have gotten from anybody with no name any night of the week? Do you think your company is such a treat? Your moods, your pain, your problems? Do you think this has been entertaining for me?
[she attacks him in a fit of rage which Jack gently and peacefully restrains and holds her as she breaks down sobbing, then pulls herself away from him again]
Anne Napolitano
No, no, stop it. Stop it. Don't. Don't. No. You don't get to be nice! I'm not gonna play some stupid game with you where we act like we're friends so you have - so you get to walk out that door feeling good about yourself. I'm not a modern woman. If this is over, let's just - let's just call it over.
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Homeless Cabaret Singer
I'm Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Jack - I can't find my baby.
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Anne Napolitano
Have another one, Jack. It's on the house... just like everything else.
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Anne Napolitano
You disappear, I'm worried sick! All I do is stay home and cook like a jerk!
[camera pulls back, she's alone]
Anne Napolitano
He's a son of a bitch.
[starts crying]
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Jack Lucas
Ever get the feeling sometimes - you're being punished for your sins?
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Jack Lucas
I was attacked, two kids tried to set me on fire.
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Parry
You can't be in here.
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Anne Napolitano
Firstly, you don't know shit, okay? Secondly, what have we been doing here but time? I love you. Do you love me? You're not even going to give me that are you?
Jack Lucas
We both got something out of this.
Anne Napolitano
WHAT DID I GET? WHAT DID I GET that I couldn't have got any day of the week from a guy on the street with NO name?
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[after his date with Lydia, Parry is confronted by a vision of the terrifying Red Knight]
Parry
Please, let me have this. LET ME HAVE THIS!
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Homeless Cabaret Singer
[singing]
Just think of it, All the movies, You'll watch for free now, Dramas, Westerns, Comedies, Wow! Video Spot has the best selection, If you like porno, We're your connection, And everything's coming up videos, Everything's coming up videos, This time - free...
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Lydia
What we publish is mostly trashy romance novels.
Parry
Don't say that. There's nothing trashy about romance. In romance is passion. There's imagination. There's beauty. Besides, you find some pretty wonderful things in the trash.
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Lydia
I think some people are meant to be alone. This is my idea: That I - I was born a man in a former life and I used women for pleasure. So now - l'm paying for it. I wouldn't mind so much if I could just remember the pleasure parts.
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Anne Napolitano
Amor Vincit Omnia!
Jack Lucas
What?
Anne Napolitano
It's Latin. It means: love conquers all. I don't mean us. I don't mean us. I mean, everybody else.
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Jack Lucas
Great. I'm hearing horses now. Parry will be so pleased.
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Jack Lucas
[Jack turns on the television; his voice is heard on the news]
--They're evil! They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for, Edwin! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!
TV Anchorman
It was Mr. Lucas's off-hand remark that seemed to have fatal impact on Mr. Malnick. Mark Saffron is on the scene.
News Reporter
An after-work hotspot, Babbitt's is popular with single young professionals. Edwin Malnick arrived at the peak hour of 7:15, took one long look at the handsome collection of the city's best and brightest, then removed a shotgun from his overcoat, and opened fire.
[clips are shown of the aftermath]
News Reporter
Seven people were killed before Mr. Malnick turned the gun on himself and shot a hole through his head.
[Jack's face contorts in horrified shock as he sits down]
News Reporter
Representatives of radio cult personality Jack Lucas expressed regret, however, no formal comment has been made. Neighbors of Malnick said he was a quiet man who lived alone. "We scarcely knew he was there", said a woman who lived next door to Malnick for 11 years. But today, few will soon forget this lonely man who reached out to a world he knew only through the radio, looking for friendship and finding only pain and tragedy. Mark Saffron, Channel 7 News.
Jack Lucas
[Jack clasps a hand to his mouth as the camera zooms in to his eyes, widened with shock]
[horrified]
Jack Lucas
Fuck...
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Jack Lucas
Do you know what the Holy Grail is?
Anne Napolitano
Holy Grail? Yeah, I know that one. That was like Jesus' juice glass.
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Parry
Jack, lend a hand.
Jack Lucas
He should sleep it off. Somebody'll take care of him.
Parry
Who? Mother Teresa? She's retired. It's just us.
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Jack Lucas
Maybe he wants to stay. You want to stay?
Homeless Cabaret Singer
Oh, yeah, sure. I'll just love bleeding in horseshit. How very Gandhi-esque of you.
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Homeless Cabaret Singer
I'm a singer by trade. Summer stock, nightclub revues, that sort of thing. And God, I absolutely lived for it. I can do 'Gypsy', every part. I can do it backwards. But, then, one night, right in the middle of singing "Funny," suddenly it hit me. What does all this mean?
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Parry
You have to be nude, though, Jack.
Jack Lucas
You can't do this!
Parry
You can't refuse the psychic energy.
Jack Lucas
This is New York. No one's allowed to be naked in a field in New York. It's too Midwestern.
Parry
Come on, Jack, it's wild! It's really freeing! I mean, the air on your body, your nipples are hard, little guy's dangling in the wind.
Jack Lucas
Hey, come on!
Parry
Come on, Jack. What are you afraid of?
Jack Lucas
You're pissing me off. Hey.
Parry
And we're bare-assed naked in the middle of it!
Jack Lucas
Hey, I'm not doing this. This is nuts! I'm leaving.
Parry
Come on, Jack. Free yourself! Free yourself!
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Lydia
My mother calls me once a week, like an ongoing nightmare. "So, have you met anyone?" " No, Mom." "So, what's going to happen?" " I don't know, Mom."
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Parry
[singing]
Oh Lydia, oh Lydia, Say, have you met Lydia? Lydia The Tattooed Lady, When her muscles start relaxin', up the hill comes Michael Jackson...
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Jack Lucas
I'm out there, every fucking day, trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. No matter what I have, it feels like I have nothing. I don't feel sorry for you. It's easy being nuts. Try being me.
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Jack Lucas
I control my own destiny, not some floating, overweight fairies. I decide what I'm gonna do.
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Lou Rosen
When I talked to him, I could smell how much they want you. I could smell it over the phone.
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Lou Rosen
Bums! I don't have any change.
Jack Lucas
I'm not opening this window. A couple of quarters isn't gonna make any difference anyway.
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Jack Lucas
They're putting me on film tomorrow.
Sondra
Fine.
Jack Lucas
First time in my life I'll be a voice *with* a body. You know what that means? What this could lead to?
Sondra
It's a sitcom, Jack. You're not defining Pi.
Jack Lucas
I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing a pubic hair on Raisin Bran.
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Jack Lucas
Come on, you had sex with a United States Senator in the parking lot of Sea World. And you're a private person? You're our: Spotlight Celebrity! We want to hear about the back seats of limos, sweetheart, about the ruined lives of people we want to be. New and exotic uses for champagne corks.
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Anne Napolitano
Okay, Jack. Jack, I want you to be up-front with me now. If you're seeing somebody else, just tell me. You don't pour gasoline all over yourself and light a match just to break up with me.
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Homeless Cabaret Singer
Katharine Hepburn in 'Summertime'. Why can't I be Katharine Hepburn? I want to die! I just want to die!
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Anne Napolitano
You big galoot. You are such a mess. Well, listen. Stranger things have been known to happen.
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Parry
I am your man, then! Let's do it - right here! Let's go to that place of "splendor in the grass"! Behold my magic wand and free your golden orbs right now!
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Anne Napolitano
I cannot believe you lived with her as long as you did. If I had to live with my mother, I would stab myself six times.
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Jack Lucas
The answer: two dwarfs and a melon.
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Jack Lucas
I don't feel responsible for you or for anybody. Everybody's got bad things that happen to them. I'm not God! I don't decide. People survive.
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Anne Napolitano
You almost done? What are you looking for, a story?
Porno Customer
I've seen most of them.
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Jack Lucas
I used to think my biography ought to be entitled: "Jack Lucas: The Face Behind the Voice." But now it could be: "Jack Lucas: The Face and the Voice." Or maybe just: "Jack" - exclamation point.
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Parry
Ooh! Men with men!
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