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Kinoafisha Films The Guard The Guard Movie Quotes

The Guard Movie Quotes

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I'm Irish. Racism is part of my culture.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle There were gay lads in the IRA?

Colum Hennessey Mmm... one or two.

[Shrugs]

Colum Hennessey It was the only way we could successfully infiltrate the MI5.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, these men are armed and dangerous, and you being an FBI agent you're more used to shooting at unarmed women and children...

FBI agent Wendell Everett Oh, fuck you, Sergeant!

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Gerry Stanton [while Clive Cornell is handing the bent coppers a briefcase of money] It's all there, yeah?

Clive Cornell Excuse me?

Gerry Stanton It's all there?

Clive Cornell No, it's not. I've skimmed a couple of grand off the top.

Gerry Stanton What?

Clive Cornell 'Course it's fucking all there. This is the pay-off, yeah? We pay you off, you and your pals keep your fucking noses out of our business. That's the dynamic in this situation. Why the fuck would I then cheat you out your money? Eh? Why would I do that? That doesn't make any sense. That'd defeat the entire purpose of the fucking interaction. Fuck me!

[walks away angrily]

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle Are the lights growing dim?

Liam O'Leary Don't mock me.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle It's good enough for ya.

Liam O'Leary There's so many... so many things I wanted to do.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Like what for fuck's sake? Running with the bulls at Pamplona?

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FBI agent Wendell Everett You know, I can't tell if you're really motherfuckin' dumb, or really motherfuckin' smart.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle I thought black people couldn't ski. Or is that swimming?

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FBI agent Wendell Everett [Sergeant Boyle and FBI agent Wendell are driving at night. Boyle asks a question in a friendly manner, idle chat as getting to know each other. FBI agent answers] Two boys. Stocken is five years old and Hughie has just turned three months old. I've got a picture of them.

FBI agent Wendell Everett FBI agent Wendell Everett, Sergeant Gerry Boyle: [Boyle interrupts quickly] Don't want to see it.

FBI agent Wendell Everett [agent seems confused] Excuse me?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [straight faced copper explains] I don't want to see it. Babies all look the same. The only time a baby doesn't look like every other baby is when it's a really ugly baby. So unless you're about to show me a photo of a really ugly baby then I don't want to see it.

FBI agent Wendell Everett That's pretty fucking rude.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Maybe it is maybe it isn't.

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Garda Aidan McBride I'm on it sarge.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle "I'm on it Sarge." He thinks he's in fuckin' Detroit.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle What are you reading?

Eileen Boyle Oh.

[Shows Oblomov by Ivan Goncharov]

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Never got into the Russians. They take too long getting to the fecking point.

Eileen Boyle Not even Dostoevsky, no?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Come on now, he was the main offender.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle Listen, something's come up, and I'm not just talking about my cock.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle I'm Irish sir. Racism is part of my culture.

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Francis Sheehy Who was up there firing that cannon?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle The FBI lad, probably hadn't had this much fun since they burned all those kids up in Waco.

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Detective Like a donkey fucking a hippopotamus, it's party time.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle This is a Gaelic speaking region. Did they not teach you that at Langley?

FBI agent Wendell Everett No, they did not teach us that at Langley. For the simple fact that Langley is the CIA, you idiot, not the FBI!

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Garda Aidan McBride [Sergent Boyle is stroking the crotch of the dead victim] I don't think that's appropriate.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Why don't you fuck off to America with your appropriate, fuckin' Barrack Obama.

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Gabriela McBride He's gay. Like when one man put's his...

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I'm familiar with the mechanics of it, yea.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle You've taken' somethin'.

Eugene Moloney I have not.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle You've taken somethin'. You didn't even act surprised, for fuck sake!

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FBI agent Wendell Everett You have anybody you want me to call?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Nah, I don't have anybody. Just pin a medal on my body like those boys coming home from Iraq.

FBI agent Wendell Everett Fuck you again Sergeant.

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FBI agent Wendell Everett [at a house during Boyle's "day off"] How you doin', ma'am. Special Agent Wendell Everett, Federal Bureau of Investigation. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?

Woman at Bartley's House [in Irish] Bartley! There's a black man at the door!

FBI agent Wendell Everett Oh. You don't... you don't speak any English, huh?

Bartley [in Irish] What can I do for you?

FBI agent Wendell Everett And... *you* don't speak any English.

Bartley [in Irish] This is Ireland. Go over to England if you want to speak English.

FBI agent Wendell Everett I just wanna show you a few pictures, see if you've... seen any of these men in the last few days? This gentleman...

Bartley [in Irish] No, I haven't. And even if I had, I wouldn't tell you. Now you'll have to excuse me, I have to fix this lamp. It was a birthday present from my aunt in Australia. Good day to you.

FBI agent Wendell Everett ...is there anyone else here I -

[door is shut in his face]

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle [answering the door] Ah, listen, I think there's been a mix-up. You've the wrong night.

Gabriela McBride I'm sorry?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle You're from the agency?

Gabriela McBride No. My husband is missing.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Oh, I'm sorry. Come in, come in.

[realizing he has no pants on]

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I'll just slip into something a little less comfortable.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle Like the fat man said, if you have to be careful not to drink too much, it's because you're not to be trusted when you do.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle I thought only black lads were drug dealers?

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Sinead Mulligan Now it can be revealed. I have very small breasts.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle That's okay, I have a very small penis.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle It's not as if you're that hard to please.

Eileen Boyle Yeah, that's what they said to me at the orgy.

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Gerry Stanton You know when you hear tell about someone being liquidated, you know, by the mob, like?

FBI agent Wendell Everett Mm.

Gerry Stanton What does that actually mean?

FBI agent Wendell Everett Means they've been killed. I mean, what else would it mean?

Gerry Stanton Yeah, I know that. But does it mean they've actually been turned into liquid?

FBI agent Wendell Everett Heh, heh, heh. Turned into liquid.

[realizing he's serious]

FBI agent Wendell Everett No. Just killed.

Gerry Stanton Yeah, I suppose turning someone into liquid would be too time-consuming, huh? Take ages.

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Liam O'Leary [holding a gun on him] You should get a dog. Or a parrot, maybe. Something to raise the alarm, you know. Ned Kelly had a peacock.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I've always wanted a giraffe.

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[last lines]

Man With Camera Didn't you foil a drug-trafficking operation and knock off a trio of drug barons to boot? What's unhappy about that?

FBI agent Wendell Everett Lost a good man.

Man With Camera I wouldn't be too sure about that now. I mean, they never recovered a body, did they?

FBI agent Wendell Everett It's a big sea out there. He's dead. Either burned up or drowned.

Eugene Moloney But he was a really good swimmer.

FBI agent Wendell Everett I'm sorry, son, that was just bullshit. He weren't never in the Olympics.

Man With Camera Maybe so. Sure it's easy enough to look up anyways.

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Clive Cornell It's not often you come across that kind of integrity in our business. Yeah, we can't have that.

Francis Sheehy [looking at O'Leary] We'll have to make sure he's out of harm's way.

Liam O'Leary Why's it always me, though?

Clive Cornell Because you're a psychopath.

Liam O'Leary I'm a sociopath, not a psychopath. They explained that to me.

Francis Sheehy What's the difference?

Liam O'Leary Don't know. It's a tricky one.

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Garda Aidan McBride You got a call from Galway. You're to head in tonight to attend a briefing from a fella who's over from the FBI. Special Agent Wendell Everett.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle So what?

Garda Aidan McBride Maybe it's about the murder. Maybe he's got a psychological profile on the killer or something.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle It's drug smuggling. Either that or they've had another fuckin' sighting of Whitey Bulger at some fuckin' museum.

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle Maybe the mice ate them

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Clive Cornell [at the aquarium] I like sharks. They're soothing.

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Aidan McBride [entering the pub] Little early for a drink. You're still on duty. You've been gone all afternoon.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [playing a video game] You gonna continue to make a series of declarative statements, or are you gonna fuckin' tell me something?

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle [interrupting the briefing] I thought only black lads were drug dealers?

FBI agent Wendell Everett I'm sorry, what?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I thought only black lads were drug dealers? And Mexicans. What do they call them. They have a word for them.

FBI agent Wendell Everett Yeah, there's a word for you too, sir. But I'm not gonna go into that right now. Anyway, as I was saying, these men are highly dangerous...

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [blurting out] Mules. Drug mules.

Gerry Stanton That's enough of your guff now, Boyle. Apologize to the man.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Huh? Apologize for what?

FBI agent Wendell Everett For your racist slurs, for one thing.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I'm Irish, racism is part of my culture.

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Clive Cornell [loading in drug shipment] Where the fuck did you find those three?

Francis Sheehy Oh, I put an ad in the paper saying, "Henchmen wanted."

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle What's a derringer?

Colum Hennessey It's like a baby gun. One of the gay lads used to... used to like secreting it on his person, you know.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle There were gay lads in the IRA?

Colum Hennessey There are one or two. Well, it was the only way we could successfully infiltrate the MI5.

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[first lines]

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [red car speeds past his speed trap, tires screech, car crashes]

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [finds drugs in the pocket of dead teen] I don't think your mammy would be too pleased about that now.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle [walks aside and swallows one of the pills] What a beautiful fuckin' day.

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Clive Cornell I fuckin' hate bent coppers, I swear to God.

Francis Sheehy Did they try something?

Clive Cornell No, they didn't try something.

Liam O'Leary What's the problem, then?

Clive Cornell I'm just fuckin' sick and tired of the kind of people we have to deal with in this business.

Liam O'Leary What do you expect? We're drug traffickers.

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Francis Sheehy [dropping his binoculars] Nothing. Tomorrow night's sell, we're good to go.

[thumbs up]

Clive Cornell I fuckin' hate that.

Francis Sheehy What?

Clive Cornell Americanisms. "Good to go."

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Sergeant Gerry Boyle So... Kenosha, Wisconsin, you were saying. Did you grow up in the projects?

FBI agent Wendell Everett What?

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Did you grow up in the projects? Or did they not have the projects in Kenosha, Wisconsin?

FBI agent Wendell Everett No, I did not grow up in the projects. It might surprise you to learn, Sergeant Boyle, that I actually come from a very privileged background. And by "privileged," I mean prep schools, Yale. I was a Rhodes scholar. Bet you don't even know what a Rhodes scholar is.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle I do know what a Rhodes scholar is.

FBI agent Wendell Everett Really? Enlighten me.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Kris Kristofferson.

FBI agent Wendell Everett Yeah, Kris Kristofferson was a Rhodes scholar. You... you are correct.

Sergeant Gerry Boyle Privileged background, huh?

FBI agent Wendell Everett Summer in the Hamptons, skiing in Aspen, that kind of thing.

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FBI agent Wendell Everett I can't tell if you're really motherfucking dumb or really motherfucking smart.