Gigantic Movie Quotes
Larry Arbogast
Did you know women are 20 times more likely to be depressed than men? Maybe more, can't remember the exact number - it's a lot more.
Brian
That's good... for men.
Larry Arbogast
Not really, when you think about it heterosexually.
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Al Lolly
[getting in car after Happy and Brian secretly had sex there]
Smells like a wharf net in here.
Happy
What?
Brian
What?
Al Lolly
You heard me. Smells like low tide.
Happy
That's weird.
Brian
I don't smell anything.
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Larry Arbogast
Hey, you gotta swim if you wanna bang at home. That's reality. Remember that.
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Larry Arbogast
If she had any idea how many times a day I masturbated thinking about her, she'd probably sue the university. And she'd be right. It's inappropriate.
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Al Lolly
Ah, where the hell is she? Bryan, I'm totally serious when I say she may have gotten lost leaving the apartment.
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Happy
What are you reading?
Brian
Uh, it's an article about a Tibetan Rinpoche who plays basketball with some other monks in Arizona. It says they got in fight with five advertising executives in front of a bunch of kids. What are you reading?
Happy
Um... mostly just ads.
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Al Lolly
Alright... I'll send my girl by this afternoon... take a look, work out the financing. Fourteen grand is the price you quoted me not a penny more so don't try to Jew the price up on me. You're not... Jewish, are you?
Brian
No, I'm not, but there's...
Al Lolly
[interrupting]
Good. Just a figure of speech. I'm half Jew myself. I work with Jews. They Jew me all day long so I can say it.
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Happy
This effectively combines three of my great fears: the dark, heights, and public nudity.
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Mr. Weathersby
[last lines - smelling the baby's diaper] Brian, there's a goose loose in the caboose, and I've long since graduated from that detail.
baby
[wailing]
Mr. Weathersby
Champagne. Cocktails. Drinks. Encores. Come on everyone, we must drink up. Hey, one big fucking day...
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Al Lolly
You mess her up, I'll kill your parents. Your parents still alive?
Brian
Yes.
Al Lolly
Good.
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Roger Stovall
You can sell salt to a slug, *if* you listen to the slug.
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Mrs. Weathersby
He's been sweet his whole life, but he never had the family the other kids did. Everyone thought that we were his grandparents. He told his teacher once that his real parents died in a car crash and his grandparents took him on.
Happy
He did?
Mrs. Weathersby
Well he was confused, I guess. I don't blame him. It wasn't disloyal, it was, he was just trying to make everything seem normal I suppose. But, nothing's normal.
Happy
You guys seem pretty normal.
Mrs. Weathersby
We're not. You have a right to be worried and afraid.
Happy
I'm just afraid that I've fucked everything up beyond repair.
Mrs. Weathersby
Nothing's fucked up, nothing's beyond repair.
Happy
Thank you.
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Larry Arbogast
Missy is a PhD candidate in neurobiology. She's studying aggression in sexual behaviour in Mongolian gerbils.
Missy Thaxton
Yeah. I-I just play with gerbil dick all day.
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Larry Arbogast
Which one?
Brian
S-seven.
Larry Arbogast
Start the stopwatch.
Brian
Is he okay?
Larry Arbogast
Yeah, he's fine... Stop.
Brian
What does that mean?
Larry Arbogast
Nothing. Well, the logic is that when forced into an aversive situation, i.e., being dumped into a pool, the rat will oscillate between attempts to escape and resigning to its fate.
Brian
Oh, and this guy gave up.
Larry Arbogast
Today he did.
Brian
Does he usually?
Larry Arbogast
Yeah. See, I'm trying to quantify how helpless this one feels, and why more today than yesterday. Though it seems that Mr. Seven is always a little bit of a quitter.
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Al Lolly
You know I had brain cancer once, Brian?
Brian
No...
Al Lolly
Yup. A Huge tumor on the recesses of my temporal lobe.
Brian
But you're okay now...
Al Lolly
Yep. 100% holistic. No chemo, no radiation.
Brian
Whad you do?
Al Lolly
I mapped the pathology of the cancer with my mind. Very Chinese. Yep. Glad I moved it. I got it with meditation. I pushed it down to the fatty tissue of my temporal lobe, 2 months. Then I moved it down into my nasal cavity, 3 months. Then, then one day I just hocked it up. About the size of a little squash bar, maybe bigger. Do you play squash Brian?
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Kevin Blue
What's up dude? Not much.
Roger Stovall
You know, Kevin, that's two separate things. What's up dude is the question. Not much is the answer to that question.
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Happy
Do you have any interest in having sex with me?
Happy
Really?
Brian
Uh huh.
Happy
Now?
Brian
Uh huh.
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Mr. Weathersby
Here we are, walking together in the woods and if you can aspire to the walking in the woods with your kids after they've made it as far as we've made it, then I-I think you've done a right thing.
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Brian
It sounds kinda shady.
Conner Williams
Does it? Or does it sound *awesome*?
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