My Life in Ruins 2008 - Movie Quotes

Irv I'm not a god. That's just a rumor my mother started.

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Georgia [walking with Poupi as the tour shops for souvenirs] Standing in the middle of culture and history and they want a fifty-fifity poly/cotton blend T-shirt with a picture of a Trojan horse. Why am I spending my life showing tourists gorgeous ancient ruins they care nothing about? And Pangloss Tours pays lousy. They book the worst hotel rooms. I don't have any friends here. I actually don't know anybody. Really, I haven't had sex in forever.

Poupi Kakas Forever is a long time.

Georgia Yeah.

[stops]

Georgia You speak English?

Poupi Kakas [smiling] Yes.

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Irv [to the tour group] How many of you, like me, have come here to fondle as many nude statues as possible?

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[to Irv, while he acts as the Oracle]

Dr. Tullen Will my daughter ever stop sulking?

Caitlin Will my parents ever stop fighting?

Irv Parents sometimes forget that they're an example.

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Irv I'm Irv Giddeon, and I've come here to see as many ancient ruins as possible.

[looking Barnaby up and down]

Irv And judging from your husband, the trip is already a success.

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Irv [to an unimpressed Georgia, about his jokes] Jeez, this is comedy. The Greeks invented it. It's like mustaches on women.

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Irv You know, I was a much nicer guy when my wife was alive. She died three years ago. She used to say to me, They don't know you're kidding, Irv. She would say, You're not as funny as you think you are. Just like you.

Georgia It's nice you had had a good marriage.

Irv [chuckling] We fought everyday. I took her to Egypt. We fought all day about whether the pyramids were majestic or magnificent. It was magic. Twenty-eight years. I woke up every day smiling.

Georgia [wistful] I could live with that.

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Mr. Tullen [trying to get her out of the tent] Elizabeth, dear, do please come out of there.

Dr. Tullen I won't! I don't want to get sunburned.

Caitlin [walking closer] If you don't come out, I'm going to tell everyone how old you are.

[an orange parasol emerges from the tent, followed by Dr. Tullen, looking stunning in a one-piece black swimsuit]

Mr. Tullen [taken aback] Well, that was... certainly worth the wait.

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Georgia [as he's holding her] So I just wanted to tell you... You're such a nice guy. And I'm... Okay, look. This can't happen.

Poupi Kakas But it must. You said you haven't made love in forever.

Georgia Yeah, when I thought you didn't speak English. You know what? I've decided I'm leaving Greece, because this whole moving here was an experiment to be brave and spontaneous, and... Okay. You know, this whole impulsive and crazy and you know, jump into a thing, thing?

Poupi Kakas Georgia?

Georgia Yeah?

Poupi Kakas Your butt is too small.

Georgia [as she turns to kiss him] Oh, that did it.

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Irv You know how you like to get up in front of everybody and bore us?

Georgia [dryly] Please go on.

Irv I have a very exciting idea. Why don't you try entertaining everybody?

Georgia Irv, how am I gonna do that?

Irv History has got a lot of dirty stories. Sex sells.

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Georgia [as they pack the bus] Poupi, do you know if a close beach?

Poupi Kakas [smiling] Of course.

Georgia And do you have any 16-year-old handsome nephews?

Poupi Kakas Of course.

Georgia Good. Will you call him for me.

[starts walking away]

Poupi Kakas Hey, wait.

[stopping her]

Georgia Yes.

Poupi Kakas Why?

Georgia [coyly] I like to keep my options open.

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[to Irv, while he acts as the Oracle]

Kim I've always wanted to start a family, but...

Big Al Well, Big Al's just gonna come out and say it: I'm-I'm scared.

Irv Being a parent is the best thing in the world. And I guarantee you, you're gonna be a great dad.

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Georgia [on the bus, to her group] I'd like to apologize for my unprofessional attitude this morning. Have you ever had one of those days? Actually, it's been about a year.

[as he raises his hand]

Georgia Yes, Irv.

Irv Me too! I would like to apologize to everybody. It was my medication. I take Preparation H, 'cause I'm an asshole.

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Maria [after Georgia leaves] That girl. That girl has no kefi, What Greek does not have spirit, eh?

Nico Maybe she's half Greek.

Maria This was supposed to be temporary while she looked for some big-shot teaching job. And now no one will hire her and I am stuck with her.

Nico Hey, if I make her quit, can I have a raise?

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Poupi Kakas What was his name?

Georgia Who?

Poupi Kakas it's over, some women cut their hair. Some women run away to Greece. So...

Georgia I did not move to Greece because of some man. Why? Who'd you shave for?

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Georgia [to Procopi] So I have rules. You cannot speed, you cannot smoke and you cannot eat while driving...

[when he just looks at her]

Georgia Great. You don't speak english.

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Georgia Australians are the nicest people, but you can only understand about half of what they say.

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Kim [talking loud] Excuse me. Is this Pangloss Tours?

Georgia Group B?

Big Al Sweet marble cake! She speaks American.

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Maria By the way, Spiros eloped with that girl with no foot.

Georgia [going through the mail] Excellent!

Georgia Why?

Georgia I'm being sarcastic.

Maria You're not funny. Stop trying.

Georgia Who's my new driver? Not Themio.

Maria He's in jail. You got the substitute. Procopi.

Georgia The creepy, hairy, creepy guy?

[behind her, Procopi sips his coffee]

Georgia He's right behind me, isn't he?

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Irv I have a question.

Georgia Yeah.

Irv [referring to Dr. Tullen, who is covered head-to-toe] What's with the beekeeper?

Mr. Tullen My wife needs protection from the sun!

Irv But we're not going to the sun.

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Georgia You must think I'm crazy.

Poupi Kakas Yes.

Georgia Fair enough. Why would not tell me?

Poupi Kakas I thought you needed to talk. I have three sisters, so talk.

Georgia Do you ever question what you're doing with your life?

Poupi Kakas No.

Georgia What?

Poupi Kakas Talk more about the no sex.

Georgia I'm good. Thanks.

Poupi Kakas You don't question? Come on. Greece is the land of philosophers.

Georgia Yes, but that is their job.

Poupi Kakas My job is to drive the bus. You know it pays better.

Georgia Come on. You don't have a life plan?

Poupi Kakas How do you plan life?

Georgia What?

Poupi Kakas Come on, we'll get some coffee and you can talk.

Georgia What? We're working.

Poupi Kakas Everyone should take the time for a coffee.

Georgia That is the typical Greek mentality.

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Irv [as the group gathers outside of the church] You know, my wife and I have taken tours for 20 years. This one gotta be the worst.

Georgia Here we go again. Yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, I stink, I wrecked Greece.

Irv [sadly as he walks past her] It's the worst because my wife is not here. And it's just not the same.

Georgia Well, you know what? If I were her, I wouldn't be here with you either. I'm sure she's spending her vacation somewhere...

[stops as his face turns down, mortified as she realizes what he meant]

Georgia I'm so sorry.

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Ken Hey big fellow, how many bells have you got on the old dickory?

Big Al [kinda shocked] What the hell is he saying?

Sue Oh wake up, Australia. He wants to know what time it is.

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Lena [to Irv, as he acts as the Oracle] Why did my husband cheat on me?

Irv It wasn't you he cheated. Some men cheat themselves out of living a life with a woman they love.

Lena Thank you.

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Ken [to Georgia about the driver] Is the Sasquatch gonna be with us the whole time?

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Kim Oh, Al, honey. We gotta get to the room. I'm ovulating. Like now!

Big Al Kimmy, you know I can't perform on command like that. That's not natural.

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Georgia [on the phone to her boss] Greece has the most beautiful accommodation. Like: first-class hotels with, like your own swimming pool in your room. How do you find these crappy joints?

Maria [on the phone, painting her nails] Lucky I find somewhere. Yeah, you try finding a hotel on the budget.

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Big Al [about the sacrament box in the church] Everything's got its price. Let's go find that preacher.

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Mr. Tullen We have to have photographs so people will believe we were here.

Dr. Tullen Who won't believe we were here?

Mr. Tullen Well, Donald and Peggy for a start.

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Dorcas [hands her a jewelry box] Georgie, I got these for you.

Georgia Dorcas, you shouldn't do this.

Dorcas It's alright. I got the receipt.

Georgia [surprised] Good for you.

Dorcas Well, it's a start.

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Georgia [furiously at Nico] Hey! Don't diss my group! They're nice people.

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Georgia Where did you learn English?

Poupi Kakas I rode my motorcycle across England.

Georgia Of course.

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Nico [sarcastically, to his group] Fine, fine! Take your stupid pictures and I go get you some ice-cream.

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Marc [about the guys bathing in the fountain] It's like Fourth of July at Elton John's house.

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Georgia Hey, listen. It's not a big deal but my name is not Angie or Angie.

Big Al Yeah, we know. It's Georgia.

Georgia So why do you call me Angie?

Big Al Look at you. You look just like Angelina Jolie.

Kim You know that actress that adopts everybody. We love her.

Big Al You must get that all the time.

Georgia I do, yes.

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Georgia Sorry about your bus.

Poupi Kakas You distracted me. I could have killed you. All of us.

Georgia I was just trying to have fun.

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Georgia [walking around the ruins] I know every fact and every figure about this place. I mean, I love it here. And they just want to have fun. And I get it, but I don't know how to make this job fun.

Irv Well if you call it a job, it ain't fun. I mean, look at porn stars. They get to 'schtup' all day. They should be happy. You never hear about a happy porn star.

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Georgia What is it with tourists and ice cream? They had some this morning, then again after lunch. And now again with the $4 cones. I don't get it.

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Georgia I'm not just a tour guide. I am a professor of Classical History.