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Kinoafisha Films Just Friends Just Friends Movie Quotes

Just Friends Movie Quotes

Samantha James I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom. Was this one of your clever little plans?

Chris Yes. I planned you setting the plane on fire.

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Samantha James [singing on her guitar] Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time, timmmmmmeee! Time.

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Samantha James Do you really have my poster on your wall?

Mike Yeah.

Samantha James Do you ever...

Mike All the time!

Samantha James How many times a day?

Mike Eight.

Samantha James *Eight?* Ooh that's hot!

Mike You're hot.

Samantha James I know! I know.

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Mike Raise your hand if your brother's a homo!

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Chris' Mom [Starts dialing while Chris is on the phone] Joyce? Joyce?

Chris Mom, I'm on the phone.

Chris' Mom Chris? What are you doing over at Joyce's?

Chris No Mom, I'm in the living room ten feet away from you, and I'm on the phone.

Chris' Mom Oh. Well, while I have you on the phone, dear, what would you like for dinner? We have a choice between chicken chow mein or potroast.

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Samantha James God, I wanna lick your skin off!

Chris I'd prefer you didn't.

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Chris Mom! I need my skates to show off my talents!

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Chris I can't compete with this guy!

Clark You can't compete? Are you kidding? You're Chris Brander. You're Hollywood, you date models! He's Jersey, he skis in his jeans. It's Dinkleman. It's Dusty Dinkleman.

Chris Dinkleman?

Clark Dinkleman.

Chris Dinkleman?

Clark *Dinkleman.*

Chris Dinkleman.

Clark Dinkleman's going down.

Chris Dinkleman is going *way* down.

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Samantha James [in a crowded bar, Chris is talking with Jamie, while Samantha is waiting for him at the door] Chris! Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris...

Chris I'm busy!

Samantha James I'm busy too, stupid dick!

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Mike [Samantha has found out that Chris is seeing someone else] The jig is up! Run!

Samantha James You son of a bitch!

Chris Samantha! You're here! Shit!

Samantha James There she is. There's the little slut you've been banging behind my back!

Old Woman Me?

Samantha James Not you, wrinkles.

[Points at Jamie]

Samantha James Her!

Jamie Palamino Who are you?

Samantha James I'm Samantha James, bitch!

[Shoves Jamie]

Jamie Palamino Don't shove me!

[Shoves Samantha back]

Samantha James You're a whore! Santa's little whore! Santa's little whore!

Jamie Palamino Get off!

Mike [In an excited, high pitched voice] Cat fight!

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Mike Yeah I slapped the ham to it about an hour ago.

Chris' Mom What ham did you slap, honey? Not the one I just bought.

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Mike Dude I think she left you hanging.

Chris It's probably just an important businees call. Get off the phone.

Mike What, the bar ran out of curly fries?

Chris Get off the phone!

[losing his temper]

Mike Dude are you gonna boink Jamie or what?

Chris Yes! Are you happy now?

Mike Alright.

Mike Dude the Notebook is so gay.

Chris GET OFF THE PHONE!

Mike Homo, homo...

[Mike makes noises down the phone with his tongue]

Mike [Chris kicks down the bathroom door]

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Rhonda Here we go! One grilled cheese with ranch on the side. And one sugar mountain supreme for the chubby bunny!

[Rhonda makes noises imitating a bunny]

Chris Excuse me. Umm, this isn't gonna work for me.

Rhonda But this is what you always order.

Chris Yeah! Ten years ago when I was a whale!

Jamie Palamino The pancakes are fine. He's just kidding.

Chris [to Jaime] What?

Jamie Palamino [Rhonda walks away from the table] Be more rude!

Chris She's rude! She's rude! I haven't had sweets for ten years, ok? You know what this would do to my stomach?

Jamie Palamino Relax little girl. I'll have the pancakes, and you can have my sandwich, ok?

Chris I'll just enjoy this glass of water.

[Chris takes a small sip of water and swallows audibly]

Chris I'm stuffed!

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Chris Look Jamie. I said a lot of crappy things the other night and I'm sorry about that. The truth is, I'm scared to be your friend, because I'm always going to want more. But then I got to thinking that I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.

Chris [Jamie opens her door] You know that's a lie too.

Jamie Palamino [Comes outside and closes her door] Why are you back here?

Chris Because I want to take you on a date. And I don't care if it's in the day, or at night, or whenever, as long as it's a real date. And I wanna tell you how beautiful I think you are. Inside and out. And I wanna have babies with you, and I wanna marry you, and I love you Jamie. I always have.

Chris [Chris leans in and kisses her. Jamie accepts this for a second and pulls back] Sorry. Twenty years all at once, just blah!

[Jamie laughs. Chris leans in and kisses her again]

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Samantha James It's all right, I like other girls. Darla!

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Samantha James Wait a minute, am I being Punk'D? Oh my god! Ashton, you really got me! Ha Ha! Ashton! Ashton?

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Mike [Speaking to Chris about Samantha] It's OK. She's got her toothpaste.

Samantha James [eating the toothpaste] Blueberry.

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Chris So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen.

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Chris' Mom You don't need to show off to impress Jamie. You should just be yourself.

[starts singing]

Chris' Mom Be yourself! Be yourself. Be yourself.

[Chris starts to runs off]

Chris' Mom Now come on, Mike and I are making snow angels!

Chris I don't want to be myself.

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Samantha James You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up.

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Jamie Palamino Why do you keep messing with my head?

Chris I messed with your head for three days. You've been *torturing* me for twenty years!

Jamie Palamino Is this all because I didn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!

Chris After being the biggest tease for so long, trust me, I am so over myself.

Jamie Palamino Oh, so I'm the tease? I practically throw myself at you the other night and you did nothing!

Chris And now you know how it feels.

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Dusty I mean, listen, I know it might sound a little corny, maybe even a little femme, but I find something so resplendent in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean?

[Looks at Chris's completely feminine Christmas sweater]

Dusty Nice outfit, by the way. Rock and roll.

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Chris [thinking] This is it. You're finally going to have sex with Jamie Palamino. Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body. Why are you smiling like a fricken idiot? Go on. Make a move. MAKE A MOVE!

[takes a deep breath]

Jamie Palamino What's on your mind?

Chris [awkwardly] Bush. President Bush. The first family, really.

Jamie Palamino [Jamie sighs and rolls over]

Chris [thinking] Dude! You're killing me! This is the girl of your dreams! Ravish her! What if she doesn't want to be ravished? What if she wants to stay friends? Friends don't ravish each other. Friends watch New Years Rockin' Eve. I wonder who's hosting this year.

Jamie Palamino Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.

Chris Yeah.

[thinking while cuddling up behind Jamie]

Chris Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold. This is it. Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's going to be.

Jamie Palamino Chris?

Chris [thinking as he slowly rolls over off of her] Oh God. Oh, God. What are you doing? Where are you going?

Jamie Palamino Is everything alright?

Chris Oh, everything's fine. Yeah. You okay? Uh, you need another blanket or anything?

Jamie Palamino No, I'm fine.

Chris Ah.

[thinking]

Chris You're not going to make a move are you?

[to Jamie]

Chris Good night, Jamie.

Jamie Palamino Good night, Chris.

Chris [thinking] You don't deserve a penis!

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Clark We're married!

Chris Married?

Samantha James MARRIED!

Darla We have a son, his name is TJ!

Samantha James TJ!

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Samantha James [hiding under huge earmuffs ,saying hi... hi... hi... hi...] Chris, let's get it to go people are staring at me.

[Not one person in the restaurant is looking at her]

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Bouncer [throws a drunk Chris out of the bar] And stay out!

[to himself]

Bouncer Always wanted to say that.

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Mike You'll always be fat to me!

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Chris Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie... Where is she?

Mr. Palamino She's gone off with Mr. Lee.

Clark The drycleaner?

Mr. Palamino No, Dusty, you jackass!

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Clark [Chris changes his mind about leaving New Jersey and grabs the wheel and runs the car into midair and back onto the highway] This is a PONTIAC GRAND PRIX!

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Samantha James [on voicemail] Hey Chris, it's Samantha. I talked to my sponsor and I owe you an apology.

[phone beeps]

Samantha James It's Samantha. Call me!

[phone beeps]

Samantha James It's Samantha!

Chris' Mom [phone beeps] Hello Joyce? Joyce?

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Chris 'Simply Dusty'... is there no other kind?

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Samantha James Let's go Chris, there's pee on the floor.

[Samantha looks at Jamie and hisses at her]

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Chris' Mom Dusty, what kind of car is this?

Dusty Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.

Chris' Mom I think it's so neat that you kids care about the environment.

Chris I love the environment.

Chris' Mom But honey, don't you drive a Range Rover? Aren't those bad?

Chris [pause] Well, I had a really nice time tonight, and I hope we can do it again soon. Hey, Dusty, thanks for comin'.

Dusty Oh, listen, man, it was my pleasure, really. Thank you all for having me. It was so nice.

[Chris takes out his retainer]

Dusty And hey, before I forget, make sure to that you rinse that thing at least twice a day, okay? Your mouth is a disgusting open cesspool with germs and bacteria. Now put that back!

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Chris No, you have fun being the girl who peaked in high school.

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Clark How'd the big date go?

Chris It was terrible. I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay? Then I get caught in a sort of kiss-hug limbo type thing. I don't know what that is, then I ended up *shaking* her entire body!

Clark So you gave her a body shake?

Chris Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?

Clark It looks like you picked up right where you left off. You're back in the friend zone.

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Chris I can't hear you Samantha. I can't hear you. OH! Lightbulb!

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Samantha James But I'm not ready for a gig.

Chris Of course you are.

Samantha James No... no. No! This is a bad idea Chris!

Chris God I am so stupid!

Samantha James No you aren't baby.

Chris Here I am trying to make you into an artist when you're just a pop bubblegum sensation. But that's okay. Paris, here we come.

Samantha James But I am an artist... I am an artist... Hey! I am an artist!

Chris Good. You ready to do this?

Samantha James I was born ready bitch.

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Ray Where did you come up with this theory?

[referring to the 'Friend Zone' theory]

Chris Some chick f'ed me up in high school bad.

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Jamie Palamino We need to talk about what you wrote. Is that really how you feel?

Chris I don't know. Maybe. Why?

Jamie Palamino Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.

Chris It was?

Jamie Palamino Yes. I love you Chris -

[goes to kiss him. Chris goes for her lips and she moves to his cheek]

Jamie Palamino - like a brother!

Chris Hmm?

Jamie Palamino We're friends right?

Chris For sure!

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Jamie Palamino So, tell me about your job!

Chris Oh my God, when you get past all the glamour, it's just crazy. I mean, you got Pink calling you, Good Charlotte, then it's Jay-Z's birthday party, and I am totally name dropping right now and I'd really like to stop. Mick Jagger. How about you?

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Rhonda Oh, you're not a chubby bunny anymore.

[pinches Chris' cheek hard]

Chris [squirming] Oh, my personal space.

[Stabs his fork at Rhonda's hand]

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Chris So, how's the love life?

Jamie Palamino Lame. Marty and I broke up a year ago.

Chris Another jerk, huh?

Jamie Palamino "Another jerk, huh?"

Chris I'm just saying... you dated a lot of jerks in high school.

Jamie Palamino So what about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself?

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Samantha James [Samantha shoves Mike against the bathroom wall] Where's Chris!

Mike I'll never tell you anything!

Samantha James Oh yeah?

[Passionately tongue kisses Mike]

Mike Mmmm! Mmmm! Oh! Oh!

Samantha James Ahhhhhh...

[Backs away]

Mike He's with his lover!

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Samantha James [Chris is wrestling Samantha to make her stop using her taser gun on him] Oooohhh yes! Go-Time!

Chris Hey! Hey! It's not Go-Time! This isn't how it works Samantha! You can't force or... or torture someone into liking you!

Samantha James [Rolls her eyes] Oooh, the big speech!

Chris No! You just have to put yourself out there and hope that they like you back! This isn't a game! This is my LIFE!

Samantha James Oh yeah! This is MY life! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever! Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor! I'm sorry I...

[Chris starts walking out]

Samantha James ... I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass! I'm sorry I'm not... Hey! Where you going?

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Chris It's like the Michael Bolton starter kit.

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Jamie Palamino Will you try it on for me? Please? I think it will fit...

Chris [putting on Jamie's gift] ... It's a little snug.

Jamie Palamino Aww. "Shakes come and go but friends are furrr-ever." That's adorable! Let's go show my mom.

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[Chris is sitting on Mike in their bedroom to get information]

Chris I'm not the same guy I was in high school, pal.

Mike YOU'LL ALWAYS BE FAT TO ME, CHRIS!

[Chris slaps Mike in the face]

Mike OWWWW!

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Samantha James Get off me, God Boy!

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Chris What about Sheila? You making any headway?

Ray We'll see. I'm taking her to lunch today.

Chris Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't - don't do that. Okay? Don't do lunch.

Ray Why?

Chris That's like the express lane to the friend zone.

Ray What the hell's the friend zone?

Chris See when a girl decides that you're her friend, you're no longer a dating option. You become this complete non-sexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.

Ray I don't want to be a lamp.

Chris Yea well then don't be her friend, okay? Take that guy for example...

[points to a clumsy guy and a gorgeous girl skating together]

Ray You mean that couple?

Chris No, I mean the guy that *wishes* they were a couple.

Ray What is your point?

Chris My point is - Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now. Move your day date to tonight. Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end. 'Cause friends don't kiss.

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Chris [writing in her yearbook] Dear Jamie, When we're together, I feel like we're not in high school, but in our own little Chris and Jamie world. Whether we're watching 'Party of Five' or practicing our cheers, I feel like I can just be myself. Jamie, we've been friends for a really long time, but I want to be more than that. Hoping to be your boyfriend... Sincerely, Chris Brander. BFF!

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Chris [Jamie slaps him] You slap like a cheerleader...

[Jamie then punches him in the face]

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