Kinoafisha Films Once Bitten Once Bitten Movie Quotes

Once Bitten Movie Quotes

Robin Pierce I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the past four years.

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Robin Pierce [emerging from a coffin, smirking] You're too late.

Countess You couldn't have! You've been in there for less than a minute.

[Mark emerges from the coffin smirking]

Countess [dejectedly] You could've...

[raises an eyebrow]

Countess ...but you didn't have time to enjoy it.

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Mark Kendall I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a *day* person.

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Mark Kendall Are you a prostitute?

Countess I'm whatever you want me to be.

Mark Kendall Good! 'Cause I only have five dollars!

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Robin Mark, what is it?

Mark Kendall [after witnessing about being invisible in a mirror] Look! I'm not there! Look! I swear I wasn't there a minute ago. It was that woman.

Robin The one who bit your buttons?

Mark Kendall I think she is a vampire and I think she has turned me into one.

Robin Turning you into a vampire?

Mark Kendall That's why I couldn't see myself. Vampires don't have a reflection.

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Countess How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?

Sebastian Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.

Countess Not to worry? How amusing. But then you're not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!

Sebastian Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?

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Robin Could one of these lady vampires actually bite a guy? You know, like a teenage guy?

Bookseller Well how old would he be?

Robin Like, 18.

Bookseller Well I seriously doubt it. You see the female vampire needs the blood of a virgin, and an 18-year-old boy would hardly be a virgin, now would he?

Robin Well just hypothetically, what if he was a virgin?

Bookseller Well then I think he has a lot bigger problems to worry about than female vampires.

[chuckles]

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Robin Pierce Ow. You bit my lip.

Mark Kendall I did?

Robin Pierce Yeah.

Mark Kendall Well you shouldn't be so sweet.

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Mark Kendall Oh, Robin, PLEASE?

Robin Pierce Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.

Mark Kendall Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.

Robin Pierce Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.

Mark Kendall What about an ice cream truck?

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Countess I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town.

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Jamie This is terrible. I can't believe this happened.

Russ Most humiliating experience of my life!

Jamie This is awful. This is the suckiest thing that could ever happen! The whole school thinks we're... gay!

Russ Don't be such a twerp! Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.

Jamie I don't have a past history, okay? And neither do you! This is it. We might as well move in together and get his-and-his towels.

Russ Hey who cares what those assholes think?

[pause]

Russ What were they doing in the showers in the first place?

Jamie *They* were washing. *We* were enacting a prison rape scene.

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Ice-Cream Customer Do you have a Creamsicle?

Mark Kendall Take a hike! We're closed for renovations.

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Mark Kendall What was that scene in the shower all about?

Russ That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?

Mark Kendall Oh you're a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could've asked me?

Jamie Oh my God!

Russ She told us to look!

Jamie I knew it! I knew it, we enjoyed it!

Russ Would you shut up? Just shut up!

Jamie No that's it! We're homos! We're rump-rangers!

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Countess Wait! I have to replace every door you people smash. Can't you at least try the knob first?

Sebastian [Vampire in front tries the knob and it opens easily] Jocks.

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Russ Hi. I'm Russ, and I'm a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoi. Listen: I'm a mature person and you're a mature person, so why don't we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?

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Russ Tell us what happened, man! Blow by beautiful blow! Did you undress her slowly? Like first, revealing big lucious magoombas?

Jamie Did she have any tattoos or scars or anything?

Mark Kendall I told you I don't remember! If you guys are so interested in my sexual failures, why don't you go have a few of your own?

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Mark Kendall You know, maybe the Countess is right. It would be better slower.

Robin Pierce Let's find out.

Mark Kendall [as he closes the coffin] I believe I've created a monster.

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Jamie How'd you like to have your crotch set on fire?

Sebastian [stepping back] Ooooh! Rough trade!

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Mark Kendall Please don't bite my buttons.

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Jamie Nothing ever happens here. We live in a sexual wasteland.

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Jamie We just came here to get some girls tonight. I mean, meet some girls. Mark's got an ice-cream truck, and we came down. We heard this was a swinging place, that's all.

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Robin You're not the Mark I thought I knew. Look at your hair, even. You look like Jerry Lewis.

Mark Kendall I thought I looked more like De Niro.

Robin It looks weird.

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Mark Kendall A laundromat?

Russ Hey, there's no better place to pick up on lonely, bored women.

Jamie Yeah, you can always tell what you're getting into by - checking out their underwear first.

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Jamie [approaching a woman at the laundromat] Hello. I was wondering if you needed any help folding your - undergarments or anything?

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Mark Kendall What you know about women would fill an atom-sized piece of toilet paper.

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Mark Kendall Listen, you got to cool it. I mean it.You know, you're a very pretty lady. We had a nice time. But it can't go on *forever*.

Countess Forever is just what I had in mind.

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Countess She's got a much stronger hold on him than I thought. She's young, she's sweet, and she's pissing me off.

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Countess Okay, Sebastian. Out of the closet.

Sebastian I came out of the closet centuries ago.

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Russ Jesus, God, those breasts!

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Countess Remember, part of you belongs to me now. I'll see you in your dreams.

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Mark Kendall What are you doing here? Where did you come from?

Countess I've been here watching you. I'm always watching you.

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Robin Mark, you're still a virgin. She never made love to you. She just took your blood from - you know.

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Mark Kendall I told you, I couldn't get out and get a costume today.

Robin The point is, I just feel silly dressed as Jill without Jack.

Mark Kendall If anybody asks, tell them Jack couldn't get it up after the fall.

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Mr. Kendall This jogging crap is for the birds.

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Mark Kendall I'm sort of committed - to this really nice girl.

Countess I don't mind. I've often been the other woman.

Mark Kendall That's real unselfish of you.

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Robin You mean they all saw her bite your buttons?

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Robin Oh, Mark, I can't believe you're willing to throw away our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons. But you did, you *really* did.

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Sebastian Are you suggesting we invade suburbia? Bowling alleys, RVs, Chicken McNuggets?

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Robin Mark, I really want to do it. That's what's so funny. I think I want to do it as much as you do.

Mark Kendall There's no such thing.

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Robin That's why I've been so mad. It's because I think maybe you did - what you did because of me. Because I was making you so frustrated.

Mark Kendall No. You weren't. Well, you were, but you're supposed to. That's part of being a teenage girl. You're supposed to say no, and I am supposed to get pissed off.

Robin You make it sound like the '50s.

Mark Kendall I guess I'm an old-fashioned guy.

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Mrs. Kendall What happened to your shirt, Mark?

Mark Kendall Shirt?

Mrs. Kendall The one you wore last night. All the buttons are gone. That's the second time. How'd you manage that?

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Robin Mark may have contracted some sort of - disease.

Russ Like a venereal disease?

Robin Sort of. But I need you guys to find out for sure.

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Sebastian I can be yours, Mark - forever - showing you joys you never dreamed possible - in your most fevered adolescent slumber.

Robin Mark doesn't want you, because you're mean and evil. He wants me, because I'm nice and sweet and pure. So fuck off!

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[repeated line]

Mark Kendall I'm not a vampire

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Countess Hello, tall, dark and handsome.

Mark Kendall Me?

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Mark Kendall It finally happened. Did I enjoy it?

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Mark Kendall Get me outta here.

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Robin Pierce I want to, I really do. But I want it to be special.

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Sebastian She wants action.

Countess And she wants it now.

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Countess How's my hair?

Sebastian Like golden wheat.

Countess My eyes?

Sebastian Bright as Venus.

Countess I'm so excited. It's as if I were young again.

Sebastian And so you shall be, lovey.

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Mark Kendall Great place. Do you come here a lot?

Countess Whenever I'm on the prowl.

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Harry Whore! Caught in the act, you pedophile!

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Bookseller Countess, don't worry. There are other virgins out there. Somewhere, in places like Kansas, Nebraska.

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Countess There must be a virgin out there. Find him!

Sebastian Unless the Countess gets what she must have, you lose your refuge and her protection. Is that clear?

Moll Flanders Vampire The closest we've come so far is an 11-year-old.

Countess Don't be disgusting.

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[first lines]

Sebastian Wake up, sleepyhead. It's sunset.

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Countess Very nice - but not vintage and certainly not virgin.

Sebastian Virgin blood isn't easy to come by these days, Countess.

Countess You're telling me.

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Confederate Vampire Times have changed. When you found me, it was 1864. Virginity was still popular.

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Russ Based on my broad and varied experience, I'm telling you, girls have a six-year cutoff time. If they haven't put out in the first six years, they figure, "why bother?"

Mark Kendall No. She just thinks if it's good, it can wait.

Russ Oh, yeah? Look at me. I'm good. I can't wait.

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Russ [answers the phone] Studs "R" Us.

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