Yes Man Movie Quotes
Allison
The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it.
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Carl Allen
Nah. In fact, I think you should go faster. That way if we crash, at least I'll die. I just don't wanna be kept alive artificially.
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Allison
Are you stalking me?
Carl Allen
No, I would never do that. Oh, by the way, the new furniture looks great from the yard.
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Allison
[singing with her band]
Don't call me past 11 PM, it won't happen again. You can call me at 10:59 but don't call me at 11 because that's my rule now.
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Carl Allen
Hey, Carl... you wanna give your money away to some homeless guy? Yes, yes I do. How 'bout letting him use up the phone battery so that you can't get help when your car runs out of gas? You know what? That sounds like a fuckin' great idea!
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Multack
We knew another Carl that we weren't fond of, now did we, Tweed...?
Tweed
...His name was "Marx."
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Carl Allen
[while watching Saw on DVD]
Oh come on, you're halfway through, just snap it off already!
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Norman
You called me Norm!
Carl Allen
Yeah.
Norman
Could that like be my nickname?
Carl Allen
Yeah, I guess.
Norman
Ah nice, I like your style, Car. That could be yours.
Carl Allen
Yeah, Carl's pretty short already but...
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Nick
[listing things he's done since he started saying "yes"]
I killed a cow with a bazooka... I'm not proud of that last one.
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[last lines]
Terrence Bundley
YES! Say it a million times. Then say it a million more. And the word you will have said two million times is...
[looks around and sees everyone at the seminar is naked]
Terrence Bundley
Oh, my God.
Yes People
[while covering themselves up as best they can] YES!
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Carl Allen
I am gone-o-reha. That didn't sound right.
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Carl Allen
What I have to share is huge... and I want to share it with you.
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Allison
Have you met my friend Ian? He's a computer hacker. He helped me erase your MySpace page, and your band's MySpace page, and your FaceBook page. Happy networking, asshole!
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Carl Allen
You ever had a Red Bull? Ive never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night - I really like Red Bull.
[shakes his glow-in-the-dark hoop]
Carl Allen
... got this new... glow in the dark thing... cant really see it right now, unless you go like this...
[holds part of the hoop to his eyes and covers it with his hands]
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Tweed
Can you explain why you were at the airport buying a ticket with no luggage?
Carl Allen
You know it was a spur-of-the-moment trip.
Tweed
Yeah I was just explaining to my partner here how much I've always wanted to see Lincoln, Nebraska.
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[first lines]
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Carl Allen
[talking to himself, walking back to town]
Why don't you take a late night stroll through the hills and get killed by the Manson family? Don't mind if I do!
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Allison
[singing with her band]
Don't call me past 11pm, it won't happen again. Happened once, it happened twice, it happened three times, maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe, maybe it happened six times, but it won't happen seven times.
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Carl Allen
I can't believe I tripped like that.
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Carl Allen
Was I chewing gum before?
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Carl Allen
[drunk]
Hey... I'm just saying 'yes' to life... 'cause... you gotta say 'yes' to life... I'm in a secret covenant... That sounded naughty!
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Allison
[singing on stage]
I shoulda been the one to break up with you. / He said who are you, who are you? / I wanna snap your neck and spit on you. / He said who are you, who are you?
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Carl Allen
Yes!
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Norman
We! Are! Sparta!
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Wes
[after telling Carl he's been promoted for making money by giving out so many loans]
Nice work, Carl. Now bump my fist.
[Carl bumps fists with Wes]
Norman
[Norman leans forward to join in and bump Wes' fist, but Wes sits back down, ignoring Norman]
Ah, I missed it. I was going to fist you.
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[at the seminar, Carl is asked to come on stage but he refuses]
Terrence Bundley
If the molehill won't come to Terrence...
[he slips off his shoes, jumps off the stage and sprints down the aisle towards Carl]
Terrence Bundley
Terrence will come to the molehill!
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Carl Allen
The era of "yes" has begun.
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Tour Guide
We've got a fainter down in head-removal.
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Terrence Bundley
You can't audit life, my friend.
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Carl Allen
[incredibly drunk, after losing a bar brawl, said very sadly]
She's never gonna go to a ball.
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Carl Allen
Steph...! I can't... I'm so sorry.
Stephanie
What are you saying?
Carl Allen
...I'm saying "no."
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Nick
Psh, fine! I wipe my ass with fine!
Carl Allen
...Wow. Um. Ok?
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Terrence Bundley
You're dead, Carl. You say no to life, and therefore you're not living. You make up excuses to the people around you and to yourself. You're stuck in the same dead-end job, you have been for years. You don't have a girlfriend, you don't have anything close to a girlfriend and you lost the love of your life because she couldn't be with someone who didn't live theirs. And on most nights you're so bored and filled with ennui, you can't even summon the enthusiasm necessary to masturbate. Am I right, Carl?
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Wes
At first I thought you might be raiding our coffers.
Carl Allen
I would never do that!
Wes
I would if I could so why wouldn't you?
[uncomfortable silence]
Wes
[Wes laughs like it was a joke]
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Terrence Bundley
[narrating his audiobook]
Chapter 26: Words That Rhyme With Yes. Guess. Mess. Tess. That's a name. Less. A word *and* a name.
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