[Marty the Zebra and Alex the Lion running towards each other on the beach in slow motion with arms outstretched and Chariots of Fire music]
Alex the Lion
Marty!
Marty the Zebra
Alex!
Alex the Lion
Marty!
Marty the Zebra
Alex!
Alex the Lion
Marty!
Marty the Zebra
Alex!
Marty the Zebra
Oh, Sugar Honey Ice Tea!
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[last lines]
Private the Penguin
Skipper. Shouldn't we tell them that the boat is out of gas?
Skipper the Penguin
Nah! Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.
[all four penguins waving]
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1
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Private the Penguin
[landing in Antarctica]
Well. This sucks.
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Julian
Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet everyone. That includes me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...
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Marty the Zebra
I'm ten years old. My life is half over and I don't even know if I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes!
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Alex the Lion
Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?
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Alex the Lion
27, 28, 29, 30. Hmm, 30 black and only 29 white, looks like you're black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Good night!
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Skipper the Penguin
You, quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch?
Marty the Zebra
I sprechen.
Skipper the Penguin
What continent is this?
Marty the Zebra
Manhattan.
Skipper the Penguin
Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!
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Melman the Giraffe
Can we go to the fun side now?
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Marty the Zebra
Grand Central Station. It's grand, and it's central.
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Melman the Giraffe
[Melman presents Marty with a gift-wrapped thermometer]
Marty the Zebra
Aw a thermometer! Thanks! I love it Melman, I love it!
[he puts it in his mouth and poses]
Melman the Giraffe
I really wanted to give you a personal present. Do you know that was my first rectal thermometer?
Marty the Zebra
Motherf...
[Marty spits it out and retches]
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Mort the Mouse Lemur
King Julian! What are they?
[shouts]
Mort the Mouse Lemur
What are they?
Julian
They are... aliens! Savage aliens! From the savage future!
Maurice
They've come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals!
Mort the Mouse Lemur
[begins weeping]
Julian
Get up Mort! Do not be near the King's feet, okay!
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Gloria the Hippo
Where are the people?
Skipper the Penguin
We killed them and ate their livers.
[pause]
Skipper the Penguin
Gotcha, didn't I? just kiddin', doll. The people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China.
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[Mason and Phil have just escaped]
Mason the Chimpanzee
I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Center.
[Phil signs frantically]
Mason the Chimpanzee
Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!
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Marty the Zebra
What are you guys doing?
Private the Penguin
We're digging to Antartica!
[Skipper smacks Private]
Marty the Zebra
An-who-tica?
Skipper the Penguin
Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend?
[Marty looks around and nods]
Skipper the Penguin
Do you ever see any penguins running free around New York City?
[Marty shakes his head]
Skipper the Penguin
Of course not. We don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of wacked out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of Antarctica! To the wild!
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Julian
Where are you giants from?
Alex the Lion
We're from New York.
Julian
All hail the New York Giants!
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Old Lady
[after beating Alex with her purse and spraying him in the eyes with mace]
You are a bad kitty!
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Alex the Lion
[talking in his sleep]
Come on now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy.
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Skipper the Penguin
Status.
Private the Penguin
[walking on the computer keyboard]
It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes.
Skipper the Penguin
Don't give me excuses!
[slapping Private]
Skipper the Penguin
Give me results!
[to Kowalski]
Skipper the Penguin
Navigation!
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Alex the Lion
Today was a great day. It just doesn't get any better than this, you know? Oh, look, it just did. Even the star is out. You won't find a star like that in the wild.
Marty the Zebra
Helicopter.
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Gloria the Hippo
Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you?
Mort the Mouse Lemur
Mm-hmm.
Gloria the Hippo
He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he?
Mort the Mouse Lemur
[gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up]
Gloria the Hippo
Come on, mama hold you. Awww!
Melman the Giraffe
They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
Gloria the Hippo
Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest thing... aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!
Mort the Mouse Lemur
[giggling cutely]
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Alex the Lion
Be sure to visit my web site. 24-hour webcam. Watch me sleep.
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Mort the Mouse Lemur
They are savages! Tonight we die.
Julian
The feet! I told you about - I told you to - I told you - didn't I tell him about the feet?
Maurice
He did tell you about the feet.
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Julian
All we have to do is wait until they are in a deep sleep...
[10-second pause]
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Julian
If he is a King then where is his crown? I've got a crown, got a very nice one and its here on my head. Look at it. Have I got it on?
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Random Lemur
I like them!
Mort the Mouse Lemur
I like them, I like them! I liked them first! Before I even met them I liked them! As soon as I met them I liked them right away! You hate them compared to how much I like them!
Julian
Oh shut up, you're so annoying!
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Skipper the Penguin
Remember, cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.
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[on the subway, Alex roars at a guy hiding behind a newspaper]
Alex the Lion
Augh! Knicks lost again!
Melman the Giraffe
Eh. Whatcha gonna do?
Train conductor
[over PA] Grand Central Station.
Alex the Lion
Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?
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Alex the Lion
Come on! What does Connecticut have to offer us?
Melman the Giraffe
Lyme disease.
Alex the Lion
Thank you, Melman.
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Alex the Lion
The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I have ever heard!
Melman the Giraffe
It's unsanitary!
Marty the Zebra
The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex the Lion
The penguins are psychotic!
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Melman the Giraffe
Augh! Underpants!
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Gloria the Hippo
Okay, let's make a good impression on the people. Smiles, everyone. Let's get it together.
[to Melman]
Gloria the Hippo
Is that the best you can do, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe
Oh, I'm not smiling. It's gas.
Gloria the Hippo
Okay, well, great. Let's make gas look good.
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Julian
[Hiding in the bushes with the other lemurs]
Shhhh, we're hiding. Everyone needs to be quiet, including me... SHHHHHH! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...
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Alex the Lion
I'm swimming back to New York! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!
Gloria the Hippo
Alex, you can't swim!
Alex the Lion
I said my chances are slim!
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Maurice
[flatly]
Presenting your royal highness, our illustrious King Julian the XIII, self-proclaimed lord of the lemurs, etc, etc, hooray, everybody.
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Alex the Lion
What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs?
Melman the Giraffe
I think it's a squirrel.
Julian
Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.
Alex the Lion
Definitely a squirrel.
Melman the Giraffe
Yep, a squirrel.
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Melman the Giraffe
It's getting late. I guess I'm gonna...
[starts snoring]
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Skipper the Penguin
You didn't see anything!
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Kowalski
I can't make it out, Skipper - it's an older code.
Skipper the Penguin
Not good enough.
[Looking over at Mason the Chimpanzee]
Skipper the Penguin
You! Higher mammal. Can you read?
Mason the Chimpanzee
No, but Phil can. Phil?
[Phil the Chimpanzee begins motioning with his hands, which Mason interprets]
Mason the Chimpanzee
Ship to... Kenya Wildlife Preserve... Africa.
Skipper the Penguin
Africa! That ain't gonna fly! Rico!
[Rico begins coughing and spits up a paper clip, with which he picks the lock on the crate. The penguins then escape and take over the ship]
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Marty the Zebra
Alex, do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. If a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.
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Mason the Chimpanzee
Wake up, you filthy monkey.
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Gloria the Hippo
Melman! Are you okay?
Melman the Giraffe
Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.
Alex the Lion
Melman, you're not getting an MRI.
Melman the Giraffe
CAT scan?
Alex the Lion
No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer! It's a zoo transfer!
Melman the Giraffe
Zoo transfer? Oh, no. No, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at five. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am NOT going HMO!
Marty the Zebra
Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kizzay.
Alex the Lion
No, we're not gonna be o-kizzay! Because of you, we're ruined!
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Marty the Zebra
Did you ever think that there might be more to live than steak, Alex?
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Maurice
What if Mr. Alex is even worse then the Foosa? I'm tellin' you, that dude just gives me the heebiedabajeebies!
Julian
Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore, your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. Does anyone else have the heebiedibigibies? No? Good. So shut up.
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Skipper the Penguin
We've been ratted out, boys.
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Gloria the Hippo
Does anyone else feel nauseous?
Melman the Giraffe
I feel nauseous.
Alex the Lion
Melman, you always feel nauseous.
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Gloria the Hippo
Come on, we are New Yorkers, right?
Marty the Zebra
Yeah.
Gloria the Hippo
We're tough! We're gritty!
Marty the Zebra
Yeah!
Gloria the Hippo
We're adaptable!
Melman the Giraffe
Yeah!
Gloria the Hippo
And we are not gonna lay down like a bunch of Melmans!
Melman the Giraffe
No, we're not!
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Alex the Lion
They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild." Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.
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Gloria the Hippo
It's okay! Cats always land on their... face.
[to Alex the Lion]
Gloria the Hippo
What kind of cat are you?
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Marty the Zebra
You the cat.
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra
You the cat.
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra
You the cat.
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra
You the cat.
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra
You the cat.
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
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Private the Penguin
[the penguins are in Antarctica and there is just a lot of wind and a big mound of snow]
Well, this sucks!
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[holding up book titled, "To Serve Lemurs"]
Random Lemur
It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!
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Julian
How can you have the heebie-jeebies for Mr. Alex? Look at him. He's so cute. And plushy.
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Julian
We thank you with enormous gratitude for chasing away the foosa.
Gloria the Hippo
The who-sa?
Julian
The foosa. They are always annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off.
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Gloria the Hippo
What kind of zoo is this?
Melman the Giraffe
I just saw twenty-six blatant health code violations.
Marty the Zebra
I'm loving San Diego. This place is off the chizain.
Melman the Giraffe
Twenty-seven.
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Julian
What is a simple bite on the butt among friends?
[shakes his tail at Maurice]
Julian
Come on, give me a nibble.
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Melman the Giraffe
San Diego.
Gloria the Hippo
San Diego?
Melman the Giraffe
White, sandy beaches; cleverly simulated natural environment; wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks.
[Taps on a rock]
Melman the Giraffe
Wow, that looks real.
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Alex the Lion
Whoa! Hold up there a second, fuzzbucket. You mean like, uh, the "live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf" type wild?
Julian
Who wipes?
Gloria the Hippo
Oy vey.
Julian
Oy vey!
Maurice
Oy vey, everybody!
[Lemurs Shout "Oy vey"]
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Julian
After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. And to make you feel good, I'm going to give you this lovely parting gift.
[presents Alex with his crown]
Alex the Lion
No, I couldn't. Really, I can't take your crown.
Julian
Oh, that's OK. I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it. Look at him shake! Go, Stevie, go!
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[first lines]
Alex the Lion
Surprise!
Marty the Zebra
Aaahhh! Alex! Do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.
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[singing]
Alex the Lion
Happy...
Gloria the Hippo
Birth...
Melman the Giraffe
Day...
Alex the Lion
To...
Gloria the Hippo
You...
Alex the Lion
You...
Melman the Giraffe
Live...
Gloria the Hippo
In...
Alex the Lion
A zoo...
Gloria the Hippo
You...
Melman the Giraffe
Look...
Alex the Lion
Like a monkey...
Melman the Giraffe
And...
Alex the Lion
You smell...
Gloria the Hippo
Like...
[all together]
Alex the Lion
Alex the Lion, Melman the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo: One too!
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Alex the Lion
That is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can skip and prance around like a magical pixie horse, and do whatever the heck you wanna do all day long. This is the good side, for those who love New York and care about getting back.
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Skipper the Penguin
Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report.
Kowalski
[In a hole]
We're only 500 feet from the main sewer line.
Skipper the Penguin
And the bad news?
Kowalski
[laying a broken plastic spoon at Skipper's feet]
We've broken our last shovel.
Skipper the Penguin
Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more Popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in.
Private the Penguin
And me, Skipper?
Skipper the Penguin
I want you to act cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're gonna blow this dump.
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Marty the Zebra
Who is it?
Alex the Lion
It's the pizza man. Who the heck do you think it is?
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Julian
Come on, time to robot!
[robot voice]
Julian
I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am super genius... I am robot king of the monkey thing... compute... compute.
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Alex the Lion
Lady! What is wrong with you? Get a grip on yourself!
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Marty the Zebra
Come on, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is that what you want? Okay, I'm so...
Alex the Lion
Shush!
Marty the Zebra
He just shushed me.
Gloria the Hippo
Look, Alex, you have to be more understanding...
Alex the Lion
Shush!
Gloria the Hippo
Don't you shush me!
Alex the Lion
Do you hear that? Can't you hear that?
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Marty the Zebra
You guys look hungry. How would you like some of nature's goodness?
Gloria the Hippo
You have food?
Marty the Zebra
One Fun Side special, coming up. Seaweed on a stick.
Alex the Lion
Seaweed?
Marty the Zebra
On a stick. Don't love it 'till you try it.
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Melman the Giraffe
Nature, it's all over me GET IT OFF!
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Alex the Lion
Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous day in the Big Apple. Let's go.
Melman the Giraffe
Not for me. I'm calling in sick.
Alex the Lion
What?
Melman the Giraffe
I found a bro... another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right th... right there. You see?
Alex the Lion
Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm?
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Gloria the Hippo
It's not people, it's animals.
Melman the Giraffe
California animals. Dude.
Marty the Zebra
This is like a Puffy party.
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Melman the Giraffe
Hey! Hey, you guys! That room has some nifty little sinks we can wash up in, and look!
[Takes urinal cake out of mouth]
Melman the Giraffe
Free mints!
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Marty the Zebra
This place is crackalacking. Oh, I could hang here. I could hang here.
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Alex the Lion
[exhausted from running and calling all night]
Marty, Melman, Gloria. Gloria, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Gloria, Marty, Melman, Morty, Morty, Gelman, Regis, Kelly. Matt, Katie, Al.
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Gloria the Hippo
Don't make me come up there, I'll get the whuppin' on both of y'all.
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Skipper the Penguin
Hoover Damn!
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Alex the Lion
Shut up Spalding!
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Julian
Can you not see you have insulted the freak?
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Julian
[Mort grabs Julian's foot]
What did I tell you about the feet! Maurice didn't I tell him about the feet!
Maurice
He did tell you about the feet.
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Alex the Lion
How's the liberty fire going, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe
Great.
[in hushed voice]
Melman the Giraffe
Idiot.
Alex the Lion
I heard that.
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Julian
Wait! I have a plan.
Maurice
Really?
Julian
I have devised a cunning test to see whether these are savage killers.
[Julian kicks Mort out in the open]
Marty the Zebra
Hi there!
Alex the Lion
No, I will handle this. Alex handles it. Marty says nothing.
[approaches the frightened Mort]
Alex the Lion
Hi there!
[Mort starts to cry]
Alex the Lion
Oh, geez!
Melman the Giraffe
Oh, Alex. What did you do?
Alex the Lion
No, it's okay, it's okay. I'm just a silly, just a silly lion.
[Mort cries louder]
Alex the Lion
Oh, jeez!
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Alex the Lion
Ten years old, huh? A decade. Double digits. The big one-O.
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Melman the Giraffe
[has dug himself a grave and written his last will and testament on the sand]
And so, as I have been left to die on this forsaken island, I, Melman Mankiewicz, being of sound mind and unsound body, have divided my possessions equally among the three of you.
[a wave washes away one third of the will]
Melman the Giraffe
Oh, sorry, Alex.
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Melman the Giraffe
Guys, we're running out of time!
Gloria the Hippo
Melman, you broke their clock?
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Gloria the Hippo
Lets, go. Make a wish babycakes.
[Marty blows out the candle and eats a chunk out of his birthday cake]
Alex the Lion
Come on, what you wish for?
Marty the Zebra
Nope! Can't tell you that.
Alex the Lion
Come on, tell.
Alex the Lion
No siree. I'm telling you'a, its bad luck. You want some bad luck, I'll blab it out, But if you want to be safe, I'll keep my mouth shut.
Marty the Zebra
Okay. I wish I could go... To the wild!
Alex the Lion
The wild?
[After Marty says this, Alex falls off the wall, Melman chokes himself and Gloria opens her mouth in shock]
Marty the Zebra
I told you it was bad luck.
[Gloria tries to stop Melman from choking]
Alex the Lion
The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst ideal I've ever heard.
[Melman spits out what was choking him]
Melman the Giraffe
It's unsanitary.
Marty the Zebra
The penguins are going. So why can't I?
Alex the Lion
The penguins are psychotic.
Marty the Zebra
Come on, Just imagine going back to nature. Back to your roots, clean air, wide-open spaces!
Gloria the Hippo
Well, I hear they have wide-open spaces in Connecticut.
Marty the Zebra
Connecticut?
Melman the Giraffe
Yeah. What you gotta do is you go over to Grand Central, and then you gotta take the Metro-North Tran... North?
Marty the Zebra
So one could take the train? Just Hypothetically.
Alex the Lion
Marty, come on. What would Connecticut have to offer us?
Melman the Giraffe
Lyme disease.
Alex the Lion
Thank you Melman.
Marty the Zebra
No, no really, really. I just want...
Alex the Lion
There's certainly none of this in the wild
[Waves a steak at Marty]
Marty the Zebra
But... but... but...
Alex the Lion
This is a highly refined type of food thing. That you do not find in the wild.
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[Maurice begins waving Julian's arm]
Julian
Faster, you naughty little monkey!
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Marty the Zebra
You're biting my butt!
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Alex the Lion
I'm gonna kill you, Marty!
Marty the Zebra
Take it easy! Take it easy!
Alex the Lion
And strangle you!
Marty the Zebra
Calm down!
Alex the Lion
Then I'm gonna bury you, then dig you up and clone you, and kill all your clones!
Marty the Zebra
20-second time-out!
Alex the Lion
And then I'm never talking to you again!
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Alex the Lion
Come on, look at this. you won't fine any of this in the wild. This is the kind of refined, food-type thing that you do not find in the wild.
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Skipper the Penguin
Well boys, it's going to be ice-cold sushi for breakfast!
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Marty the Zebra
Excuse me, you're biting my butt!
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Alex the Lion
Fear me! Savagery beyond comprehension!
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Melman the Giraffe
Hey, Alex. Psst, Alex. Alex.
Alex the Lion
What is it, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe
OK, you know how I have to get up every two hours because of my bladder infection? Well, I get up to pee, and I was walking past Marty's pen, and usually I don't look in it, but this time I was walkin' past, and I?
Alex the Lion
What, Melman? What is it?
Melman the Giraffe
It's Marty... He's gone!
Alex the Lion
He's what?
Melman the Giraffe
[looks at hole in ground the penguins have dug]
How long has he been working on this?
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Gloria the Hippo
Go talk to him, you know, go over and give him a little pep talk.
Alex the Lion
Hey, I gave him a snow globe! I can't beat that!
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Alex the Lion
Well, I say we just ask these bozos where the people are.
Melman the Giraffe
Hey, the bozos have the people.
Alex the Lion
Oh, well, great. Good. Phew!
Julian
They're up there.
[points up at skeletons dangling from tree, wearing a parachute harness]
Julian
Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch, though.
Alex the Lion
Oh... wow... so, do you have any *live* people?
Julian
Uhh... no, only dead ones.
Maurice
I mean, if we had a bunch of live people running around, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it?
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Skipper the Penguin
Africa? That ain't gonna fly!
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Mort the Mouse Lemur
I'm steak! Me me me me me me me me!
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[Maurice just told Marty that he was steak]
Marty the Zebra
Oh, c'mon! Do I look like a steak to you?
Alex the Lion
Yeah!
Marty the Zebra
See I told you I don't look like no... wait, what'd you say?
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Gloria the Hippo
How long do I have to pose like this?
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Alex the Lion
Can't catch the cat! Cat's too quick!
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Alex the Lion
Here come the people, Marty! Oh, I love the people! It's fun people fun time!
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Alex the Lion
Have to get an early start for tomorrow. It's Senior day. Gotta roar extra loud. Give'em a little jolt. Know what I'm talking about?
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Julian
Rise and shining Mr. Alex!
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[with his head stuck in a clock]
Melman the Giraffe
Guys, we're running out of time!
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Julian
How can you have the heebie jeebies for Mr. Alex? He's so cute, and plushy!
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Marty the Zebra
Gonna be fresh today. Straight off the ground. Tasting fresh. Freshalicious. Ziploc fresh.
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Julian
When the New York giants wake up, we must make sure they wake up in paradise.
[laugh]
Julian
Now, who'd like a cookie?
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Alex the Lion
Don't worry, everything's under control. We just had a little situation here. Just a little internal situation. Our friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
Marty the Zebra
Don't you be calling me cuckoo in the head!
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Skipper the Penguin
Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do.
[directing Private]
Skipper the Penguin
Captain's Log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive.
[Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock]
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Alex the Lion
I feel like a mile-high, pastrami on rye, on the fly from the deli in the sky!
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Marty the Zebra
Here, have a drink.
Marty the Zebra
[Spits out his drink]
Oh, you don't swallow it. This is just temporary until the plumbing comes in.
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Julian
They're just a bunch of pansies.
Maurice
I don't know. There's still something about that one with the crazy hairdo that I find suspicious.
Julian
Nonsense, Maurice. Come on, everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!
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Julian
[singing]
I like to move it, move it / She like to move it, move it / He like to move it, move it / You like to... *Move it!*
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Alex the Lion
Oh, great! San Diego. That means I have to compete with Shamu and his smug little grin. I can't top that! Can't top it!
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Alex the Lion
I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare!
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Marty the Zebra
Okay! You all have your side, and I'll have mine. And, if you need me, I'll be over here! On the FUN side of the island, havin' a good ol' time. A great ol' time! A GREAT ol' time. A yabba-dabba-doo ol' time! WILMA!
Alex the Lion
That's not the fun side. THIS is the fun side! This is the fun side where we're gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! Whoo! I love this side; this side's the best! That side STINKS! You're on the JERSEY side of this cesspool!
Melman the Giraffe
Well, now what do we do?
Alex the Lion
Don't worry Melman, I have a plan to get us rescued.
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Zoo Animal
Shut up, shut up, shut up! I'm trying to sleep? Not everyone here is nocturnal, you know!
Marty the Zebra
Hey, I'll knock your turnal right off, pal!
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Alex the Lion
You know, by the time we get back to New York, it'll be the middle of winter. So I was thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few sidestops along the way.
Marty the Zebra
How about Paris?
Gloria the Hippo
Ooh, you've read my mind.
Alex the Lion
I was thinking Spain.
Marty the Zebra
Yeah. A little running with the bulls.
Gloria the Hippo
How about Fiji?
Melman the Giraffe
Or Canada? Can't we? Cheap meds. Huh?
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Marty the Zebra
I'll be here all week. In fact, I'll be here my entire life. 365 days a year, including Christmas, Hannukah, Halloween, Kwanzaa. Please be sure to never spay or neuter your pets, and tip your cabbie, 'cause he's broke.
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Marty the Zebra
Hey, have a drink. It's on the house.
Marty the Zebra
Oh, you don't swallow it.
[whispers]
Marty the Zebra
It's just temporary 'til the plumbing's done.
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Foosa
Foosa hungry. Foosa eat.
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[repeated line]
Alex the Lion
Who's the cat?
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Alex the Lion
Giraffe! Corner pocket!
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Melman the Giraffe
What's the fastest way to Grand Central?
Alex the Lion
You should take Lexington.
Melman the Giraffe
What about Park?
Alex the Lion
No, Park goes two ways, you can't time the lights.
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Julian
Bull's eye! Exellent shot, Maurice!
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Foosa
Foosa ooh! Foosa aah!
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Willie
I Like Them.
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Alex the Lion
She is finito!
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Alex the Lion
What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?
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Maurice
Your friend here is what we call a deluxe model hunting-and-eating machine. And he eats steak... which is you.
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[the animals are surrounded by police]
[loudly]
Marty the Zebra
Good evening, officers!
Alex the Lion
No. No. Nope. You don't talk now. Okay? You're not so good with the "putting the words together and they're coming out good" thing. You keep it "shh"!
[turns to the people]
Alex the Lion
Hey! How you doing? Yeah. You know what? Everything's cool. We just, uh, had a little situation here. Little internal situation. Actually, my friend just went a little crazy. It happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
Alex the Lion
Just shush! I will handle this.
Old Lady
[kicks Alex in between the legs]
Oh, I got him!
[gets pulled away by police]
Alex the Lion
Oh! Would you give a guy a break? Aw! We're just gonna take my little friend here home and... uh, forget this ever happened. All right? No harm, no foul, right? Oh, no, no, no. Hey, it's cool. It's me, Alex the lion. From the zoo. Rrrr!
[roars, scaring the people]
Alex the Lion
Rrrr! What's the matter with them?
[gets shot in the butt by a purple tranquilizer dart]
Alex the Lion
Ow! Ow.
[starts to faint]
Alex the Lion
Wow! Whoo! I feel really, really weird. Hey! Aw. I love you guys.
[in slow motion]
Alex the Lion
I love you so much...
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Alex the Lion
[as the crowd leaves the zoo at closing time]
Everybody get home safe. Hey, check out my website. 24-hour Alex Cam. Watch me sleep.
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[after arriving on Madagascar]
Melman the Giraffe
White sandy beaches, cleverly simulated natural environment, wide-open enclosures. I'm telling you, this could be the San Diego Zoo. Complete with fake rocks.
[taps on rock]
Melman the Giraffe
Wow, that looks real.
Alex the Lion
San Diego? What could be worse than San Diego?
Marty the Zebra
I don't know. This place is crackalacking! Oh, I could hang here. I could hang here.
Marty the Zebra
Take it easy!
Alex the Lion
I'm gonna strangle you, then bury you, dig you up and clone you and kill all your clones!
Marty the Zebra
20-second timeout!
Alex the Lion
And then, I'm never talking to you again!
Gloria the Hippo
Look. We're just going to find the people, get checked in and have this mess straightened out.
[puts Alex down]
Alex the Lion
Oh, great. This is just great. San Diego! Now I'll have to compete with Shamu and his smug little grin. I can't top that. Can't top it. I'm ruined! I'm gone! I'm out of the business! It's your fault, Marty! You've ruined me!
Marty the Zebra
Come on, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say that I'm sorry? Is that what you want? OK, I'm...
Alex the Lion
Shh.
Marty the Zebra
He just shushed me.
Gloria the Hippo
Marty, look, you've gotta be just a little bit more and...
Alex the Lion
Shush.
Gloria the Hippo
Don't you shush me.
Alex the Lion
You hear that? Don't your hear that?
[they look at the jungle]
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Police Horse
What you got to do is go straight back down west 42rd.
Marty the Zebra
Uh huh.
Police Horse
It's on your left, after Vanderbilt.
Marty the Zebra
Okay.
Police Horse
If you hit the Chrysler building, you're gone too far.
Marty the Zebra
Alright. Thanks a lot, Officer.
[Marty walks away]
Police Horse
Hey! Wait for the light... Freak
Police radio
[a police officer is on top of the house talking to his police radio] Did you say "zebra"?
Police Officer
Yeah, yeah, that's right. A Zebra, right in front of me. Can I shoot it?
Police radio
Negative.
Police Officer
Then I'm going to need some backup.
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Lemur #2
It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!
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Spider
Well, howdy-do!
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Zoo Announcer
For his final appearence of the day: the king of New York City. Alex, the lion
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Julian
By the power vested in me, by the law of the jungle, blah, blah, blah, blah... Be gone!
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Zoo Announcer
[via soundpole]
Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages. The Central Park Zoo proudly presents:...
Alex the Lion
Oh, oh, show them the cat. Who's the cat?
Zoo Announcer
the king of New York City.
Alex the Lion
Alex the Lion, Zoo Announcer: Alex, the lion.
Marty the Zebra
It's showtime.
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Alex the Lion
What is it, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe
Okay, okay. Oh. You know how I have that bladder infection and I have to get up every two hours? I got up to pee and looked over at Marty's pen, which I usually don't do. I don't know why, but I did. And...
Alex the Lion
What, Melman? What's going on?
Melman the Giraffe
It's Marty. He's gone.
Alex the Lion
Gone?
[hits his head]
Alex the Lion
What do you mean gone?
Melman the Giraffe
How long has he been working on this?
[into the hole]
Melman the Giraffe
Marty! Marty!
Gloria the Hippo
This doesn't make any sense. Where would he go?
Gloria the Hippo
He wouldn't.
Melman the Giraffe
Oh, no! What are we... What are we going to do? We gotta, we gotta. I mean, we got to, we gotta, we got to call somebody!
[Alex gasps, then runs to the phone and dials 911]
Alex the Lion
Hello? Get me some Missing Animals. And hurry. We've got a lost zebra on the way to Connecticut by now, and we're gonna need...
[the police hears the lion roaring on speaker]
Police Officer
Hello? Hello?
Alex the Lion
Wait a second. We can't call the people.
[hangs up the phone, then destroys it]
Alex the Lion
They'll be really mad. It will get Marty transferred for good. You don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Gloria the Hippo
Mm-hmm, I know that's right.
Alex the Lion
We gotta go after him.
Melman the Giraffe
Go after him?
Alex the Lion
He's not thinking straight. We gotta stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. He's probably out there lost and cold, confused. Poor little guy.
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