Alvin and the Chipmunks 2007 - Movie Quotes

[upon coming home to his house being a mess]

David Seville Oh my god, Theodore, did you just-?

Theodore [nervously] Umm, Umm.

Simon [picks up a small pellet shaped this in front of Theodore] It's a raisin, Dave.

David Seville Prove it.

Simon [puts it in his mouth] Mmm-Mmm.

David Seville Okay, you got me. Look, I wanna talk to all you guys. Where's Alvin?

David Seville [heads off toward the kitchen] Alvin!

Simon [quickly spits it out and looks sternly at Theodore] You owe me big-time!

🧡 1

👏

🥺 1

🤔

🥱

Theodore [taps Dave's hand] Dave?

[jumps up onto the bed]

Theodore Are you awake?

David Seville I am now.

Theodore I had a nightmare. Can I sleep with you?

David Seville Umm...

Theodore You won't even know I'm here.

David Seville Ok, sure, but stay on THAT side of the bed.

Theodore Oh, oh, oh, ok.

🧡

👏

🥺 1

🤔

🥱

Mother in Store [apologizing for her daughter hitting Dave on the head with a box while shopping in a grocery store] Oh, sorry about that. Sorry.

David Seville Kids, huh?

Mother in Store Yeah, they keep you on your toes. You have any?

David Seville Three boys.

Mother in Store Some days are better than others.

David Seville ...and then some days you just want to close them in a box, and leave the box in the park, and run away you know?

Mother in Store [rushes off with her cart]

🧡 1

👏 1

🥺

🤔

🥱

Theodore Guys, I wanna go home.

Simon What do you mean? You are home.

Theodore No. I mean home home, with Dave.

Alvin But Theodore, wake up and smell the toffee. Dave doesn't even want us. He doesn't even care to come to our show.

🧡 2

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville H-How did you guys...?

Simon We're talking chipmunks, Dave. We can get out of a cat carrier. Not even hard to do.

🧡

👏 1

🥺

🤔

🥱 1

David Seville Chipmunks can't talk either.

Simon Well, our lips are moving and words are coming out.

David Seville This is not happening. I'm not talking to chipmunks, I'm not talking to chipmunks.

Alvin So, how's that going for you, Dave?

David Seville Uhh - uhh, how'd you know my name?

Alvin Oh, that one? We read your mail by accident.

Simon You really oughta pay that utility bill, Dave. Ever heard of a credit rating?

Theodore [turns on the food processor] What's this thing?

David Seville Hey, hey... hey, hey, turn that off!

Alvin [turns off the food processor] Sorry.

Simon [rubs Theodore's head] He fell out of the tree at birth.

David Seville C-Can all animals talk?

Simon Well, fish do have this type of sign language.

Alvin Hey Dave, do all humans have houses that smell like sweatsocks?

Alvin [singing while squirting soap out of the soap dispenser] Dave likes to wear, dirty underwear, with little hairs...

Simon We're getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Simon, the smart one. He's Alvin...

Alvin The awesomest one...

Theodore And I'm Theodore.

David Seville Oh, that's nice to meet you. Now get out of my house.

Theodore But... we talk.

David Seville Which only makes me want you out of my house that much more. It's creepy, unnatural, somewhat evil.

Alvin I kind of liked him better when he was unconscious.

David Seville [places a mixing bowl over the chipmunks] Gotcha!

Alvin Hey!

David Seville Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin [tries to open a bottle of champange] Stupid cork! Doesn't - Whoa!

[Cork flies into a glass door cabinet breaking it along with some of the glasses in it]

Alvin Yikes, Ha-ha! Oops!

David Seville Not gonna say it.

Alvin Uh-oh!

Simon Good grief.

[Champagne spills all over the floor creating a large puddle]

Claire Are you still not gonna say it?

David Seville [tries very hard not to] Nope!

[Champagne puddle becomes a flood that hits a plug outlet, causing a blackout in Dave's house]

David Seville I'm gonna say it. AAAAAALLLLLLVVVVVVIIIIIINNNNNN!

Alvin OKAY!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville [picks up a stack of toster waffles from the under the kitchen rug]

Simon We put a few toaster waffles aside for winter

Alvin And we're not sharing!

David Seville Guys, we're gonna have food all winter so if you start storing it, it's gonna get gross and we're gonna have rodent -...

Simon Simon, Theodore, Alvin: [looks at Dave]

David Seville Bad you know... non-talking rodents around here

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin [singing] Don't cha... Yeah, yeah, come on, come on... Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me / Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me...

[Dave opens the dishwasher door and Alvin screams]

Alvin There's this new thing, it's called knocking!

David Seville Get out!

Alvin I'm waiting for the rain cycle.

David Seville [pulls Alvin out of the dishwasher] Out!

Alvin Hey, I'm taking a shower here!

David Seville You know, if I made a list of my worst days ever, guess what? Today would be at the top of the list.

Alvin And it's still early.

David Seville Clam it, sudsy!

[Simon and Theodore join Alvin on the counter]

Alvin Look, let me just put it to you like this, OK? I have no job, no career, my house is always a mess, thank you very much...

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Alright, here's the deal; you guys sing my songs, you get to sleep here.

Alvin [thinks about it] No. Wait! Is breakfast included?

David Seville [thinks about it] I can live with that.

Simon What about TV privileges?

David Seville [thinks about it] Okay, but not after seven.

Theodore Eight.

David Seville Done. Don't tell you're animal friends, cause I don't wanna come home and find a bunch of rabbits and skunks on my couch.

Simon Filthy creatures, Dave. Never associate with them.

Theodore Yeah, you're our only friend.

David Seville No, no, no, no, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Let's just start with me being your songwriter.

Alvin Um, let me ask you, have you ever written a song before?

David Seville Yup.

Alvin And... is that your music stuff outside?

David Seville Yup.

[thunder claps reminding Dave that his songwriting equipment is soaked in the rain]

David Seville Oh no!

Alvin Hurry back.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Uh, guys, what's this about?

[holds up one of his presentation boards in front of Simon and Theodore]

Simon Obviously, Theodore's butt.

Theodore We told you we colored.

David Seville On my presentation boards? You got me fired.

Theodore [Dave grabs the remote] We didn't know.

Theodore [Dave turns off the TV] We're sorry, Dave.

David Seville Oh, you're sorry? That's fantastic!

Theodore But...

David Seville Sorry doesn't get my job back now, does it, Theodore?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Theodore [munching on some cereal] This is the greatest day of my life!

Alvin Eureka! I found the cheese balls!

[Alvin pours out the cheese balls and Simon catches them with a bowl]

Simon Ughh! Alvin, what are you doing? Don't make a mess!

Alvin Cannonball!

[jumps into the bowl of cheese balls]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[from trailer]

David Seville [the boys are singing Funky Town] Hey guys, knock it off. It's 3 in the morning.

[Theodore and Simon stop, Alvin continues to sing]

David Seville Alvin.

[he continues]

David Seville Alvin.

[he continues]

David Seville ALVIN!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin Last one to the door is road kill!

Simon I'm in!

[Alvin and Simon make a break for the door]

Theodore [distracted by a Christmas ornament] Hmm... What are these shiny things?

Simon [goes back to Theodore] Theodore, we're leaving now!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[up a lighting post, being chased by a security guard]

Alvin [songsung] Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, missed a chipmunk cause you're slow.

[shines the spotlight in his eyes]

Alvin Yippee-kie-yay, mamacita!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[first lines]

Alvin (singing voice) Alvin (singing voice), Simon (singing voice), Theodore (singing voice): [a capella] Where is the moment we needed the most/You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost/They tell me your blue skies fade to gray/They tell me your passion's gone away/And I don't need no carryin' on/Cause you had a bad day/You're taking one down/You sing a sad song just to turn it around/You say you don't know/You tell me don't lie/You work at a smile and you go for a ride/You had a bad day/You've seen what you like/And how does it feel for one more time/You had a bad day/You had a bad day/

Alvin [pushing the last of the acorns into the tree] It's going, It's going.

[gets sucked in and falls out with all of the acorns]

Simon And it's gone.

Alvin [from inside the tree] Whatever!

Theodore Maybe we should take a break.

[an acorn hits him on the head]

Theodore Ouch!

Alvin That's it! I can't take this anymore! I can't! I give up! I'm sick of struggling for survival! Competing with gophers and earthworms, and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts! And I'm especially sick of this stupid, stupid... *tree!*

[the sound of a buzzsaw is heard, and the tree shakes]

Simon Whoa! What's happening?

Theodore Guys! I think he made it angry!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Simon [after knocking out Dave] Hmm. He's been out for quite a while.

Theodore [gasps] You guys, he's dead!

Alvin Don't panic! Wipe everything down! I'll need three garbage bags, a shovel, some disinfectant, some latex gloves, and oregano. Go!

Simon Hang on, Sherlock. He's coming too.

David Seville I must be hearing things.

[regains consciousness]

David Seville Oh, this is trippy.

Theodore Sir, are you alright?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian Let's talk about your song, Dave.

David Seville Well, as crazy as it sounds, the original inspiration came to me...

Ian The song sucks, Dave.

David Seville What?

Ian Your song, it's awful, I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. Come on, I need something new, something fresh...

David Seville But that is new.

Ian The next big thing. Dave, we go way back. We both come a long way since college. You, not so much. I wanted to like that song, but, you heard it... not that good. If I wasn't your friend, I'd say, "Dave, you go right back out of this office and you keep writing music, you'll get there someday." But I am your friend, so I'm going to tell you that there is no sense in writing songs that no one is ever, ever, going to sing.

David Seville Ever?

🧡

👏

🥺 2

🤔

🥱

Theodore [climbs on Ian's bed] Uncle Ian?

Ian [wakes up with a start] What are you doing here?

Theodore Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare.

Ian Oh... you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too. In my nightmare, I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 countries. And, I had to coordinate 121 radio and print interviews in 5 different languages.

Ian [picks up Theodore] And you know what Theo, the only difference is, in my nightmare, when I open my eyes, it doesn't end!

Theodore So... is that a no?

[Ian throws Theodore out the door]

Theodore Whoa... oh... oh...

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian [glances outside his mansion] Hello?... Hello?

[Theodore smells Ian's foot and sneezes]

Ian Kids.

[closes door and heads back to the stairs]

Alvin (singing voice) Alvin (singing voice), Simon (singing voice), Theodore (singing voice): [a capella] Christmas, Christmas time is here / Time for toys and time for cheer / We can hardly stand the wait / Please Christmas, don't be late

Ian Welcome to Jett Records.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Ian, they don't want this anymore. Just let them go!

Ian But the guy just left, you should have said something about five seconds ago.

Ian [soft voice] Come back.

David Seville Ian, they need a real life, not all of this. Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word'll get out, and no one will come to see them!

Ian [places hands on Dave's cheeks] Dave, they're chipmunks, who talk. People will come.

Ian [to security guards] Guys, with me.

Ian [singing] Whoa, whoa... that's how we roll...

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian You guys better study your French, because we're going to Partis tonight. OK?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian [last lines as he's trying to get squirrels to sing] Okay, guys. Come on. Let's try it again. Here we go and sing. Come on. Sing for your Uncle Ian. Come on, sing. Why won't you sing? I said sing. Sing

[stops playing the piano and leaned his head against the keys]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Why don't we, er, come over here and look at the sales projections? You know, when I first saw these numbers, I thought, there's just no way. But then I looked again.

[he flips the front board down to the first board with Size of Theodore's butt written overtop]

Amy The size of Theodore's butt?

David Seville Yeah. Well, wh-why don't we come back to that. Anyway, 10 years ago, the market share for healthy food snacks was imperceptible among six-to-12-year-olds.

[flips next board with How smart Simon thinks he is written overtop]

Ted How smart Simon thinks he is.

Gail Yeah, as opposed to how smart he actually is.

Amy Who's Simon?

David Seville I didn't...

Gail Just move along.

[Dave flips the next board with How much Alvin smells written overtop]

David Seville You know what? I-I think I'll just clean out my office.

Gail Sounds good.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin (singing voice) Alvin (singing voice), Simon (singing voice), Theodore (singing voice): [a capella] Only you can make this world seem right / Only you can make the darkness bright

[Dave opens window]

Alvin Uh, were we disturbing you?

David Seville Y-you guys can sing too?

Alvin That's not singing, this is singing.

Alvin (singing voice) Alvin (singing voice), Simon (singing voice), Theodore (singing voice): [sing Funkytown]

David Seville This is amazing. Here, everyone inside.

[the three chipmunks jump onto the trash can one by one]

Simon [almost slips] Whoopsie.

[Dave helps Simon up]

Simon Thank you.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin [Theodore crashed a RC car] Why didn't the airbags deploy?

Simon Theodore, don't go into the light!

Theodore Huh? Phew! Let's do it again!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[after being captured and placed into a cat carrier]

Alvin You'll never take us alive!

Simon They just did take us alive, Alvin.

Alvin It's a figure of speech, Simon. Instead of criticizing me, why not use your big brain to think of a way out?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Hey!

[Simon passes the breath freshener bottle to Theodore]

David Seville Look, I know what you guys are up to. Alvin!

Theodore Breath check.

[He sprays breath freshener in Dave's face]

David Seville Where's Al - ? Ow!

[he knocks down some things attached to the door]

Claire Dave, are you ok?

David Seville Everything's fine!

[to Theodore]

David Seville Why'd you do that?

Theodore We were just trying to help... you have garlic breath.

David Seville [grabs the breath freshener bottle from Theodore's hand] Well, stop helping. You're ruining everything!

[throws the bottle on the floor]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin [knocks on door] You should've kissed her, Dave. She really wanted you!

Simon Alvin, you're not helping.

Alvin Aw, don't give up, Dave.

David Seville Go away! Leave me alone!

Theodore Dave, would you like a cookie?

David Seville I said leave me alone!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin Is it me, or was he a little mad?

Simon Hmm... I wonder... is Dave mad? Yes!

Theodore He really did have garlic breath.

Simon Yeah, well played, guys.

Alvin Idea, ding-ding-ding-ding! Who has cab fare?

Simon Cab fare? We don't even have pockets.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville It's hard, I know, three months ago you were wandering around in a tree somewhere and, now you're...

Alvin [sucks air from a balloon and speaks in a low voice] major rockstars!

David Seville Okay, whatever. Well, my point is, just because you're...

Alvin [low voice] major rockstars!

David Seville [releases balloon from Alvin's hand and sits down again] ... doesn't mean that you can have or do whatever you want!

Simon Well, Uncle Ian said that we should always be happy.

David Seville Okay, you know what? He's not your uncle!

[pulls the balloons down from the ceiling fan]

Alvin He also, David, said that we should be making 20 dollars a day.

David Seville Well, guess what? You're making way more than that. And because I care, I'm putting it all away for you, just like storing nuts for the winter.

Alvin Ah, winter's for losers!

Simon Yeah. And shouldn't we be having our say on how to build our investment portfolio?

David Seville Where is all this coming from? You guys are just kids.

Alvin Kids, Dave... or rats?

David Seville What?

Theodore Well, Uncle Ian said that we're like his family.

David Seville Oh yeah? Well, if you love Uncle Ian so much and don't think I'm watching out for you, why don't you go live with Uncle Ian?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin [running on a tape recorder spool] This kicks a hamster wheel's butt!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville [looks at his shopping cart filled with boxes of waffles] Guys, what's all this?

Theodore Theodore, Simon, Alvin: Toaster Waffles.

David Seville You know, I can't afford all these toaster waffles.

Theodore Theodore, Simon: Aww!

Alvin What?

David Seville Well, in case you didn't notice, I don't have a job anym-

[hears the Christmas song playing over P.A. system]

David Seville My song.

Alvin All right.

Simon Yeah!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Theodore How do you think it's going?

Alvin Terrible! They're not even sniffing each other!

Simon But Alvin, Dave said that...

Alvin Dave needs a little help from the love doctor.

Theodore And his assistant.

Simon [pulls Theodore inside the room] Get back here.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville They're savings bonds. In seven years you will get to buy something really nice.

Alvin Do you have any that you bought seven years ago?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Nicely done, Theodore.

[reading the letter]

David Seville To Dav... let's see it says Merry Christmas, love Theodore. and i'ts got a nice picture of uh... some pineapples?

Theodore Those aren't pinapples, that's our family!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Theodore Who's Claire?

Simon Claire is Dave's mate. Ooh-la-la.

David Seville She's not my mate. She's my ex-mate.

David Seville [frantically tries to clean the house] This is great.

Simon Dave, slow down. You just go get the food. We'll take care of the rest, all right?

David Seville Oh, why am I having a hard time believing you?

Alvin That hurts, Dave. That really hurts.

Simon Yeah, we're all in this together, Dave.

Theodore Like a family.

David Seville No, not like a family!

Alvin Tick-tock, Dave. Better bust-a-move!

David Seville Right.

[Theodore giggles and Dave points at him]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Okay, new rule. No going out after nine, and not at all unless I know where you're going.

Theodore Were you worried about us, Dave?

David Seville No, I just needed to know, that's all.

Alvin Um, if you're not worried, then why do you need to know?

David Seville I need to know, okay?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian Alright people, settle in, settle in. It is a very special night tonight. Here at Jett Records we pride ourselves in bringing you tomorrow's music today. Oh, and guess what, I did it again. Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing their new hit single, give it up for Alvin, Simon, and Theodore!

[audience applauds]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian Dave Seville. Learn the name, look for the face. If he shows up tomorrow night, he doesn't get anywhere near my chipmunks. Got it?

Security Guard Got it.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin This is absurd. I feel like P. Diddy with fur.

Simon And to be honest, the new songs don't really sound like us.

Ian Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know? It's all about today's edge.

Theodore Dave always said it was all about the music.

Ian [mocking] Dave always said it was all- You know what? Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave is not here! Okay? It's me! It's fun Uncle Ian! All right? Okay?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian Hey, what do you think of this?

[shows Alvin doll to Dave]

David Seville What is it?

Ian It's Alvin.

David Seville That looks nothing like Alvin.

Ian Well, yeah. It's a prototype. We'll sell a million of those things. It's voice-activated. Here. Say something to it.

David Seville [grabs Alvin doll] Hello, ugly little Alvin doll that looks nothing like Alvin.

[doll speaks Japanese]

Ian See? You love it. It's Spanish.

David Seville You know what? That's just weird.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville What was that?

Simon Nothing. Nothing. Just a little stage fright.

[Whimpering]

Theodore I thought my heart was gonna to explode.

Alvin We're not performing monkeys, Dave. Why do we have to sing for that guy, anyway?

David Seville Well, how this? Pretend I need the money and I hate my job and you're staying at my place, so you owe me.

Theodore We're sorry, Dave.

David Seville Yeah. That helps.

[sighs]

David Seville Never mind. I'm late for work.

Theodore Ooh, ooh, ooh!

[raises hand]

Theodore Can we go with you?

David Seville What, so you can mess that up, too? Uh-uh. You're going home.

Alvin [nudges Theodore back into the seat] Can I stand at your lap and steer?

Theodore Ooh! Can we at least beep the... horn? Never mind.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville [on the phone] Hi, Mom.

Simon A little situation, Dave. Theodore vacuumed up Alvin.

Theodore Alvin!

Alvin Dave, help!

David Seville What?

Simon Well, at least it wasn't the garbage disposal.

Theodore Just stay calm.

[he gets sucked in the vacuum screaming]

Simon And there goes Theodore.

David Seville Look I-I can't do this right now, okay?

Simon I absolutely understand, but, sorry, Dave? Quick question.

[looks at kitchen sink already filled up with water]

Simon How do you feel about an indoor pool?

David Seville Look, if you flood my house, you're dead, out on the street. Capisce?

[hangs up phone]

David Seville Mothers.

[chuckles]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Simon [reading the attempt letter written months ago by Dave] Dear fellas, I'm sorry, but-

[mutters]

Simon You should go back to your real home in the forest.

Alvin I guess he really does want us to go.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville [in his head as he's writing an attempt letter] Dear fellas, I'm sorry but, this isn't really working out. I don't know what made me think I could handle you guys when I can barely manage my own life. You should go back to your real home in the forest. It's what's best for all of us. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but-

[He crumbles the paper and throws it on the floor]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ian Hawke Captain, come here! Listen... Dave Seville. Learn the name, look for the face. If he shows up tomorrow night, he doesn't get *anywhere* near my Chipmunks, got it?

Security Guard Got it.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Ian, they need a real life, not all of this! Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word will get out. No one will come to see them.

Ian Hawke Dave, they're chipmunks that talk. People will come.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

David Seville Spit it out.

Theodore Mmm-mmm.

David Seville Spit it out.

Theodore No!

David Seville [looks at card included in gift basket] Jett records.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alvin and the Chipmunks Movie Quotes