School for Scoundrels Movie Quotes
Dr. P
How many of you have self-help books? Okay, that's your first problem. You can't help yourself, because your *self* sucks!
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[repeated line]
Dr. P
Lie, lie, and lie some more.
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[from trailer]
Lonnie
Why is everybody gotta be so freakin' stupid these days?
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Becky
Congratulations, you are fat. Would you like a fat medal?
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Dr. P
This is not a goddamn Tony Robbins seminar. If you're looking for "Chicken Soup for the Soul," get the hell outta here!
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Dr. P
Every once in a while, a shepherd has to pluck a sheep from the heard and challenge him. It lets the man know he's worthy of leading him.
Roger
Well, you know what? I don't want to be a shepherd anymore!
Dr. P
You're not the shepherd, DUMB ASS, I'm the shepherd! Its called an analogy, moron!
Roger
Look, you dont understand. Everything was going so well between us.
Dr. P
Well, clearly I'm sure you're just days away from adopting a Chinese kid together.
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Ian
Roger, I used to be just like you. But look at me now, I'm awesome! I run this entire place. I'm dating TWO Asian chicks!
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Dr. P
There are two kinds of men in the world: those who run shit, like me, and those who eat shit, like you.
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Roger
What now, bitch?
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Roger
Who's the lion now, bitch!
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Lesher
Manila. Dr. P specifically said manila. This is off-white.
Roger
Sorry.
Lesher
Sorry doesn't make it manila.
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Eli
[when he grabs his paintball gun]
It says here that the shooter must maintain a 100-yard distance from target.
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Lesher
[during date-training, after Walsh whistles]
Keep whistling and I'll bite those lips right off your goddamn face!
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Dr. P
Ok, who the hell painted the goddamn dog?
Little Pete
Pretty awesome, right?
Dr. P
No, not awesome.
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