Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory 1971 - Movie Quotes

Willy Wonka The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

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Willy Wonka Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Veruca Salt Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

Willy Wonka [grabbing Veruca's mouth and pinching it a bit to hold it open] *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams.

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Willy Wonka There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...

Mr. Salt [weakly echoing] Rowing...

Willy Wonka Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?

[sharp gasp]

Willy Wonka Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/

[practically screaming]

Willy Wonka And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!

[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]

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Mrs. Gloop Don't just stand there, do something!

Willy Wonka [unenthusiastically] Help. Police, Murder.

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Willy Wonka [touching the gobstopper Charlie has just set on his desk] So shines a good deed in a weary world.

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Willy Wonka So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.

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Willy Wonka [into Mr. Salt's ear, singing softly] A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

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[last lines]

Willy Wonka But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.

Charlie What happened?

Willy Wonka He lived happily ever after.

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Mr. Salt What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?

Willy Wonka [glances back at him] Why? Are you having fun?

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Grandpa Joe Mr. Wonka?

Willy Wonka [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Grandpa Joe [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?

Willy Wonka He doesn't.

Grandpa Joe Why not?

Willy Wonka Because he broke the rules.

Grandpa Joe What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?

[Charlie shakes his head briefly]

Willy Wonka [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:

[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]

Willy Wonka I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!

[slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]

Willy Wonka It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

[turns back to his work]

Grandpa Joe [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!

[angrily]

Grandpa Joe How could you do a thing like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!

Willy Wonka [shouts even louder] I said good day!

Grandpa Joe Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.

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Willy Wonka How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?

Charlie I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!

Willy Wonka I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.

Grandpa Joe [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?

Willy Wonka I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.

Charlie So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!

Willy Wonka That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.

Grandpa Joe And me?

Willy Wonka Absolutely.

Charlie But what happens to the rest...?

Willy Wonka The whole family. I want you to bring them all.

[Willy and Charlie hug]

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Willy Wonka [singing] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.

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Computer Operator Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining golden tickets.

[he pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response]

Computer Operator It says: "I won't tell. That would be cheating."

[he pushes the buttons on the machine again]

Computer Operator I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize.

[the machine prints out another response]

Computer Operator He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"

[he sighs, then pushes the buttons once again]

Computer Operator I am now telling the computer exactly what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate.

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Mr. Turkentine I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

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Mr. Salt [noticing signs on vats] Wonka. Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got a little something going on the side?

Willy Wonka Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

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FBI Agent Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life, or your case of Wonka bars.

Mrs. Curtis [after a brief pause] How long will they give me to think it over?

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Willy Wonka Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

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Mrs. Gloop [Augustus is now sucked into the suction pipe which takes him to the vertical pipe] He can't swim.

Willy Wonka There's no better time to learn.

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Mrs. Gloop He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.

Willy Wonka Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!

Mrs. Gloop Why?

Willy Wonka Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!

Mrs. Gloop You terrible man!

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Willy Wonka If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates.

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Willy Wonka Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three.

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Charlie Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?

Willy Wonka Hm... well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they?

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Mr. Turkentine Of course you don't know. You don't know because only *I* know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

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Mike Teevee Look at me, I'm gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!

Mrs. Teevee Mike, get away from that thing!

Willy Wonka [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.

Mike Teevee Lights, camera, *action*!

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Violet Beauregarde Well, they can't be real people.

Willy Wonka Why, of course they're real people.

Mr. Salt Stuff and nonsense!

Willy Wonka No, Oompa Loompas.

The Group [turning around] Oompa Loompas?

Willy Wonka From Loompaland.

Mrs. Teevee Loompaland? There's no such place.

Willy Wonka Excuse me, dear lady, but...

Mrs. Teevee Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.

Willy Wonka Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."

Mr. Salt Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?

Willy Wonka I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.

Veruca Salt Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!

Mr. Salt All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.

Veruca Salt [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!

Violet Beauregarde Can it, you nit!

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Mr. Salt Quite a nice little canoe you got there, Wonka.

Willy Wonka All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody.

Mr. Salt Ladies first, and that means Veruca.

Grandpa Joe [to Charlie] If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

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Oompa Loompas Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Who do you blame when your kid is a... brat / Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese... cat / Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame / You know exactly who's... to... blame? / The mother and the father / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you're not spoiled, then you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee doo.

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Willy Wonka Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.

[to an Oompa Loompa]

Willy Wonka To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.

Mrs. Teevee Uh, T-T-Taffy? Wh-What's he saying?

[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka]

Willy Wonka No, no. I won't hold you responsible.

Willy Wonka [Mrs. Teavee suddenly passes out] And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say good-bye.

[Mrs. Teevee groans]

Willy Wonka No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. Run along now.

[two Oompa Loompas drag the limp Mrs. Teevee out of the room]

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Mrs. Gloop What a disgusting, dirty river!

Mr. Salt Industrial waste, that. You've ruined your watershed Wonka: it's polluted.

Willy Wonka It's chocolate.

Veruca Salt That's chocolate?

Charlie That's chocolate!

Violet Beauregarde A chocolate river.

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Willy Wonka It happens every time, they all become blueberries.

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Mike Teevee Wait till I get a real one. Colt 45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will ya, Pop?

Mr. Teevee Not till you're 12, son.

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Veruca Salt [singing] I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now.

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Grandpa Joe Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.

Charlie What's that?

Grandpa Joe Veruca went first.

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Mrs. Gloop You boiled him up, I know it.

Willy Wonka Nil desperandum, my dear lady. Across the desert lies the promised land.

[Mrs. Gloop is led away to the fudge room]

Willy Wonka Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu. Aufwiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell.

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Willy Wonka [making a mysterious formula] Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

Mrs. Teevee [as Mr. Wonka drinks the formula] That's 105%!

Mr. Beauregarde Any good?

Willy Wonka [smacks his lips, then speaks in falsetto] Yes.

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Grandpa Joe [viewing the Wonka-mobile being fueled] Mr. Wonka? Uh, what's that they're filling it up with?

Willy Wonka Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.

Grandpa Joe [to Charlie] Sorry I asked.

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Willy Wonka [after Veruca falls down the chute] She was a bad egg.

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Mr. Salt Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?

Willy Wonka They're not for sale.

Mr. Salt Name your price.

Willy Wonka She can't have one.

Veruca Salt Who says I can't?

Mr. Salt The man with the funny hat.

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Mrs. Teevee [as the Wonkatania starts to move] I think I'm going to be seasick!

Willy Wonka [handing something to Mrs. Teevee] Here, take these.

Mrs. Teevee What are they?

Willy Wonka Rainbow drops. Suck them and you can spit in seven different colors!

Violet Beauregarde [as she digs around in her nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.

Willy Wonka I know a worse one.

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Mr. Beauregarde Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka, I use them myself. They're strictly for suckers.

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Oompa Loompas Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dah dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get from a glut of TV? / A pain in the neck and an IQ of 3 / Why don't you try simply reading a book? / Or could you just not bear to look? / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no commercials / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you love reading you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do.

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Grandpa Joe When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco.

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[Mr. Wonka puts a pair of football cleats into a vat]

Mr. Salt What's that for?

Willy Wonka Gives it a little kick.

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Charlie Bucket Mr. Wonka, what'll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?

Willy Wonka My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.

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Willy Wonka Don't you know what this is?

Violet Beauregarde By gum, it's gum.

Willy Wonka [happily, but sarcastically] Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.

Violet Beauregarde What's so fab about it?

Willy Wonka This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.

Mr. Salt Bull.

Willy Wonka No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.

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Willy Wonka [singing] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be.

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Oompa Loompas Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while / It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile / But it's repulsive, revolting, and wrong / chewing and chewing all day long / The way that a cow does / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / Given good manners, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too/Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo.

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Charlie [about the Wonkamobile] Is this going to go fast, Grandpa?

Grandpa Joe It should, Charlie; it's got more gas in it than a politician.

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Willy Wonka It's a musical lock.

[begins playing Mozart's 'Marriage Of Figaro']

Mrs. Teevee Rachmaninoff.

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[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]

Willy Wonka We're there.

Mrs. Teevee Where?

Willy Wonka Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!

Mr. Beauregarde Let me off this crate!

Mike Teevee Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?

Mrs. Teevee I don't know.

Mr. Salt What a nightmare.

Veruca Salt Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.

[Charlie and Grandpa Joe look and read a sign at the door]

Charlie Dairy cream...

Grandpa Joe Whipped cream...

Charlie Coffee cream...

Grandpa Joe Vanilla cream...

Charlie Charlie, Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?

Willy Wonka Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit.

[Translation: My dominions, please give me your attention]

Mrs. Teevee That's not French.

Willy Wonka Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.

[Translation: You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]

Mr. Salt I can't take much more of this.

Willy Wonka Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room.

[Translation: Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]

Willy Wonka Now, remember: No messing about, no touching, no tasting, no telling.

Grandpa Joe No telling what?

Willy Wonka You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

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Mrs. Teevee I assume there's an accident indemnity clause.

Willy Wonka Never between friends.

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Charlie [to Grandpa Joe, after opening the Wonka bar they think has the last Golden Ticket in it] You know... I'll bet those Golden Tickets make the chocolate taste terrible.

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Tinker Up the airy mountain, down the rushy glen, we daren't go a hunting, for fear of little men. You see, nobody ever goes in... and nobody ever comes out.

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Veruca Salt They're not even trying! They don't want to find it! They're jealous of me!

Mr. Salt Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.

Veruca Salt You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!

Mrs. Salt You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.

Mr. Salt It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.

Veruca Salt I won't talk to you ever again! You're a rotten, mean father! You never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school till I have it!

Mr. Salt Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?

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Mike Teevee Where are you taking me?

[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]

Mike Teevee I don't wanna go in there...!

Mrs. Teevee Be quiet.

Mike Teevee Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.

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[Charlie and Grandpa Joe are floating in the fizzy lifting room]

[Grandpa Joe does a somersault in midair]

Charlie Hey, you did it, Grandpa.

Grandpa Joe Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.

Charlie You can fly to the moon this way.

Grandpa Joe Let's just fly south for the winter.

Charlie Why not? I'm a bird!

Grandpa Joe I'm a plaaaaaaane!

Charlie I'm... going too high!

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Veruca Salt [to Mr. Salt] I want to go in! Don't you dare stop me!

Mr. Salt I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.

Veruca Salt [to Violet] Give me that pen!

[Veruca grabs the pen from Violet]

Veruca Salt [to Mr. Salt] You're always making things difficult.

[signs the contract]

Willy Wonka [admiringly] Nicely handled, Veruca! Now there's a girl who knows where she's going.

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Mr. Beauregarde Violet! You're turning violet, Violet!

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Willy Wonka [Showing off his geese that lay golden eggs] They're laying overtime right now, for Easter.

Mike Teevee But Easter's over!

Willy Wonka [clapping a hand over Mike's mouth] Ssshhh!

[quietly]

Willy Wonka They don't know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year.

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[first lines]

Bill All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be? A Triple Cream Cup for Christopher. A Sizzler for June Marie. And listen!

[the children fall silent]

Bill Wonka's got a new one today.

Children What is it?

Bill This is called a Scrumpdiddlyumptious Bar.

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Oompa Loompas Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got a perfect puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? / Eating as much as an elephant eats / What are you at getting terribly fat? / What do you think will come of that?/I don't like the look of it / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you're not greedy, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / Doo-pa-dee doo.

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Stanley Kael, Second Newscaster Four down, one to go, and somewhere out there a lucky person is moving closer and closer to the most sought after prize in history. Though we cannot help but envy whoever he is, and we may feel bitter, but we must remember there are more important things, *many* more important things. Though offhand I cannot think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something.

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[Willy Wonka greets Charlie and Grandpa Joe at the gates of the WONKA factory]

Willy Wonka And who is this gentleman?

Charlie My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.

Willy Wonka [vigorously shaking Grandpa Joe's hand] Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced. Are we ready? Yes, good. In we go.

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Charlie [as the Wonkatania is going through the tunnel, to Grandpa Joe] This is kind of strange.

Grandpa Joe [excitedly] Yes, it's strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Ha-ha!

[they grin at each other]

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Veruca Salt [singing] I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, / Ten thousand tons of ice cream, / And if I don't get the things I am after, / I'm going to screeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAM.

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[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]

Charlie Hey, the room is getting smaller.

Mrs. Teevee No, it's not. He's getting bigger!

Mr. Salt He's at it again!

Mike Teevee Where's the chocolate?

Mr. Beauregarde I doubt if there is any.

Mr. Salt I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.

Willy Wonka Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.

Mrs. Gloop You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!

Mr. Salt You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!

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Veruca Salt I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy!

Mr. Salt I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.

Veruca Salt All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?

Mr. Salt Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!

Veruca Salt I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?

Mr. Salt For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!

Veruca Salt Make them work nights!

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Veruca Salt [after Willy gives an Everlasting Gobstopper to each of the kids] Hey, she's got two! I want another one!

Violet Beauregarde [showing her Gobstopper to Veruca] Stop squawking, you twit!

Willy Wonka [making it clear he's not going to stand for the girls' bickering] Everybody has had ONE, and ONE is enough for anybody. Now come along.

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Mrs. Teevee [after getting covered in foam on the Wonkamobile] I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!

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Mr. Beauregarde [yelling] I'm getting even with you for this, Wonka, if it's the last thing I ever do!

[mutters in pity]

Mr. Beauregarde I've got a blueberry for a daughter...

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Charlie [as Violet blows up into a blueberry] Why won't she listen to Mr. Wonka?

Grandpa Joe Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.

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Willy Wonka [referring to the soda-powered Wonkamobile] Behold the Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

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Willy Wonka No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.

[gently whispering in Mr. Salt's ear]

Willy Wonka But it's the only way if you want it just right.

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Willy Wonka Well, well, well, two naughty, *nasty* little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left.

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Willy Wonka Now over here, if you'll follow me, I have something rather special to show you.

Mr. Salt It's special all right, I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one.

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Mr. Turkentine Charlie Bucket, how many did you open?

Charlie Two.

Mr. Turkentine That's easy. 200 is twice 100...

Charlie Not 200, just two.

Mr. Turkentine Two? What do you mean you only opened two?

Charlie I don't care very much for chocolate.

Mr. Turkentine Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200. Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd have used up 20% of 1,000, which is 15% half over again, 10%...

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Willy Wonka Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink - yet.

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Mr. Turkentine You, Winkelmann, come here. What's happening?

Winkelmann Mr. Wonka's opening his factory, he's gonna to let people in.

Mr. Turkentine You sure?

Winkelmann It's on the radio. He's giving truckloads of chocolate away.

Mr. Turkentine Class dismissed.

[Mr. Turkentine starts to put on his coat]

Winkelmann No, no, it's only for five people.

Mr. Turkentine [dismayed] Class undismissed.

[Mr. Turkentine starts to take off his coat]

Winkelmann He sent out five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize.

Mr. Turkentine Where's he hidden the tickets?

Winkelmann Inside five Wonka bars. You've got to buy Wonka bars to find them.

Mr. Turkentine Class re-dismissed.

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Charlie [after eating the now-shrunken Wonka bar] It's perfect.

Mrs. Teevee It's unbelievable!

Grandpa Joe It's a miracle!

Mike Teevee It's a TV dinner!

Willy Wonka It's Wonkavision.

Grandpa Joe It could change the world!

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Violet Beauregarde Well, I'm a gum chewer, normally. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wonka's, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars, instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum. I chew it all day, except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear.

Mrs. Beauregarde Violet...

Violet Beauregarde Cool it, Mother!

[showing her gum to the audience]

Violet Beauregarde Now, this little piece of gum here is one I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad.

[puts the gum back in her mouth and continues chewing, then waves]

Violet Beauregarde Hi, Cornelia. How are ya, sweetie?

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Mr. Beauregarde What business are you in, Salt?

Mr. Salt Nuts.

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Mike Teevee Boy, what a great show.

Mrs. Teevee I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table.

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Reporter So, ya like the killings, huh?

Mike Teevee What do you think life's all about?

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Willy Wonka [Last line] Be sure to bring your family with you. And Charlie, Don't forget about the man suddenly gets everything he ever wanted.

Charlie Bucket What happened to him?

Willy Wonka He lived happily ever after.

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Willy Wonka [singing] In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding... a-ding, a-ding, sweet lovers love... the spring.

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Veruca Salt Daddy, I want a boat like this. A beautiful paddle boat is what I want.

Grandpa Joe [to Charlie] What she wants is a good kick in the pants!

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Willy Wonka Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous. So don't be alarmed. As soon as your outer vestments are at hand, we'll begin.

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Violet Beauregarde What is this, a freak out?

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Charlie Hey Grandpa, what was that we just went through?

Willy Wonka Hsaw Aknow.

Mrs. Teevee Is that Japanese?

Willy Wonka No, that's Wonka wash, spelled backwards. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the journey's over!

Grandpa Joe Finest bath, I've had in twenty years!

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Willy Wonka I take very good care of my guests.

Mr. Beauregarde Yeah, you took real good care of that August kid.

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Willy Wonka [In the Wonkavator] Faster, faster; if we don't pick up enough speed, we'll never get through!

Charlie Get through what?

Willy Wonka Aha!

Grandpa Joe You mean we're going...?

Willy Wonka Up and out!

Grandpa Joe But this roof is made of glass! It'll shatter into a thousand pieces! We'll be cut to ribbons!

Willy Wonka Probably.

[Charlie begins to look nervous]

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Willy Wonka [revving the motor of the soft-drink powered Wonkamobile] Swifter than eagles! Stronger than lions!

[the Wonkamobile spurts foam at him]

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[after Mike appears on the screen]

Grandpa Joe Our little group is getting smaller by the minute.

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Willy Wonka [as Violet snatches the gum from his hand] Oh! I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't.

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Augustus Gloop I feel very sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him a fortune in fudge.

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Augustus Gloop [urgently] Let me in, I'm starving!

Willy Wonka Now, don't get excited. Don't lose your head, Augustus. We don't want anybody to lose that.

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Mrs. Gloop Help, Mr. Wonka, help! I'm getting squashed. Save me!

Willy Wonka Is it my soul that calls upon my name?

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[opening lock]

Willy Wonka Ninety-nine, forty-four, one hundred percent pure. Just through the other door, please.

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Augustus Gloop [drinking from the chocolate river] Mm, this stuff is terrific.

Charlie Grandpa, look at Augustus!

Grandpa Joe Don't worry, he can't drink it all.

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Willy Wonka And almost everything you'll see is eatable, edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything.

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Willy Wonka [Dropping an old-fashioned alarm clock into a vat of some sort of candy mixture] Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.

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Veruca Salt [Introducing herself to Willy Wonka] I'm Veruca Salt.

Willy Wonka [shaking Veruca's hand] My dear Veruca, what a pleasure! And how pretty you look in that lovely mink coat.

Veruca Salt [sounding proud] I've got three others at home!

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Mr. Beauregarde Violet, what are you doing now? You're blowing up!

Violet Beauregarde I feel funny!

Grandpa Joe I'm not surprised.

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Mrs. Teevee [as the Wonkatania begins its journey through the tunnel] I think I'm going to be sick!

[an image of a chicken getting its head chopped off flashes on the tunnel wall]

Mrs. Teevee Now I AM going to be sick!

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Grandpa Joe Good morning. Look at the sun.

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Willy Wonka I don't understand it. The children are disappearing like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we press on?

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Willy Wonka This is the great glass Wonkavator.

Grandpa Joe It's an elevator.

Willy Wonka It's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways...

Charlie And frontways?

Willy Wonka ...and squareways, and front ways, and any other ways that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press a button, and *zing*! You're off. And up until now, I've pressed them all... except one.

[gestures to a button near the top of the Wonkavator]

Willy Wonka This one. Go ahead, Charlie.

Charlie Me?

[Willy Wonka nods as Charlie presses the button]

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Mrs. Teevee [while waiting for Mike to appear on the screen] Why is it taking so long?

Charlie A million pieces take a long time to put together.

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Mr. Salt Where is she going?

Willy Wonka Where all the other bad eggs go, down the garbage chute.

Mr. Salt [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?

Willy Wonka To the furnace.

Mr. Salt [laughs] The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.

Willy Wonka No, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.

Mr. Salt Inside the...

[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]

Mr. Salt Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!

[dives down the chute]

Willy Wonka There'll to be a lot of garbage today.

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Mrs. Teevee [while the group is in the tiny, cramped hallway] Somebody's touching me!

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Mr. Slugworth I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. You've found the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce myself. Arthur Slugworth: President of Slugworth Chocolates, Incorporated. Now, listen carefully because I'm going to make you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this moment working on a fantastic invention: the Everlasting Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So, all I want you to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me so that I can find the secret formula. Your reward will be ten thousand of these.

[He flips through a stack of money]

Mr. Slugworth Think it over, will you. A new house for your family, and good food and comfort for the rest of their lives. And don't forget the name: Everlasting Gobstopper.

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Charlie [referring to Augustus' being stuck in the pipe] He'll never get out.

Grandpa Joe Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember when you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?

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Willy Wonka The Egg-dicator can tell the difference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's a good egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. But if it's a bad egg, down the chute.

Grandpa Joe [whispering to Charlie] It's an educated Egg-dicator.

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Willy Wonka Oh you can't get out backwards, you have to go forwards to go back.

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Willy Wonka [telling the group about Everlasting Gobstoppers] You can suck them and suck them and suck them and they'll never get any smaller. Never!

[pauses, then speaks softly, almost to himself]

Willy Wonka At least I don't think they do. A few more tests.

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Mr. Salt You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?

Willy Wonka With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.

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Willy Wonka 'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor's way.

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Willy Wonka [showing the group the gum machine] Now over here, if you'll follow me, we have something rather special.

Mr. Salt It's special, all right. I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one!

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Charlie [Takes loaf of bread from his knapsack and holds it up for everyone to see] How 'bout this?

Mrs. Bucket Charlie, where'd you get that?

Grandpa Joe What difference does it make where he got it? Point is he got it.

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Willy Wonka [Wonka knows Charlie and Grandpa Joe stole from him] Oh, yes. Well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Excuse me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. You'll find the way. I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Goodbye to you both. Goodbye.

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Mrs. Bucket Wait, stop! It says the first of October, that's tomorrow!

Grandpa Joe [to Charlie] Jumping crocodiles, Charlie! We've got a lot to do; Comb your hair, wash your face, polish your shoes and brush your teeth.

Mrs. Bucket I'll take care of everything, dad.

Grandpa Joe We don't have too much time.

Charlie Grandpa? On the way home today, I ran into Mr. Slugworth.

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Tinker [pointing to Willy Wonka's factory] Nobody ever goes in and nobody ever comes out!

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First Newscaster And now, details on the sudden announcement that has captured the attention of entire world. Hidden among the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five gold tickets. And to the five people who find them will come the most fabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply of chocolate. And as if this were not enough, each winner before he receives his prize will be personally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory by the mythical Willy Wonka himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this competition has relighted the imagination to incite candy eaters and all citizens around the world. Already we have reports coming in that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are beginning to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to boggle the mind. Truly it is incredible the way that Wonkamania has descended upon the globe. While the world searches, we watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead and how long the spirit of man will hold up under the strain.

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Stanley Kael, Second Newscaster We began with five Golden Tickets like five lucky bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the first one would hit. But as you all know, last night we got our answer. While we in America slept, the first golden ticket was found in the small town of Düsselheim, Germany. We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up story and we're finally ready with a live report.

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Mr. Beauregarde [looks shocked when Violet begins swelling] Violet, what are you doing now? You're blowing up!

Violet Beauregarde I feel funny.

[her belt pops off her expanding abdomen]

Grandpa Joe I'm not surprised.

Violet Beauregarde [continues expanding] What's happening?

Mr. Beauregarde You're blowing up like a balloon!

Willy Wonka Like a blueberry.

Mr. Beauregarde Somebody, do something. Call the doctor!

[Mike Teevee poking at Violet's expanding body]

Mrs. Teevee Stick her with a pin.

Charlie She'll pop!

Willy Wonka It happens every time, they all become blueberries.

Mr. Beauregarde You've really done it this time, haven't you, Wonka. I'll break you for this.

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[Willy Wonka plays a short tune on a pipe whistle]

Mr. Salt Who said that?

Mr. Beauregarde What the heck is that?

Grandpa Joe He's got a whistle.

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Mr. Hoffstetter I'm still having these dreams, Doctor. And I still can't stop myself from believing them.

Doctor I've told you before, Mr. Hoffstetter: to believe in one's dreams is a manifestation of insanity. And the sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll get well.

Mr. Hoffstetter But I dreamed the Archangel appeared and whispered into my ear, and told me where to find a Golden Wonka Ticket.

Doctor [looks up from his notes, interested] Oh? And what exactly did he say?

Mr. Hoffstetter Well, what difference does that make? This was a dream, a fantasy! I mean, you said just now...

Doctor [furiously] Shut up, Hoffstetter, and tell me where the ticket is!

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Grandma Josephine Charlie's late.

Grandpa Joe He works too hard for a little boy. He should have some time to play.

Mrs. Bucket Not enough hours in the day. With the four of you bedridden for the past twenty years, it takes a lot of work to keep this family going.

Grandma Josephine If only his father were alive.

Grandpa Joe Soon as I get my strength back, I'm gonna get out of this bed and help him.

Mrs. Bucket Dad, in all the years you've been saying you're going to get out of that bed, I've yet to see you set foot on the floor.

Grandpa Joe Well... maybe if the floor wasn't so cold.

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Willy Wonka You can't get out backwards. You got to go forwards to go back. Better press on.

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Charlie After I finished my paper route, I was in front of Wonka's. There was this strange man there. I think he was a tinker. He was standing right behind me, looking up at the factory. Just before he left, he said, Nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out.

Grandpa Joe And right he was, Charlie. Not since the tragic day that Willy Wonka locked it.

Charlie Why did he lock it?

Grandpa Joe Because all the other chocolate makers in the world were sending in spies dressed as workers to steal Mr. Wonka's secret recipes, especially Slugworth. Oh, that Slugworth, he was the worst! Finally, Mr. Wonka shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close the factory!" And that's just what he did. He locked the gates and vanished completely. And then suddenly, about three years later, the most amazing thing happened! The factory started working again, full blast! And more delicious candies were coming out than ever before, but the gates stayed locked so that no one, not even Mr. Slugworth could steal them.

Charlie But, Grandpa, someone must be helping Mr. Wonka work the factory.

Grandpa Joe Thousands must be helping him.

Charlie But who? Who are they?

Grandpa Joe That is the biggest mystery of them all.

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First Newscaster Are you guys ready?

Cameraman Yeah, You're on!

First Newscaster Well, this is it folks. This is the big day, the historic day on which Willy Wonka has promised to open his gates and shower gifts on the five lucky winners. From all over the globe, people have gathered here waiting for the hour to strike, waiting to catch a glimpse of that legendary magician Mr. Willy Wonka.

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Charlie Hi, everybody.

Grandpa Joe [to Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina] Wake up. Wake up. Charlie's home.

Charlie Grandpa George. Grandma Georgina. Grandma Josephine. Grandpa Joe.

[looks at the cabbage soup]

Charlie Is this your supper, Grandpa?

Grandpa Joe Well, it's yours, too, Charlie.

Charlie I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not enough.

Grandma Georgina Charlie!

Grandma Josephine It's all we have.

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Tinker Up the airy mountain / Down the rushing glen / We dare not go hunting / For fear of little men

[Charlie looks concerned]

Tinker You see... nobody ever goes in.

[points to the factory and steps behind his wagon]

Tinker And nobody ever comes out.

[pulls his wagon as he leaves]

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Grandpa Joe Well, that's that. No more Golden Tickets.

Grandma Josephine A lot of rubbish, the whole thing.

Grandpa Joe Not to Charlie it wasn't. A little boy's got to have something in this world to hope for. What's he got to hope for now?

Grandma Georgina Who's going to tell him?

Mrs. Bucket Let's not wake him. He'll find out soon enough.

Grandpa Joe Yeah, let him sleep. Let him have one last dream.

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Veruca Salt Hey daddy, I want a golden goose!

Charlie Here we go again.

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Oompa Loompa [whispers to Wonka] Will I be held responsible if anything goes wrong?

Willy Wonka No, no. I won't hold you responsible.

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Charlie Hi, Mr. Jopeck.

Mr. Jopeck Ah, come along Charlie, you're late.

Charlie It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.

Mr. Jopeck You're right.

[he pays Charlie]

Mr. Jopeck There you are.

Charlie Thanks.

Mr. Jopeck Say hello to your Grandpa Joe.

Charlie Okay.

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Oompa Loompas If you like reading, you will go far.

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Mr. Turkentine You, Madeline Durkin, how many Wonka Bars did you open?

Madeline Durkin About 100.

Mr. Turkentine There are ten hundreds in a thousand. Therefore you opened 10%.

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Mr. Turkentine You, Peter Goff, how many do you open?

Peter Goff 150.

Mr. Turkentine That's 10% half over again, which makes 15%.

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[Bill is on the ladder, throwing down candy to the kids from the shelf]

Children Me! Me!

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Veruca Salt Hey, Daddy, I want a golden goose.

Charlie Here we go again.

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Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory Movie Quotes