One Battle After Another Movie Quotes
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I believe she was a sperm thief.
Sandy Irvine
A semen demon.
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Willa
Why is your shirt so tight?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I'm not gay, if that's what you're saying.
Willa
I didn't say that.
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I'm not a homosexual!
Willa
I did not say that, but I see the lifts in your shoes.
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Bob
I need this rendezvous point, you understand what I'm saying? I need it.
Comrade Josh
I understand and the question is "What time is it?"
Bob
Fuck! If you don't give me the rendezvous point, I swear to God I will hunt you down and stick a loaded, fuckin' hot piece of dynamite right up your fuckin' asshole.
Comrade Josh
Okay, this doesn't feel safe. You're violating my space right now.
Bob
Violating your space? Man, come on - what kind of revolutionary are you, brother? We're not even in the same room here. We're talking on the phone, like, man!
Comrade Josh
Okay, there's no need to shout. This is a violation of my space to me. These are noise triggers.
Bob
Fuckin' noise triggers? Listen, I wanna know something. I wanna know one thing when this is all said and done: what is your name? I need to know your name.
Comrade Josh
My name is Comrade Josh.
Bob
Comrade Joshua? Get a better name. "Comrade Josh" - that's a fuckin' ridiculous name for a revolutionary. First off. Second off, I want to know your coordinates. I want to know your location right now. What is it?
Comrade Josh
I'm in a secure location somewhere between the stolen land of the Wabanaki and the stolen land of the Chumash.
Bob
You're fuckin' intolerable, man. You're really intolerable. This is not the way revolutionaries do shit. Do you know how hard you are to talk to? Do you know the information I'm trying to give you? You're a little nitpicking prick! That's what you are: a little nitpicking prick. And do you know what I'm gonna do to nitpicking pricks? I'm gonna call in a Greyhawk 10.
Comrade Josh
You're calling in a Greyhawk 10?
Bob
I'm calling in a Greyhawk 10, all right? I want you to get your supervisor on the phone right now, because I know you've got one. I know you've got one, Comrade Josh. All right, I'm going way over your fuckin' head. Way over your head, all right? Put your commanding officer on the phone now!
Comrade Josh
Cause you're calling in a Greyhawk 10?
Bob
I'm calling in a Greyhawk 10, Comrade Josh.
Comrade Josh
Please hold.
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Bob
I don't get mad. I don't get mad about anything anymore.
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Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
You know what freedom is?
Bob
What?
Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
No fear. Just like Tom fucking Cruise.
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Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Weapons?
Tacos T-Shirt
I think they're vegetarian.
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Danvers
Do I look like your parent?
Bluto
Kinda.
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Perfidia
The message is clear. Free borders, free bodies, free choice and free from fucking fear.
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Talleyrand
What's my favorite kind of pussy?
Bob
Mexican hairless.
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Virgil Throckmorton
Do you know a black militant by the name of Perfidia Beverly Hills?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Yes, I do.
Virgil Throckmorton
And was she a member of the rebel group known as the French 75?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
She was.
Virgil Throckmorton
Colonel Lockjaw, did you engage in a romantic relationship with this woman?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Gentlemen, I have engaged the enemy face to face in battle, and in the dark alleys and shadows of espionage. I was once raped in reverse.
Virgil Throckmorton
Raped in reverse? Could you explain how that might work for us, Colonel Lockjaw?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
The enemy employed deception. I was drugged, and while unconscious my brain was not working but my power was, and I believe I was taken advantage of.
Virgil Throckmorton
What kind of proof do you have? If you were unconscious, how do you know this to be true?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I don't know it to be true, but I suspect it. When I awoke, there was sensitivity in a private place, and there was some residue of an interaction.
Virgil Throckmorton
Interaction?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I believe she was a sperm thief.
Sandy Irvine
A semen demon?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
That's correct.
Virgil Throckmorton
Colonel Lockjaw, what would be the purpose of the enemy raping you in reverse?
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
They saw the power of my mind and body. They desired it.
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Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
I've got a little Latino Harriet Tubman situation going on at my place. All legit. From the heart. No cash.
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Willa
How did you get home?
Bob
Well, with my car.
Willa
You drove?
Bob
So, what are you, my babysitter? Yeah, I know how to drink and drive, honey. I know what I'm doing.
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Sister Rochelle
Unbelievable.
Willa
Do I look just like her?
Sister Rochelle
No, not really. But you do on the inside, which makes you quite a risk around here. The daughter of a rat is a baby rat, and we must be careful.
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Perfidia
Babe, let's fuck when the bomb goes off.
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Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
You like black girls? I love 'em. I love 'em!
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Bob
What was the fucking password, by the way, you fucking prick?
Comrade Josh
Time doesn't exist yet it controls us anyway.
Bob
Oh, fuck you, you fucking moron! Fuck you! You obviously don't have kids, you fucking idiot!
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Deandra
Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies, Hooterville Junction.
Willa
Will no longer be so goddamn relevant.
Deandra
And women will not care if Dick finally got down with Jane on Search for Tomorrow.
Willa
Because black people will be in the street...
Deandra
... looking for a brighter day.
Deandra
Deandra, Willa: The revolution will not be televised.
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Perfidia
Wake up, soldier boy. You died and went to pussy heaven, motherfucker.
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Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
I'll be seeing you very soon.
Perfidia
Not if I see you first, fuckface.
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Junglepussy
My name is Junglepussy. This is what power looks like.
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Perfidia
My name is Perfidia Beverly Hills, and this is a declaration of war. We're here to right your wrongs, motherfucker. You've got an army growing in your fucking guts, and you put it there.
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Sandy Irvine
Our aim and your aim is the same; to find dangerous lunatics, haters and punk trash and stop them. No more lunatics.
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Perfidia
I want you to create a show, Pat. Okay? This is going to announce the motherfucking revolution. Make it good. Make it bright. Impress me.
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Perfidia
Are you happy? Do you have love? What will you do when you get older? Will you try to change the world like I did? We failed, but maybe you will not. Maybe you will be the one who puts the world right.
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Bob
I can't do her hair, man. You know that? I don't know how to do her hair right.
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Perfidia
Every revolution begins fighting demons. Motherfuckers just end up fighting themselves
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Danvers
Deandra, do you know how many people sit across from me and swear to God that they don't know?
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Greeting Code Voice
I need the greeting code, Bob.
Bob
Uhh, fuck. Well, I don't remember the fucking greeting code because I got a little bit high.
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Bob
There are no hands on the clock.
Comrade Josh
Why?
Bob
Because they're not needed.
Comrade Josh
What time is it?
Bob
Uhh, fuck. You know, I don't remember that part. Let's not nitpick over the passwords.
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Bob
I need a weapon, man. All you've got are goddamn nunchuks here.
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Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
Ocean waves. Ocean waves.
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Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
What's in these hills?
Tacos T-Shirt
Sisters of the Brave Beaver
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Who are they?
Tacos T-Shirt
They grow weed. They're nuns.
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Is that some kind of sick joke on God?
Tacos T-Shirt
I'm not joking.
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
How many women?
Tacos T-Shirt
I don't know. A bunch. Ten or twenty.
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Weapons?
Tacos T-Shirt
I think they're vegetarian.
Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
Men, let's do what we do.
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Danvers
Motherfucker's sitting on plastic inside a metal container and he's still got jokes.
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Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
Do you know what freedom is?
Bob
What?
Sensei Sergio St. Carlos
No fear. Just like Tom fucking Cruise!
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Sandy Irvine
Merry Christmas. Hail, Saint Nick.
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Roy More
Lockjaw got his dick dirty. He needs to clean it.
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Col. Steven J. Lockjaw
You should put on more makeup to make yourself look better. You go to a dance, you make an effort. You put on more makeup!
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Greeting Code
Nothing is secure. Everything is wrong. No one is above suspicion.
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Roy More
Make it clean.
Tim Smith
Clean?
Roy More
We should all be able to eat off the floor.
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Danvers
Howard Summerville.
Sommerville
How are you?
Danvers
Good. The French 75. The resistance. The gringo coyote. Billygoat.
Sommerville
You've done your homework.
Danvers
Um-hum. Take a look around. Take it all in. You need anything?
Sommerville
I'm fine.
Danvers
Drink?
Sommerville
I'm ok.
Danvers
You're still alive. That's a good sign, right?
Sommerville
Seem to be.
Danvers
Yea. You know why?
Sommerville
You tell me.
Danvers
I will tell you. I need you to tell me where baby Charlene is, what's her name, where she lives. I need to know where the rocket man lives, I need to know his name.
Sommerville
I can cooperate. Their names are Fred Flintstone and Author Fonzarelli and their address is Alpha Centuri.
Danvers
I love it, I love it. Motherfucker's sitting on plastic in a container and he's still go jokes.
Sommerville
I just want you know I'm not scared.
Danvers
I appreciate that. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't be scared either.
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Danvers
I just don't know if your sister would feel that way. What's, what's his sister name?
Soldier
Pamela.
Danvers
Oh, no more jokes?
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Danvers
What are their names? Where do they live?
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Perfidia
Your crumbling male ego will never do the revolution like me. Fuck outta here.
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