Animal House Movie Quotes
Bluto
Hey! What's all this laying around shit?
Stork
What the hell are we supposed to do, ya moron?
Bluto
What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Boon
Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto
And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard of something to say]
Bluto
The tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[Bluto runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto
What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter
Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic... but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part!
Bluto
We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day
[stands up]
[all of the Deltas stand up and run out with Bluto]
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Mr. Kroger. Two C's, two D's, and an F. That's a 1.2 grade average. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman.
Dean Vernon Wormer
0.2... Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House. 1.6; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu...
[sees Bluto with a pair of pencils in his nostrils]
Dean Vernon Wormer
Mr. Blutarsky... zero... point... zero.
[Bluto shrugs]
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[the Deltas have been expelled]
Bluto
Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.
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Bluto
TOGA! TOGA!
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[Otter and Mrs. Wormer are in the supermarket vegetable section]
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Mine's bigger.
Marion Wormer
[Marion looks questioningly at him]
I beg your pardon?
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Oh, my cucumber. It's bigger. Vegetables can be really sensuous, don't you think?
Marion Wormer
No, vegetables are sensual. People are sensuous.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Right. Sensual. That's what I meant. By the way, my name's Eric Stratton. They call me Otter.
Marion Wormer
My name's Marion. They call me Mrs. Wormer.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Oh, we have a Dean Wormer at Faber.
Marion Wormer
What a coincidence. I have a husband named Dean Wormer at Faber. Still want to show me your cucumber?
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[Clorette has just passed out]
Larry's evil conscience
Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience
For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience
Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience
If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience
You homo.
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[Dean Wormer's plotting to get rid of Delta House]
Greg Marmalard
But Delta's already on probation.
Dean Vernon Wormer
They are? Well, as of this moment, they're on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
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[Flounder has just fired a blank cartridge near Neidermeyer's horse, and the horse has dropped dead]
Bluto
Holy shit!
D-Day
There were blanks in that gun!
Flounder
I didn't even point the gun at him!
Bluto
Holy shit!
[D-Day checks the gun]
D-Day
There WERE blanks in that gun!
Flounder
Maybe he had a heart attack.
Bluto
Holy shit!
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Otter
Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos.
Boon
Beverly!
Otter
No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!"
Boon
Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond!
Otter
Pork?
Boon
You're gonna hump her brains out, aren't you?
Otter
Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.
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Bluto
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!
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Boon
It's not gonna be an orgy! It's a toga party.
Katy
Honestly, Boon, you're 21-years old. In six months you're going to graduate, and tomorrow night you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head. It's cute, but I think I'll pass this time.
Boon
Want me to go alone?
Katy
Baby, I don't want you to go at all.
Boon
It's a fraternity party, I'm in the fraternity. How can I miss it?
Katy
I'll write you a note. I'll say you're too well to attend.
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg Marmalard
Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Vernon Wormer
Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the varsity swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Greg Marmalard
You're talking about Delta, sir.
Dean Vernon Wormer
Of course I'm talking about Delta, you TWERP!
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Bluto
See if you can guess what I am now.
[puts a scoop of mashed potatoes in his mouth and hits his cheeks with his fists and spits it out]
Bluto
I'm a zit. Get it?
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D-Day
Hey, quit your blubberin'. When I get through with this baby you won't even recognize it.
Otter
Flounder, you can't spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up... you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help.
Otter
I'll tell you what. We'll tell Fred you were doing a great job taking care of his car, but you parked it out back last night and this morning... it was gone. We report it as stolen to the police. D-Day takes care of the wreck. Your brother's insurance company buys him a new car.
Flounder
Will that work?
Otter
Hey, it's gotta work better than the truth.
Otter
Better listen to him, Flounder, he's in pre-med.
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Hoover
We're in trouble. I just checked with the guys at the Jewish house and they said that every one of our answers on the psych test was wrong.
Boon
Every one?
[looks at Bluto and D-Day]
Boon
Those assholes must have stolen the wrong fucking exam!
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Doug Neidermeyer
And most recently of all, a "Roman Toga Party" was held from which we have received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
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Otter
Point of parliamentary procedure!
Hoover
Don't screw around, they're serious this time!
Otter
Take it easy, I'm pre-law.
Boon
I thought you were pre-med.
Otter
What's the difference?
[Addressing the room]
Otter
Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
[winks at Dean Wormer]
Otter
But you can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!
[Leads the Deltas out of the hearing, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner]
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Jennings
Teaching is just a way to pay the bills until I finish my novel.
Boon
How long you been workin' on it?
Jennings
Four and a half years.
Pinto
It must be very good.
Jennings
It's a piece of shit. Would anyone like to smoke some pot?
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Hoover
Will you tell those assholes to shut up?
Boon
Hey! Shut up you assholes!
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Boon
I want you to fix Pinto up, but it's got to be a very special girl.
Pinto
Look, you don't have to...
Boon
Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain... morally casual attitude.
Katy
You mean you want someone he can screw on the first date.
Boon
Well put. You see, Pinto's never been laid.
Pinto
Hey!
Boon
What'd I say?
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Eric 'Otter' Stratton
You guys up for a toga party?
John 'Bluto' Blutarsky
Toga! Toga!
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Ah, I think they like the idea, Hoov.
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Pinto
Before we go any further, there's something I have to tell you. I lied to you. I've never done this before.
Clorette De Pasto
You've never made out with a girl before?
Pinto
No. No, I mean, I've never done what I think we're gonna do in a minute. I sort of did once, but I was drunk...
Clorette De Pasto
That's okay, Larry. Neither have I. It's my first time too. And besides, I lied to you, too.
Pinto
Oh, yeah? What about?
Clorette De Pasto
I'm only 13.
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Mayor Carmine De Pasto
If you want this year's homecoming parade in my town, you have to pay for it.
Dean Vernon Wormer
Carmine, I don't think it's right that you should extort money from the college.
Mayor Carmine De Pasto
Look, these parades you throw are very expensive. You using my police, my sanitation people, and my Oldsmobiles free of charge. So, if you mention extortion again, I'll have your legs broken.
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Bluto
Grab a brew. Don't cost nothin'.
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Gigantic Dude
Do you mind if we dance with your dates?
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Flounder
I can't believe I threw up in front of Dean Wormer.
Boon
Face it, Kent. You threw up "on" Dean Wormer.
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Charming guy with guitar
I gave my love a cherry / That had no stone / I gave my love a chicken / That had no bones / I gave my love a story / That had no end / I gave my...
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Otter
Hi, Eric Stratton, rush chairman. Damn glad to meet you.
Boon
Hi, that was Eric Stratton, rush chairman. He was damn glad to meet you.
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Clorette De Pasto
Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married.
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Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Sophomore dies in kiln explosion? Oh My God! I just talked to her last week... She was going to make a pot for me.
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Greg Marmalard
Come outta there, you bastards!
Greg Marmalard
You know damn well who it is.
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
I'm sorry. You'll have to come back later. I'm doing the dishes.
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Otter
Mrs. Wormer, I'm so glad you could come.
Marion Wormer
Cut the crap. Give me a drink.
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Bluto
Food fight!
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Neidermeyer
You're all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!
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D-Day
Ramming speed!
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Dean Vernon Wormer
The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.
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[None of his literature students are paying attention]
Jennings
Don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He's a little bit long-winded, he doesn't translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible.
[Bell rings, students rise to leave]
Jennings
But that doesn't relieve you of your responsibility for this material. Now I'm waiting for reports from some of you... Listen, I'm not joking. This is my job!
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there's a rule against alcoholic beverages in fraternities on probation!
Otter
What a tool.
Dean Vernon Wormer
I didn't get that, son, what was that?
Otter
Uh, I said, "What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules."
Dean Vernon Wormer
Put a sock in it, boy, or else you'll be outta here like shit through a goose.
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Dean Vernon Wormer
[after seeing Bluto pop out of a car in a pirate costume]
Dean Vernon Wormer
Oh my God.
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[Otis pauses singing for a second and peers incredulously at Boon]
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Meaner dude
If I was in your shoes, I'd be...
Boon
Leaving! What a good idea.
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Boon
I gotta work on my game.
Otter
No, no, no, don't think of it as work. The whole point is just to enjoy yourself.
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Hoover
Kent is a legacy, Otter. His brother was a '59, Fred Dorfman.
Flounder
He said legacies usually get asked to pledge automatically.
Otter
Oh, well, usually. Unless the pledge in question turns out to be a real closet-case.
Otter
Otter, Boon: Like Fred.
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Dean Vernon Wormer
I hate those guys.
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Babs
Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?
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Pinto
OK, so that means that our whole solar system could be like one tiny atom in the fingernail of some other giant being Giggle. This is nuts! That means that one tiny atom in my fingernail could be...
Jennings
...could be one tiny little universe!
Pinto
Can I buy some pot from you?
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Babs
That boy is a P-I-G pig.
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D-Day
We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even.
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Marion Wormer
You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.
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[after Delta house is closed]
Doug Neidermeyer
How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?
Boon
How does it feel to be an asshole, Neidermeyer?
Doug Neidermeyer
What'd he say?
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Have you boys seen your grade point averages yet?
[the Deltas are silent]
Dean Vernon Wormer
Well, have you?
Hoover
I have, sir. I know it's a little below par...
Dean Vernon Wormer
It's more than a little below par, Mr. Hoover. IT STINKS! It's the lowest on campus. It's the lowest in Faber history!
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Boon
Where are you going? We just got here.
Katy
No, Boon, you just got here. I've been downstairs for an hour entertaining some kid from Pig's Knuckle, Arkansas.
Boon
Umm - maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend.
Katy
Oh, fabulous. My car filled with your beer buddies going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet. It's too depressing to think about.
Boon
No! Just gonna be you and me. And Otter and another girl.
Katy
Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life?
Boon
What do you mean?
Katy
I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend.
Boon
No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night.
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Otter
Mandy, Mandy Pepperidge. I haven't seen you since we...
Mandy Pepperidge
Go away!
Otter
I'm sorry, I can only stay a minute. Can I buy you some lunch? Oh, you got your lunch. Well, how about some milk? Got your milk too. Can I just massage your thighs while you eat?
Mandy Pepperidge
Do I have to leave?
Otter
Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?
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Mandy Pepperidge
[Bluto has joined Mandy, Otter, Greg, Chip and Babs at their lunch table and is consuming his food with somewhat sloppy gusto]
Greg, can't you...
Otter
No, it's okay, just keep your hands and feet away from his mouth.
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Put Neidermeyer on it. He's a sneaky little shit just like you.
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Flounder
What is my Delta Tau Chi name?
Bluto
Dorfman, I've thought long and hard about this. Your Delta Tau Chi name is... Flounder.
Flounder
Flounder?
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Otter
They kicked us out of school? That makes sense.
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Doug Neidermeyer
A Pledge Pin! On your Uniform!
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Flounder
Oh boy, is this great!
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Doug Neidermeyer
How does it feel to be an independent, Schoenstein?
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Hoover
They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!
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[at the Dexter Lake Club, a Negroes-only bar, with Otis Day and the Knights playing Shama Lama Ding Dong]
Pinto
What are you majoring in?
Brunella
Primitive cultures.
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[chucks the bottle behind him, which shatters on the hood of the car behind him]
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Flounder
May I have ten thousand marbles, please?
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Otter
[as Boon, Otter, Flounder, Pinto and their dates enter the Negro bar, the music and dancing pauses and all the patrons turn to look at them]
We... are gonna die.
Pinto
Boon, we're the only white people here.
[the music and dancing resumes]
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[During the song "Shout" at the toga party]
Bluto
Gator!
[He, D-Day, and others begin shaking on the floor]
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[last lines]
John 'Bluto' Blutarsky
No prisoners!
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Otter
Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder
Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter
It means you have to drive us to the Food King.
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Flounder
You guys playing cards?
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Find me a way to revoke Delta's charter. You live next door. Put Neidermeyer on it, he's sneaky little shit just like you, right? The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me!
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Babs
[Meeting Larry and Kent for the first time]
A wimp and a blimp!
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Hoover
Hey are you guys coming down?
[Boon and Otter look at Hoover]
Hoover
There happen to be 50 people downstairs waiting to try and get into this fraternity. Otter, you are the rush chairman. I think you should be present at the rush party.
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Katy
It must have been some party.
Boon
Unbelievable. A new low. I'm so ashamed.
Katy
I'm almost sorry I missed it.
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D-Day
[enters with a bruised and bloodied Otter]
I found him after he called me from a phone on the side of the road outside of town.
Otter
Some of the Omegas jumped me and did a little dancing on my face.
Bluto
Who was it?
Otter
It was Greggie and Douggie... and some of the other Hitler youth.
Boon
Why? What'd you do?
Otter
That's just it... I don't know. They're just animals, I guess.
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Dean Vernon Wormer
You're out! Finished at Faber! Expelled! I want you off this campus at nine o'clock Monday morning, and I've contacted your local draft boards and told them that you were all, all eligible for military service.
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ROTC Cadet
Remain Calm, All is well
ROTC Cadet
ALL IS WELL!
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Dean Vernon Wormer
You better tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein exactly what I am about to tell you now.
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Pinto
I was thinking, maybe we could get some beer.
Clorette De Pasto
Nah, not tonight. Besides, you might get lucky without it.
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Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Greg, look at my thumb.
[Gregg looks at Otter's thumb. Otter punches Gregg in the face]
Eric 'Otter' Stratton
Gee, you're dumb.
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Flounder
I hope I score. Oh boy, oh boy!
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Dean Vernon Wormer
Fat, Drunk, and Stupid is no way to go through life, son
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Greg Marmalard
[at the trial of Delta House v. Omega House]
Robert Hoover will speak on behalf of Delta House.
Hoover
[the Deltas cheer as he stands up]
I don't think you can fully judge a fraternity without looking at the positive qualities of the people in it. The Delta House has a long-standing tradition of existence to its members and to the community at large.
Hoover
I was told I would have a chance to speak?
Greg Marmalard
We've heard enough.
Hoover
But I was told I would have a chance to speak!
Doug Neidermeyer
HE SAID THAT'S IT! ARE YOU DEAF?
[the other Deltas start chanting "bullshit"]
Hoover
I don't think it's fair!
[the other Deltas start chanting "Eat me"]
Hoover
Hey, will someone tell those assholes to shut up?
Boon
Hey, shut up you assholes!
[shows Katy laughing hysterically]
Hoover
Don't screw this up, they're serious this time.
Otter
Take it easy man, I'm in pre-law.
Boon
I thought you were pre-med?
Otter
What's the difference? Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief.
Dean Vernon Wormer
What's he doing?
Otter
The issue here is not that we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests. We did.
[winks]
Otter
But you can't hold an entire fraternity responsible for the actions of a few sick, perverted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is to blame, then is this not an indictment of our education system in general? I put it to you, Greg! Isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do what you want to us, but I will not stand by and listen to you bad mouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!
[they cheer, walk out humming the US National Anthem]
Dean Vernon Wormer
You're not walking out of this one, mister! You're finished! No more Delta! You've bought it this time, buster! I will call your national office! I will revoke your charter! And if you wise guys try one more thing, I am kicking you out of this college! No more fun of any kind!
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[first lines]
Pinto
Take off that beanie.
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