Kinoafisha

Русский

Your tickets in your personal cabinet

Kinoafisha Films Small Soldiers Small Soldiers Movie Quotes

Small Soldiers Movie Quotes

Major Chip Hazard Are you scared? We're all scared. You'd have to be crazy not to be scared.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard I love the smell of polyurethane in the morning.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[while pulling the X-1000 chip from the deceased Nick Nitro's head]

Major Chip Hazard A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Phil Fimple I think World War II was my favorite war.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard You've got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer Greetings. I am Archer, emissary or the Gorgonites.

Alan Awfully polite for a monster.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gwendy Doll If you can't accessorize, pulverize!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer What's your name?

Alan Alan. Now shut up!

Archer Greetings, Alan now shut up.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer Major Chip Hazard.

Major Chip Hazard Gorgonite scum!

Archer Leave Alan alone. Your fight is with me.

Major Chip Hazard You've got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like.

[stabs Archer in the knee]

Archer They're wires and metal, the same as yours.

[pulls knife out and attacks Chip, who grabs Archer]

Major Chip Hazard We're nothing alike. You are programmed to lose!

[kicks Archer a few times]

Archer I'm also programmed to learn.

Major Chip Hazard Too bad you never learned to win. School's out, loser. Hyah!

[kicks Archer off the pole]

Major Chip Hazard Victory is ours!

Alan Have I got a shock for you.

[grabs Chip]

Alan You stupid toy!

[jams Chip into the transformer, electrocuting him]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard Nick Nitro's battery has run out, but his memory lives on.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard It's a small world after all.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gwendy Doll I think I over-plucked my eyebrows!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Irwin Wayfair We can't have toys out on the market that may be dangerous.

Larry Benson How can they be dangerous? Everything on them is standard. The design is standard, the materials are standard... The mechanicals are standard. Even the... Oh.

Irwin Wayfair What's "Oh"?

Larry Benson What?

Irwin Wayfair You just said "Oh."

Larry Benson No, l said "Oh."

Irwin Wayfair "Oh" like "Something interesting" or "We're screwed"?

Larry Benson No. l mean, hey, whoa, oh... Forget the "Oh". l'll go to legal to start on the countersuit.

Irwin Wayfair The chips! That's the "Oh."! These microprocessing chips. What do they do and where did you get them from?

Larry Benson They microprocess. And they come from the land of l Saved Your Job.

Irwin Wayfair [as Irwin checking the origins of the chips in the computer] They were designed for the Defense Department. You put munitions chips in toys?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard Soldiers, no poor sap ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by being all that he can be. Damn the torpedoes, or give me death! Eternal vigilance is the price of duty. And, to the victors go the spoils. So remember: you are the best of the best of the few and the proud. So ask not what your country can do for you, only regret that you have but one life to live! The war against the Gorgonites will be won! Commando Elite, let the first shot be fired! Search out the Gorgonites and frag 'em all!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard His battery has run out but his memory will keep going, and going, and going.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gwendy Doll Let's see if her head pops off!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gwendy Doll Watch out! She's got a baton! It's a Bataan death march!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alan [Freakenstein and Punch-It are at Alan's computer] What are you looking for?

Freakenstein Gorgon.

Alan Well, this is a Central Park.

Freakenstein The Isle of Gorgon is our homeland.

Punch-It Will you help us find it?

Alan I don't think you're gonna find it in here.

Archer [at Alan's bedroom window] Alan, if Gorgon is not in that window, is it in this one?

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gil Mars [while watching video of the Commando Elite] hey, wait, wait, wait a minute! Hold on, hold on, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Can they uh, can they really do that?

Larry Benson Do what?

Gil Mars The thing where he punches his way out of the box.

Larry Benson No.

Gil Mars I didn't think so.

Larry Benson There's a disclaimer. I mean, legal says we're completely covered.

Gil Mars You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of commercials that show 4x4 trucks parking at the top of Mt. Rushmore and parking on top of Abraham Lincoln's head. OK? I'm sick of shampoo commercials that try to convince women they can look like Claudia Schiffer after one cycle of rinse and repeat. What if these toys actually could talk? What if they could walk? What if they could actually kick ass? I'm talkin' about toys that are so smart, when kids play with 'em, they play back. Toys in short, gentlemen, that actually do what they do in the commercials.

Irwin Wayfair Well that's an interesting idea.

Gil Mars Forget about this batteries-not-included crap. We're gonna stick in a lifetime GloboTech lithium cell. Keep these things around forever. That'll piss off the guys at Eveready.

Larry Benson Yeah. Hey, how's this for a slogan: The Commando Elite. Anything else is just a toy.

Gil Mars Everything else is just a toy.

Larry Benson Th-th-That's good too.

Irwin Wayfair Uh, sir? Uh, you know, that kind of computing power doesn't really seem feasible right now, and...

Larry Benson Irwin. Irwin. We're members of the Globotech family. Surely we can hunt down the technology.

Gil Mars We can make missiles that can hunt down one unlucky bastard 7,000 miles away and stick a nuclear warhead right up his ass. I don't think we're gonna have a problem with this, these guys are soldiers right. And what do soldiers need?

Irwin Wayfair Hats?

Larry Benson Cam-cam- camouflage

Gil Mars Ms. Kegel?

Ms. Kegel Enemies, sir.

Gil Mars Enemies. See,

[picks up gorgonize cutouts of ocula and insaniac]

Gil Mars These hideous, ugly freaks-- these guys are the enemy. And our guys have to seek 'em out and vaporize 'em.

Irwin Wayfair Well, no they're not.. sir? Um, don't you think that's um a bit violent?

Gil Mars Exactly. So don't call it violence. Call it action. Kids love action. It sells. Besides, what're you worried about? They're only toys.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Christy Fimple Sixteen? Where'd they get sixteen from?

Irwin Wayfair Seven Gorgonites and nine people

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer Alan, friend of Archer, defender of all Gorgonites, Keeper of Encarta...

Alan "Keeper of Encarta"? You were using my computer? If I find a virus in there you're headed for the microwave!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard If it lacerates or detonates, I want it mobile and I want it lethal.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Christy Fimple Any sign of the Gorgonites?

Alan No, none of them.

Phil Fimple [calling off shot] Come on Christy!

Christy Fimple [kisses Alan on cheek] I gotta go.

[Alan grabs her and kisses her overdramatically]

Gil Mars [getting into helicopter, looking at wreckage] Too bad, would've made a hell of a commercial.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Punch-It We shouldn't fight, we should hide.

Archer If we hide, we will still lose. No more hiding.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Stuart Abernathy I'm gonna find a way to stop these guys before my wife gets tennis elbow.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard We have met the enemy, and he is you.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Archer Gorgonites, we must help Alan.

Freakenstein But if we fight, we would lose.

Freakenstein Last time we fought, I woke up with AM/FM.

Insaniac I tell you, war is nuts, and I know what I'm talking about.

Punch-It We shouldn't fight, we should hide.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gil Mars What are you worried about? They're only toys...

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard We're not toys, we're action figures!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Ralph, Clean Room Technician The chips are a little sensitive to EMP.

Irwin Wayfair EMP?

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Electomagnetic Pulse. As in the kind generated by the detonation of a nuclear device? I doubt that the toy industry has become quite that competitive.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard Damn the torpedoes, or give me death.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Christy Fimple You rescued me!

[Grabs Alan and gives him a passionate kiss]

Alan Anytime

[Christy grabs Alan and gives him another passionate kiss]

Christy Fimple Lets go get those creeps!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[first lines]

Irwin Wayfair He's here! He's early! He's not supposed to be here now. He said... okay, here's the copy of... check.

Larry Benson Pretty exciting, huh?

Irwin Wayfair I don't know. I think it's kinda sad, I mean you know Heartland Toys has a long tradition of bringing joy to kids, ya know? Gil Mars isn't going to care about any of that. He's just gonna care about profits. I think it sucks.

Larry Benson Welcome to Earth, Irwin. You may not be familiar with our company, but this is pretty much the way things work down here in the real world.

Irwin Wayfair Yeah, well the real world sucks.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

[to Alan]

Gwendy Doll You've been a bad boy, and now... you must be punished!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gwendy Doll All my makeup is cruelty free!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alan Damn potholes.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Chip Hazard Tell us what we want to know.

[starts turning on the machine, Alan hears Brick chucking]

Archer I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.

Alan Archer?

[Chip chuckles maniacally]

Chip Hazard Where are the rest of the Gorgonite scum?

Brick Bazooka We have ways of making you talk.

[continues turning on the machine]

Link Static Come on, fella. Make it easy on yourself. If you tell us, we'll let you go.

Chip Hazard It will go easier for you if you cooperate.

Archer [repeatedly] I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.

Chip Hazard All right. Let's dispose of this garbage.

[still turning on the machine, Brick was still chuckling]

Butch Meathook [they saw Alan turned on the lights] Hey, it's the kid.

Chip Hazard Commandos, pull back! Retrograde movement!

[they started to jump down, Brick chuckling]

Brick Bazooka Uh-oh!

[Archer was still captured and was gonna get killed]

Alan Hey!

[Alan races back to rescue Archer]

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Major Chip Hazard An officer and a gentleman does not strike a lady!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Timmy Fimple Dad, know my birthday?

Phil Fimple Uh-huh.

Timmy Fimple I just want clothes..

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Alan [they hear a sound of whirr, and Nick shouts, Indistinct with a tool] Ow! You little...

Alan [hands over his tool] Give me that!

Nick Nitro Hey, that's mine, punk!

[he cuts off the tool and saves him]

Nick Nitro [he lights up his match] Surrender, Gorgonite ally.

Nick Nitro [he grabs him] You just met your match.

Alan [blows the light out] Oh, yeah?

Nick Nitro Surrender or die-e-e!

[screaming in pain]

Nick Nitro [he was stuck in the drain] Medic! Medic!

[Nick Nitro was spining around injured in the sink]

Nick Nitro Medic!

[still screaming in pain]

Stuart Abernathy [storms out in the kitchen] Oh, come out, you...

[Alan saw Stuart holding a bat, shocked]

Stuart Abernathy Alan, what the hell is going on here?

Alan [looks at the sink] Um...

Nick Nitro [while Nick Nitro is in pain] Medic!

Irene Abernathy [worried] Alan, your hand! What happened?

Stuart Abernathy Did you cut your... How did you cut your hand? And what... what are you doing down here?

Nick Nitro [he gets out of the window] Medic!

Nick Nitro [then he falls off] O-o-oh!

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Larry Benson Uh, Mr. Mars, hi. I just wanna assure to you that i... . I take full responsibility for all of this.

Gil Mars Yeah, right. Give me that

[holding severed Major Chip head]

Gil Mars What were we charging for these things?

Irwin Wayfair Seventy-nine ninety-five.

Gil Mars Tell you what. Add a few zeros to the end of that number and get in touch with our military division. I know some rebels in South America who are gonna find these toys... very entertaining.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Gil Mars Excuse me, did you say "learn"?

Irwin Wayfair [stuttering] Learn, learn... yeah

Gil Mars ...Next.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Irwin Wayfair So, Larry, let me get this straight, you used my password to order surplus military chips that might be dangerous?

[Air blast's in the room they're in startling Irwin]

Larry Benson Hey, hey, hey, hey! It's okay, it's okay. That's supposed to happen. See? "Clean Room"

Irwin Wayfair Right.

Larry Benson Clean. Let's just go in. You all right?

Irwin Wayfair Yeah, yeah. Mhmm.

Larry Benson That's him. That's Ralph. Hi.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Who are you? You don't belong here.

Larry Benson I'm Larry Benson. You supplied my division with some microchips.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Oh, yes. Larry Benson. The X 1000. Worked out better than you dreamed, didn't they?

Larry Benson Actually there was a little bit of a problem.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Then it's with your software.

Irwin Wayfair Uh, I don't think there's a problem with the software, Ralph.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Oh, you don't? The X 1000 is a masterpiece. Imagine a microchip sophisticated enough to control the the guidance systems of ballistic missiles. Imagine it can be used to instantly upgrade any system that it's plugged into. Like a smart drug for machines. Then imagine it can learn.

Irwin Wayfair W-what are you talking about? Artificial intelligence?

Ralph, Clean Room Technician No. Actual intelligence. It's no wonder those philistines at the Pentagon couldn't appreciate it. One little flaw and they scrap the whole project.

Irwin Wayfair Aha!, so there is a flaw in the chips.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Well.. they're a little bit sensitive to E.M.P.

Irwin Wayfair E.M.P.? Electromagnetic pulse?

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Yeah, you know, the kind generated by the detonation of a nuclear device? I doubt even the toy industry has become quite that competitive. They said adequate shielding wasn't cost-effective. Did the Medicis ever tell Michelangelo, ''Sorry Mike, but marble's not really cost effective. Here's a bag of cement'' I think not!

[sneezes]

Irwin Wayfair Gesundheit.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Thank you.

Larry Benson Look, they're really shouldn't be any problem right just 'cause the chips can learn.

Ralph, Clean Room Technician Am I not being clear? They can learn within the boundaries of their primary programming. Whatever the core programming, the X 1000 enhances it from within. So if you've got a problem, it's in your software.

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Irwin Wayfair I can't believe this. This is wrong. This is really wrong. I mean-- you know, this is a-a total perversion of everything I designed these Gorgonites to be.

Larry Benson Oh, would you can it Irwin. Come on this is a golden opportunity. If we pull this off, we will have Gil Mars eating out of our hands.

Ms. Kegel And by the way, gentlemen, Mr. Mars expects the product to be ready for shipment in three months.

Larry Benson Three months?

Irwin Wayfair No, no, no, no, no. It takes at least six months. There's product testing, and focus groups...

Larry Benson [Interrupting] Three months is fine. Tell Mr. Mars in three months, everything will be ready.

Ms. Kegel All right then. Now, these are your security cards. These will give you unlimited access to all top secret Global-Technology. And these are your individual secret passwords. Please take a moment to memorize them now.

Irwin Wayfair [chuckling] Mines "Gizmo."

Ms. Kegel I said secret.

Irwin Wayfair Well, but...

🧡

👏

🥺

🤔

🥱

Joe So what's the seminar your dad's goin' to?

Alan "How to Make a Success of Your Small Buisness." My suggestion was torch the place.

Joe Not a good idea. Arson forensics nowadays is very sophisticated.

🧡