Joe Somebody Movie Quotes
Joe
That's Mark McKinney! He's a seven-year employee. W-what's he doing in the ten-year lot?
Natalie Scheffer
Maybe he's gonna stand around for another three years.
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Meg Harper
You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
Joe
It sounds pretty self-explanatory.
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Natalie Scheffer
HEY, that guy is an ass-wipe!
Joe
NATALIE...
Natalie Scheffer
Sorry, I meant "ass-guy".
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Chuck
Too bad. I was really hoping to give a shit.
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Joe
You become a farmer?
Rick
No, Joe, I'm an actor dressed as a farmer... for an audition.
Joe
Sorry.
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[after getting hit by trainer]
Joe
Do people ever come back here?
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Natalie Scheffer
[on the phone with Joe]
Dad, just tell me something. Is it you don't wanna see me. Or is it you don't want me to see you?
Joe
Yes... Yes to the second one.
Joe
It's okay. Everything's all right. I'm just sittin' here drowning my sorrows in a - a quart of Ben and Jerrys Chunky Monkey.
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Joe Scheffer
I'm looking for Meg Harper, apartment 508.
Old Man
Oh, she's up on the roof.
Joe Scheffer
Are you sure?
Old Man
Son, I'm a 82-year-old man, and she's a 31 year old woman. Trust me. I know where she is.
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Joe
Can you show me some of that Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger stuff?
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Natalie Scheffer
Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I MEAN, I ordered a hamburger and I got a ten-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. AND the guy in the play was half naked!
Joe
WHAT? Which half?
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Callie
We had a great weekend. Did she tell you about the play?
Joe
Yeah. The actors were naked.
Natalie Scheffer
So were the ushers.
Callie
They were not!
Joe
Callie, Beauty and The Beast is in town. Whats matter with that?
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Natalie Scheffer
Why do I have to spend weekends with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?
Joe Scheffer
Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.
Natalie Scheffer
And that made you what? Dirt?
Joe Scheffer
NAT, she's your mom.
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Joe
We gotta get you back to school.
Natalie Scheffer
DAD, I really wanna talk about this!
Natalie Scheffer
You know that big jerk took it easy on you, right? What makes you think he won't kill you this time? HUH? DAD!
Joe
You made your point!
Natalie Scheffer
GOOD.
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[turns off radio]
Natalie Scheffer
WHAT ARE YOU, like 12? The guy's gonna hit you back. He's got ARMS!
Joe
What are you doing here? Don't you have school?
Natalie Scheffer
I needed to see you.
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Chuck
Hey, let me give you a free lesson, all right? My way of saying, 'Don't press charges'.
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Joe
You talkin' to me?
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Joe Scheffer
Did you have fun?
Natalie Scheffer
Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant. With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!
Joe Scheffer
"Silly-ass"?
Natalie Scheffer
Dad...
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Joe
Don't call anybody a dirtbag.
Natalie Scheffer
Daddy, are you okay? You're bleeding.
Joe
I'm good. I just tripped! I'm okay. Let's go...
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Commercial Narrator
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