Jack ConradClaire. Well, Claire's a lesbian. That's an uphill battle for anyone.
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Elinor St. JohnIn a hundred years, when you and I are both long gone, any time someone threads a frame of yours through a sprocket, you will be alive again. You see what that means? One day, every person on every film shot this year will be dead. And one day, all those films will be pulled from the vaults, and all their ghosts will dine together, and adventure together, go to the jungle, to war together. A child born in 50 years will stumble across your image flickering on a screen and feel he knows you, like... like a friend, though you breathed your last before he breathed his first. You've been given a gift. Be grateful. Your time today is through, but you'll spend eternity with angels and ghosts.
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Nellie LaRoyIt's written in the stars. I am a star.
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Ruth AdlerHow do you do it? Just tear up over and over like it's nothing?
Nellie LaRoyI hate when people put fucking toppings on ice cream. Doesn't need it. It messes up a good thing. You know what I mean? I fucking hate that. God, I've never done nothing except disappoint people my whole life. Teachers told me I was no good. Boys told me I was no good. Every fucking casting director in the city told me I was too short or I was too fat. Usually I was too fat. You know, my mama actually had some fat years too. You wouldn't know it now, looking at her, but she did. They fucked up with me, Manny. They really fucked up with me. 'Cause I make 'em squirm. And I like making 'em squirm. Let 'em know that I got here on my terms, not theirs. And when I'm done, I'm gonna dance my ass off into the night. And they'll know - everyone will fucking know that they could never control one goddamn fucking thing. Do you like ice cream?
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Jack ConradElinor, you peddle gossip. You don't make anything. You don't know what it is to put yourself out there. You're just a cockroach. I've been counted out before. This isn't new to me.
Elinor St. JohnHave you ever stopped to think why, when there's a house fire, the people die and the cockroaches all survive?
Elinor St. JohnWhat happened was you thought the house needed you. It doesn't. Doesn't need you any more than it needs the roaches. And the roaches, knowing this, crawl back into the dark, lay low, and make it through. See, but you, you held the spotlight. It's those of us in the dark, the ones who just watch, who survive.
Jack Conrad[News of George's suicide]He was the first guy to say I had talent. He saved my life.
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Nellie LaRoyThat's what a degenerate fucking animal from Jersey does. So you know what? I'm gonna let you go on fucking your cousins, polishing your guest lists, buying your underage fucking mistresses' fucking lingerie, you sick fucks! I'm the animal? What is this shit? What is this shit? Oh I'm the sick one? I'm the fucking crazy one? You people make me fucking sick! You're not better than me! You're not! You're not fucking better than me. I don't need this shit. You know what? I'm gonna go home, I'm just gonna stick some coke up my pussy and... . You can all stick your champagne flutes up your rose-smelling, candy tasting *Snow White fucking assholes*!
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Manny Torres[on the phone, after seeing "The Jazz Singer"]Jack? It's Manny. Everything's about to change.
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Elinor St. JohnMarbled meadows metamorphose into the medieval plains of Iberia. Soldiers swarm the fields like flecks of paint from a madman's brush as your humble servant bears witness to the latest of the moving picture's magic tricks. - - Oh, why do I bother? Look at these idiots! I knew Proust, you know.
Jack Conrad[gives the rest of his money to the bellhop and says his last words]It's on you now, kid. The future's yours.
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Elinor St. JohnAnd this boy, who breathed his first decades after you breathed your last, will look at your image and think he's found a friend.
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Constance MooreThis goddamn bitch is stealing the scene from right in front of me! She's changing the blocking in every take! She's icing her nipples to perk them up!
Nellie LaRoyFuck you, I ain't icing my nipples, this is natural. You're just sore because yours just look like fuckin' latkes.
Constance Moore[holds up a dildo]And she placed this... in my dressing room.
Jack ConradIt's not a low art, you know. I want you to know that. What I do means something to millions of people. My folks didn't have the money or the education to go to the theater, so they went to the vaudeville houses, and then the nickelodeons. And you know what? There's beauty there. What happens up on that screen means something. Maybe not to you in your ivory tower. But for real people on the ground, it means something.
EstelleJack, I - I have no idea what you're talking about.
Jack ConradOf course you don't. Of course you don't! A hundred thousand people see you on Broadway, and it's the smash of the century, right? Well, here it's a flop! A fucking flop! So do me a favor, darling. Save your subtext recommendations for your pretentious Eugene O'Neill-Henrik Ibsen jerk-offs that only a handful of rich geriatrics give two fucks about, and I'll do what I do - without your help!
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Manny TorresI'm not used to these kind of people.
JimmyThey're no worse than movie people.
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Driver (Wallach's Party)Sir, George won't come out of the car. He's insisting I drive him off the nearest cliff.
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Jack ConradI'm not asking you to fuck him, just make him feel special.
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Director (Wallach's Party)Oh God, please forgive us! You sent us this beautiful light and we're squandering it!
Manny TorresYou can be in the fucking Wild West! You can be in fucking space! You can be like a gangster. And people dance in movies and people die in movies. And they're not really dead. It's fucking amazing. They're not really dead!
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Nellie LaRoyThey said if I don't have the money in a week, they'll pour acid on my pussy!
Jack ConradYou know, when I first moved to LA, you know what the signs on all the doors read? "No actors or dogs allowed." Yeah, I changed that. I helped build this place you call home. I've never had any illusions about us. I've never pretended we're friends. We're friendly. I scratch yours, you scratch mine. That's our work. But this?
Elinor St. JohnThere is no why. It wasn't your voice. It wasn't a conspiracy. And it certainly wasn't anything I wrote. There's nothing you could have done differently. There's nothing you can do. Your time has run out. There is no why. Stop questioning it.
Elinor St. JohnNo. It's over. It's been over for a while. I'm sorry.
Jack ConradElinor, you peddle gossip. You don't make anything. You don't know what it is to put yourself out there. You're just a cockroach. I've been counted out before. This isn't new to me.
Elinor St. JohnHave you ever stopped to think why, when there's a house fire, the people die and the cockroaches all survive?
Elinor St. JohnWhat happened was you thought the house needed you. It doesn't. Doesn't need you any more than it needs the roaches. And the roaches, knowing this, crawl back into the dark, lay low, and make it through. See, but you, you held the spotlight. It's those of us in the dark, the ones who just watch, who survive.
Elinor St. JohnAnd there'll be hundreds more like it, too. An earthquake could wipe this town off the map and wouldn't make a difference. It's the idea that sticks. There'll be a hundred more Jack Conrads. Hundred more me's. Hundred more conversations just like this one, over and over again, until God knows when. Because it's bigger than you.
[gets up from her chair]
Elinor St. JohnI know it hurts. No one asks to be left behind.
[sits on her desk in front of Jack]
Elinor St. JohnBut in a hundred years, when you and I are both long gone, any time someone threads a frame of yours through a sprocket, you will be alive again. You see what that means? One day, every person on every film shot this year will be dead. And one day, all those films will be pulled from the vaults, and all their ghosts will dine together, and adventure together, go to the jungle, to war together. A child born in 50 years will stumble across your image flickering on a screen and feel he knows you, like... like a friend, though you breathed your last before he breathed his first. You've been given a gift. Be grateful. Your time today is through, but you'll spend eternity with angels and ghosts.
Jack Conrad[sadly gets up from his chair, begins to walk away, and stops for a second to sigh]Thank you for that.
[continues to walk away as Elinor returns to her typewriter]
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Nellie LaRoy[begins to tell a joke]So, a bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods...
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Jack Conrad[over the phone to Manny]Don't say a word. I'm happy for you. You deserve this. Now go and show those fat fucks how it's done!
Robert RoyFirst you have to assume the pose of the mongoose!
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Jack ConradThis table only has one bottle, and we're gonna need eight. We're also gonna need two gin rickeys, an orange blossom with brandy, three French 75s. Can you do a Corpse Reviver? Gin, lemon, triple sec and Kina Lillet with a dash of absinthe. Two of those.
JenTwo of those.
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James McKayOK, so there's this 10-year-old kid and he's a prodigy. Good with words, plays piano, recites Lincoln. But the twist is, he's a 50-year-old midget! The joke's on us!
Manny TorresThat is good.
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Bob LevineThe Jersey thing doesn't work anymore. Today's audiences find her pornographic. She's been hanging around Jim McKay's casinos like a half-wit. She owes gambling debts all over town. And she sounds like a donkey.
JimmyNever talk to Elinor! Pretend you can't speak English!
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Nellie LaRoyYou know, "Roy," actually, in French, means "king." And I added the "La," so it's "Nellie the King." I made that up.
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Manny TorresNothing happened, for real, but at the same time, it's something even more important than life. You can feel it! Like - I don't know. Movies are sad sometimes. Movies are fucking happy.
Elephant WranglerThis is a truck for horses! Do I look like a fucking Maharaja?
Manny Torres[bribes the wrangler]And you're invited to the Party.
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Manny TorresMorphine, opium, ether, heroin, coke. And Louis XIV sat on that.
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Lady Fay Zhu[singing]There's one pet I like to pet. Every evening we get set. I stroke it. Every chance I get. It's my girl's. Pussy. Seldom plays and never purrs. And I love. The thoughts it stirs. But I don't mind. Because it's hers. It's my girl's pussy. 'Cause I'll do anything. For my sweet pet. She works me to a sweat. And that's hard to do. I must first. Remove my gloves. When stroking my girl's. Pussy.
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Jack ConradYou know what we gotta do? We gotta redefine the form. The man who puts gasoline in your tank goes to the movies why? Why? Why? Because he feels less alone there. Don't we owe him more than the same old shit? You got the guys in Europe with the twelve-tone. You got Bauhaus architecture. Fucking Bauhaus, you know? And we're still doing costume pictures? It's the dinosaurs, kid. It's the ones who go to Beverly Hills for meatballs and mint juleps to reminisce about the old days, when they can't see there's so much more to be done! We've got to innovate. We've got to inspire. We got to dream beyond these pesky shells of flesh and bone. Map those dreams onto celluloid and print them into history. Turn today into tomorrow so that tomorrow's lonely man may look up at that flickering screen and say for the very first time, "Eureka! I am not alone!" Yeah.
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Bob Levine[pointing at Nellie dancing]Her! Whoever she is.
Irving ThalbergJack, it's Irv. Listen, there's no good way to say this. They found George in his home this morning. Looks like he struck out with a girl he was seeing.
Police OfficerSo, we're talking an elephant, plus Garbo, plus others tonight at Don Wallach's house, is that right?
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Manny TorresThere's a new sensibility now. People care about morals.
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Director (Wallach's Party)Schneller, motherfuckers!
SubtitleFaster, motherfuckers!
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Writer (Jack's Tent)It was brillig, and the slithy toves...
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Nellie LaRoyYou're about to not have a job, fucko!
DaleListen, I know you wish you were Billie Dove...
Nellie LaRoyOh, I think you wish you were eating my ass!
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ReggieI practice nine hours a day, you fuck.
Sidney PalmerYeah, yeah, but I mean on saxophone, not cocksucking.
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Nellie LaRoyChaplin is hung for sure, but Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper is a fucking horse! He's also a fucking pussy. All that cock, no balls. A shame. What are the schlongs like on Broadway?
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Elinor St. JohnThere is no why. It wasn't your voice. It wasn't a conspiracy. And it certainly wasn't anything I wrote. There's nothing you could have done differently. There's nothing you can do. Your time has run out. There is no why. Stop questioning it.
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Jack ConradElinor, I will master the talking film on film.
Jack Conrad[long pause]No. We shouldn't stand in the way of progress.
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James McKayIncredible, isn't he? You either are a star or you aren't. And he is!
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Nellie LaRoyHey, you two with the camera! Do you know who I am? I'm Nellie LaRoy, bitches.
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Manny TorresToday's white audiences want Negroes in their pictures. Negro music, Negro voices.
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Sidney PalmerYou need to play better. You embarrassing us.
ReggieJoe, you hear what he just said to me? Listen to this psychopath. When you gonna do something?
Sidney PalmerWhy you worried about Joe? Nigga, when are you gonna do something? Have you ever heard of Alexander Scriabin?
ReggieWhy the fuck do I care about Alexander Scriabin?
Sidney PalmerAlexander Scriabin was a Russian pianist. Broke his hands just so his fingers could stretch across the keys better. I'm saying if I fucking headbutt you across them funky-ass lips of yours, you might start playing a little better. We can hope.
Jack ConradDid you know Michelangelo painted the entire Sistine Chapel on his back?
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Nellie LaRoy[Is at the Hearst party, struggling to cope with the upper-class snobbery. Finally she breaks:]Actually, I've got one. A bear and a rabbit are shittin' in the woods one day. And the bear says to the rabbit, 'Hey, do ya ever have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?' And the rabbit finishes shitting and he says, 'No, I never do. Why?' And the bear says, 'Fan-fuckin'-tastic!' And he grabs the rabbit behind the ears and...
[She grabs the rabbit fur scarf from around Mildred Yates' neck and imitates wiping her butt]
Nellie LaRoyWhy not? Why, haven't you heard what they say about me? I'm a degenerate fuckin' animal. 'Oh, Nellie!' Look at them. 'Oh, who knows what she might do? She's from Jersey, y'know.' This is what a degenerate fuckin' animal from Jersey does.
[She viciously downs the buffet like an animal, to everyone's horror]
Nellie LaRoyThat's what the degenerate fuckin' animal from Jersey does. So y'know what? I'm gonna let you go on fuckin' your cousins, polishing your guest lists, plying your fuckin' underage mistresses with fuckin' Beaujolais, you sick fucks! I'm the animal? What is this shit? What is this shit? Oh, I'm the sick one! I'm the fuckin' crazy one! You people make me fuckin' sick! You're not better than me! You're not! You're not fuckin' better than me. I don't need this shit. Y'know what? I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna stick some coke up my pussy. And you all can stick your champagne flutes up your rose-smellin', candy-tastin', snow-white fuckin' assholes!
[She goes to leave, but quickly runs back inside. She then projectile vomits on the floor, horrifying and disgusting everyone]
William Randolph HearstMy rug! You puked on my rug!
[Nellie proceeds to projectile vomit on Hearst, before taking a sarcastic bow and leaving]
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Elinor St. JohnSo, upstairs is where Don keeps his underage girls, then?
Elinor St. JohnOrdinary and uncool as she may be, there's something about her that speaks to us in a language as vital and as pressing as life itself. Never have I seen such a mess of a bad taste and sheer magic. Your humble servant bares witness... just killed our grandmothers, and we thank her for it!