Zombieland: Double Tap Movie Quotes
Tallahassee
I have nothing against pacifists. I just wanna beat the shit out of them.
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Wichita
When you love something, you shoot it in the face... So it doesn't become a flesh eating monster.
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Little Rock
No, I'd actually like for you to stop calling me "little girl."
Tallahassee
Well, technically, you are little and you're a girl.
Columbus
[sits in Tallahassee's lap]
Well, I am not a little girl, but do you know what I would like?
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Tallahassee
It's time to nut up or shut up.
Albuquerque
That saying's very 2009.
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Tallahassee
You first!
Nevada
[loads gun]
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Reporter
[Actor Bill Murray is being interviewed at a "Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby" press junket]
But the question is, why in the world Garfield 3?
Bill Murray
Can this be just between us?
Reporter
Yes.
Bill Murray
Drugs cost money.
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Tallahassee
You know why she's still alive? Because zombies eat brains and she ain't got none.
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Wichita
Don't listen to this guy. He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.
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Madison
[Columbus pushes Madison away as she's kissing him]
OK, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years, so either we're doing this right now, or I'm biting the bullet and I'm doing the old guy!
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Madison
You guys, they are much more afraid of us than we are of them.
Wichita
Oh, that is not even remotely true.
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[relenting]
Columbus
She's a living being.
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Madison
I'm like, really good at surviving. I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go. And I can run really, really, really, really fast. Probably because I used to do, like, hot yoga and SoulCycle.
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Tallahassee
Now from where I stand, there's only one thing we can do.
Civil War Bearded Guy
Group sex, right? No. Um... we'll fight them.
Tallahassee
You'll be the first to die, but I like your enthusiasm.
Wichita
You might die.
Columbus
Thank you for your sacrifice.
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[last lines]
Bill Murray
I hate Mondays.
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[first lines]
Columbus
Welcome to Zombieland. Back for seconds? After all this time? Well, what can I say, but thank you. You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.
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Columbus
I feel sort of guilty.
Madison
Because of Jesus?
[whispers]
Madison
I know ways around that.
[winks]
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Madison
I'm really good at surviving. I'm literally alive.
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[after a T-800 zombie gets up after being shot twice]
Tallahassee
One plus one still equals two, right?
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Columbus
Well, the only reason we've survived the last several years is we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty enemies better than we know ourselves. In the time since we last saw you, zombies have evolved, so we've given them different names. This lady here is getting chased by the dumbest Z there is, what we call a Homer. In a world without YouTube, who isn't entertained by a Homer?
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Tallahassee
Rules are for pussies, nothing personal.
Columbus
How could that not be personal? That's like my whole thing.
Tallahassee
Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
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Civil War Bearded Guy
Sure... poverty, sexism, social injustice!
[Tallahassee pulls the mallet away from him]
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Columbus
But for better or worse, we were a family. And for the first time since the virus, we were living somewhere truly safe, making every day feel like, well, like Christmas morning.
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Little Rock
Wait, why does he get to be president?
Tallahassee
Well I think would have made a damn fine president. Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.
Wichita
You would have brought real dignity to the office.
Tallahassee
Thank you.
Wichita
You don't have what it takes. I'll be president. And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.
Little Rock
So that means I get to be president if you get killed by zombies.
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Tallahassee
[dispensing some fatherly advice]
Don't do nothin' I wouldn't not do... You get what I'm saying.
Little Rock
Not really, no.
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