Big Trouble in Little China Movie Quotes
Jack Burton
When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
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Jack Burton
Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."
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Jack Burton
Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.
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Jack Burton
Everybody relax, I'm here.
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Jack Burton
I'm a reasonable guy. But, I've just experienced some very unreasonable things.
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Wang Chi
Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.
Jack Burton
May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.
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Gracie
I'd go with you but...
Jack Burton
I know, there's a problem with your face.
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Jack Burton
Like I told my last wife, I says, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it's all in the reflexes."
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Jack Burton
You know what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like this?
Thunder
Who?
Jack Burton
Jack Burton. *Me*!
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Jack Burton
[They are swimming through a tunnel filled almost to the top with water.]
Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine? Because I can't concentrate when you do that.
Gracie
What a pig you are, Burton!
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Jack Burton
What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?
Egg Shen
Yeah.
Jack Burton
Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it?
Egg Shen
Yeah!
Jack Burton
Good! Thought so.
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Wang Chi
[speaks Chinese]
Hell of Boiling Oil.
Jack Burton
You're kidding.
Wang Chi
Yeah, I am. It says Keep Out.
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[Jack points to the wall]
Jack Burton
Hollow?
Wang Chi
Hollow.
Jack Burton
Fuck it.
[Jack wacks open the hollow wall with his knife]
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Jack Burton
You can go off and rule the universe from beyond the grave.
Lo Pan
Indeed!
Jack Burton
Or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first, huh?
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Jack Burton
I don't get this at all. I thought Lo Pan...
Lo Pan
Shut up, Mr. Burton! You are not brought upon this world to get it!
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Margo
God, aren't you even gonna kiss her goodbye?
Jack Burton
Nope.
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Jack Burton
All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with *light* coming out of his mouth!
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Wang Chi
You ready, Jack?
Jack Burton
I was born ready.
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Jack Burton
We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?
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Jack Burton
Sooner or later I rub everybody the wrong way.
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Jack Burton
Son of a bitch must pay!
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Lo Pan
And when I find her, I will marry her...
Wang Chi
Never!
Lo Pan
Ching Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted!
Jack Burton
And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
Lo Pan
Indeed!
Jack Burton
Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?
Wang Chi
Jack, will you...?
Jack Burton
"Jack" what? I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years, he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!
Lo Pan
There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.
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Jack Burton
Which Lo Pan? Little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?
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Jack Burton
This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there.
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Jack Burton
Ol' Jack always says... what the hell?
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Jack Burton
Well, ya see, I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on here, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe.
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Egg Shen
Of course the Chinese mix everything up. Look at what they have to work with. There's Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoist alchemy and sorcery. We take what we want and leave the rest. Just like your salad bar.
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Egg Shen
Can see things no one else can see. Do things no one else can do.
Jack Burton
Real things?
Egg Shen
As real as Lo Pan!
Jack Burton
Hey, what more can a guy ask for?
Egg Shen
Oh, the six-demon bag!
Jack Burton
Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
Egg Shen
Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!
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[walking outside in the rain, Jack and Egg fight for control of the umbrella]
Wang Chi
A brave man likes the feel of nature on his face, Jack.
Egg Shen
Yeah, and a wise man has enough sense to get in out of the rain!
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Jack Burton
Feel pretty good. I'm not, uh, I'm not scared at all. I just feel kind of... feel kind of invincible.
Wang Chi
Me, too. I got a very positive attitude about this.
Jack Burton
Good, me too.
Wang Chi
Yeah!
[pause]
Jack Burton
Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?
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Jack Burton
Tall guy, weird clothes. First you see him, then you don't.
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Lo Pan
[spots Gracie, Margo and Eddie on a security monitor]
Who are these people? Friends of yours, huh? Now this really pisses me off to no end!
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Jack Burton
This is gonna take crackerjack timing, Wang.
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[on phone to insurance company]
Jack Burton
I'm gonna tell you about an accident, and I don't wanna hear "act of God"!
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Jack Burton
Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings...
Wang Chi
Chang Sings.
Jack Burton
They got enemies?
Wang Chi
Wing Kong.
Jack Burton
Who wear red turbans?
Wang Chi
[sees they're now surrounded by Wing Kong warriors]
Holy SHIT! These guys are animals, Jack!
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Pinstripe lawyer
Okay. But if I'm gonna be your attorney, there are a few things that I have to know that, uh, still don't make any sense to me. Like, um, you really believe in magic?
Egg Shen
You mean Chinese black magic?
Pinstripe lawyer
Yes.
Egg Shen
Oh, absolutely.
Pinstripe lawyer
Are you still serious about this? And, uh, monsters and ghosts as well, I suppose?
Egg Shen
Oh, sure. And sorcery.
Pinstripe lawyer
And I suppose that, uh, you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?
Egg Shen
Of course!
Pinstripe lawyer
Why?
Egg Shen
Because it's real.
Pinstripe lawyer
How can I know that, Mr. Shen?
Egg Shen
How?
Pinstripe lawyer
Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?
[Shen raises his hands, and a small bolt of lightning jumps between his palms. The lawyer stares, open-mouthed]
Egg Shen
See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small.
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Jack Burton
That is not water.
Egg Shen
Black blood of the earth.
Jack Burton
Do you mean oil?
Egg Shen
I mean black blood of the earth.
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[in a whore house]
Jack Burton
Henry Swanson's my name, and excitement's my game.
White Tiger
Cash or charge?
Jack Burton
Oh gosh, cash, I guess. I mean it's not deductible, is it.
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Jack Burton
6.9 on the Richter scale!
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Jack Burton
Oh, my god, no. Please! What is that? Don't tell me!
Egg Shen
A guardian. What it sees, Lo Pan knows!
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Jack Burton
[tapping on the walls]
Two, three feet thick, I'll bet. Probably welded shut from the outside, and covered with brick by now!
Wang Chi
Don't give up, Jack!
Jack Burton
Oh, okay, I won't, Wang! Let's just *chew* our way outta here.
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Lo Pan
[Yells at Wang in Chinese after growing frustrated with Jack's dismissive attitude]
Mr. Burton, if you have an influence over your youthful friend, you better exert it now. Otherwise I will send both of you to the hell where people are skinned alive! It's that simple. Understand?
Wang Chi
No, he means it, Jack.
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Jack Burton
Mutual Fidelity Insurers of Sacramento... well, there's gotta be a listing, honey, cause I pay 'em 6 G's a year in premiums.
Uncle Chu
China is here, Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, the Wing Kong, they've been fighting for centuries.
Jack Burton
What does that mean? "China is here"? I don't even know what the hell that means. All I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!
Wang Chi
Jack, please...
[lightning strikes and Wang becomes silent]
Uncle Chu
When did this happen?
Wang Chi
It didn't, uncle Chu, not like he says.
Jack Burton
[diverting from his phone call]
Yeah, it did, uncle Chu, 2 hours ago. Tall guy, weird clothes, first you see him then you don't.
[back to his call]
Jack Burton
Yeah, is this just a switch board or something...
Uncle Chu
Lo Pan appeared on the street? Wang Chi, why didn't you tell me?
Wang Chi
I didn't want to alarm you, uncle.
Jack Burton
[on his phone call]
I'm gonna tell you about an accident and I don't want to hear "act of God," alright?
[enter Eddie]
Eddie
Good afternoon, Mr. Wong.
Wang Chi
Eddie, meet my dear friend Jack Burton. Eddie is the new maitre'd here at the Black Pool.
Eddie
And a whole lot more.
Jack Burton
[on his phone call]
I don't know my policy number, it's in the glove compartment. Just look under B-U-R-T-O-N, will ya?
Eddie
Jack Burton?
[Jack turns to his name being called]
Eddie
Wow, the guy you always told me about, huh? So that was your abandoned truck.
Jack Burton
Abandoned, like hell!
[into the phone]
Jack Burton
Hey! Hello! Hello! Ahh, Christ.
Eddie
Bad news. The Lords of Death stole it after you ran away.
Jack Burton
They stole my truck?
Wang Chi
Take it easy, Jack, you're with friends. We'll find it for you.
Jack Burton
Damn right, you will. And my money, and time is money to a guy like me...
[points to uncle Chu]
Jack Burton
... and your phone is dead, by the way.
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Lo Pan
Then Ching Dai will be happy and my curse will be lifted!
Jack Burton
And go off to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
Lo Pan
Indeed!
Jack Burton
Or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first huh!
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Jack Burton
You got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.
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Jack Burton
I have a knife.
Gracie
A knife? This guy's twelve feet tall!
Jack Burton
Seven. Hey, don't worry, I can handle him.
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Egg Shen
You will come out no more!
Jack Burton
What? Huh? What'll come out no more?
Egg Shen
Come on.
Jack Burton
Dammit!
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Uncle Chu
What the hell is Gracie Law doing here?
Jack Burton
She can't get enough of me.
Gracie
Hah! He wishes.
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Jack Burton
We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?
Wang Chi
No horseshit, Jack.
Jack Burton
No horseshit.
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Jack Burton
What does that mean? Huh? "China is here." I don't even know what the hell that means.
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Wang Chi
Nothin' or double, Jack.
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Wang Chi
Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can't pay you today, okay?
Jack Burton
Oh, shit.
Wang Chi
How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.
Eddie
And it's gonna cost. She's got green eyes.
Gracie
Oh no, seriously? Oh, that's an extra to these people. It's like leather bucket seats, it's double the price.
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Wang Chi
They got this sorta clubhouse thing, you know, where they all hang out.
Jack Burton
Sharpen their knives, huh?
Wang Chi
I can't ask you to...
Jack Burton
Where is it?
Wang Chi
Thank you, Jack.
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Jack Burton
I took something. I can see things no one else can see. Why're you dressed like that?
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Margo
This is just so shocking. I mean I must just be so monumentally naive.
Eddie
You are.
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Lo Pan
Magic... The darkest magic. My soul swims in it... Scattered across time, trapped in the world of formlessness...
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Eddie
Well sure it was a war. And anybody that showed up was gonna join Lem Lee in the Hell of Being Cut to Pieces.
Jack Burton
Hell of being what?
Eddie
Chinese have a lot of Hells.
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Lo Pan
What does it mean? Two girls with green eyes. After all these years.
Gracie
You bastards, unchain me. You're not gonna get away with this. Where's Lo Pan?
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Jack Burton
Is this gonna get ugly, now? Huh? I hope not. Because I thought what we were here, racial differences notwithstanding, was just a couple of old friends. You know, just both of us Californians.
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Jack Burton
We made it. Holy shit, we made it!
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Wang Chi
Jack, first I gotta go somewhere, Jack.
Jack Burton
No, you don't.
Wang Chi
Yeah, I do. So how 'bout we meet at my restaurant in a few hours, you know? I pay the money then.
Jack Burton
Pay the money now! Where you gotta go?
Wang Chi
The airport.
Jack Burton
Yeah, right. Over my dead body.
Wang Chi
If need be.
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Lo Pan
[Catches Jack's knife in midair, pauses to examine it, nodding in approval]
Good knife. Goodbye, Mr. Burton.
[throws it]
Jack Burton
[quickly catches knife and throws it back, hitting Lo Pan right between the eyes]
Lo Pan
[Lo Pan falls backwards and impacts the ground with a shockwave that sets the statues ringing the room falling like dominoes, shattering to bits]
Jack Burton
It's all in the reflexes.
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Lo Pan
There have been others, to be sure. There are always others, are there not? You seem to be one who knows the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out. Yet we all keep trying, like fools.
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[first lines]
Pinstripe lawyer
What I'd like to do today is get your version of what happened.
Egg Shen
Oh, you mean the truth.
Pinstripe lawyer
Of course. First, just state your name and your occupation for the record.
Egg Shen
Oh, Egg Shen. Bus driver.
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Wang Chi
[after Wang defeats all the warriors in the warehouse]
Time to go!
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Jack Burton
So who are we pickin' up?
Wang Chi
A girl. I don't wanna talk about it.
Jack Burton
A girl? Where from?
Wang Chi
Peking. This is a big day in my life. I should have gone home and gotten 40 winks.
Jack Burton
A girl from China? All right, I never done that. I picked up girls from everywhere else, but never from China.
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Jack Burton
Hey Egg! How'd you get up there?
Egg Shen
It wasn't easy!
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Miao Yin
I don't belong to you.
Lo Pan
You don't. You belong to Ching Dai. I must sacrifice you. But I love you and I need you.
Miao Yin
No!
Lo Pan
Here take her. Take the bitch!
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Wang Chi
That's why the bottle didn't slice. My mind and my spirit are goin' north and south.
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Jack Burton
Abandoned like hell!
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Gracie
Don't panic, it's only me, Gracie Law!
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Jack Burton
If you have problem like that again, just reach for the sky!
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Jack Burton
How do you do, ma'am? Henry Swanson's my name and excitement's my game.
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Jack Burton
Let's you and me have a little talk, friend.
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Jack Burton
Whoa. Who is that?
Wang Chi
She has green eyes. You know how rare that is, Jack?
Jack Burton
How can you tell from here?
Wang Chi
Not her, she's trouble. Miao Yin. Beautiful green eyes, like creamy jade.
Jack Burton
Trouble, huh?
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Thunder
Play your cards right... you live to talk about it!
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Lo Pan
They have returned. And this time they are not alone. Egg Shen is with them. Little bastard sorcerer has brought them through the Bog of the Dead Trees.
[calling to him telepathically]
Lo Pan
Egg Shen... EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin.
[cackles]
Lo Pan
That's right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!
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Lo Pan
You never could beat me, Egg Shen.
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Egg Shen
We're getting close, real close. And now for some more bad news... Ready?
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Lo Pan
[On phone]
No pathetic excuses! I smell the blood of human beings; find them! Boil them until their flesh falls off. You heard me!
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Lo Pan
And now, my beloved disciples. The moment of truth... the needle of love.
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Gracie
I have it on good advice that the punks that jumped me, and took Jack's truck, they took the girl they kidnapped to the White Tiger for a quick sale. Who was she?
Wang Chi
[very worried]
My fiancee. The White Tiger?
Gracie
Oh, God. I'm sorry. If we go tonight, we can buy her back. A warrant's too complicated, violence out of the question...
Jack Burton
Hold it! Slow down. I'm feelin' like an outsider here.
Gracie
You are!
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Wang Chi
Come on, Jack. Don't be afraid.
Jack Burton
Afraid? Are you kidding?
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Jack Burton
What, I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2,000 years and he can't find a broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doin' somethin' seriously wrong.
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Jack Burton
Wait a minute!
Gracie
Don't!
Jack Burton
Don't what?
Gracie
The Lords of Death. Street gang. Punks from Chinatown. What are they doing here?
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Wang Chi
Jack, check this out.
Jack Burton
So what is this? Chinese or somethin'? Countin' backwards?
Wang Chi
Not backwards. Downwards.
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Gracie
I'd go in there with you, but they know my face and they'd wanna push it in.
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Gracie
See you around, Burton.
Jack Burton
Never can tell.
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Egg Shen
When a goat butts its head against the bush, its horns become entangled!
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Jack Burton
Wang.
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Wang Chi
[after Rain rips off the bandannas]
Holy shit, Jack. I don't like the looks of this.
[he dials up the telephone to call Lo Pan]
Rain
[interrupting]
You are nowhere!
[they looked at Rain before Lo pan disguised himself as a crippled old man]
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Jack Burton
There's plenty more fish in the Sea!
Wang Chi
But there's only one Mao Yin!
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