Nancy
I've got a confession to make. I'm not really your blind date, Jack.
Jack
What? Are you even 24?
Nancy
No! Add another 10. I was just merely trying to meet my mate in the modern world.
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Nancy
You're just --you're an emotional jigsaw at the moment but you're gonna piece yourself back together. You know, start with the corners. Look for the blue bits.
Jack
And where do I find these "blue bits"?
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Jack
Nancy, I am so bloody glad you pretended to by my date today, because if you hadn't, then I never would've heard any of your amazing sex theories, or watched you trying to get jalapeno out of your teeth, or witnessed your very instinctive firewoman skills. I would never have got to know that muddy beautiful triathlete face or witnessed that awesome, highly competitive, ass as you were about to get another strike. In fact, if you hadn't have pretended to be my date today, my day would've been utterly rubbish.
[Begins to choke up]
Jack
And so quite possibly would've been the rest of my life.
[Crowd awws]
Jack
Don't make those noises. I'm right on the edge. Nancy, you said I was an emotional jigsaw and that I should look for the blue bits. I think you might be the blue bits, Nancy. So, what do you say? Quid pro quo?
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Jack
Congratulations on your massive pack of lies!
Nancy
Thank you!
Jack
God, you're such a cynic!
Nancy
And you're such a romantic!
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Jack
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends and members of Nancy's family who I've never met before in my life. I met a girl today, the wrong girl, except she turned out to be the right girl. And this girl who took a chance on me in the most bizarre and romantic way possible wanted me to take a chance on her, but I didn't, you know. I didn't. I blew it like the stupid 40-year-old mid-life crisis dickhead that I am.
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Nancy
And secondly, I mean, you're not holding on to her. You're holding on to a feeling, and that feeling will eventually pass. Promise.
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Nancy
Fuck the past!
[a declaration, later used as a toast]
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Nancy
I met a man today. For the first time in ages, I put myself out there. And I took a chance. Blah, blah, blah, the end.
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Jack
Do you even like bowling?
Nancy
I love bowling.
Jack
Great, so you weren't faking it the whole night, then?
Nancy
Bet you've said that line before.
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Jack
You need to man up, Nancy.
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Nancy
No, don't be sad. God, I'm not sad... I'm a bit sad. But I'm also quite proud of myself 'cause I tried. And, you know, no, it didn't work out, but... I got a hint of what could be out there for me. You know, a fun, loving, crazy, contradictory, long, happy life with someone.
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Jack
So. Book. Check. And blind date? Check!
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Nancy
You can do this. Hi. I'm Nancy. "This year, you're gonna put yourself out there. Take chances. Be more deviant. Engage with... life." Oh, my God.
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Jack
I'm not that late, am I? Sorry. Somebody threw themselves on the track again. I don't blame them. So many delays.
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Elaine
Be spontaneous when there's nothing planned.
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Sean
I just want to fulfill a lifelong ambition.
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