George
I'll tell you what I'm doing. I want to buy eight hot dogs and eight hot dog buns to go with them. But no one sells eight hot dog buns. They only sell twelve hot dog buns. So I end up paying for four buns I don't need. So I am removing the superfluous buns.
Stock Boy
I'm sorry, sir. But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns. They're not marked individually.
George
Yeah. And you want to know why? Because some big-shot over at the wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the bun company and decided to rip off the American public. Because they think the American public is a bunch of trusting nit-wits...
Assistant Manager of Supermarket
[observing from the side]
Get me security.
George
Who will pay for everything they don't need rather than make a stink! Well, they're not ripping off *this* nit-wit anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need. George Banks is saying no!
Stock Boy
Who's George Banks?
George
Me!
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George
This was the moment I'd been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years.
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George
Who presents this woman? This woman? But she's not a woman. She's just a kid. And she's leaving us. I realized at that moment that I was never going to come home again and see Annie at the top of the stairs. Never going to see her again at our breakfast table in her nightgown and socks. I suddenly realized what was happening. Annie was all grown up and was leaving us, and something inside began to hurt.
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[first lines]
George
I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own, my daughter's. Annie Banks Mackenzie. That's her married name: Mackenzie. You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. An adorable little girl who looks up to you and adores you in a way you could never have imagined. I remember how her little hand used to fit inside mine. Then comes the day when she wants to get her ears pierced, and wants you to drop her off a block before the movie theater. From that moment on you're in a constant panic. You worry about her meeting the wrong kind of guy, the kind of guy who only wants one thing, and you know exactly what that one thing is, because it's the same thing you wanted when you were their age. Then, you stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all, because, then you lose her. It was just six months ago that that happened here. Just six months ago, that the storm broke.
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George
Well, that's the thing about life, is the surprises, the little things that sneak up on you and grab hold of you.
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George
[voice-over]
I thought maybe I should help smooth things over. So I took Bryan out for a drink. Thought we could have a talk, man-to-man. But as I sat there and listened to his side of the story... I realized this was a golden opportunity. If I ever wanted to get rid of Bryan MacKenzie, this was my chance.
Bryan
You know those banana shakes she likes to make, right? Well, that's why I thought she'd like a blender. I guess I can see her point. I mean, a blender does suggest a certain... reference to sexual politics, but... I swear, it never entered my consciousness at the time.
George
I believe you.
Bryan
You do? Would you tell Annie that for me, Dad?
George
[voice-over]
This was where I was gonna lower the boom. But instead, I looked into his weepy eyes and found my self saying:
George
Sure, I'll tell her.
Bryan
Oh, good! 'Cause I know whatever you say she'll believe.
George
[voice-over]
Not only was I not getting rid of the kid... I now found myself talking him into staying.
George
You know, Bryan, Annie's a very passionate person. And passionate people tend to overreact at time. Annie comes from a long line of major overreactors. Me. I can definitely lose it. My mother. A nut. My grandfather. Stories about him were legendary. The good news, however, is that this overreacting... tends to get proportionately less by generation. So, your kids could be normal.
George
But on the upside, with this passion... comes great spirit and individuality... which is probably one of the reasons you love Annie.
Bryan
That's what I love most about her.
George
[voice-over]
That's when it hit me like a Mack truck. Annie was just like me, and Bryan was just like Nina. They were a perfect match.
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Annie
Dad? Dad? Dad, did you see what the Mackenzie's got us?
George
It's unbelievable. And you thought you'd never have a new car.
Annie
I know.
[sees him hiding a gift from her]
Annie
What's that?
George
It's nothing. It's just a gift I was thinking of giving you guys. It's something you said you didn't have, but you wanted.
Annie
Can I see it?
George
Supposed to be a good one. That's what they said at the store. It's uh, top of the line. Makes great foam.
George
My feelings exactly.
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Annie
Um, I met somebody in Rome. Uh, he's an American - he's from LA, actually! And his name's Bryan McKenzie, and he's just this wonderful, wonderful, amazing man. And well... we started seeing each other. A lot. And we fell in love...
[laughs nervously]
Annie
... it actually happened, and we've decided to get married - which means, that... I'm engaged. I'm engaged! I'm getting married!
[Screams and laughs]
Matty Banks
Congratulations!
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Franck Eggelhoffer
Uh-oh, I bring the wrong color thread. I assumed you'd be wearing a black "tuxado."
George
It is a black "tuxado."
Franck Eggelhoffer
I don't think so, babe. This tux is "nuffy" blue. No doubt about it.
George
What're you talking about? Armani doesn't make a blue tuxedo.
Franck Eggelhoffer
Armani don't also make "polyaster."
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George
Why do you look happy to see me in here, Nina?
Nina Banks
Happy? No, no, no. I'm not happy George. You think I was happy to tell everyone that I had to come down to the city jail and bail you out for stealing hot dog buns?
George
I wasn't stealing...
Nina Banks
Ah!
George
I was just...
Nina Banks
Ah! I'm going to have to ask you not to talk, or I'll have to call Officer What's-his-name over there. You've been more than I can handle, George. Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you. It's just a wedding. People have them every day in every country in the world. I know it'g going to be expensive, but: we don't go to Europe. We don't own fancy cars. I don't own expensive jewelry, so we can afford to have a big wedding.
George
Nina...
Nina Banks
I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks: that you agree to the following. Now, repeat after me. "I, George Stanley Banks..."
Nina Banks
Promise to pull it together and act my age.
George
I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top collar button...
Nina Banks
I don't unbutton my top collar...
George
Oh, no, you mean this bit here?
[Motions to her collar]
Nina Banks
[Feeling his, realizing she is right]
I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top collar button.
George
I will stop making faces in general, and I will certainly stop telling everyone I meet how much this wedding is costing.
Nina Banks
I don't tell everyone how much it costs!
[Officer clears throat]
Nina Banks
He told you, right?
Nina Banks
$250 a head?
Nina Banks
Oh, well thanks.
George
I will try to remember my daughter's feelings, and how, with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.
Nina Banks
I love you, Nina.
Nina Banks
Just repeat the last bit.
George
I will try to remember my daughter's feelings, and how, with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.
Nina Banks
I love you too. Let's go home, okay?
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Annie
Dad!
George
Hi! Where are you?
Annie
At the airport. Our plane's about to take off, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. Thank Mom for everything ok? Dad, I love you. I love you very much.
George
I love you too, sweetheart. Thanks for calling. And have a great honeymoon.
Annie
Thanks. I will. Bye.
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Franck Eggelhoffer
I vill go talk to Honk. Now, we don't want to lose him, Hiss a genius and we need his maaaaand!
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Annie
Listen, I'm going to take Bryan for a drive and show him around.
Nina Banks
Okay, honey. Good.
George
Annie, it's a little nippy out. You might want to put on a sweater.
Annie
No, Dad, it's okay. I'm kind of warm.
George
There's a chill in the air, and you've been on a plane.
Annie
Dad, I'm fine.
Bryan
Annie, it is kind of cold out.
Annie
It is?
George
Yeah.
Annie
Alright. Thanks. I'll get my jacket.
George
[in voiceover]
Right then, I realized my day had passed. She'll always love me, of course, but not in the same way. I was no longer the man in my little girl's life. I was like an old shoe, the kind we manufacture and get all excited about and then, after a few years, discontinue. That was me now: Mr. Discontinued.
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[It begins to snow]
Annie
What? What's that face?
George
It's nothing.
Annie
Oh, this is going cost you more money.
George
No. It's just... I know I'll remember this moment, for the rest of my life.
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Annie
A blender? I mean, what is this? 1958? Give the little wife a blender? I mean, it scared me, you know?
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Howard Weinstein
[on the phone]
Mr. Banks, this is Howard Weinstein. Franck's Executive Assistant. I... ave... your estimate for you.
George
I can barely hear you!
Howard Weinstein
I'm in my car going through Water Canyon. Call you back?
George
No, no, no. I want the estimate. How much? What's the damage?
Howard Weinstein
Well, everything from the flowers, to the honeymoon limo...
George
Ok, everything. How much?
George
You're breaking up. It sounded like you said 150 a head.
Howard Weinstein
No, no!
George
Good. I was about to kill myself.
Howard Weinstein
It's 250 a head.
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Matty Banks
Right, together. Left, together. Right, together.
George
Matty, you're up pretty late, aren't ya?
Matty Banks
Yeah, I know I'm just practicing. I wish I didn't have to walk Mom down the aisle.
George
Don't worry, you'll be great.
Matty Banks
Is it right, together, left or left, together, right?
George
Well, let's try it. Let's see, we go right together, left together. Good. Matty, I'm sorry if I've been preoccupied lately with this wedding.
Matty Banks
It's ok.
George
Yeah, but I have, haven't I?
Matty Banks
It's all right. I understand.
George
Yeah, but...
Matty Banks
Yeah, ya have. But I haven't felt ignored or anything. Don't worry Dad. No permanent damage done.
George
Oh, well, good.
Annie
[in the background]
It's really cute and cozy and in a great neighborhood. You'll see it. I am really excited. I've got all this packing to do, and this room looks so different.
Matty Banks
It's gonna be weird, isn't it? Just you and me and Mom here now.
George
Yeah. Come on. Goodnight pal. Sleep tight.
Matty Banks
Good luck tomorrow dad.
George
Yeah, you too.
Matty Banks
Annie?
Annie
Yeah?
Matty Banks
Goodnight.
Annie
Goodnight, Matty. I love you.
Matty Banks
I love you too.
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George
I thought you didn't believe in marriage. I thought it meant a woman lost her identity. I thought you wanted to get a job before you settled down so you could earn money and be your own person.
Annie
All right, hold on. I didn't think I believed in marriage until I met Bryan. Bryan's not like any other guy I've ever known. I want to be married to him. And I'm not going to lose my identity with him because he's not some overpowering, macho guy. He's like you, Dad! Except he's brilliant. He happens to love that I'm going to be an architect. He wants me to design a house for us to live in. He said he'd move anywhere I got a job. Give me a little credit, George. I'm not going to marry some ape who wants me to wear go-go boots and an apron. I'm telling you, you'll love him. He's a genius. And sweet. And I love him more than anything in the world.
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George
Cops?
Franck Eggelhoffer
I heard. Ve'll handle this together. I've got George. Ve're on our vay. Come on George, pick it up, pick it up. Let me handle dis, George. Give me your wallet.
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Bryan
I just wanna say that I'm an upstanding citizen. I've never been engaged before. I've never really been in love before. And I think Annie's the greatest person I've ever met. And I can't wait to marry her and one day have children, and grand children. And I'm going to do my best to be supportive of her dreams. She's a very gifted architect. I'm just thrilled that I met her. I love your daughter. The feelings I have for her are never gonna change. I'm here to stay.
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Andrea - the Florist
In terms of the florals out front, we're going to color-coordinate with the swans, right?
George
Swans?
Nina Banks
Oh, I think it'd be wonderful.
Andrea - the Florist
Perfect.
George
We're having swans?
Annie
Oh, sure, Franck thought it'd be great to have swans waddling around the tulip border, you know, as the guests enter.
George
Nina, we don't have a tulip border.
Andrea - the Florist
You will.
[hands George the bill]
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Franck Eggelhoffer
Oh, it's very nice. Ve change it all, though.
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Assistant Manager of Supermarket
Why don't we just calm down now, sir.
George
I'll tell you why *"we"* don't calm down, because you're not excited! It takes two people for a "we" to calm down, doesn't it?
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Nina Banks
Good news. The church is free!
George
Oh, finally something is free.
Nina Banks
I meant - available.
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Franck Eggelhoffer
It's another expensive? Oh sure, ya, you know, but ve need it.
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[singing]
George
What's new pussycat, Whoa-a-whoa-whoa, What's new pussycat, Whoa-a-whoa-whoa, Whoa-a-whoa...
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George
Twelve hundred dollars?
Franck Eggelhoffer
Vell, Mr. Banks. Dis is a very risonable price for a cake of dis magnitude.
George
A cake, Franck, is made of flour and water. My first car didn't cost twelve hundred dollars.
Franck Eggelhoffer
Vell, velcome to the nineties, Mr. Bonk!
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Matty Banks
Can I put Cameron back on the list if he promises not to eat?
George
You know, that's not a bad idea. Who else can we ask not to eat? My parents and your mother.
Annie
Why don't we just charge people? That way we can make money on the wedding.
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Annie
God, this is a hard thing to tell parents - especially when they're my parents.
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Nina Banks
I still think you see Annie as a seven year-old girl in pigtails!
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[George rolls his eyes]
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Franck Eggelhoffer
Don't vorry, Mr. Bonks. I'm going to bring the crew over to the house and give it ev'ry thing that we have in the once over department and in the end you'll be very, very happy. Trust me. You just smile away.
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Nina Banks
I thought it was totally sincere.
George
Oh, please. What about that little rehearsed speech he gave that was right out of a book, "How to Grease Your Future Mother-In-Law."
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Bryan
Driving down here, I tried to put myself in your place. Your daughter comes home after spending four months in Rome, and uh, I'm sure you couldn't wait to see her and she shocks you with the news that she's getting married. And to somebody you've never met before. I'm sure that was pretty um - "heavy" - to use a word from your generation.
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George
This is ridiculous! You're - too young to get married!
Annie
Too young? Dad, I'm 22! If I'm not mistaken, that's a year older than Mom was when you guys got married.
George
That is absolutely not true.
Nina Banks
Oh, no, you're absolutely wrong.
George
You were this age when I married you?
Nina Banks
No. I was younger. I was this age when she was born.
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Annie
He's an independent communications consultant.
George
Independent?
Annie
Yes.
George
That's code for unemployed! This is perfect! You meet an unemployed, amazingly brilliant non-ape that I'm going to have to support! I suppose I'm going to have to hire him and fire some hard working guy with three kids because my son-in-law, the "independent communications consultant," can't get a job anywhere else! No wonder he'll move anywhere you get a job!
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Nina Banks
How did you two - uh - meet?
Annie
Oh, we were the only two people at this revival house in Rome for a midnight show of "Bringing Up Baby." We kept hearing each other laugh.
Bryan
And at all the same places.
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Annie
I love you.
Bryan
Me too.
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Bryan
Slev tak. That's "You're welcome" in Danish.
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George
I hate that expression, "in-laws." What does it mean, anyway? We're legally bound to these people? I don't want to be "in-lawed." Especially to people who live in Bel-Air. I mean, what kind of people have brunch and live in Bel-Air?
Nina Banks
Rich people.
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George
You and I could end up shuffling along the sidewalk in our bathrobes. That was a joke.
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George
Paul Simon's coming to the Forum and I think I can get us great seats.
Annie
Um... yeah... sure.
George
All right, Paul Simon is an "um... yeah... sure," which I believe translates to a "yes."
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George
This gift says nothing about how he feels about you. It's just a thing to put in the kitchen. He thought you might want to blend something one day and that's all.
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George
What about the way he kept touching her?
Nina Banks
What do you mean?
George
What do you mean, what do I mean? He couldn't keep his hands off of her.
Nina Banks
Oh, yes, kind of like when we were engaged, except that wasn't all you couldn't keep off me.
George
That was different. And we certainly never acted that way in your parent's house.
Nina Banks
Oh! You want me to name all the rooms we did it in at my parent's house?
George
That was different!
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