The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle Movie Quotes
Fearless Leader
There has never been a way to actually destroy a cartoon character until now.
Pottsylvanian scientist
What about that movie Roger Rabbit?
Fearless Leader
SHUT UP! THIS IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT!
[pauses]
Fearless Leader
There has never been a way to actually destroy a cartoon character until now.
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[in the White House]
Cappy
Bullwinkle, allow me to be frank.
Bullwinkle
Okay, Frank. Allow me to be Bullwinkle.
Cappy
[putting out hand]
I'm Cappy Von Trapment, FBI.
Bullwinkle
I thought you said your name was Frank.
Cappy
SHUT UP, BULLWINKLE!
Bullwinkle
Okay, Frank.
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Rocky
Hokey smoke, are you all right?
Bullwinkle
Yes, but I think we're on the wrong show.
[looking at Karen]
Bullwinkle
Look how well they drew that girl.
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Judge Cameo
The defendants are charged with grand theft auto: 1 count; breaking out of jail: 1 count; impugning the character of a prison guard: 1 count; reckless driving: 4 counts; talking to the audience; five counts; criminally bad punning: 18 counts.
Bullwinkle
And three dukes and seven earls. Ha ha ha ha.
Judge Cameo
Make that 19.
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Narrator
And so RBTV changed its name from Really Bad Television to Rocky and Bullwinkle Television.
Bullwinkle
What's the difference?
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Narrator
At that moment, Karen and Rocky's only hope in the whole WORLD, was Bullwinkle J. Moose... In other words, they didn't have a prayer.
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Minnie Mogul
I can't sign a contract that will help three ruthless villains take over the world. I just can't.
Fearless Leader, Boris, and Natasha
Why not?
Minnie
My pen's out of ink.
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[Bullwinkle is flying over Washington D.C]
Bullwinkle
Boy, New York sure has changed a lot since my day. They even moved the White House here.
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[Rocky and Bullwinkle have been flattened by a truck]
Bullwinkle
This movie's getting kinda...
Rocky
Don't say it!
Bullwinkle
Two-dimensional.
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Narrator
As dawn broke over the City of Angels...
[the sun appears as glass is heard shattering]
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Narrator
And so, off with the CDI, and a truckload of really silly cartoon weaponry, Boris and Natasha set off to blast Rocky and Bullwinkle from the face of the Earth... and immediately got stuck in traffic.
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Fearless Leader
Have you liquidated Moose and Squirrel? Did you use the CDI? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Then who else are you talking to? Are you talking to me? Well, I am the only one here, so you must be talking to me. And you are lying! Now catch Moose and Squirrel. And next time use the CDI on them.
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Narrator
And then through the miracle of computer-generated digital technology, Minnie reached into the television set and signed the contract. But when she tried to pull the contract out, the expensive animated characters were instantly converted into even more expensive motion picture stars.
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Fearless Leader
How many times in the past have they stood between me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference?
Boris
Er... 28?
Fearless Leader
Quiet, idiot!
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[Natasha has posed as Karen to gain an upper hand, and the real Karen is being arrested for impersonating an FBI Agent]
Rocky
But she really is with the FBI.
Oklahoma Cop
Yeah, and I'm really John Goodman.
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Martin
Don't you guys know about faxes?
Lewis
Yeah, don't you know about E-mail?
Bullwinkle
Sure. A fax is a little red critter that hunts geese and chickens. Half of them are males, and the other half are "E-males".
Martin
No, it's a way of transmitting computer-generated information across great distances in the blink of an eye!
Bullwinkle
Well I was close.
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[first lines]
Narrator
[over stock footage of various historical events in a parody of a newsreel]
1964, a crucial moment in American history: Lyndon Johnson is re-elected to the presidency by a landslide, the New York World's Fair introduces a bright new future...
Narrator
[scene cuts to show an animated Bullwinkle pull Rocky from his hat]
and after five scintillating years on the air...
Bullwinkle
Presto!
Narrator
The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show is abruptly cancelled.
Bullwinkle
Bullwinkle, Rocky: [in unison] Cancelled?
[the boys are pulled off screen to the right by a vaudeville hook as two janitors come by to clean up the mess]
Narrator
Sorry about that, boys.
[screen cuts to a card reading "TODAY", followed by shots of more recent live-action footage]
Narrator
A lot has changed in 35 years: Velcro has replaced the zipper, sneakers have lights on them, the Cold War is over, and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is still cancelled.
[newsreel ends as a hobo yawns and exits the theater]
Narrator
[cut to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota where things are looking lively with the locals]
Narrator
Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, once the beloved home of Rocky and Bullwinkle had been a thriving cartoon town.
[crossfade to a "third-world country version" of Frostbite Falls]
Narrator
Now, it was crippled by year's of reruns.
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Bullwinkle
Heavens to Betsy! This car is sticking its tongue out at me!
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[Karen has escaped from prison and has stolen a truck leaving Ole stranded at a movie theater]
Narrator
[to Karen; about her recent actions]
Now THAT wasn't very nice.
[Karen puts on a set of sunglasses]
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Bullwinkle
Don't worry, little buddy. I'm sure the president will send for us after all the letter I wrote him. Why, I bet any second now or two... or three... or four... or five... or six.
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Rocky
I KNEW we shouldn't have left him! We haven't been apart in thirty-five years.
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Boris
We don't need computer weapon to kill moose and squirrel. We've been trying to kill moose and squirrel for 35 years.
Natasha
And we've never even come close.
Boris
Exactly.
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Karen
Boris Badenov. I've seen you on TV. You're a crooked, creepy, no-good rotten worm.
Boris
Oh, thank you.
Karen
You're slimy, sneaky, sleazy...
Boris
Please. You'll turn my pretty head.
Karen
You're a sadistic spy and a really bad person
Boris
Stop. You're embarrassing me.
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[the cannon fails to fire]
Boris
Boris, Natasha: Where is boom?
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Rocky
Bullwinkle, you weigh 400 imaginary pounds.
Bullwinkle
Yeah, but it's all moose-le.
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Karen
Bullwinkle, can you rappel?
Bullwinkle
Sure. I've been repelling viewers for years.
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Minnie Mogul
Hey, how did that happen?
Fearless Leader
We're attached to the project.
Narrator
But even though the pun was weak, the contract was ironclad.
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Bullwinkle
What moose can't drive a automobile?
[Crashes into a wall]
Bullwinkle
Never said I could drive it well.
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[Bullwinkle has just lost radio signals he picked up from electricutions in his antlers]
Bullwinkle
Oh man! I was just getting jiggy with it!
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[Rocky and Bullwinkle have their faces censored on news cameras]
Bullwinkle
Hey, Rocky, your face is all blurry.
Rocky
Yours too.
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Bullwinkle
Rocky's right, Karen, and two rights don't make a wrong.
Rocky
Bullwinkle, that's not what you mean!
Bullwinkle
You mean two rights do make a wrong?
Rocky
No!
Bullwinkle
I always thought two rights made a U-turn.
Karen
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
Bullwinkle
Well, let's find out. Two U-turns make a circle, two circles make a figure-8, two figure-8's make a butterfly...
Karen
Look, all I want from you guys are results, okay?
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Ohio Cop with Bullhorn
You're under arrest. Keep your hands high above your head. Just to think, its the opening of moose season.
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Bullwinkle
Bullwinkle, Rocky: ...a barrel of money maybe we're ragged and funny.
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Bullwinkle
FBI? Didn't they take our show off the air?
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Fearless Leader
Sometimes, it's not so easy being Fearless Leader.
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[Bullwinkle is going for a walk in the woods]
Rocky
But Bullwinkle, there aren't any more woods.
Bullwinkle
You don't have to tell me, I'm the Chairman for the Frostbite Falls Society of Wildlife Conversation.
Rocky
You mean "wildlife conSERVation."
Bullwinkle
What'd I say?
Rocky
You said "wildlife conVERSation."
Bullwinkle
Well, somebody's gonna have to start talking about these things.
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Judge Cameo
And you, Mr. District Attorney, I'd like to point something out to you in the penal code: Section C, Paragraph 22: "Celebrities are above the law." This case is dismissed.
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[reading scripts]
Minnie Mogul
Too intelligent.
[shreds script]
Minnie Mogul
Too intelligent.
[shreds script]
Minnie Mogul
Too intelligent.
[shreds script]
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Rocky
But Karen, we can't ride to the rescue in a stolen truck.
Bullwinkle
Yeah. Why couldn't you steal something with bucket seats?
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Karen
It's Rocky... and Bull... Bull...
Bullwinkle
I believe the word you're looking for is "winkle".
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Bullwinkle
Quick! Let's go to a commercial!
[nothing happens]
Bullwinkle
What is this? PBS?
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Bullwinkle
What kind of music is this?
Karen
Hip-hop.
Bullwinkle
[begins "hip-hopping"]
Ok, but I'd still like to know what kind of music it is.
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Narrator
Meanwhile all was well with our heroes. Rocky was his old self again.
Bullwinkle
Ah i'll never forget our trip to New York to visit President Washington.
Narrator
And so was Bullwinkle. Yes glad to be home in their revitalized little town Rocky the Flying Squirrel took a well deserved joy ride through the sunny skies of Frostbite Falls.
Bullwinkle
Bye.
Rocky
Bye Bye.
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Narrator
Yes things were beginning to look mighty dark for our intrepid heroes.
Bullwinkle
It is getting kind of hard to see.
Rocky
Bullwinkle he means our situation!
Bullwinkle
Oh.
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Bullwinkle
Yes, without trees, where would the birdies live? Forced to migrates to the cities, they would take jobs away from local pigeons.
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Mattress Salesman
Mattresses! Get your beautiful own mattresses! Mattresses for sale! How do I do it? Volume!
[Natasha and Boris fall on the mattress The Mattress Salesman is selling]
Mattress Salesman
Now that's a soft mattress.
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Narrator's Mother
Oh, Sonny. Shut up!
[throws a pan at the narrator]
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Bullwinkle
Just one minute Officer! Where ever she goes we go!
Rocky
That's right we're a team!
CameraMan
Well she's off to be breaking stones for the next four years
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Bullwinkle
My fans!
Rocky
Bullwinkle these aren't fans. This is an angry mob!
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Bullwinkle
Gee New York sure has changed allot since my day. They even moved the White House here.
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Narrator
Even their wordplay had gotten hackneyed and cheap.
Bullwinkle
No. It was always like this.
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Bullwinkle
Cobs and shuckins, Rock! The president must be beaming us to Washington!
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Bullwinkle
Of course! The president got my letters about the trees!
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Bullwinkle
I guess we could always appear at your trial as animated character witnesses.
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Bullwinkle
Come on, Rock, time's a-wastin'. We owe it to Karen to see the president about the trees.
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Bullwinkle
A ton? Well, that is a lot of laundry.
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Bullwinkle
Well, you can't blame me for drying.
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Bullwinkle
Kind of makes you feel discouraged.
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Bullwinkle
Ms. Sympathy, ins't it true that when our convertible was destroy in Monument Valley, the first thing you did was to steal somebody else truck?
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Bullwinkle
And didn't you escape from prison by telling that poor trusting prison guard that you would let him take you to the movies?
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Bullwinkle
And how come Rocky and me are still cartoons and Boris and Natasha aren't?
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Bullwinkle
Well, as long as I'm here, I might as well talk to the president about the trees.
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Bullwinkle
So, you see, Mr. President, all the trees in Frostbite Falls are gone. The birds have no place to put their things. The children have no place to build their tree house. I built them a stump house, but they say it's just not the same. Please help when you have time.
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Bullwinkle
They certainly enjoy their TV at the White House.
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Bullwinkle
Not a bad show, eh, Mr. President?
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Bullwinkle
Hey, Rock, there's that same town again. Are sure we're going the right way?
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Bullwinkle
At least one thing hasn't changed. TV's as good as ever.
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Bullwinkle
Really? Where that little white wig he always wears?
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Bullwinkle
Oh, butterballs! If only there were some way of transmitting computer-generated animated characters across great distances in the blink of an eye.
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Bullwinkle
Look, I'm hangin' four!
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Bullwinkle
Good evening, America. Bullwinkle Mouse here saying... forgot my line.
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Boris
I ain't a cartoon no more.
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Rocky
Bullwinkle, we can't go to Washington. We need to get to New York.
Bullwinkle
Now is no time to get the washing done!
Rocky
Not "washing done". Washington!
Bullwinkle
A ton? Well, that is a lot of laundry.
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Ole
Can we hold hands in a movie?
Karen
Sure we can!
Ole
[chuckles excitedly; pauses]
But how would we hold the popcorn?
Karen
We'll hold hands with the one hand and hold the popcorn with the other.
Ole
But what if I also wanted a soda?
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Bullwinkle
All the exposition is wearing me out. I'm going for a walk in the woods.
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Bullwinkle
Can you believe we used to get paid for this routine?
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Bullwinkle
Heavens to Betsy! This car is sticking its tongue out of me!
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Bullwinkle
Gee, fellas, perhaps you've been looking too hard. Maybe america is all around you in thousand different beautiful manifestations. Wouldn't you say so young people?
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